If you deal with THE YOUTH then learn how to SELL to them with these 10 laws. This powerpoint was created without any harm to THE YOUTH and all references to ad agencies either living or dead are fictitious.

1. The 10 Laws of Selling to Digital Natives and The Connected Generation

2. Or… our latest buzzword “THE YOUTH”

3. “ Good morning ladies and gentlemen. Today I’m going to show you how to sell technology to THE YOUTH . If you haven’t seen THE YOUTH, this is what they look like. They are happy to be here. Note they are smiling and jumping. THE YOUTH smile and jump when they are happy. Sometimes they perform what is known as a ‘high-five’. Use this kind of slide in your presentation when talking about THE YOUTH

4. LAW 1 Medium is the message and mobile is COOL, facebook is COOLER and mobile facebook OFF THE SCALE. Youth want to be friends with your brand on facebook – they are waiting. The NEW advertising is COOL… Hurry now!

5. “ Remember what the man said – the medium is the message . It’s as relevant back then in the TV age as it is today. This means if your medium is MOBILE, the message is COOL ! Bank managers don’t have to dress in baggy jeans or wear that back-to-front baseball cap that THE YOUTH wear these days – they can simply go TXT! This applies also to Facebook, Twitter and the other one we haven’t heard about yet. The most important marketing question you should ask yourself is – how do I make friends with THE YOUTH on Facebook?”

6. LAW 2 If they don’t like it, they just need more EDUCATION, or run a focus group that tells you they like it, or buy a research report that tells you they like it.

7. “ This is a great invention – FACT ! . Our research says they love it. THE YOUTH should love it. They just need educating (or the price to come down).”

8. LAW 3 ADVERTISING IS CONTENT so get that content IN THEIR FACE – MOBILE or URINALS are good options

9. “ Here’s another great one for THE YOUTH. If they stop listening to us then we go where they can’t hide! Remember – ADVERTISING IS CONTENT. If you want to sell to THE YOUTH you have to get IN THEIR FACE until they buy”

10. LAW 4 Always call them USERS even if they don’t do drugs

11. Just imagine hordes of THE YOUTH (also known as digital natives) roaming the planet seeking out new technologies and the latest i-something or mobile-whatsitcalled. Let’s call them the connected generation. Yes, that’s convenient – that helps me sell this crap. USERS – all of them!

12. LAW 5 Remember they are waiting for your call – just keep sending

13. “ Can you imagine millions – no billions – of THE YOUTH waiting at the end of the phone, waiting at bus-stops around the world…waiting for your marketing message to arrive? We’d be like crack dealers for THE YOUTH”

14. LAW 6 They are the technology ADDICTS. You are the technology DEALER

15. “ It’s official. However you slice it, THE YOUTH are addicted to mobile because they are the “connected generation”, they are the “digital natives” who WANT IT! They are addicted to us. That means all those years worrying about “relevance”, being boring and interruption are gone. Why? Because it’s mobile.”

16. LAW 7 Use Music. I recommend something up-to-date and fresh like Britney or maybe even Abba as their back-catalogue will be cheap.

17. “ Did you hear me? I said they WANT IT!” “THE YOUTH also like music. Employ music in your marketing if you want to sell to THE YOUTH. Britney spears is good – everyone knows her”

18. LAW 8 Technology is the Solution. The Real Problem is people who just “don’t get it” If customers or peers don’t like your idea just keep saying “they don’t get it” until they believe you

19. Forget Storytelling – this is all about technology and technology is the answer to everything just like this picture similar to the automated towel vending machine I found in the Microsoft toilet in South Africa. Who cares if the wastepaper basket was overflowing? It doesn’t matter. It’s all about the technology, idiot. Now, do I need to repeat myself again?

20. SEX !

21. Wait, The “Youth” are sending me a message. I’m not ready for this… they are giving me some… appears to be …. FEEDBACK? Wait, let me get my feedback form ready. OK “The Youth” what is your message? THE YOUTH love classic games like HUNT THE WUMPUS on their MOBILE!

22. “ This is the ultimate in one-click marketing. Simply by clicking the button we can convert millions of boring products and brands into exciting mobile products and brands. Just one click! When THE YOUTH see a boring mobile product they just see a mobile product. That is the beauty of mobile. Use it at all cost.”

23. There’s nothing like licking blocks of ice on a hot day THE YOUTH love it. They just want it on their MOBILE

24. LAW 10 If you don’t like THE YOUTH, then don’t fret – you just need to go MOBILE – a simple answer to not wanting to meet your customer

25. “ Just imagine. All those years of sweating over where we’d find product insights. We could simply stuff THE YOUTH with pizza and observe them behind a one-way mirror. Or better still send them text messages to build a dialogue. This would avoid the need to go out…go out there…out there into their world…out of my office. I could stay here clicking, clicking, clicking…”

26. BONUS LAW 11 The Three Ls or Marketing are Listen, Listen, Listen (…and Location)

27. Wait, THE YOUTH are sending me a message. I’m not ready for this… they are giving me some… appears to be …. FEEDBACK? Wait, let me get my feedback form ready

28. … message received… Thank you for your feedback. This will help US improve OUR products.

30. “ It’s official. However you slice it, THE YOUTH are addicted to mobile because they are the “connected generation”, they are the “digital natives” who WANT IT! They are addicted to us. That means all those years worrying about “relevance”, being boring and interruption are gone. Why? Because it’s mobile…stupid.” Graham Brown Send abuse to [email_address] or tweet me your latest press release @grahamdbrown