Garbitrage (2002 Winner)


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Profitability is only a journal entry away

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Garbitrage (2002 Winner)

  1. 1. Garbitrage, Inc “Profitability is but a journal entry away”Contact Information:CEO - Norman Invasion Seeyouin1066@gbte.comCIO - Roman Bath
  2. 2. “fiddlesticks to that double entry method of book keeping , …it’s only good for keeping track of books….”• Introduction• Why I agreed to do this on behalf of the Garbitrage team -• Garbitrage follows the KISS principle - AKA fat old bald guys with bodies like John Candy who can’t play or sing but hide it through smoke, mirrors, and spandex pants applied with turnbuckles
  3. 3. “Garbitrage is all about the misled misleading the misleadable”• We’ve seen it all• We’ve been the cause of most of it - (founders are deeply involved with Freemasonry, the Vatican, Tri-Lateral Commission, United Nations and Area 51)• We want to do it again• We want to tell you about it• You want to hear it• Can you dig it, oh yes you can
  4. 4. “…one man’s garbage is another man’s trash….”COMPANY OVERVIEW• Arbitrage + Garbage = Garbitrage• High friends in low places, buying high while high and selling low when sober• Highly flexible business model, adaptable, counter-cyclical, and larcenogenic.• Definition of Larcenogenic
  5. 5. “…Foreign people are all smarter than we are because they can speak foreign languages, and they’re good in math, though regrettably short in stature, but very clean….”EXPERIENCED MANAGEMENT TEAM• Mr. Norman Invasion, CEO and Founder – Rowing across the English Channel from Northern France to England, so he couldn’t be here tonight. – Responsible for MLK, RFK, JFK, the Energy Crisis, and introducing Yoko to John, Nancy to Sid, and Courtney to Kirk – Performance and dance therapist in spare timeThe founders have: – Parked at or near MIT – Ridden the T at Harvard Square – Correctly identified Palo Alto (home of Stanford) on a map – a whopping 200 collective years of experience in waste removal and accounting, a rare combination.
  6. 6. “….No Roman, I’m serious, she told me pocket protectors made her hot but somehow right after that I found my wallet was missing….” • Previous “Big Wins” for Founders • - mass customized virtual reality baloney aimed at the corporate gift market • - Capitalizing on the fear of angry vampires and boogeymen • Optiswitch - An optical switch company (used eyeglasses exchange) • What do these businesses have in common?
  7. 7. “….By God’s teeth, the leaders of Garbitrage aren’t not fit to not lead….”Market Opportunity Competitive Advantage• A highly fragmented • A team with the desire, market ability and intent to• A chance to be the low perjure cost driver • We’re direct resellers• A radical business model• Think of us holding the • English Channel remote control for Management managing the • Management team is channel…….. cloned when necessary
  8. 8. “…the machinery of capitalism in truly oiled not with the blood of the urban proletariat, but with warm beer from a can…Go Pats..” Sample of already cloned management. Left, Che Guevara:Vice President of Global Expansion - pre-soaking in quicklime and apple cider vinegar, nicely morphed into….. Right, Jeffrey Skilling: Chief Executive of Debt Management - practicing singing out for guards in prison
  9. 9. “…Uh, waiting guy there, …what kind of wine goes with bacon?”• Recognize companies change course, so why bother starting with a course• Thrown away the compass, the baby, the bathwater, and respect for the “law”• The inmates are running the asylum• Accounting department is finally in charge• “Me, fail English? That’s unpossible, but I guess I’ll go into Accounting”
  10. 10. “….a titanium link in a chain of loose stool…..” • Manufacturer of Tag Lines and creative accounting standards • E.g. - “We bring Marxism to Capitalism” • Thru the power of “value added accounting” - Bioinfomatic application nanotech carbon tube based pilsner fuel cell powered blade server platform • THE OLD MODEL - Gigabit ASP e-commerce optical switch portal for e-business B2B, B2C, B2G and B2E, blah, blah, community, blah, blah, enable, blah, blah, content. • We used to shift paradigms, but we wore out the clutch.
  11. 11. “……all of the women we hire will look like Minnie Pearl”• Change business models early and often• Focus on Journal Entries with our patented “single entry” accounting methods - strong IP• No more pesky reconciling items• No more spel check• Use Powerful “Computers” and the “inter - net”• Driving value to the bottom line, top line, and all those lines in the middle covered with confusing little numbers
  12. 12. “…All of our goals could be met by others if we try hard enough…”•Uses of your investments (cash only please): •Really big bowl of butterscotch pudding for the employee break room •Bonuses for the senior guys that are “in-charge” •One word: Arthur Murray •Structure partnerships to keep bad things (I.E. OUR PARTNERS) away from us •Hire Jerry Garcia/Mother Theresa for IPO road shows (check availability)
  13. 13. “….revenge is a dish best served with a side salad…”• Directors of Sexual Harassment - Eileen and Ben Dover, Pat McCann, and Hugh Jazz• Director of Revenue Creation - Bo “Gus” Records• Manager of Cardiac Conditioning - Angie O’Plasty• Has Pat McCann sunk in yet? Pat - Mc - Cann? Harassment? Pat?
  14. 14. “…but if our revenue projections are text-bookperfection, who wouldn’t want to invest, for cryin’ out loud there’s a friggin’ hockey stick!!” 45 40 35 30 Illegal Acts 25 Value 20 Money 15 10 5 0 Right Now Later The Future
  15. 15. “Moh-Zart? What the hell is up with that?…….I consider themusic of Uriah Heep to be the finest accomplishment of Western Civilization and tangible proof of divine grace……”• Why Garbitrage? Why now? Why not?• Team has a long record of international conspiracy, promotion of halitosis, revisionism, oppression, and working for both the Man and Mr. Charlie without the other knowing about it.• Finally, seek your involvement to provide a trail of indictments to all the Garbitrage stakeholders that leads away from the founders, who’ll be safely manipulating the world’s weather from their underground stronghold, just outside Worcester….
  16. 16. “….do it wrong the third time, and don’t waste a whole ass when a half ass will serve……. “…When You Earnestly Believe You Can Compensate For a Lack of Skill by Redoubling Your Efforts, There’s no End to What You Can’t Do…..”