For dad, yet untold

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For dad, yet untold

  1. 1. He doesn’t know me well..He used to be the wall that I couldn’t break..a door that I couldn’t get out of..a key that I couldn’t unlock..heused to be a password that I couldn’t guess to enter the world..i’m a party girl. I love gimmicks, outings, hang-outs, bar hoppings.. just like all the niggas out there do. I wantfun. Who doesn’t wanna have?! KJ people!! I’m also a die-hard romantic girl.. I want cozy and peaceful placetoo. Yeah, a place where I can find peace. Coz deep down inside of me, there’s a lot of pain.. that I couldn’ttell.. I want a happy life. But I just can’t. Kasi lagi SYA andyan.. Andyan xa lagi, nakabantay. Naiinis akocoz he won’t allow me to leave and enjoy. Naghihinanakit ako dahil hindi ako makasama sa mga outing ngmga friends and classmates ko..the way that teenagers enjoy their life.. pero di nya ko payagang lumabas, lagisya nakabantay..lagi kasi sya ANDYAN. gusto ko sumaya kasi ayoko nang malungkot. Pero napakahigpit nyasa akin.. kaya what I do is to ESCAPE. REBEL. And I turned a blind eye to the bottles of beer, etc. Nungnagcollege ako, I wasn’t allowed to have a boyfriend, He wants me to finish my studies first. Pero sinuway koyon kasi nagmamahal na’ko nun! How could I cease a great feeling? Yet, I’m so immature then.As years passes by, he still doesn’t know me well.Kahit lagi sya ANDYAN, he still doesn’t know me well.He doesn’t know me well. We seldom talk. I seldom see him smile. And yet he doesn’t know how I feel. Hedoesn’t really know what’s happening to me. All I am to him is I was his little girl. Pasaway and a hard-headed little girl. And I just couldn’t present myself nang hindi sya madidisappoint or magagalit. I was doingexactly the opposite of what he wanted. Kaya andame failures, kahihiyan, konsumisyon, disappointments, esp.gastos nya para sa’kin.. Lahat, pagkakamali lang. Kasiraan ko, na naging kasiraan nya. Hindi lang buhay koang sinira ko, pati pangalan at buhay nya. Nakakahiya ako! Sorry for making it about me. I’m such a waste.But why is this man keeping a trash in his house? Still saving me from all? Braving himself to live for me? Anddying just to give life for me? I hate myself how much I have been so selfish that all I think is too much formyself. Partly, I wasn’t thinking that everything he does was for my own good sake. That everything has itsown time. And that you were right all the time. But I know you would be proud of me regardless of who Ibecame. And I know you observe my slow yet sudden change, I’ve been tryin to become ryt now..Now that I’m old enough, he doesn’t still know me that well. Yet, it is now time. Time to set me free. He isnow trusting me away to go, and get a life of my own. “Go, fall in love and get married! Mahirap mag-isa.Baka wala mag-alaga sa’yo! Pa’no ka na pag wala na kami ng mami mo?” oh shit!! I was tearin’ apart..Idon’t want to let him see that I’m slowly breaking that very moment. I act to stand firm, was listening andcomposed. But not until those tears shed from my eyes. I’m getting weak to hear those words. I never wantedto let him see that I’m a cry baby. Dad, kung noon, ayoko nandyan ka kasi I want a life outside, but now, Ialways want you to be there by my side. Gusto ko LAGI KA ANJAN!! Kahit buong buhay mo ko bantayan.Just don’t leave me. I don’t care if you doesn’t know me so well or we seldom talk. All I want is that you,being there for me. Alive and strong, smiling. I couldn’t live without a father like you. What I could’ve ever dowithout you?I’m so blessed to have you DAD. Sorry and I love you.I thank God for giving YOU to me..to us. Stay strong and let live!!

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