It’s been 4 long years since I had my last boyfriend and there mr.sun came…at first I’m very entertaining butit’s just I’m not really ready to love again…but eventually, something inside of me is happening…I don’t know,I wanna know. Recently, hindi na sya masyado nagtetext..he rarely does call me..naiinis ako pag di na syanagpaparamdam..sometimes, pinapatay ko na yung celfon ko para pagbukas ko, I assumed na nagtextsya..but still nothing from him. I kept asking myself , is there something wrong? May nagawa ba akong mali?Galit ba sya sa akin? Or is he really avoiding me? I’m bothered and confused. Things are getting complicated..it ain’t clear to me. Tinatanong ko naman sya but he just says, he’s busy. (pwede ba yon? Even just 1 text, dina nya magawa?!) di ko din maintindihan yung sarili ko kung bakit ako nagkakaganito.. am I falling for him?Kasi he has good qualities na gusto ko like he cooks, marunong syang maggitara, he loves music and he’sresponsible and masipag which I’ve been looking for a guy. Pero sabi ng friend ko, kaya lang daw akonagkakaganito sa kanya because of my ego…na para bang feeling ko, I’m not used into it---na binabalewalanya ako..samantalang dati, he’s so into me..and now he’s taking me for granted. I even gave my brother myother phone where I inserts my sun sim..but I have another phone..wala akong magawa kung hindi ang mag-intay..i tried to fight the feeling but sometimes, ako na yung nagtetext or gumagawa na ko ng issue to makehim respond to my message but it’s all so useless…how so stupid and pathetic..inisip kong kalimutansya..dinadaya ko na ang sarili ko, sumusuko na ko pero pilit pa rin akong umaasa.. I hate this feeling..Sinungaling ba ako kung sinasabi kong hindi ko sya mahal? At kung love na nga ito, kung kelan pa ako readythen now he’s walking away. Things are not meant for me, I should learn to let go and move on. I shouldnever assume that somebody loves me by only seeing their sweetness..never expect that those sweetgestures and sweet words are true..I should believe in the fact that it’s their nature. So I decided to forgetthis feeling…. Lately, I posted to my fb that “I’m ready to fall in-love now..” I’m really excited kung sinu-sinoyung magre-react.. I really long to have a partner in life. I miss the feeling of someone who will care for me…love me and i will love in return. a former classmate commented..he’s actually the one na nalilink sa akinbefore..I don’t want to invest any feelings cause I really don’t know his real intentions..baka pinagti-tripannya lang ako just like the old days when we were in highschool..but he said no..hindi naman daw sya ganonka-gago to make fun and trip on me..he’s doin that before kasi ang sungit ko daw and so as to get myattention..but that’s not my problem..the dilemma is, his two friends had been my boyfriends from thepast..and it’s really awkward to see and think na “parang tinuhog ko silang barkada nor maybe in the otherway around, pinagpasa-pasahan nila ako..” I’ve been wondering kung sincere ba sya o hindi when he said…“ok lang yon, that’s past. Friends naman kayo di ba?”…gusto kong mag-ingat sa maaari kong maramdaman…natatakot ako na baka nahuhulog na ako sa taong ito..natatakot akong maging kami..natatakot akongmahalin sya.. but I want it this way, yun bang may nagungulit sa’yo, nililigawan ka, inaalala ka, at the best,minamahal ka… I feel a little hopeless, desperate..i want to love and be loved..am I being cheap?..kasieveryday I feel excited and happy..that I thought this might be something new-found-love. Or am I actingweird or “feeling” kasi sya yung andyan …parang rebound.. o bka naaaliw lang ako at nahihibang? I’m weak…madali ako ma-fall ngayon..gusto ko na kasing magmahal…o baka naman naiinggit lang ako sa barkada kodahil may mga partners sila at ako wala.. parang di ko matatanggap…di ko din yata kayang patulan sya…NALILITO TALAGA AKO. so para walang masaktan, I reject his proposal… nalungkot sya.. “nang dahil sa mgakaibigan ko, hindi pwede maging tayo. Ako yung unang nakakita sa’yo pero ako ang nawalan..” I’ve beenwondering what might have been kung naging kami? Mali ba talaga? Masama ba talagang tingnan? I guess Iwon’t be happy.. it won’t work either…Is my decision right for everybody’s sake? Your advice is highlyappreciated.