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http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 2
FREEDOM WITHIN
From Fear to Love
Heal the World by Healing Yourself
Michael Wolf...
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Invitation from the Author
This book is not about changing the world on the outs...
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Contents
Invitation from the Author................................................
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Holding Onto Our Wounds............................................................
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A Few People Can Make a Difference ................................................
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A Dedication
I have dedicated this book to my great grandfather, Dr Paul Hasterl...
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in the Czech Republic. Paul was sent there in 1942 at the age of 82. Two years l...
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able to love himself, his fellow prisoners and his jailers - unconditionally. In...
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How to Use this Book
A new Global Social Contract
The next great revolution in ...
http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 11
Recognizing our Own Inner Prison
I have written this book to help you discover ...
http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 12
We have also seen this in spirituality and personal transformation. Traditional...
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When we are connected we become One with the Universal Life Force. In becoming
...
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Imagine a scale of 0 to 100, where 0 is total disharmony, and 100 is total harm...
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Why a Quantum Shift is Possible
The following is a short summary of what I have...
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With traditional transformational practices, we might see ourselves very much l...
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I finally had the courage and the insight to ask the question: what would it ta...
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survive and thrive in our world. It enables us to be in control. But the price ...
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our potential for choice. Experiencing Freedom Within, we are now really in con...
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Disconnection
Until I started practising Aikido at the age of 37, it never occu...
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Using the Wobble Test
Standing almost side by side and facing the same directio...
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Once you have established that your partner wobbled, and is therefore disconnec...
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coronary arteries dilate; our blood pressure rises; our liver releases extra su...
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Needless to say, the validity and the effectiveness of the above techniques, wh...
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This time you and your partner are both standing and facing each other. Invite ...
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You will find that there are essentially two possible conditions: either your p...
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From the throat centre we move to the brow centre (otherwise known as the Third...
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If you get a sense that your partner is holding onto some deep traumatic woundi...
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If this tests strong, then it confirms the earlier Qigong test. We can then com...
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After we have cleared and strengthened the centre, we can try this test again. ...
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The Root Causes of Disconnection
How is it that we are disconnected? How is it ...
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sky are separate. The concept of the blueness of the sky separates me even furt...
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Holding Onto Our Wounds
We live in a world where we experience a range of diffe...
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perceived need is that we have to be competitive, not only with other species b...
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But when we are disconnected, and when we have suppressed earlier painful
exper...
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beliefs that love is not reliable. It is not safe. It is dependent on something...
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So you continue on your way. Next time, you are more aware, but still not quite...
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How We Disconnect Is How We Are
Our blocks, which have been created and sustain...
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Catholics in my mother's family. As far as Hitler was concerned, an assimilated...
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As it so happened, in my first class at my primary school, the girl sitting nex...
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allowed to be friends with a Jew. So much for my trying to pretend that I was n...
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never feel with my heart again. I was cured of falling in love. I was cured of ...
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.
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Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.

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Freedom Within is a practical guide on how we can co-create the most beautiful of all possible worlds simply by changing ourselves.

In other words, by triggering a quantum shift in individual and collective consciousness.

The author, Michael Wolff's, understanding comes from 35 years of Aikido, a Japanese martial art.

The essential teaching of Aikido is that there are two dimensions of being – being disconnected or connected.

We can bring harmony into any situation when we are able to flow effortlessly between the two.

Published in: Self Improvement
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Freedom Within - From Fear to Love - Heal the World by Healing Yourself. eBook pdf.

  1. 1. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 2 FREEDOM WITHIN From Fear to Love Heal the World by Healing Yourself Michael Wolff Founder, Freedom Within First Edition © Ki Net Limited 2016 www.freedomwithin.org
  2. 2. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 3 Invitation from the Author This book is not about changing the world on the outside, but about inner change. It is about how we can “be the change we want to see in the world” by changing ourselves. And how when we change ourselves, the world changes accordingly. This is a book about inner power and how we might be exploring a new Global Social Contract - with each other and with the planet. The book addresses the question: What does it take to trigger a quantum shift in individual and collective consciousness? If you see yourself as a transformational change agent and would like to participate in any of our mutual support programs, see Clear Your Blocks - How to make a quantum shift in your life. Facilitator Program - How to trigger a collective quantum shift. Recommended Reading David Hawkins - Power vs. Force Paperback – 30 Jan 2014 David Hawkins - Letting Go: The Pathway Of Surrender Paperback Anodea Judith - Eastern Body, Western Mind: Psychology and the Chakra System as a Path to the Self Charles Eisenstein -The Ascent of Humanity: Civilization and the Human Sense of Self Thank You!
  3. 3. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 4 Contents Invitation from the Author.................................................................................................. 3 Recommended Reading................................................................................................. 3 Thank You!..................................................................................................................... 3 A Dedication........................................................................................................................ 7 How to Use this Book........................................................................................................ 10 A new Global Social Contract ...................................................................................... 10 Recognizing our Own Inner Prison .............................................................................. 11 The Benefits and Price of Disconnection..................................................................... 11 How Do I Re-connect? ................................................................................................. 11 Re-connecting is Really Easy........................................................................................ 12 Changing the World by Changing Ourselves ............................................................... 12 It is Really Easy to Clear Our Blocks............................................................................. 13 A Quick Sense of Where You Are Now........................................................................ 13 Our Journey Together.................................................................................................. 14 The Quantum Shift ...................................................................................................... 14 Why a Quantum Shift is Possible...................................................................................... 15 Our Starting Point........................................................................................................ 15 Becoming Connected Is Not Enough........................................................................... 15 Getting Connected is Easy........................................................................................... 16 This Is the Real Magic .................................................................................................. 17 Surrendering and Letting Go ....................................................................................... 17 Disconnection ................................................................................................................... 20 The Wobble Test.......................................................................................................... 20 Using the Wobble Test ................................................................................................ 21 Fight or Flight............................................................................................................... 22 Testing for Blocks......................................................................................................... 23 Energetic Plumbing...................................................................................................... 24 Qigong Hugging The Tree ............................................................................................ 24 Muscle Testing............................................................................................................. 28 Mongolian Overtone Chanting.................................................................................... 29 The Root Causes of Disconnection ................................................................................... 31 Our Thoughts............................................................................................................... 31
  4. 4. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 5 Holding Onto Our Wounds.......................................................................................... 33 Driven by Fear.............................................................................................................. 34 Thoughts, Feelings and Beliefs .................................................................................... 35 How We Disconnect Is How We Are................................................................................. 38 My Disconnection and My Unmet Need..................................................................... 38 Chronic Disconnection................................................................................................. 43 Connection........................................................................................................................ 45 Four Steps to Connection ............................................................................................ 45 Connecting the Breathing............................................................................................ 45 Breathing into the Heart Centre.................................................................................. 46 Breathing into the Solar Plexus Centre ....................................................................... 46 Breathing into the Lower Belly Centre ........................................................................ 47 How to Test.................................................................................................................. 49 How to Practise............................................................................................................ 49 The Lower Belly Centre................................................................................................ 50 The Torus Energy Pattern and Flow ............................................................................ 51 Vertical Torus Breathing.............................................................................................. 53 Meridians..................................................................................................................... 56 Interrelating Polarities................................................................................................. 58 The Chakras ................................................................................................................. 59 The Aura....................................................................................................................... 60 Climbing The Ladder to the Rainbow Bridge............................................................... 61 Crossing the Rainbow Bridge....................................................................................... 61 Capturing the Feeling .................................................................................................. 63 A Short Cut to Being Connected and Feeling the Feeling ........................................... 63 Connecting is Easy ....................................................................................................... 64 Dr David Hawkins - Map of Consciousness....................................................................... 65 Levels of Consciousness............................................................................................... 66 The First Great Barrier................................................................................................. 66 Click this link for the Detailed Map of Consciousness...................................................... 67 The Second Great Barrier ............................................................................................ 67 Level of Consciousness 600 ......................................................................................... 68 For Most People, Lifetime Change is Minimal............................................................. 69
  5. 5. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 6 A Few People Can Make a Difference ......................................................................... 70 1000 and Above........................................................................................................... 70 How many are a few?.................................................................................................. 71 Self-testing................................................................................................................... 71 The Hawkins Numeric Scale......................................................................................... 72 Muscle-testing with a Partner..................................................................................... 74 Clearing Our Blocks and Expanding Consciousness.......................................................... 75 From Acceptance to Unconditional Love to Gratitude ............................................... 75 Identifying our Primary Unmet Need.......................................................................... 77 Clearing Your Blocks .................................................................................................... 77 Readiness Test............................................................................................................. 78 Safety Test ................................................................................................................... 79 Clearing Statements .................................................................................................... 80 Helping Your Partner to Clear Her Blocks.................................................................... 80 Re-testing on the Hawkins Scale ................................................................................. 81 Letting Go Your Unmet Need ...................................................................................... 82 Getting Triggered and Healing Crises.......................................................................... 83 Practice, Practice, Practice................................................................................................ 85 Resistance is Pain, Flow is Bliss.................................................................................... 86 Living on the Edge of Disconnection ........................................................................... 87 The Evolutionary Turning Point ........................................................................................ 88 The Threat of Economic Depression............................................................................ 88 Other Threats............................................................................................................... 91 Responding to Increasing Levels of Stress................................................................... 92 Triggering the Quantum Shift ........................................................................................... 94 The Magnitude of the Challenge................................................................................. 94 Why the Mission Impossible Is Possible...................................................................... 94 What I Do Not Know.................................................................................................... 95 Summary of Benefits......................................................................................................... 97 Thank You!................................................................................................................... 97
  6. 6. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 7 A Dedication I have dedicated this book to my great grandfather, Dr Paul Hasterlik. Paul was born in 1860 in Bohemia as a Jew. He converted from Judaism to Christianity. This enabled him to study and become a doctor. He later lived with his family in Vienna. Some say that forsaking your religion (apostasy) is the worst crime imaginable. For some faiths, this is punishable by death. I make no judgments. By all accounts, Paul was a decent man, loved by all who knew him. Paul was 79 when Hitler marched into Austria. He had recently been widowed. He knew he was in danger. The younger members of his family had all been able to leave. But Paul was an optimist. He believed in the essential goodness of his fellow men. He could not imagine that the Nazis would ever perpetrate the crimes that they eventually committed. Paul was getting old. Also he was in love with another woman. He would not abandon her. For Hitler, to qualify as a proper Christian you needed four Christian grandparents. So Paul was still a Jew. His conversion did not count. Maybe he was about to pay the price for his apostasy. The older Jews in Austria were transported to Theresienstadt, a concentration camp
  7. 7. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 8 in the Czech Republic. Paul was sent there in 1942 at the age of 82. Two years later he died of pneumonia. Theresienstadt was not the worst of Hitler’s concentration camps. In fact the Nazis used it as a model for propaganda purposes. But the conditions must have been awful. The facility had originally been built to house 7,000 combat troops. Now it needed to accommodate more than 30,000 prisoners. The conditions must have been cramped, to say the least. Tens of thousands of people died there, some killed outright and others dying from malnutrition and disease. More than 150,000 other persons (including tens of thousands of children) were held there for months or years, before being sent by rail transports to their deaths at the Treblinka and Auschwitz extermination camps in occupied Poland, as well as to smaller camps elsewhere. Ironically, the slogan on the entrances to all the Nazi concentration camps read: Arbeit Macht Frei (Work Makes You Free); a twisted example of the belief that freedom comes from what we do in the world rather than how we are in ourselves and in the world. This has an ironic resonance with the title of our book. So how was it for Paul? He was a doctor and in a position to help others. I would like to believe that he knew how to experience Freedom Within, and that he was able to practice the Way of Harmony through the Power of Infinite Love. I want to believe that notwithstanding the terrible conditions and hardships his level of harmony was very high. I want to believe that he was able to accept his predicament without blame or judgment; that he was able to forgive his jailers; that he was able to have compassion for his own suffering, for the suffering of his fellow prisoners, and also for their jailers; and that he was
  8. 8. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 9 able to love himself, his fellow prisoners and his jailers - unconditionally. In other words, even in the hell and the deprivation in which he found himself, he was still able to experience Love and Joy, to feel a sense of abundance where he had nothing, and to be able to stand fully in his own power. And most importantly, I want to believe that his example and higher energetic frequencies in some way influenced both his fellow prisoners and their tormentors, resulting in at least some mitigation of the harshness of their conditions. We will never know. But what I would like to believe is that if ever I were in the same position, I would be able to maintain my own level of harmony at the highest possible level, and that in so doing, I could be of the greatest possible service to all those around me. And even if I could do nothing in a practical sense, through transmitting a higher energetic frequency, the frequency of Infinite Love, I could help reduce the pain and suffering of all those involved. But more than anything, I would like to believe that after reading this book and doing all the exercises, you, my dear reader, will be able to live your life at the highest level of harmony, whatever the circumstances.
  9. 9. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 10 How to Use this Book A new Global Social Contract The next great revolution in human thought, culture and society is going to come, not by trying to change the world from the outside, but by changing oneself on the inside – through the expansion of individual and collective consciousness. "Man is born free and everywhere he is in chains." This is the opening sentence of Rousseau’s most famous work. In the 18th Century, the French philosopher’s The Social Contract helped inspire political reforms or revolutions throughout Europe, especially in France. It argued against the idea that monarchs were divinely empowered to legislate. As Rousseau asserts, only the people, who are sovereign, have that all-powerful right. His book heralded the birth of modern democracies. But today we are reaching a situation where democracy is looking more and more like a sham. Everyone has a vote, but now a tiny fraction of the population are getting richer by the day, and the vast majority are getting poorer. Government is beginning to resemble the same corrupted systems that Rousseau experienced in his day. Rousseau’s response was to call for a change in the system of government. In other words, to change the structure of our relationships on the outside, independent of how we were on the inside. This book is not about changing the world on the outside, but about inner change. It is about how we can “be the change we want to see in the world” by changing ourselves. And how when we change ourselves, the world changes accordingly. This is a book about inner power and how we might be exploring a new Global Social Contract - with each other and with the planet. Imagining what Rousseau might have written today, my opening sentence reads: “We are all born connected yet everywhere we are disconnected.” We are born free and we are born connected. But because we are all disconnected, we are still in chains. These chains are invisible because they are inside us. Just because we cannot see them, does not mean they do not exist. Changing our social structures has still not set us free. Until we are able to throw off our inner chains, we are still both the jailer and the prisoner in our own separate little mental and emotional prisons. And what is more, we do not know that we are disconnected and that we are in chains.
  10. 10. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 11 Recognizing our Own Inner Prison I have written this book to help you discover your own Freedom Within by changing yourself. I will show you what it means to be disconnected, and conversely what it means to be connected. I will show you how to recognize your own disconnection and how this is considered normal because we are all disconnected. I will also show you how, because we are all disconnected, we are essentially stuck in this state. We are stuck because we do not realize that there is another whole different dimension to being. It is very similar to looking at the moon. We can only see one side. We can never see the other side of the moon. This stuckness is like a prison without walls. We cannot see that we are stuck, and if we could, we cannot see a way out. This book is a simple guide on how to walk out from our own jail and be free. The Benefits and Price of Disconnection I will start by helping you to understand how being disconnected is what distinguishes humans from other animals, and how this has allowed us to become the dominant species on the planet. From your own perspective, this enables you to survive and thrive in a society where disconnection is normal. For whatever you have achieved in your life, you can thank your disconnection. However, your success comes at a price. I will show you how your disconnection weighs you down and how your energy is blocked. Being blocked, you inevitably attract into your life the things that resonate with your blocks. Most likely they are things that you do not want. You may also be asking yourself: why can I never be truly happy? Why can I never experience true joy and abundance? Why am I unable to step fully into my own power? Why am I unable to be the God/Goddess that I really could be? Being disconnected, we nevertheless manage to cope. Some of us cope better than others. You may be one of those. Or you may be finding that it is getting harder and harder to cope. In that case, you may want to ask yourself: if being disconnected is the root cause for many of my problems, then what would it take for me to be reconnected? Being reconnected, would that help me to solve my problems? How Do I Re-connect? We were born connected, so we have known about connection for ever. One form of connection is being fully in the flow. We can see that in our top sports people. Having reached the peak of their game, they are effortless winners. But to get there, as the peak suggests, they had to climb a mountain. They needed years and years of practice. They had to struggle to get to the top.
  11. 11. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 12 We have also seen this in spirituality and personal transformation. Traditionally we have viewed this as an arduous soul journey. This also entails years of practice, along with dark nights of the soul, and the fear of never arriving. Sometimes, it is as if we set ourselves up for continuous journeying and never arriving. All the great religions have spiritual paths that lead to connection. We have called this Enlightenment, Self-Realization, Divine Grace. There are many names but those that arrive are far and few between. In a disconnected world, it only seems reasonable that there is no value in connection unless this has been achieved through great effort, perseverance, commitment, drive, courage, pain and suffering. In a disconnected world, nothing has value unless it is rare, hard to find, difficult to get. Re-connecting is Really Easy I will show you that this is one of the great myths of disconnection. I myself struggled for over 35 years to discover connection. When I eventually found it I realized that if I had known what I know now, I could have found it in a fraction of the time. Moreover, I could have found it with ease. All that struggle, which incidentally I enjoyed, could have been avoided. I am talking about being able to achieve in a few months what traditionally has taken one or more life times. I will show you that becoming fully connected is easy, simple, painless and effective. I will show you how this is the path of true happiness - the path of Love, Joy, Health and Abundance. It is the way of standing in one's inner power. It is the discovery that when we are healed, the world heals. What we change on the inside is reflected in the world. How we feel, think and believe is how we are and how the world appears to us. When we are disconnected and blocked, then we see the world accordingly. The outer world reflects our inner blocks. Changing the World by Changing Ourselves When we are able to respond harmoniously with whatever is happening in our lives - without trying to change others or the world, the world changes by itself. We change our world by changing ourselves. The world reflects our inner harmony. Freedom Within is literally a state of Enlightenment. It is where we are able to release and let go the emotional blocks and wounding that we have been holding onto most of our lives and which are preventing us from fully realizing who we are. We could also describe it as the Way of Harmony. It is the path of least resistance. It is the journey of Acceptance, Forgiveness, Compassion, Unconditional Love and Gratitude. It is the practice of continually moving out of resistance into flow.
  12. 12. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 13 When we are connected we become One with the Universal Life Force. In becoming One, we are essentially going beyond what can be thought. I will show our how our ability to think is one of the primary causes for our being disconnected. Famously in the Chinese classic, the Tao Te Ching, opened with the sentence: “The name that can be named is not the enduring and unchanging name.” So being connected is a feeling that cannot be described using words. Nevertheless, traditionally we have used words such as Chi, Ki, Prana or Infinite Love. We can think of this as being the highest energetic frequency in our universe. I will show you later how we can use the words and the associated thoughts as a kind of ladder to take us to what I call Crossing the Rainbow Bridge. When we reach the Bridge we can throw away the ladder. Once we have crossed the Bridge, we are what cannot be named. It is Really Easy to Clear Our Blocks What is really exciting is that once we understand how to be fully connected, it is then really easy to clear our blocks. Our blocks are old pain or emotional wounds that we have been holding onto most of our lives. What I will show you is how I turned the whole traditional quest for self-realization on its head. In the traditional model, we take up a spiritual practice, such as meditation, yoga, prayer or even some martial arts. We practice for years, gradually wearing down the lifelong conditioning that is preventing us from getting to our core wounds. If we are lucky, we may finally reach them and heal them. It takes forever, literally thousands of hours of hard work and practice. When we have removed our blocks and we are totally aligned and connected with this energy, we can experience being fully alive. Being fully alive, we become this ineffable energy, this Infinite Love. We are Infinite Love. Imagine yourself as a unique individual drop of water that merges with the ocean and becomes the ocean. I AM the Ocean. I AM Infinite Love. A Quick Sense of Where You Are Now In the next chapter I show you how to recognize and experience your own level of disconnection. But before that, let me help you have a sense of where you are right now. Let us assume that you are trying to live your life as harmoniously as possible. How harmoniously do you respond to whatever is happening in your life, regardless of how joyous or painful; regardless of whether you are up or down? Of course, it is easy to be harmonious when everything is going well. But how harmonious are you when things are going badly? Imagine my great grandfather in the concentration camp.
  13. 13. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 14 Imagine a scale of 0 to 100, where 0 is total disharmony, and 100 is total harmony? If you think of your life and how you are responding generally to whatever is happening, where would you see yourself on this scale? Are you at or near to 100? Or are you some way off? What number to you give yourself? Wherever you see yourself, unless you are at 100, there will be a gap. How big is the gap between where you are now and 100? The lower you are on this scale, the more disconnected. The higher you are, the closer you are to being fully connected. Now I invite you to ask yourself, would you like to experience your life at or close to 100 on this scale? If the answer is yes, then this book is for you. Our Journey Together Now that you have a sense of where you are, I take you through several stages, including: identifying how we are disconnected; learning how to re-connect; letting go our life time blocks; re-valuating our habits, patterns of behaviour, conditioning and addictions; learning how to avoid falling back into destructive patterns; learning how to get out of the pit if we fall back in; and finally, learning how to shift between disconnection and connection in order to live in harmony and in the flow. To put it simply, learning how to get unstuck and how to stay unstuck. If the above sounds complicated, you can think of this journey as five basic steps: connecting, surrendering, letting go, integrating, and practice. You will see that the process is simple, quick, effective, painless and safe. You will find that it is totally transformational and healing. The Quantum Shift My aim in this book is for you to experience a quantum shift in consciousness through re-connecting and letting go your blocks. Having experienced for yourself how easy it is to get unstuck and be in the flow, I invite you, in turn, to help trigger a quantum shift in the world. The shift entails getting out of our collective stuckness in disconnection through reconnecting, and then re-discovering how to be in total harmony with each other and the planet. I invite you to read through this book quickly, and then find a partner to help you both discover Freedom Within in your lives. I am inviting you to change your life and in so doing to change the world.
  14. 14. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 15 Why a Quantum Shift is Possible The following is a short summary of what I have discovered, and why I am now confident that a quantum shift is easily achievable. It is easily achievable if this is something that we want. The following are the main points. These will be elaborated in subsequent chapters. Our Starting Point Our current human condition is to be disconnected. Most of us are now chronically disconnected. We see ourselves as being separate from the world. We do this in order to control the world and to compete effectively with each other and other life forms for scarce resources. The primary reason that we are disconnected arises from our ability to think with words and images. Our thinking disconnects us. What holds us in disconnection is that from an early age, instead of experiencing, digesting and letting go our painful experiences and conditioning, we hold onto them, creating body/mind blocks. Being blocked in this way, at the deepest level we are driven by Fear. At some point in our lives, we may experience an awakening. We may then embark on a journey of transformation. Our primary goal then is re-discovering what it means to become re- connected. Becoming Connected Is Not Enough The journey from disconnection to connection is a well-trodden path. It has been the basis of many spiritual practices for thousands of years. Within the overall population, spiritual aspirants are far and few between. The journey that they take is long and arduous. This is a journey that I chose to take 35 years ago. The practice was the Japanese martial art, Aikido. This literally means: The Way of Harmony through Universal Life Force. My Japanese teacher told me that Aikido is a path to self-realization. I had never heard the concept. But it sounded like something that I needed to do. The real awakening for me was when I realized that on the journey that I had chosen, I had literally started at the wrong place. There is a famous Irish saying: "If you want to get to where you want to go, I wouldn't be starting from here."
  15. 15. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 16 With traditional transformational practices, we might see ourselves very much like an onion. Over the years we have experienced a certain amount of pain and wounding. Around that wounding we have protected ourselves by developing layer upon layer of conditioning, similar to the layers of an onion. In our practice we are progressively removing the outer layers of this conditioning and gradually working towards the centre in order to release and heal the original core wounding. What I discovered after more than 10,000 hours of practice was that I had managed to remove some of the outer layers, but the original core wounding was still there. I was still as energetically blocked as I had been when I first started. In that respect I was still as disconnected as when I first started. One of my greatest aha moments was realizing that when I arrived for my Aikido practice, I was disconnected. Then for two hours on the mat I would be connected. My teacher described as integrated body/mind. Then the moment I stepped off the mat, I was once more disconnected - in separate body/mind. The same thing happened when I practiced meditation or yoga. I also discovered that being connected was not enough on its own to heal the core wounding. Maybe, if I were to practice more assiduously for longer each day, maybe eventually I would wear away those outer layers to the point where my inner wounding was finally healed. So the discovery was that being disconnected, we hold onto our original core wounding as an essential requirement for being disconnected. Holding onto our core wounding activates the underlying fear that then drives us to want to be in control. Being disconnected is what makes us human. Everyone around us is disconnected, so socially it makes sense for us to be like everyone else. In traditional transformational practices it is recognized that to heal our core wounding and thereby to release our fear, we need to become connected. In all these practices the underlying belief is that only through a lifetime of assiduous and continual practice do we ever get to the point of being able to release and let go. So if I ever wanted to let go my inner blocks, I had a choice: either intensify my practice, or find another way. I decided that I needed to find another way. Getting Connected is Easy In my practice I imagined that I was slowly learning how to become more and more connected. In the training there were so-called "Ki Tests", which were designed to test one's progress in becoming more connected. The longer I practiced, the more I believed that it must take a very long time to learn how to be really connected. All the literature described how the masters had spent a lifetime of practice, undergoing any number of trials, in order finally to be able to reach the desired state - to be able to pass the ultimate Ki Test.
  16. 16. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 17 I finally had the courage and the insight to ask the question: what would it take to be able to get into a fully embodied state of connection instantly, and more importantly, what would it take to be able to teach someone very quickly how to be able to do the same? In other words, what would it take for anyone to be able to learn in an instant how to pass the ultimate Ki Test? Unless you ask the question, the answer will not appear. But once you ask the question, by some miracle the answer will come. What I discovered is that it is possible to show a total beginner what it takes in a matter of minutes to be as fully connected as a master. Of course, a master is better able to sustain the connection. The master has also been able to fully integrate being connected into his life. But nevertheless, being fully connected, if only for a moment, is easy. This Is the Real Magic What I discovered was that when we are fully connected, and when we have the intention to release and let go our blocks and to heal our core wounding, what previously may have taken a lifetime of practice to achieve, can actually be done in minutes. It is actually as easy as clearing a drain pipe that has become blocked with leaves. Of course, when you read this, I am aware that I am stretching the limits of your credibility. How is it possible that we have been developing and practicing a range of transformational practices for centuries and have never discovered that the path can be quick and easy? How can anything have any value if anyone can do it? Surely there is no gain without pain. The most precious of gems is the one that is the most difficult to find. The one in a billion. The rarest of the rare. All this may be true and I feel it acutely myself. I spent 35 years of hard and regular practice. It was not easy. It required perseverance, discipline, commitment, courage, patience and endurance. In other words, many admirable qualities. When my friends and family were socializing and wanting me to participate, I would say, sorry, my practice comes first. Especially when I became the teacher. So what I discovered here was that rather than spending for ever working on the outer layers of the onion, what if we went directly to the centre, to the core wounds, and then heal these first? What if we started with Enlightenment, and then worked out from there? Of course, we still have to deal with the outer layers. But if we first clear the blocks, how much easier will it be to release and let go what no longer works for us in our lives? Surrendering and Letting Go We start with being disconnected. A primary feature of being disconnected is that we hold onto our original blocks and wounding. This holds us in disconnection and enables us to
  17. 17. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 18 survive and thrive in our world. It enables us to be in control. But the price we pay is that we are driven by fear and we can never be truly happy. We cannot easily experience Love, Joy, Health and Abundance. However, it is really easy for us to be fully connected. When we are fully connected, it is really easy to release and let go our blocks. When we do this, we instantly feel a sense of enlightenment. It is as if we have let go a big sack of rocks that we have been carrying on our backs for ever. But coming back to the analogy of the onion, we have cleared the centre but the outer layers are still there. The only thing that has happened now is that the resistance to removing the layers has been neutralized. In other words, we are now consciously able to see how these layers of conditioning have been formed, and how in our every day life we are still repeating the behaviours and patterns that created the layers in the first place. So we still require a practice to determine which of the layers we now want to let go and how to be - moment by moment - in a way that sustains the liberation that we have experienced through letting go. So for example, if we had an unmet need for being loved as a result of never being properly loved as a child, we could then see clearly how we were continually attracting situations in our life where we would continue to feel unloved. Having neutralized the original core wound, we now have the freedom of choice as to whether to repeat the unhelpful behaviour or to change the pattern. So who we are, what we do, how we think, how we feel, what we believe - all these have been determined by our early blocks, our early wounding. This is how Bruce Lipton expresses it: “The major problem is that people are aware of their conscious beliefs and behaviours, but not of subconscious beliefs and behaviours. Most people don’t even acknowledge that their subconscious mind is at play, when the fact is that the subconscious mind is a million times more powerful than the conscious mind and that we operate 95 to 99 percent of our lives from subconscious programs. “Your subconscious beliefs are working either for you or against you, but the truth is that you are not controlling your life, because your subconscious mind supersedes all conscious control. So when you are trying to heal from a conscious level—citing affirmations and telling yourself you’re healthy—there may be an invisible subconscious program that’s sabotaging you.” So, in effect, we have become prisoners of our own subconscious mind. The problems we have created for ourselves all arise as a result of our being disconnected. We now have a very elegant and easy way to free ourselves by first healing the wounds that are causing our problems. We do this by becoming connected. Once connected, it is then really easy to let. Once we have let go, it is then really easy to become whole again. We have hugely expanded
  18. 18. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 19 our potential for choice. Experiencing Freedom Within, we are now really in control of our lives and how we experience it. I can hear you saying to yourself: I am already totally in control of my own life. In my case, since the age of leaving school, I felt that I made all my major decisions consciously and with free will. I chose my partner. I chose my work. I chose my lifestyle. I chose where I lived. You probably feel the same. It was only much later in life did it come to me as a shock that what I thought was a high level of control in my life was largely an illusion. This was when I discovered that while being consciously aware of my decisions, these were, as Bruce Lipton says, being determined by my subconscious. In reality I had very little control. So, for instance, the decision about whom to marry was largely determined in my subconscious and in my partner’s subconscious. What attracted us to each other had less to do with our individual qualities and social standing, (which we each could have found in multiple other possible partners), but with a shared subconscious profiling. What we shared was a similar response to the emotional, spiritual and mental wounding in our lives. In other words, we were attracted to each other because we shared the same pain. We vibrated on the same energetic frequency. We were also responding to our deeper unmet needs, which at some level we imagined would be met through marrying each other. We will explore this later in more depth. In the next chapters I show you the practical steps on how to experience your own disconnection; how from there to be fully re-connected; how to identify your blocks, surrender and let go; how to integrate this release into every aspect of your life; and finally some very simple practices on how to move harmoniously between disconnection and connection in order to fully experience Love, Joy, Health and Abundance.
  19. 19. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 20 Disconnection Until I started practising Aikido at the age of 37, it never occurred to me that I might be disconnected. The concept was meaningless. By now you might be wondering whether you are disconnected, and if so, what does it mean? If you asked yourself where you are on the Harmony Scale, you may have a sense of your level of disconnection by the size of the gap. Perhaps a more important question is what does it feel like? Does being disconnected feel any different to being connected? The easiest way to understand it is to be able to feel it in your own body. In this chapter, I show you how you can feel what it is to be disconnected. I also go into more detail about how we get to be disconnected, why we prefer to stay disconnected, the benefits of being disconnected, and then the disadvantages. One of the key objectives of this book is to help you to understand how to consciously enjoy the benefits, without having to pay the very high price that comes with being disconnected. To help you with this explanation, you will need a willing partner to help you feel your own and your partner's disconnection. The Wobble Test There is a famous saying by an unknown Zen master: "When you sit, sit; when you stand, stand; but whatever you do, don't wobble." Zen masters are famous for making statements which are confusing and can only be understand in a moment of enlightenment. Let me explain what this means and how it relates to being disconnected. Essentially, the Zen master is saying that if, when we are either sitting or standing, we wobble, then that means that we are disconnected. When we do not wobble, the converse is true - we are connected. We can easily test whether we are connected or disconnected by simply asking a partner to help us with the test. I suggest you first try this out on your partner, and then ask your partner to do the same test with you. If you can find a partner who has had previous experience with energy testing - Applied Kinesiology, for instance - that would be ideal, but not essential.
  20. 20. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 21 Using the Wobble Test Standing almost side by side and facing the same direction, ask your partner to just stand how they would normally. Then explain that, with their permission, you are going to first push them backwards from the front, and then forwards from the back. All your partner needs to do is to try not to wobble. Your partner can resist with as much strength as is needed not to wobble. The main requirement is that they stay rooted to the spot and try not to move the body. It is important when you test that you are standing at your partner's side and using the arm nearest to your partner. If you are facing your partner, it can feel very threatening. Before you push, you will bring your hand up to the middle of your partner's breastbone. Then touch very lightly with your fingertips. Having made the connection, you can then apply as much pressure as is needed to make your partner wobble. When you are testing, try not to make jerky movements. If your partner is very strong when pushing from one direction, then change to pushing from the opposite direction. If your partner wobbles from both directions or just from one, then this indicates that your partner is disconnected. I have done this test with hundreds of different partners and only in one case did the partner not wobble when doing this test for the first time. So it is normal to wobble, because it is normal to be disconnected.
  21. 21. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 22 Once you have established that your partner wobbled, and is therefore disconnected, I usually then ask my partner what was happening in their body when I pushed. More often than not, my partner has absolutely no idea. They might say something like: "I was trying to resist" or "I was trying not to wobble". I then try the test again and ask them to feel into their body and see what is happening. Again, I can see that they are thinking, but they don't really know what to say. They are also not aware that they are thinking about how to answer rather than just feeling into their body. I then might ask them: "What was happening to your breathing?" They usually reply: "Oh yes, my breathing stopped" or "It got very short". Till then there had been no awareness that they had been breathing and that as a result of my pushing them, something had changed. I then ask them to bring their attention to where I am pushing, which is the focus area of the problem. Are they responding by connecting with the point of contact, expanding and being open, or are they contracting, resisting and closing. They invariably answer the latter. If instead of just pushing them I was coming at them with a knife, the response would be to contract into the defensive crouched posture of a boxer. So gradually they realize that typically, when they are responding to a problem, they either stop breathing or their breath shortens and quickens, they are in their heads thinking about how to deal with it, and their body is contracting around the area, where they are experiencing the resistance in their body. Fight or Flight The above is a simplistic explanation of what your partner might be experiencing. Of course, what we are triggering in a mildly threatening way is the Fight or Flight response. This is a natural response designed to deal with feeling fear for our lives. When the response is triggered, there are physiological changes in our bodies, as well as an emotional response. With respect to our Wobble Test, it is much more likely to be triggered by more complex and subtle concerns. For instance, I am being asked to pass a test. Am I good enough to pass it? What happens if I cannot pass it? Am I being judged? If so , how do I feel about that?. When I am being touched on my breast bone, what feelings might that evoke? Do I feel threatened? What is significant about this test is the understanding that in our normal state we are disconnected. Then, when we experience some resistance in our lives, we are almost totally unaware of what is happening in our bodies. In a slightly more threatening situation, we will be unaware that our breathing shortens and quickens to get more oxygen into our lungs; our circulation increases blood supply to our brain, muscles and limbs to deliver more oxygen; our heart beats quicker and harder, and our
  22. 22. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 23 coronary arteries dilate; our blood pressure rises; our liver releases extra sugar for energy; our muscles tense for action; our adrenal glands release adrenalin to fuel the response. At the same time while some activity is increasing in the body, some is decreasing: our digestion slows down or stops; our mouth goes dry; our kidney, large intestine and bladder slow down; and our immune responses decrease. The Fight or Flight response is a primitive reaction to danger, which originally was designed to ensure our survival in moments of life-threatening danger. Originally we would have been connected most of the time. (I will explain this in more detail shortly). But now we start from the point of being disconnected. We are also triggering the Fight or Flight response from this state of disconnection, and in multiple situations where survival from extreme danger is not an issue. This response is being triggered from something as simple as being subjected to the Wobble Test, where we experience some resistance in our bodies. Testing for Blocks Before going a bit deeper into the causes of our disconnection, it is useful to help your partner experience the effects of their disconnection in their bodies. This consists of helping them to see where in their bodies they are holding contracted energy. There are multiple ways of testing. Here are three that I use to both test and then validate. The first test is derived from Qigong, an ancient Chinese health care system that integrates physical postures, breathing techniques and focused attention. Qigong literally means working with the Universal Life Force. The second test is derived from muscle testing, also known as Applied Kinesiology. This is a technique used in alternative medicine and energy healing to diagnose illness or to choose treatment by testing muscles for strength or weakness. The third test derives from Mongolian Overtone chanting. This is a form of chanting on one note where the overtones or harmonics are selectively amplified by changing the shape of the resonant cavities of the mouth, larynx and pharynx. These notes are always present in any note, but while they colour the note and give it its quality they are usually inaudible. My interest is not so much in the beautiful harmonics that are created, but the discovery that each energy centre resonates with a particular single note. When the note is chanted, if the corresponding energy centre is blocked, using the Wobble test, your partner will test weak. If the centre is totally open, your partner will test strong. All of the above were designed for different purposes. I have learnt from them and then modified them accordingly to facilitate our process of testing for blocked energy.
  23. 23. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 24 Needless to say, the validity and the effectiveness of the above techniques, whether in the original form, or in my adapted form, are all considered questionable by the conventional scientific community. Pseudo scientific is the usual put-down. Energetic Plumbing Our purpose in testing is to help our partner to directly experience in their bodies the connection between holding onto old emotional wounding and blocked energy and being disconnected. If our partner tests as being disconnected using the Wobble Test, then we are assuming that our partner is energetically blocked in one or more areas of the body. While we are dealing with old pain and emotional wounding, what we are doing here is not conventional psychotherapy. Around every wound and with every painful experience, there is a story. However interesting the story, knowing and repeating the story does not necessarily help in healing the old wounds and clearing the blocks. What we are looking for and seeing is just blocked energy. We are looking through the eyes of a plumber. If the drain pipe outside our house were blocked, it might be interesting to know that the blockage was caused by a combination of various types of leaves and the twigs of an old birds nest. But from a plumber's perspective the main concern is working out how to unblock the drain. The constituents of the block are largely uninteresting. It would only be useful to know more about them if it had some bearing on the method of clearing the block, or from preventing a future block. If the block came from the leaves of a certain tree, then we could consider a specific course of action. Clearing the drains on a more regular basis might be such a solution. So I invite you to think of what we are doing here as engaging in energetic plumbing. We are looking at a complex energy system with a network of interconnected pipes, tanks and drains. It is complex because the energy can be physical, emotional, mental and/or spiritual. All these energies are interconnected. In a reasonably healthy person, throughout most of the system the energy is flowing freely. If the individual is disconnected, then in some parts the energy is blocked. However , because the whole system is interconnected, when some areas are blocked, these blockages affect the whole system. If your partner is blocked in the heart centre, then this blockage, in one way or another, will be affecting various aspects of your partner's life. If that is limiting your partner in any way, then clearing the blocks becomes an obvious choice. Qigong Hugging The Tree This test is very simple and can be done in a few minutes. It is good practice always to ask your partner's permission before doing any further tests. In any kind of energy work there is always the possibility that some deeper emotional response might be triggered accidentally. We want to avoid this if possible.
  24. 24. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 25 This time you and your partner are both standing and facing each other. Invite your partner to bring their stretched out arms up to the level of their heart, palms facing each other. Then ask your partner to round their arms as if they were hugging the trunk of a tree. Another way to think of it is that they are holding onto a large basket of cherries at chest height. The finger tips are now pointing towards each other and about nine inches apart. The palms are now facing the heart centre. You now explain to your partner that when you give the signal you will place your hands on the back of each of your partner's wrists and then push your partner's fingers towards each other. You partner is to resist as hard as possible to prevent you bringing their fingers together. You then place your hands on your partner's wrists, invite your partner to resist, and then push. Having pushed, you can then also test by trying to pull the wrists apart.
  25. 25. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 26 You will find that there are essentially two possible conditions: either your partner's wrists will not move, or their fingers will start moving towards each other. In other words, in this position, your partner is testing either strong or weak. If they test strong, this is an indication that they are totally open in that centre. If they test weak, then it shows that their energy is blocked. It suggests that they have experienced some emotional pain, which was suppressed and is still being held in this area. The area is contracted instead of being open and expanded. The first test was on the heart centre. There are many places in the body where energy can be blocked. However there are seven main areas. Most of our blocks are likely to be in one or more of these. Traditionally these areas have been described as the seven "chakras", or energy centres. Having tested the heart centre, we make a note of whether it was strong or weak and then move up to the throat centre. Ask your partner to keep the same circular position of the arms and then to move them up so that the palms of the hands are facing the throat area. Then do the same test again, and note the result.
  26. 26. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 27 From the throat centre we move to the brow centre (otherwise known as the Third Eye). Now the palms are facing the point just above the eyes. Having repeated the test, we then move up to the crown centre, with the arms raised above the head and the palms facing down towards the top of the head. Having now tested the four upper centres, we then do the same test with the three lower centres. First the abdomen, then the lower belly, then the pelvis. Here is a short video entitled Testing the Main Energy Centres Prior to Clearing Blocks that puts it all together: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMVNTWpOmpI More often than not, you will find that your partner is weak in one or more centres and strong in the rest. The blocked energy is in the centres that have tested weak. Very occasionally, we may have a partner where all the centres are testing strong. In this case there are two possibilities: either all their centres are totally clear; or all their centres are totally blocked, even though they appear to be presenting as clear. How do you tell which is which? It is likely to be the former condition if your partner has already done a lot of work on themselves. They are well balanced, generally harmonious, and they are not presenting any obvious issues.
  27. 27. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 28 If you get a sense that your partner is holding onto some deep traumatic wounding and that this still has not been processed, then testing strong could be an indication of extreme defensiveness. In this case, what you are testing as being strong is not their openness and expansion, but their heavy armour plating. This is sometimes described as a wall. Your partner has been badly hurt in the past. There is now a defensive wall around the areas of pain. In this situation, your partner is likely to be terrified to re-connect with these old wounds. Out of fear of being swamped by an emotional tsunami, it is unlikely that your partner will give you permission to help to release it. The feeling for your partner is that they are trying to keep down the lid on a volcano that could erupt and overwhelm them at any moment. We discuss this further below. Muscle Testing The above condition is rare. In most cases you will find that your partner presents with one or more weak areas. Using another simple test, we can get a rough idea how blocked these areas are. This is using muscle-testing, also known as Applied Kinesiology. Let us assume that the main area of weakness was the heart centre. Now ask your partner, still standing, to extend their strongest arm (usually their right arm) to shoulder height and out to their side. In this test there are only two conditions: true or false. True is when the arm tests strong; false is when the arm tests weak. Not everyone is susceptible to this type of testing, so we first need to test whether your partner is open to being tested in this way. So with their permission you first test how strong the arm is when you ask your partner to resist and you push down from above. The technique is for you to place your fingers on the wrist of your partner's extended arm, and then once connected, apply progressive downward pressure. Again we need to avoid any jerky movements. Having tested the general strength of your partner's arm, you then ask your partner to say something that is obviously true, for instance their name. For instance, I am Michael. That being true, when pushing down on the arm, it should test strong. Now ask you partner to say something obviously untrue. For instance, I am Archibald. In this case, it should test weak. You can then try that with another simple test. Assuming your partner is a man, the statement "I am a man" will test strong. "I am a woman" will test weak. If your partner is testing correctly for all these conditions, you can then test the level of contraction in your partner's heart centre. Before doing this, I usually test one of the centres that is obviously clear. So I might as my partner to say: "My throat centre is 100 percent clear."
  28. 28. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 29 If this tests strong, then it confirms the earlier Qigong test. We can then compare the strength of the throat centre with the perceived weakness in the heart centre. You can ask your partner to say: "My heart centre is over 50 percent clear." If this tests strong, then the next statement would be: "My heart centre is over 60 percent clear." You keep going up a notch until the arm tests weak. If the response is weak with the initial statement of over 50 percent clear, then you keep going down from 40 percent until your partner tests strong. This test will help your partner to understand how contracted that centre has become. In conventional psychotherapy we could then explore all the reasons for this block. What was the nature of the original wounding? When did it happen? What were the circumstances? How has this attracted further instances of similar wounding throughout your partner's life. Our wounding is inevitably rich in story. It is our story. It is what makes us interesting and unique. We love to have an opportunity to tell our story, or not to tell it, if we are full of guilt and shame. At this stage of the process, deep analysis is unnecessary. It could however become useful once we have cleared our blocks and we have started the process of integration. Mongolian Overtone Chanting Having experienced Mongolian Overtone chanting and the focus on working with single notes, I discovered that these individual notes mapped onto specific energy centres (chakras). There are five specific vowel sounds and two hums, a low one and a higher one. These correspond as follows: Crown centre mmmmmmmmm (Higher hum) Third Eye Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee (as in eat) Throat centre Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy (as in hay) Heart centre Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh (as in the letter 'r') Solar plexus centre Ommmmmmmmm (as in or) Lower belly centre Ummmmmmmmm (as in Ooh) Pelvic centre mmmmmmmmmm (Lower hum) So coming back to the example where we found that our partner's heart centre tested weak. I can ask my partner while still standing to chant with a full breath the sound: Ahhhhhhhhhh. I then test with the wobble test. Most likely my partner will test weak.
  29. 29. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 30 After we have cleared and strengthened the centre, we can try this test again. If your partner tests strong this time, then it will further validate that the centre is now clear. Is this chanting useful for clearing the blocked centres? Yes, it could be. However, as you will see below, there are now very quick, safe and effective ways for clearing the centre once you have established that it is blocked. There is no need to spend a life time in a Mongolian monastery. In this chapter we have shown how we can experience in our bodies what it means to be disconnected. We have then looked at how we can test where in our bodies we have been holding onto old pain and emotional wounding and how these blocks are reinforcing our disconnection. In the next chapter we look at some of the causes of disconnection.
  30. 30. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 31 The Root Causes of Disconnection How is it that we are disconnected? How is it that we understand so little about our own disconnection? There are four primary root causes for our disconnection: • our ability to think and communicate with words • our tendency to hold onto our early wounding as shown above • the fear, guilt, shame and similar emotions that arise as a result of holding onto our woundedness; and • the vicious circle of thinking, feeling and believing. All of the above interact together to keep us stuck and embedded in disconnection. Our Thoughts We humans are all born connected. As soon as we start breathing we are breathing in our lower bellies. Not only does this connect us. It also activates our immune systems. When we start crawling, we are also breathing into our lower bellies. But once we starting standing and walking, we have become disconnected. We have become like our parents. Animals are also born connected but they stay connected. Why are we so different? The fundamental cause of our disconnection is our ability to think. Unlike other animals, humans have the skill to think thoughts with words in a shared language and then able to communicate our thoughts in words through speech. Humans have sophisticated language. Animals have very rudimentary forms of communication. They can feel empathy, they can sense, they can feel. But can they think the thoughts: I am hungry, I need to eat, I need to find some food? We can use the Wobble Test to see how this works. I have shown my partner what it is to be disconnected. I then show my partner how to be connected. They now test strong. They are immovable. I then ask my partner to think about something. Invariably when I test they wobble. It requires some considerable training to be able to think and not wobble. In certain cases, such as solving a mental arithmetic problem or trying to recall an event, it is impossible not to wobble. When we are thinking, we are creating an invisible barrier between ourselves and energetic reality. If I look at the sky and think or say that it is blue, the word blue somehow gets in the way of my direct experience of the sky. When I am connected, I am connected because everything is connected. Therefore instead of seeing everything as being separate, I experience everything as being One. I experience the sky, I am the sky. When I am disconnected, I and the
  31. 31. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 32 sky are separate. The concept of the blueness of the sky separates me even further, as do all linguistic abstractions. The theory of the origin of thought and of language is interesting. It is a field of study in which there is absolutely no certainty. Just a number of conflicting and contradictory theories. In the nineteenth century, the birth of language was such a fraught topic that scientists were actively discouraged from pursuing it. Any theories were considered to be pseudo science. The theories range from language being a gift from God, a gift from aliens from outer space, a slow evolutionary process, or a quantum shift such as a sudden mutation in our DNA. Whatever enabled us to think and talk, a plausible theory is that the process started exclusively with Homo Sapiens somewhere between 50,000 and 100,000 years ago. This might explain how we have become the dominant species on the planet. Language gave us an advantage in terms of communication, organization and technology. But at the same time, we paid a price. It disconnected us energetically from our environment. It also disconnected us from each other as thousands of different languages evolved. Over the ages we have celebrated thinking as our greatest gift. Descartes famously wrote: "I think, therefore I am." What he might have meant was: "I think, therefore I am a member of the dominant species on the planet." That may be true. At the same time it might be equally correct to say: "I think, therefore I am energetically disconnected." In the King James version of the Bible, the first verse of St John's gospel reads: "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." More accurately, this might have read: "In the beginning we were all connected as One. Then we received the gift of the Word. Then we became disconnected from ourselves, from each other, from the planet, from the universe, and from God". This sense of our disconnection is also expressed in the story of Adam and Eve's expulsion from the Garden of Eden. Our downfall resulted from Eve eating the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. In other words, we lost our innocence once we were able to think. From that moment we were no longer able to create a paradise on earth, but condemned to a world full of suffering and injustice. It is not my intention to make any moral judgements. Our ability to think and communicate is perhaps our greatest gift. It is the basis for the marvels of civilization. However at the same time as being our greatest blessing, it may also be our greatest curse by contributing to our disconnection. As we are seeing, our disconnection is also the root cause of our suffering. In the worst case, it may eventually lead to our collective self-destruction. This book is about how to celebrate our gift of thinking by learning how to free ourselves from the prison of disconnection, how to liberate ourselves through re-connecting, how to avoid the suffering we experience through being stuck in disconnection, and how to continue to thrive in a more harmonious relationship with each other and the world.
  32. 32. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 33 Holding Onto Our Wounds We live in a world where we experience a range of different feelings in the moment as these arise from whatever we are doing in the moment. These feelings can be both pleasant or unpleasant. They can change, moment by moment. We can experience moments of resistance and moments of flow. We also experience a similar range of feelings that can be related either to things that have happened in the past, such as remembering an unpleasant situation, or to things that may happen in the future, such as next week I have to visit the dentist. Both the feelings in the moment, and the feelings about the past or the future, are largely determined by how we have experienced these in the past. In most cases we experienced a feeling and then let it go. But in others, the feelings were so unpleasant, that rather than feel them and let them go, we resisted them and found a way of overcoming the pain by suppressing the feelings. We succeeded in removing the hurt by pushing the feelings and the memories of the feelings into our subconscious. As we found with the Wobble Test, when we are experiencing some resistance in our body, we respond by contracting around the point of resistance. So, for instance, if we experience lack of love, or grief for the loss of a loved one, these feeling might be concentrated in the area of our heart. In this case, we contract around the feelings in our heart area and then to avoid feeling the discomfort and pain we pushed the feelings down into our subconscious. From an energetic perspective, the energy flowing through the heart area was then blocked. Instead of being open, the heart became closed. We might do the same in other areas of our body. If we experience fear of insecurity and lack, the energy might become blocked in the pelvic area. If we experience feelings of guilt, or we experience sexual abuse, we may become blocked in the lower belly. If we experience feelings of shame, or powerlessness, we may become blocked in the solar plexus. Of from the same incident, we may become blocked in several of our centres. This process of blocking our energy through the resistance and suppression of painful feelings tends to take place in our earlier years, typically before the age of five. At this young age we lack any understanding on how best to deal with these emotions. Rather than experiencing the pain, digesting it and then letting it go, we hold onto it by suppressing it. We may have neutralized the pain, but energetically the memory of that pain is still active. So why do we do it? The simple answer is that this serves to hold us in disconnection. It is valuable to be disconnected because this is our core strategy for survival, dominance and control. Being disconnected, we are able to outperform every other species of animal on this planet. Our
  33. 33. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 34 perceived need is that we have to be competitive, not only with other species but especially with each other. Being disconnected, we see ourselves as separate entities. Holding onto our wounding and our pain reminds us that we constantly need to overcome our fear of rejection and abandonment; our fear of pain, of sickness, of not having enough. We need to experience life as a struggle in order to continually maintain our competitive edge. Were we to lose our edge, we would be losing the battle to survive and thrive. We deeply believe that there is no gain without pain. Nothing has value unless we have had to struggle to obtain it. This wounding that we hold onto is like the proverbial grit in the oyster. Imagine a grain of sand irritating the soft flesh of the oyster. Unable to expel this irritant, the oyster protects itself by creating a pearl. Out of millions of pearls that get created in this way, a few are perfectly formed and immensely beautiful. It is the same with humans. We all experience the irritation of the grit. For some of us our purpose then is to turn our pain into the most beautiful pearl possible - to create great deeds or to produce great works of art. The greatest works of art are those that communicate our deepest pain. A few of us are able to expel the grit to avoid the irritation. But the vast majority of us can only overcome the irritation by continually attracting more irritation. Let us say we are driven to find success. Each time we achieve something, we think, at last I have overcome the irritation. Only to find that the irritation is still there and the only thing that will satisfy it is more success. We are then on a treadmill that was created by the original wounding. We have an itch that never goes away. This suppression of early pain and emotional wounding is a key characteristic of being disconnected. What if we had stayed connected during our early formative years? What if our parents had taught us to stay connected instead of teaching us to be connected? Of course, we cannot avoid experiences of pain. But we can learn how to experience pain, allow it to heal and then let it go. We do not have to cling to it for ever. At the same time, one might ask: what about our experiences of joy? Of course, we experience our moments of joy just as we feel moments of pain. So why do we not capture these moments in our cellular memory in the same way that we have done with our pain? If we had been connected, might we not now be holding onto joy and love rather than being driven by pain and fear? Driven by Fear We have a number of different painful emotions. One of the strongest emotions is fear. From an evolutionary perspective this emotion has been essential to ensure our survival. Fear enables us to sense danger and then to act on it. We need the fear to activate our Fight or Flight response.
  34. 34. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 35 But when we are disconnected, and when we have suppressed earlier painful experiences and emotions, fear can underlie all our thoughts and actions. Our main fears could be our fear of lack and scarcity, our fear of experiencing further pain, our fear of ill-health and death, and our fear of having to live a life of continuous struggle. We work because without money we have no security, no quality of life. We are afraid that we will not earn and save enough to support ourselves in our retirement. We are afraid that if we do not marry and have children, we will be helpless, unsupported and unloved in our old age. For most of us, most of the time, this fear is latent and hidden. It is similar to the grit in the oyster. It is lurking in the background, but the irritant is nevertheless driving all our actions. If the irritant is excessive, our underlying fear can turn into a phobia. We may develop a fear of spiders, or snakes, or heights, or crowds. There is no limit to the number of possible situations to fear. At the same time, we may compound our fears by experiencing feelings of guilt or shame. We may be obsessed by feelings of grief and loss. We may feel depression, anxiety, apathy and hopelessness. We may feel physical pain. Energetically, these are all low vibrational energies that arise from some form of resistance. When the flow of energy is blocked and cannot flow with ease, then resistance builds up and we experience that as some form of discomfort. This feeling of discomfort is felt in some part of our body in the form of contracted energy. In other words, disconnection. Thoughts, Feelings and Beliefs When we are disconnected, we tend to see everything as separate. The world ultimately is made up of individual atoms and subatomic particles. These are all separate entities. When we look at ourselves through the eyes of disconnection we see our physical body made up from all its individual parts. We see our emotions as being something separate from our bodies and our mental activities as being separate from our emotions and our bodies. We see our spirit as being separate from our bodies, emotions and mind. We see God as being separate from ourselves and the universe. We know that in some way they are all interconnected, yet we treat them as separate. We value above all things our objectivity. This is how the world is in all its separate parts. We are able to stand back and view the world as if we were not a part of it. When we are disconnected, the way we think, feel and believe tends to reinforce our disconnection. We find ourselves falling into a series of traps from which escape can be very difficult. For instance, imagine that one of your core wounds is fear of abandonment. You might have experienced abandonment at an early age, let us say one of your parents leaving the family home. This early childhood pain is now contracted in your heart area. You hold some
  35. 35. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 36 beliefs that love is not reliable. It is not safe. It is dependent on something outside yourself. When you lose the object of your love, you experience loss, abandonment and pain. Having experienced your first major heartache, you find yourself experiencing the same pattern of events as subsequent relationships have broken down. Each time you sensed an impending breakdown in the relationship, in order to avoid the possibility of further pain, you were tempted to abandon your partner before your partner abandoned you. You began to realize that you were attracting partners into your life who had also experienced abandonment. Their pain and your pain were the same. You both came into the relationship with the same underlying belief that love would be painful and that sooner or later you would be abandoned. Now you are in a relationship where the possibility of abandonment has triggered feelings of fear and anxiety. You can feel this in your heart. Meanwhile, your thoughts are racing. The more you think about the situation, the more you feel in your heart. The more you feel, the more you think. Each time you connect with your thoughts and your feelings, you also connect with your old unconscious beliefs: I always end up being abandoned. I can never stick in a stable relationship. I will never find a reliable partner. And of course, each time you connect with the belief, that triggers more thoughts, which in turn further activate the painful feelings in your heart. This cycle from thoughts to feelings to beliefs goes round and round until some event confirms the underlying beliefs. Then, after a while, the pain subsides as the energy is pushed back down and for a time the energy of the original wound is neutral. But the fact that you do not feel anything, does not mean that the wound has lost its power. Now the energy is latent, waiting until the next time that it is triggered. It emits a certain frequency and it is continually scanning the universe to find a matching frequency. In other words, it is on the lookout for a situation which will once more activate the wound. This cycle of thought, feeling and beliefs is continually reinforcing our sense of disconnection and our underlying fear. It is as if we are caught in a trap of our own making. Of course this pattern is not just created through fear of abandonment. It can arise from any of our fears and as I explain below, from any of our unmet needs. A Zen Buddhist nun once explained this process to me through a story. Imagine that you are now walking through a forest. The forest is a danger zone. There are wild animals, enemies, poisonous creatures, any number of possible hazards. As you are walking along the path, trying to be aware of the dangers, you suddenly fall headlong into a pit. You had not noticed how the path was strewn with branches and leaves, and now you had fallen into a huge trap designed for catching elephants. With great difficulty you manage to clamber out of the pit and you continue on your way. After travelling some distance, you suddenly find yourself falling into another one. This time, after struggling to get back onto the path, you say to yourself: I really need to be more aware. I somehow need to sense where these traps are and try not to fall in.
  36. 36. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 37 So you continue on your way. Next time, you are more aware, but still not quite aware enough. You saw the trap, but not in time to avoid falling into it. But you were making progress. This happened a few more times, but finally you were so aware that you could see the trap from sufficient distance to be able to say to yourself: Aha, another trap on the path. This time, I will just walk around it. When we are disconnected, we are largely unaware when we enter a danger zone (the forest). We are unaware that we might be suddenly triggered by even the slightest thing. And when we are triggered, it is too late. We have fallen back into the trap. We are in that vicious circle of thoughts, feelings and beliefs. We need to struggle out by somehow pushing down the feelings and contracting our energy once more around the original wound.
  37. 37. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 38 How We Disconnect Is How We Are Our blocks, which have been created and sustained through our disconnection, determine who we are, what we do, what we become, how we think, how we feel and what we believe. Most of us may be disconnected, but for each of us, how we become disconnected is different. Each of us is unique in our own disconnection. Our uniqueness is what makes us who we are, what makes us special. It is our own precious identity. It is so much who we are that we are prepared to defend it at all costs, even when it is causing our own harm. In our precious uniqueness and identity, we have unconsciously created our own prison. We may think that we have free will and freedom of choice, but in fact we are virtual prisoners of our own blocks. We are prisoners of our own uniqueness, our own precious identity. Without knowing it, we live in a prison without bars. We could walk out any time, but an invisible force is restraining us. As long as we are holding onto our wounds and stuck in our disconnectedness, there is no escape. Without even being aware, we are continually running on our own self- created treadmill, unwilling and unable to step off. My Disconnection and My Unmet Need There are any number of possible treadmills, but let me share one of my own. We may be running on one or more treadmills. Each one is characterized and driven by a single unconscious unmet need. The unmet need is a deep need that we are continually chasing and which we can never satisfy. In some situations we may sabotage ourselves in order not to meet it. In others, even if we meet it, we will then immediately find another way in which it cannot be met. In my own case my primary unmet need was the need to be accepted. My suppressed wound was the fear of rejection. The contracted energy was in my heart centre. For me, being accepted meant first (unconsciously) determining a specific group in which I wanted to be accepted and then doing everything I could to be accepted, even if that meant denying certain things about myself that would not be acceptable to that group. Once I had been accepted by a particular target group, I would then (unconsciously) create another target group and the pattern would be repeated. My unmet need could never be met. As far back as I can remember, I saw myself as an outsider. I desperately wanted to be an insider. I wanted to be in the club of my choice, not out of it. I was born in Kenya in 1944, just before the end of the Second World War. Kenya was then a British colony. My parents were both refugees. My father was German. My mother was Austrian. Both had fled from Hitler. Besides being German/Austrian, both my parents' families were what was known as being "assimilated Jews". Their parents or grandparents had renounced their Jewish faith and had become Christians - Lutherans in the case of my father,
  38. 38. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 39 Catholics in my mother's family. As far as Hitler was concerned, an assimilated Jew was the same as any other Jew. So here I was growing up in a British colony, just after the War, where the Germans had committed untold atrocities and had lost; and where millions of Jews had been herded like cattle into concentration camps and been slaughtered like animals. My mother's grandfather and my father's uncle were among those that died in this way. In my young eyes it was not a heroic way to die, although, in the circumstances, my great grandfather and my great uncle may have been heroes in their own way. My unmet need was to be like my English playmates and to be accepted by them as one of them. Imagine five year old boys in the playground just after the War. What games would they be playing? Inevitably there would be a War theme. We, the British, would be the commanders of toy tanks knocking the stuffing out of the German tanks. We British were always the winners. The Germans were inevitably the losers. I did not want to be a loser. I did not want to be a German. I certainly did not want to be Jewish. I wanted to be English. I wanted to be like my little friends. I wanted to be one of them at whatever cost. So my number one challenge was how to suppress everything about me that was German and Jewish. This was far from easy. My mother, proud to be Austrian and Jewish, was not willing to play the same game. I felt deeply betrayed whenever she opened her mouth. She always had a slight Austrian accent. She was proud of it, to boot! She thought it made her more interesting and attractive. Maybe it did to her friends, but for me it was instant death. I cringed every time she opened her mouth in front of my friends. I could fool myself, but I could not fool others. I would never be like them. But because of my unmet need, I also could not just be myself. So my wound was the fear of rejection, of not being accepted as one of the group. Instead of allowing the wound to heal, it festered and I did my best to suppress it. Without realizing what I was doing, by suppressing it, I inevitably started attracting situations in my life where I would continue to experience rejection. So at six years old, I hatched a great plan. I am wounded in my heart. I have suppressed the wound. I have pushed all the things that I do not like about myself into my shadow. I am now split between two persons: the Michael that I present to the world, and the Michael that I do not want the world to see. I experience this split through the wound in my heart. I am wounded because I am not complete. I am not whole. I am lacking a part of me that I need. What is this part that I am lacking? It is Englishness. Being the same as my childhood chums. So to heal my heart and to become whole again, all I need to do is to fall in love with a girl that represents everything that I am not - quintessential Englishness. My love for this girl will compensate for what I lack. It will fill the void of my lack of Englishness. The charms of the girl has nothing to do with who she is, her other qualities as a human being. Just her Englishness!
  39. 39. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 40 As it so happened, in my first class at my primary school, the girl sitting next to me in a joint desk exactly matched the profile. Englishness down to her boots. Her name is Prudence. I fall madly in love with her. After a while, I pluck up courage and ask her to marry me. To my total surprise, she says Yes. Prudence by name, but not in deed! Of course, this was not part of my plan. The whole idea about an unmet need is that it never gets met. So I immediately lost interest. Requited love was not part of the plan. Poor Prudence. I am sorry. In year two I fall in love with another girl. She matches the profile, but this time I do not tell her. I cannot take the risk that she might actually reciprocate. So I am happy to love at a distance. Each night as I am falling asleep, I think about my love, I feel the pain, I feel the pleasure. There is no risk that the need will be met or requited. I am delighted. I have found a strategy that works. I have found a way to validate a belief about myself that I am an outsider and there is no club that will ever accept me as a member. In this way I have created my own cross and I am happy to keep myself firmly nailed on it without any possibility of redemption. I am blissfully happy in my pain. As you would expect, this pattern continues year after year. When I am eight, by best friend, who was a year older than me, gangs up with some of the older boys. In those days, even though we lived in a suburb of Nairobi, there were many areas that were still totally wild. One day this gang of older boys decided to have a bit of fun. So they came up with a story and enticed me and another younger boy to follow them down to the river. Apparently a zebra had strayed into that area. As we approached the river (and there was no zebra), the larger boys suddenly turned on us and started throwing stones. We ran for our lives. Rejection again. Meanwhile, each year as I move up another class, a different girl becomes the object of my love. I never tell them. At the age of eleven I fall in love again. This time things went differently. Her name was Barbara. She liked me. It was in the holidays and in those days the school provided a kind of holiday camp. For a few weeks we were very close. We really enjoyed each other's company. I could not wait to see her each day. On the last day of the holidays, when I arrived at school, Barbara was huddled with her older sister of fourteen, and her sister's boyfriend. As I approached, I saw that they were looking at me with disapproval. What had I done now? I soon discovered that Barbara has told her sister that I had wanted to have sexual relations with her. I was only eleven. I had no recollection of having made any such proposal. In hindsight I suspect that Barbara was just bragging to her sister. Her sister and her boyfriend may have been struggling with their own repressed sexual desires. Whatever it was, it played beautifully into my belief about myself. I deserved to be rejected. A few months later, my best friend at school came back from the holidays and told me that we could no longer be friends. His father had told him that I was Jewish and he was not
  40. 40. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 41 allowed to be friends with a Jew. So much for my trying to pretend that I was neither German nor Jewish. Each of these little incidents just served to validate my own beliefs about myself, to deepen my disconnection, and to strengthen the invisible bars around my self-created prison. At the same time, the pain of these wounds also served to give me strength and purpose. I was quite bright, so I focused my energy on doing well in school. At the age of thirteen, my parents decided to send me to a private school in England, otherwise known as a Public School. This meant being away from home for ten months in the year. In their wisdom, they sent me to Rugby School, one of the leading Public Schools. The Public School system had been designed to produce empire builders and captains of industry. They were strongly faith-based, mostly focusing on a particular Christian denomination - Church of England or Catholic. At that time, Rugby was one of the few Public Schools that allowed different faiths, including Jews. Rugby was well-known for the book Tom Brown's School Days written by Thomas Hughes. This was about the nineteenth century headmaster, Dr. Thomas Arnold, a famous educationalist. It is a story of boys' brutality to each other and how strength of character prevails. In one incident, Flashman, the school bully, tortures the younger Tom Brown by roasting his backside against the fire. Nothing equips one better for going to an English Public School than having blocked energy centres. The upper class Englishman is renowned for his stiff upper lip - steady under fire. So the more blocked the better. Never show your feelings. A total sign of weakness. I also discovered that the more aristocratic, the more blocked. The more blocked we are, the better we are at controlling our emotions. The less we are able to feel empathy and compassion for others, the better we are at controlling and managing others. So I could not have been in a better place to reinforce the blocks that I had already created, and then to create a few more. My nemesis came at the age of eighteen. I fell madly in love with a French girl, Françoise. At that time I felt that I was sufficiently "English" not to have the need to be accepted. I was just as repressed as all my English friends. I needed to find another way to be rejected. Françoise was the perfect answer. She was the daughter of a poet and a French intellectual. In my efforts to get into Cambridge I had decided that I now wanted to be an intellectual. Up till then I had had no such aspirations. I was just one of the lads. With Françoise I had met my ideal match. She was an accomplished heart-breaker. She came across and being totally confident in whom she was. She knew how to stand in her own power. This time I really managed to break my heart - not just in half, but in a thousand pieces. It was the most painful experience of my life. At that point, to overcome the pain, I shut down my heart completely. I systematically walled it into a concrete bunker ten feet thick. It was now impenetrable. My heart would never be broken again. I would never fall in love again. I would
  41. 41. http://freedomwithin.org Freedom Within 42 never feel with my heart again. I was cured of falling in love. I was cured of wanting to be accepted. Or so I thought at the time. And all this because at five years old I wanted to be as English as the English! Needless to say I continued to chase my unmet need. I will spare you the whole chain. The pattern was the same. However I would like to just share my credentials for being a fully unconnected member of the human race. After Rugby, I went up to Trinity College, Cambridge. If Rugby had laid a very solid foundation for my disconnectedness, Trinity was the icing on the cake. Of all places, this was the citadel of modern day disconnectedness. The college was founded by Henry Vlll in 1546. With Bertrand Russell and Ludwig Wittgenstein as recent alumni, it was not surprising that I decided to take a degree in Philosophy. Cambridge philosophy at that time had turned in on itself and was lost in a struggle to discover the meaning of meaning. Nothing is more meaningless. I could not have found anything more disconnecting to study than this. In my heart-broken unhappy state at that time, it did not occur to me to ask why someone like Wittgenstein could be so highly regarded, and yet also so unhappy. What is the use of a philosophy that creates more unhappiness in the philosopher and never leads to joy! Other notable alumni included six British prime ministers (all Tory or Whig/Liberal), physicists Isaac Newton, James Clerk Maxwell, Ernest Rutherford and Niels Bohr, the poet Lord Byron, and Soviet spies Kim Philby, Guy Burgess, and Anthony Blunt. Equally famous was Francis Bacon, who first attended in 1573 at the age of twelve. Bacon was best known for his Aristotelian ideas, arguing for an empirical, inductive approach, known as the scientific method, which is the foundation of modern scientific inquiry. To understand nature, the observer needed to be separate from nature. Bacon's many critics have claimed that he advocated the torture of nature in order to force her to reveal her secrets. Perhaps more so than any of the above, Bacon can be credited with being one of the fathers of modern science, where objectivity is glorified above everything else. Objectivity is considered one of the prime virtues of our modern age. It conveys a sense of impartiality, absence of bias or prejudice, fairness, equitableness, even-handedness, justice, open-mindedness, disinterest, disinterestedness, detachment, dispassion, and neutrality. We praise the ideals of journalistic accuracy and objectivity. We want our doctors and teachers to be detached. We value objectivity in our own view of the world. We praise the virtues of objectivity. We can depend and rely on objective statements and judgements. Whereas with subjective statements and judgements, these are shaped by personal opinions and feelings instead of outside influences. I might see something differently to you. My truth therefore might be different to yours. In this respect a subjective judgement has less value. than one that is objective. It is unreliable and unverifiable. It cannot be peer-reviewed.

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