HOSTILE OR A RESPECTFUL
Presented by LifeServices EAP
Margie Roop, LPCC-S,CEAP; SAP
To understand the difference between
disrespectful (hostile) and respectful behavior.
To understand the impact disrespectful behavior
has on you, your work and others.
To identify your role & responsibility in creating
& maintaining a respectful workplace.
To learn tools for creating a more respectful
Why Should I Care?
For increased commitment to the job/higher job
To be more productive on the job
To possess higher satisfaction with
To gain higher trust of supervisor/coworkers
To be more comfortable in providing feedback
To avoid a lawsuit!
Why should I care?
Feel more secure about my job.
Align my career plans with that of institution
Fewer work-family conflicts/stress
Factors to consider:
Past experiences-how you were influenced?
Norms/values that you adopted
Polices/regulations/procedures/laws you follow
Cultural/socialization-sex, religion, ethnicity
Position in organization
Why people are disrespectful
Lack of empathy
Clueless/lack of insight
Power & control
“Pump self up”
Be left alone: repel others
Be seen in the spotlight
How do you feel when someone is:
•Derogatory about your
Feel uncomfortable? Angry? Fearful?
Struggle with what IS appropriate and not?
Find yourself unbothered?
Avoid those who offend?
Enjoin those disrespecting others?
Examples of Disrespectful
Gossip/putting others in
statements or humor
More on the Continuum:
Criticism or mocking in front of others
Obvious (to others) power struggles
Unwanted imposition of personal beliefs/values
Misuse of power/position
Sexual Harassment; Hostile Work Environment
Sex, Age, Disability, or Religious Discrimination
Outbursts of anger/rage
Why Disrespectful Behavior
is Not Addressed
“It’s Justified.” “She deserved it.”
Role modeling/normative for that workplace
Own needs/motivations/feel self-confident
Not taking responsibility for own behavior
Ignore it and it’ll go away.
More reasons why not
Lack of tools/training
Don’t understand, nor care about the impact
on the workplace/individuals.
Lack of confidence in other’s responses (no
support within work group including
Fear of hurting other’s feelings; not being
taken seriously; being blamed
Fear of retaliation.
More on “Projection”
A classic defense
mechanism served to
negative feelings about
themselves onto others.
Personal foundation is
flawed, so their
insecurity is great.
Projecting makes them
Projection: Classic Defense
Persons have need to feel better about
themselves; only way they know (learned
behavior) is through disrespecting others.
It’s easier to focus “self-negativity” or self-
loathing onto others than to face it
Why do people not feel good about
We could fill libraries on this! Pick your issue!
Victim of domestic
violence, physical, emotion
al, or sexual abuses?
Living with an
abuser, gambler, “spend-a-
holic” or otherwise
What other stressors can
you think of?
The Individual Impact
Less job commitment
The Workplace Impact
Misuse of time
Less group work
The Impact on Institution
Higher use of medical
Lose great workers
Loss of trust/respect
Violence in the
policies on Harassment,
respectful behaviors in
Do you think this seminar
is a waste of time?
If so, WHY?
Tell offending jokes?
Why do you think that
you do it?
What to do….
Helpful? Or, harmful?
Get educated on what IS or IS
Do not ignore it!
Say something right away to
the offending party or parties
to STOP IT!
Speak to offending party (ies)
in more depth in a
Report it to management.
On any given day, persons may be:
Are you willing to “push
the envelope” by
behaving not only
g, acting uncivil, or
disrespectfully in your
In a “bad place” due to
personal issues and
therefore not in the best
stressed, anxious, worried, fe
arful, and/or angry about
what is happening atWORK.
Everyone: Needs to Lead
•Ignoring the problem
will only make things
•You will lose respect.
•You could incite
•If you join offending
parties in offensive
behaviors, you are
complicit and could
Educate your staff on what is/is not
Show them that you take this behavior
Utilize discipline as appropriate up to and
including the management referral
Seek advice from your HR Department!
HowYOU communicate What you communicate
Makes all the difference in
Either demonstrates your
knowledge or your
Sets the tone for your
Employees either feel safe
Are you sending a message
that to “be part of the
group” one must be
offensive to others?
Either produces or reduces
Either enhances or
Continuum of Respectful
Your Everyday Behavior Towards persons who offend
Seeking assistance with
Management Referral to
Are you an Active Listener?
Body language can say it all!
Encouraging words work.
Use inviting, open-ended questions.
Restate what was said.
Check-out for mutual understanding.
Summarize the conversation.
Are you an Assertive
Clarify your wants/needs-do you know how?
Take responsibility for your OWN behavior
Speak directly with the person involved.
Use “I” statements and OWN your own
feelings about a situation!
Identify type of communication occurring.
(assertive or aggressive?)
Stay focused on the issue.
Problem-solving approach is best
Seek mutual understanding of the
Are you a Problem Solver?
Identify the real problem or its source.
Identify all possible solutions.
Discuss possible outcome of each solution.
Mutually agree upon a solution and
Develop implementation plan.
Evaluate the plan
If you’re not a problem-solver, tap someone
Can you reframe a situation?
Identify situation that produces
uncomfortable or distressing feelings.
What’s your automatic focus, thoughts, and
feelings about situation?
What’s a more useful way to view this
situation which offers you choices and the
potential for growth”
Seek advice from trusted co-
workers, supervisors, and/or HR Department.
Do YOU feel lack of power?
DoYOU feel bullied by co-workers?
Feel pressure to “chime in” to their
Feel ostracized when you don’t laugh at their
Feel powerless to do anything about it?
Fear retaliation for saying anything?
A good rule of thumb: What if it
•Your wife or husband
•Your son or daughter
•Your mother or father
•How would you feel?
•What makes it
different to have
someone else be the
butt of disrespect?
•Why do your co-
workers not deserve a
You have got to take a
If you are struggling with “doing things
differently” now that you’ve heard this
If it makes you feel uncomfortable-BETTER
If you want some help figuring things out and
wanting direction-WAYTO GO!
Call LifeServices EAP!
For affirmation of your thoughts & feelings.
For education on how to best approach
situations both in the workplace and family or
You deserve a safe & respectful workplace!!
Call LifeServices EAP
1-800-822-4847 24 hours a day!