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Chapter 11 – attraction and intimacy(1)


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Chapter 11 – attraction and intimacy(1)

  1. 1. Chapter 11 –Attraction andIntimacyC. SaccaggiC-Ring 4276 & 7 May 2013
  2. 2. What Leads to Friendship andAttraction?(1) Proximity Geographical nearness: functional distance(how often we interact) Interaction Availability Anticipation of Interaction Mere exposure Tendency for novel stimuli to be liked more orrated more positively after the rater has beenrepeatedly exposed to them (e.g. favouritefood) Exposure without awareness leads to liking2
  3. 3. What Leads to Friendship andAttraction?(2) Physical Attractiveness Attractiveness and dating Looks are a predictor of how often one dates(for both men and women) Looks influence voting3
  4. 4. What Leads to Friendship andAttraction?(2) Physical Attractiveness (cont) The Matching phenomenon Tendency for men and women to choose aspartners those who are a “good match” inattractiveness and other traits Men offer wealth and status, women offerbeauty and youth4
  5. 5. What Leads to Friendship andAttraction?(2) Physical Attractiveness (cont) Physical-attractiveness stereotype Presumption that physically attractive peoplepossess other socially desirable traits as well Influence of fairy stories? (beautiful princesses) First impressions Is the “Beautiful is Good” stereotype accurate? Attractive people are valued and favored, andso many develop more social self-confidence Self-fulfilling prophecy5
  6. 6. What Leads to Friendship andAttraction?(2) Physical Attractiveness (cont) Who is attractive? Whatever people of any given place andtime find attractive Perfect average Symmetry6
  7. 7. What Leads to Friendship andAttraction?(2) Physical Attractiveness (cont) Evolution and attraction Assumption that beauty signals biologicallyimportant information Health Youth Fertility7
  8. 8. What Leads to Friendship andAttraction?(2) Physical Attractiveness (cont) Social comparison Contrast effect (how attractive is everyoneelse) Attractiveness of those we love We see likable people as attractive8
  9. 9. What Leads to Friendship andAttraction?(3) Similarity versus Complementarity Do birds of a feather flock together? Likeness begets liking We believe that people who are similar to ushave good characters Dissimilarity breeds dislike9
  10. 10. What Leads to Friendship andAttraction?(3) Similarity versus Complementarity (cont) Do opposites attract? Complementarity Popularly supposed tendency, in a relationshipbetween two people, for each to completewhat is missing in the other However, research consistently suggests thatpeople are most likely to be involved withpeople they consider to be similar to them10
  11. 11. What Leads to Friendship andAttraction?(4) Liking Those Who Like Us Attribution Ingratiation Use of strategies, such as flattery , by whichpeople seek to gain another’s favor Self-esteem and attraction How we feel about ourselves determines how wefeel about our relationships Gaining another’s esteem We like those who gradually improve theiropinion of us11
  12. 12. What Leads to Friendship andAttraction?(5) Relationship Rewards Reward theory of attraction Theory that we like those whose behavior isrewarding to us or whom we associate withrewarding events12
  13. 13. What is love?13Three components parts: Intimacy, Passion & Commitment
  14. 14. What Is Love?(1) Passionate Love Emotional, exciting and intense Expressed physically Theory of passionate love Two-factor theory of emotion Suggests that in a romantic context, arousal fromany source, even painful experiences, can besteered into passion Variations in love (culture and gender) Marriages for love vs arranged marriages14
  15. 15. What Is Love?(2) Companionate Love Affection we feel for those with whom our lives aredeeply intertwined A deep, affectionate attachment Occurs after passionate love fades High divorce rates may be linked to the de-valuing of this kind of love15
  16. 16. What Enables CloseRelationships?(1) Attachment Our need to belong is adaptive Human beings struggle to survive inisolation, we require support from others Parents and children Friends Spouses or loversCommon elements in all close relationships:mutual understanding, giving & receivingsupport, valuing and enjoying being with theloved one16
  17. 17. What Enables CloseRelationships?(1) Attachment (cont)17SECURE ATTACHMENTRooted in Trust and marked byintimacyPREOCCUPIED ATTACHMENTMarked by a sense of one’s ownunworthiness and anxiety,ambivalence and possessivenessDISMISSIVE ATTACHMENTAvoidant relationship stylemarked by distrust of othersFEARFUL ATTACHMENTAvoidant relationship stylemarked by fear of rejectionAttachment Styles
  18. 18. What Enables CloseRelationships?(2) Equity Condition in which the outcomes peoplereceive from a relationship are proportionalto what they contribute to it Long-term equity As people observe their partners being self-giving, their sense of trust grows Perceived equity and satisfaction Dissatisfaction occurs as a result of perceivedinequities18
  19. 19. What Enables Close Relationships?(3) Self-Disclosure Revealing intimateaspects of oneself toothers We disclose to peoplethat we like Disclosure reciprocity Tendency for oneperson’s intimacy or self-disclosure to match thatof a conversationalpartner Appropriate self-disclosure deepens arelationship19
  20. 20. How Do Relationships End? Divorce Rates varied widely by country Individualistic cultures have more divorcethan do communal cultures20
  21. 21. How Do Relationships End? Detachment Process Longer and more intense relationships havemore intense break-ups21PASSIVE ACTIVECONSTRUCTIVE Loyalty –AwaitingimprovementVoice – seek toimproverelationshipDESTRUCTIVE Neglect – IgnorepartnerExit – End therelationship