may 2007 vol. 1 • issue 1
Office Food Genius or MadwoMan?
They sTare chal-
Get the eXCLusiVe here!
peanut butter jelly time?!
lengingly from be-
hind the bakery glass
oFFIce sWeeThearT KrIsTIN fame. My one concern is jeal- really crazy imagination. That
as we traipse through
Morgan was our interviewee. ous coworkers. was how I entertained myself.
the chelsea Market
Upon inviting me to her cube I’d prefer to leave raggedy ann
concourse. They nes- If you were a tree, what kind
to chat, she said she had no out of this.
tle together cutely of tree would you be?
extra chair and instructed
in boxes during of- I’ve always thought weeping
What is your favorite thing
me to “wheel over”. Never
fice birthday parties. willows were nice. I’m a big
about your workday?
have I known such accept-
and on particularly crybaby too. so I tree in cen-
able wheeling! cubicle tour- The best part of the office is
stressful workdays, they spring up on tral park that I can lay under.
naments, inventive mobil- the people. so, getting to work
the desks of the creative & interactive
ity…this office is truly amaz- with them.
People have said you are the
department like surprising yard mush-
ing. so is Kristen—I’ve always heart of the office. What do
rooms after rain. They are cupcakes:
Have you ever been in a
liked her face, and now I you think about that?
whole, perfect, personal, and apparently
welcomed the opportunity If people actually feel that
the official office food. (Thought for the
to pick the brain behind the It wasn’t like, oh I went to a
way, then I’m surprised and
idea wall: cupcakes. Nobody can really
face…..yeah. bar and fought some bitch.
refuse one, especially not young people.
But in london we were drunk
Branded cupcakes on campus? highly
Where did you grow up and
You recently starred in a and this guy attacked my ex
marketable, some might say.)
what were you like as a
Major League Cubing vid- boyfriend and I jumped in to
eo. How do you feel about save him and the guy started
WhaT BeTTer Way To sloW The pace
I grew up in Delaware
being famous? pulling my hair and punch-
of the calamitous workday than to con-
and New Jersey. as a kid I
I’ve been famous pretty much ing me in the back and stuff.
sume baked goods? especially if your fix
was really shy and had a
my whole life. so I’m used to -AD
is a mere elevator ride away. Downstairs,
the pink minimalist bakery called eleni’s
Have You Noticed?
has become the main provider of addic-
tive substances. The lady hustlers in there
will hook you up with your chosen cup-
cake for only 2 or 3 dollars depending on
how intricately it’s decorated: a figure just
low enough to allow for frequent purchas- every day at “Fish” who acts mostly dis- The Food Network
ings. an unholy amount of frosting can be around 5 pM or so, oriented. he is the official of- people are always
yours in seconds, as weak-willed office the office becomes unbear- fice pet unless anyone else is really jolly.
workers can tell you. If you’ve got a sweet ably hot. hot like “am I meno- hoarding small animals.
tooth, a self-control problem, and a sense pausal?” The stone bed be-
of smell, it’s pretty much guaranteed that What a lot of cu- tween olfactory
you can’t walk through olfactory Zone 1 of The hamperful of bicle music wars Zone 3 and saraBeth’s is NoT,
the Market concourse without hitting up Jack links, ever have been happening lately. in fact, comfortable. even for a
eleni’s. Which brings us into an explana- stocked with packets of dried Web developer Delaneau Wil- stone bed.
tion of the term “olfactory Zone 1”. Upon beef, includes a variety of liams usually wins as he is
entering through the main Market doors maple-flavored dried pork. so known to layer his actual sing- ALL THINGS
in the morning and walking past the very check the package lest you be ing voice over his music.
authoritative-looking guard, you are hit like “eWW...Maple WTF?!”
first with the smell of wine, flowers, news- When riding the ele-
papers, and after a few seconds, the smell chris ayres has a vator, you feel about
of aMaZING, GorGeoUs, rIDIcUloUsly fish tank that is 90% more awesome than all the
FraGraNT cooKING chocolaTe. soon set up like a cubicle. The aque- other elevator-riders, because
ADS, BANNER ADS, INTERNAL & EXTERNAL NEWSLETTERS
after that zone, you walk through Zone 2, ous office is home to a small your floor has a seriously gang-
>> page two
“CRAZY CUPCAKES” CONT. ON PAGE 2. plum-colored Betta named ster graffiti mural.
ONE LESS STRESS
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