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Making a Heart to Heart Connection with Your Kid Session 5 Coaching for Success


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Helping our kids become independent and wise-decision makers is possible using coaching skills. Learning to listen, ask questions, act and support are the keys to growing our kids into tomorrows leaders!

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Making a Heart to Heart Connection with Your Kid Session 5 Coaching for Success

  1. 1. SESSION 5-COACHING FORSUCCESSMaking a Heart to Heart Connection WithYour Kid
  2. 2. Coaching For SuccessOverview Summary of Prior Sessions What is Coaching? The Power of Coaching The Coaching Process –An Overview Healthy Confrontation &The CoachingProcess ApplyingWhat We’ve Learned
  3. 3. Summary of Prior Sessions Mission Statement-What’s your bottom-line?We’ve developed a parenting missionstatement with the following keys: Love/Relationship Freedom Moving from external control to self-c0ntrol Moving from total dependence to independence Choices
  4. 4. Summary of Prior Sessions Strategy Development Shifting from the Disrespect Factory to the HonorFactory
  5. 5. Summary of Prior Sessions Strategy Development Create a space where your kid is loved & accepted Love Languages Speak to their identity & life purpose Use your strengths & call out your kid’s strengths
  6. 6. What is Coaching? Coaches are change experts who help individualstake responsibility for their lives and act tomaximize their own potential. Coaching is Believing in people. Seeing them for who they are & helping them step intotheir destiny. A support structure for change. Growth centered & focused on the future. Operating through influence, not authority Listening & asking, instead of telling
  7. 7. The Power of Coaching It’sTransforming Teachable moment + an authentic, growth orientedcoaching relationship = Deep, lasting change. Grow Faster We need support, encouragement & accountability tofunction at our full capacity. Unleash People/Cut the Cord of Dependence Help kids to become great decision makers versushelping them make the right decision. Teaching them to fish versus a fish for the day.
  8. 8. The Power of Coaching DevelopYour Kids into Leaders Setting goals, taking action, taking responsibility,making choices and problem solving areimportant skills to possess as a leader. Develop & Improve Relational Skills What really matters is not what you know, butwhether you can relate.
  9. 9. The Coaching ProcessOverviewRelationshipThenChangeListenAskActSupportOur goal is to move our kidstowards independence & wisedecision making. To do this,we must stop telling them whatto do.How do we do this?
  10. 10. The Coaching Processwithin ConfrontationWhat most of our confrontations look like
  11. 11. The Coaching Processwithin Confrontation HealthyConfrontation – Keys to Success Listen Ask Questions Act Define the Core Issue Generate Options Choose best solution Support
  12. 12. Keys to HealthyConfrontation-Listen The goal of listening To create a safe place to think out loud. To affirm & empower people to express themselves withconfidence. To gain information & perspective Give your kids 80% of the air time. Turn the conversation in your head off! I see your problem & I’m figuring out how to solve it. I’m composing my reply or question while you’re talking. I’m focused on getting back to what I was doing. I’m frustrated by something you said & my emotions arenow taking over.
  13. 13. Keys to HealthyConfrontation-Listen Tune In! Turn on your belief that your kids can solve theirown problems without being told what to do. Be present Undivided attention Confirm what you heard (“What I’m hearing is…”and “Sounds like you are saying…”) Defer judgment
  14. 14. The Coaching Processwithin Confrontation Healthy Confrontation – Keys to Success Listen Ask Questions Act Define the Core Issue Generate Options Choose best solution Support
  15. 15.  The Goal of Asking Questions Gather as much information & insight into your kidsperspective as possible Get your kids to start thinking through their problem Two types of questions Closed-Can be answered with “yes” or “no.” Open-Can be answered in whatever way you want. Keeps your kids in charge. No right or wrong answer, so they don’t get defensive.Keys to Healthy Confrontation–Ask Questions
  16. 16. Keys to Healthy ConfrontationAsk QuestionsClosed Open Did the call to your friendgo well? Is there something youcould do? Did that make you feelhurt? Do you want to take actionon this option? Could you talk to someoneabout that? How did the call to youruncle go?
  17. 17. The Coaching Processwithin Confrontation Healthy Confrontation – Keys to Success Listen Ask Questions Act Define the Core Issue Generate Options Choose the Best solution Support
  18. 18.  Goal-To develop concrete action steps toimplement the chosen solution. Keys to Acting On It Define the Issue Generate Options Choose the Best Solution Break it into action steps Deadline-I’ve committed to have this done by a setdate.Keys to Healthy ConfrontationAct On It
  19. 19. Keys to Healthy ConfrontationDefine the Issue Goal-To clearly identify the issue & who ownsthe issue. What’s the issue? Be specific. Define the expectation Identify the gap in performance/choice Whose issue is it?
  20. 20.  Goal-To get the person who owns the problem toidentify potential solutions. Strategies Open ended questions What could you do? What have you done so far? What has worked in the past in similar situations? Give me five options. What would be the best possible outcome? Offer your ideas last Make multiple suggestionsKeys to Healthy ConfrontationGenerate Options
  21. 21.  Goal-To identify the best solution that meetsthe needs of everyone involved & thesituation. Identify needs Questions to ask Which option do you want to take? What do you think the solution is? Have your kid choose the solutionKeys to Healthy ConfrontationChoose the Best Option
  22. 22. The Coaching Processwithin Confrontation Healthy Confrontation – Keys to Success Listen Ask Questions Act Define the Core Issue Generate Options Choose the Best solution Support
  23. 23.  Three components Support by Ensuring Commitment Encouragement AccountabilityKeys to Healthy ConfrontationSupport
  24. 24.  Support by Ensuring Commitment Kid Generated Steps-People are most committed to theirown ideas. Verbalize the Action-”Is that a step you want to take?”Direct questions that forces a person to make & verbalizetheir decision. Eliminate Half-Heartedness-Don’t settle for “I could do” or“I ought to do.” Nail it down by asking, “What will you do?” Quantify Commitment-”On a scale of 1-10, how certainare you that you will get this done?” You want 8 or higher. Expect Accountability-As the parent, let your kid knowyou will be asking about their steps Write it Down-Have your kids, write down or email youtheir action steps.Keys to Healthy ConfrontationSupport
  25. 25.  Encouragement When we consistently encourage, affirm &celebrate our kids progress, it helps them staymotivated Validating your kid’s identity is the most powerfulform of affirmation.Keys to Healthy ConfrontationSupport, Encouragement &Accountability
  26. 26.  Encouragement Encourage with GUESS Genuine-You mean what you say Unequivocal-Affirm decisively & confidently Energizing-Your response should match your kid’senthusiasm & bring the energy level up Specific-Tie affirmation to tangible performanceand real evidence of character Substantiative-Strong affirmation says somethingimportant about who your kid is, their identityKeys to Healthy ConfrontationSupport, Encouragement &Accountability
  27. 27.  Accountability-Voluntarily asking to be heldresponsible to live up to a chosen standard. Keeps our kids focused on the goal, so they won’tforget it or rationalize it away. When our kids fail, it helps them quickly get backup & try again, because we know they are down &need encouragement. Accountability that is gentle, but firm, energizing& encouraging is far more powerful thanmotivating through fear, shame or guilt.Keys to Healthy ConfrontationSupport, Encouragement &Accountability
  28. 28.  HealthyAccountability Voluntary-Our kids need to initiate being held accountable. Positive-Really believe that your kid can change. Negativeemotions like guilt or shame are counterproductive in thelong run. Pre-emptive-Proactive, not reactive. It’s meant to preventwrong behavior, not punish it. Consistent-Weekly, sometimes daily, depending on thecircumstance Honest-No sliding by, honest authentic answers Specific-Effective accountability is specific & to the point Energizing-Our follow up should be motivating, not aweightKeys to Healthy ConfrontationSupport, Encouragement &Accountability
  29. 29. Practicing What We’veLearned Scenarios 1 Parent, 1 Kid & 1 Observer
  30. 30. Practicing What We’veLearned What worked? What didn’t work? What did you learn? What are you going to do differently?
  31. 31. Coaching for Success Keys to Success Listen Ask Questions Act Define the Problem Generate Options Choose best solution Support