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SMES Navigating Microaggressions

How do you navigate microaggressions - those words and actions that offend or hurt, even though they may be unintended? Learn some of the obstacles of authentic conversations, as well as practical strategies for what to do or say when you are the target of, witness to, and agents of microaggressions.

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SMES Navigating Microaggressions

  1. 1. St. Margaret’s Episcopal School Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Seattle Girls’ School Navigating Microaggressions: When You Receive, Witness, or Do Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  2. 2. About Seattle Girls’ School Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  3. 3. Courageous Conversations in Our Schools and Lives Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  4. 4. Debunking Some Myths Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)  All or None  Mistakes  Apologies  “Tonsils” Theory  Vulnerability
  5. 5. Growing Through Mistakes William Taylor’s Reflective Competence Model Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  6. 6. What Are Microaggressions? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee) Accumulated Impact Regular, Frequent, and Pervasive Based on Stereotype Often Unintended
  7. 7. Speaking From the Heart Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  8. 8. What We’re Thinking and Feeling When Receiving the Microaggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee) Did that really happen? Do they realize? I want to trust, but I’ve had this happen so many times before. I am so stressed, confused, hurt….
  9. 9. What We End Up Saying When Receiving the Microaggression Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee) That was so offensive! I can’t believe you did that!
  10. 10. Be A DEAR…. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  11. 11. Self Advocacy Through Microaggressions  Affirm the person or relationship  Describe the behavior without judgment  Explain the emotion/impact and your filters  Assume positive intent  Request or suggest different behavior *** Key Points: timing, I statements, actions not adjectives, inside feelings not outside feelings*** Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  12. 12. Self Advocacy Through Microaggressions: An Example I really appreciate having you as a friend. I have so much fun with you, and I can tell you anything. Earlier today, when I got my math test back and I got 98%, I heard you say, “Well of course you got a 98% - you’re Asian!” I was pretty hurt when I heard that. I work hard in all my classes to get good grades, but so many people assume it’s because of my race. It’s sad that I don’t get to own my hard work and accomplishments like everyone else. I’m pretty sure you didn’t mean for me to feel that way. Can I ask that you please don’t say things like that anymore, where my good grades have anything to do with my race? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  13. 13. Practice Round: Self Advocacy Through Microaggressions  Affirm the person or relationship  Describe the behavior without judgment  Explain the emotion/impact and your filters  Assume positive intent  Request or suggest different behavior *** Key Points: timing, I statements, actions not adjectives, inside feelings not outside feelings*** Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  14. 14. Being A Witness Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  15. 15. What We’re Thinking and Feeling When Witnessing Microaggressions Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee) I can’t believe this is happening. That’s SO not right. Should I say something? Am I butting in? Would it help? I am so upset!
  16. 16. What We End Up Saying When Witnessing Microaggressions Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  17. 17. What Others Hear When We Say Nothing Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee) See? They agree with me! I am so right about this. No one sees or understands. I am alone.
  18. 18. They were born innocent… Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  19. 19. NCBI Effective Interventions Model  Reduce Defensiveness – Tone – Body Language – Respect  Keep the Conversation Going – Hear Them Out – Ask Open-Ended Questions – Set Aside Your Feeling for the Moment – Dialogue  Build the Relationship  Stop the Behavior  Win an Ally Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  20. 20. Intervening in Microaggressions: Examples  Ask open ended questions – “He was acting like a sissy?.” – “How was he acting? And why is that problematic?”  Find out the experience motivating the comment – “Why can’t they just speak English around here?” – “It must be hard not to understand what people are saying around you.” – “I’m sick of my tuition paying for scholarship students” – “Tell me more about about that.”  Use exaggerated humor to highlight what’s going on (use sparingly) – “What do LGBTQ people think about this issue? ” – “I don’t know – I’ll go ask. It might be a while, since there are millions of us out there.”  Join the person and do not make yourself superior – “She got that award because she’s Black and female.” – “You know, I hear that a lot. I’ve been trying to figure out why we seem to think when a Black woman gets recognized it must be because of ‘diversity’ or ‘affirmative action’ stuff rather than that she earned it.” Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  21. 21. Practice Round: Intervening in Microaggressions  Ask open ended questions  Find out the experience motivating the comment  Use exaggerated humor to highlight what’s going on (use sparingly)  Join the person and do not make yourself superior Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  22. 22. Listening to the Real Message Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  23. 23. What Was Said During the Intervention Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee) Those words or actions are hurtful to me. Please stop.
  24. 24. What We Hear During the Intervention Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee) You are a bad, bad person, and I hate you!
  25. 25. What We Should Hear During the Intervention Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee) You are basically a good and decent person. As with all of us, you’ve made a mistake, and you may not know how that mistake is impacting others. I am going to give you the gift of information so that your intentions and impacts match up.
  26. 26. It’s a gift… Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  27. 27. When You’re Told About Microaggressive Impact You Created  Listen with full attention  Don’t try to defend or respond right away – Take deep breaths – Acknowledge your feelings  Your mistakes don’t define you – Be worthy of their trust and gift  Prioritize the Impact over Intent – Apologize for real *** Moving through these moments with grace is called shame resilience. It’s a vital skill*** Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  28. 28. When You’re Told About Microaggressive Impact You Created: Examples Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)  “I really appreciate your telling me this.”  “I’m so embarrassed that I did that.”  “I’m so sorry my words and actions made you feel that way. No matter what I intended, it hurt you.”  “I’m pretty overwhelmed right now, and I don’t want to respond in a way I’d regret. Do you think you can help me come up with a better way to handle that situation after I take a few minutes?”  “I wanted to go back to a moment I don’t think I handled very well… Can we talk?”
  29. 29. Reflection Round: When You’re Told About Microaggressive Impacts You Created  Listen with full attention  Don’t try to defend or respond right away – Take deep breaths – Acknowledge your feelings  Your mistakes don’t define you – Be worthy of their trust and gift  Prioritize the Impact over Intent – Apologize for real Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  30. 30. Final Words of Advice: Recognize Your Triggers Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  31. 31. Find Your Bucket People Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  32. 32. Practice Makes Less Freeze-Ups Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  33. 33. If You Messed Up and You Know It, Don’t Wait for the Intervention – Just Apologize Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  34. 34. If You’re Really Sorry, Work to Improve Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  35. 35. Build Authentic Relationships Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  36. 36. Inclusive Communities Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  37. 37. Presenter Information Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee 6th Faculty and Professional Outreach Seattle Girls’ School 2706 S Jackson Street Seattle WA 98144 (206) 805-6562 rlee@seattlegirlsschool.org http://tiny.cc/rosettalee Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  38. 38. Final Questions or Comments? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)
  39. 39. Resources • Anti-Defamation League • Brené Brown • Cross Cultural Connections (www.CulturesConnecting.com) • National Coalition Building Institute • The People’s Institute • Stirfry Seminars • Teaching Tolerance • The Thiagi Group Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (http://tiny.cc/rosettalee)

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