The Buckley School Parenting with Identity in Mind


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How do we learn about our various group identities like female, African American, Buddhist, homosexual, middle class, etc.? From whom do we learn the meaning of these terms? What messages have we internalized about ourselves and others? What are the differences that result in one person having a healthy self identity and another person experiencing own-group shame and hatred? Learn how we can instill positive self identity in our children and coach them to be positive influences on others' identities.  Together, we can co-create inclusive communities that work toward success for all.

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The Buckley School Parenting with Identity in Mind

  1. 1. I Learned Who I Was When… Parenting with Identity Development in Mind The Buckley School Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee Seattle Girls’ School Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  2. 2. About Seattle Girls’ School Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  3. 3. Agenda  Identity Development  How We Learn Who We Are  Parenting with Identity in Mind  Questions and Answers  Resources Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  4. 4. Introductions Warm-Up Questions Please introduce yourself, your child, and your child’s grade. What brought you to the session today? What tools would you like to get out of our time together? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  5. 5. Identity Development  What is it?  What are the various dimensions of identity?  Why identity development? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  6. 6. Dimensions of Identity and Culture This model of identifiers and culture was created by Karen Bradberry and Johnnie Foreman for NAIS Summer Diversity Institute, adapted from Loden and Rosener’s Workforce America! (1991) and from Diverse Teams at Work, Gardenswartz & Rowe (SHRM 2003). Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  7. 7. Your Own Identity Journey How do you identify? What identities have you explored deeply or know thoroughly? What identities do you not think about unless it’s pointed out? What identities do you feel proud of and claim publicly? Why are some identities not as easy to take pride in or claim? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  8. 8. Identity and Cultural Inclusion      Identity Frames Intractability Positive and Negative Encounters Identity Socialization Co-Authorship of Identity Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  9. 9. Identity Development: Marginalized Identities  Innocence and Self Esteem  Encounter and Self Doubt  Assimilation to the Majority  Immersion into Identity  Emersion  Integration Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  10. 10. Identity Development: Privilged Identities  Innocence and Self Esteem  Encounter and Confusion  Attempt to Reintegrate  Re-Encounter and Guilt  Acceptance and Action  Immersion and Emersion  Integration Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  11. 11. How Do You Parent with Identity in Mind? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  12. 12. When They’re Little Theme: Trying to Understand the World  Curiosity based questions about difference  Find out what they’re actually asking  Find out why they’re asking  Answer their questions straightforwardly  Model and coach humility, delight, and curiosity about difference  Be mindful of children’s media – it’s not always good for kids Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  13. 13. In the Middle Years Theme: Who Am I? How Do I Have Power?  “Friendship Extinction Event”  Identity search through grouping  Good and bad cliques  Open their horizons about identity  Be steady through their rollercoaster  Coach more, teach less Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  14. 14. In the Later Years Theme: My Future Place in the World  Gender and sexuality stereotypes  Power play through social status  The role of inclusivity in their college, professional, and personal lives  Charging them to “practice for the real thing”  Define values and boundaries, then accept that they will push  Be their consultant Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  15. 15. Talking With Your Kids  Be explicit about your values  Be open about your own struggles  Don’t stay silent  100 Minute Conversations  Relationship Based Interruption Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  16. 16. Assisting the Identity Search When It’s With You  Be accepting of identity plays  Get to know their interests  Encourage identity pride  Aid healthy self esteem  Verbalize your values  Encourage growth mindset  Ask questions  Tell your story Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  17. 17. Assisting the Identity Search When It’s With Others  Encourage resources for identity development (affinity or support     groups, cultural clubs, language classes, etc.) Get to know their peers Engage with their music, shows, online activities, and movies Teach them about the “real world” – for real Give them access to different kinds of people Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  18. 18. Taking it Home  What did you learn today that was new, helpful, or thought provoking?  What are some goals or strategies you would like to apply with your children? Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  19. 19. Questions and Comments Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  20. 20. Presenter Information Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee 6th Faculty and Professional Outreach Seattle Girls’ School 2706 S Jackson Street Seattle WA 98144 (206) 805-6562 Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  21. 21. Identity Resources • Carlos H. Arce, “A Reconsideration of Chicano Culture and Identity” • Atkinson, Morten, & Sue, “Racial/Cultural Identity Development Model (R/CID)” • Mindy Bingham and Sandy Stryker, “Socioemotional Development for Girls” • Vivienne Cass, “Homosexual identity formation: Testing a theoretical model” • William Cross, Shades of Black: Diversity in African American Identity” • Anthony D’Augelli, “ Identity development and sexual orientation: Toward a model of lesbian, gay, and bisexual development” Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  22. 22. Identity Resources • Erik Erikson, “Eight Stages of Man” • J. E. Helms, Various Publications on Racial and Ethnic Identity Development • Jean Kim, “Processes of Asian American Identity Development” • James Maricia, “Four Ego and Identity Statuses” • Suzanne Kobasa Ouellette, “The Three C’s of Hardiness” • Jean S. Phinney, “Ethnic Identity in Adolescents and Adults: Review of the Research” • Ponterotto & Pederso, Preventing Prejudice • Maria P. P. Root, Various Works on Multiracial Identity Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  23. 23. Identity Resources • Patricia Romney, Karlene Ferron, and Jennifer Hill, “Measuring the Success of Diversity Directors in Independent Schools” • Pedro Ruiz, “Latino/a Identity Development Model” • Chalmer E. Thompson and Robert T. Carter, Racial Identity Theory • Alex Wilson, “How We Find Ourselves: Identity Development and Two Spirit People” • Christine J. Yeh, “The Collectivistic Nature of Identity Development Among Asian-American College Students” Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (
  24. 24. Miscellaneous Resources • Karen Bradberry and Johnnie Foreman, “Privilege and Power,” Summer Diversity Institute, National Association of Independent Schools, 2009 • Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, Nurture Shock • Kevin Jennings, GLSEN (Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network) • Allan G. Johnson, Privilege, Power, and Difference • John Medina, Brain Rules, Brain Rules for Babies • Johnnie McKinley, “Leveling the Playing Field and Raising African American Students’ Achievement in Twenty-nine Urban Classrooms,” New Horizons for Learning, mckinley.htm • Michael J Nakkula and Eric Toshalis, Understanding Youth. • Claude Steele, Whistling Vivaldi. • Shankar Vandatham, The Hidden Brain. Rosetta Eun Ryong Lee (