Don't know where to begin with SEO?
A mammoth task that you can't devote anywhere near enough time or money to?
SEO expert Adam Larter guides you through 10 simple tasks that ANYONE can do TODAY. It's that simple.
What is SEO.SEO has really taken off over the last few years and it quite basically means. ShortElephant Organising.Short Elephant Organising shouldn’t be difficult and that’s why we have boiled downall the millions and millions of websites, books and presentations into 10 simple toptips.Please feel free to comment and I can answer anything that you still don’t understand.About the Author.Adam Larter has grown up with ShortElephants and mastered organising them at ayoung age. In 2010 he won the gold award atthe SEO championships in Bern, Switzerland.His own collection of Short Elephants currentlysits at 4,566 and he prides himself on how wellthey are organised.
1. Organise no more than 10 Short-Elephants a day.Where some people go wrong is they try to organise their short elephants all in onego. It’s just not going to happen! Set yourself a realistic target – for me – that willalways be 10 Short Elephants a day.Below is a realistic time-table for organising 10 short elephants in a day.7:30 – 7:45 – Alarm / Snooze7:45 – 8:00 – Shower / Brush teeth8:00 – 8:15 – Get dressed / Make-up8:15 – 9:00 – Travel to work (Use transport)9:00 – 13:00 – Attend seminar about Short Elephant Organising13:00 – 14:00 – Lunch with SEO colleagues, discuss latest SEO theory.14:00 – 16:00 – Quasar with SEO mates16:00 – 17:30 – End up in nearby A&E after a misjudged Quasar accident17:30 – 18:30 – Travel home (bad traffic)18:30 – 20:15 – Order Pizza and watch David Lynch’s Dune20:15 – 21:15 – Record video diary of the days events and upload to SEO sites21:15 – 23:00 – Organise roughly 10 Short elephants23:00 - Bed
2. Outsource non-priority Short Elephant Organising toa trusted SEO expertOutsourcing can be a risk, and it’s not for everyone. But if you’re smart and pick the rightpeople it can save you a great amount of time and allow you to focus on your more precious,prize winning, Elephant Organising. Even experts like Phil Jackson have been known tooutsource up to 15% of their Elephant Organisation*. Below are a couple of trusted expertswho are really reasonable and I have found great help – make sure to tell them I referred youto them.Sanderson’s SEO and SER.Sanderson’s are a great Cornwall-based company. They’re a family run business who havebeen working with Short Elephants for over 6 generations and not only that they’re recentlybranched out into becoming a Short Elephant Reservoir which there is certainly not enoughof these days.They’re really flexible on prices and can quote per elephant or per hour.SEO FastJust like the name suggests these guys are some super fast SEO experts. Pulling together ateam of experts hand-picked from some failing companies after the recession they’re reallygood at what they do. Quite a lot pricier than Sanderson’s but great for those occasions, likebefore a pageant, when you need fast and reliable SEO. Plus it’s always great to here Sue’sstories – no one tells an SEO anecdote like her!*According to SEO Global Competitive rules as of 2006 any 1 SEO can Outsource up to 30% of their SEO and remain aprofessional Organiser. This is not true of European rules which impose a much harsher 23% ruling.
3. Try French-style short elephant organisationa.k.a Danger SEO.French Style SEO or Danger SEO as it is sometimes known isn’t really recommended for beginners.It’s a style that, if properly practised, is not only efficient but also a lot of fun. Sadly before FrenchSEO was properly regulated it resulted in a lot of un-necessary lost lives – famously the Paris SEOconference of 1987 where 73 people were needlessly killed.If you are interested in practising French SEO you are required by law to wear the approved safetyvest, goggles and clogs.But what is French SEO?There are 3 key rules to French SEO which make it different to the normal, global practises of SEO.Fire.Your elephants will move a lot faster when fire is involved. Fire is released into your elephantsstorage chambers and it activates the organisation parts of their brains when put in patterns ofequilateral triangles.Knives.When both filing and counting your elephants you should have no fewer than 3 knives in the air atanyone time, the amount you have in your hands if completely up to you.Fast cars.Ideally French style Short Elephant organising should always be done from a fast car, it doesn’tmatter if you have your short elephants inside of outside of your fast car but the fast car shoulddefinitely be moving.
4. Train your short elephants for Self-Organising. AKA Futureproofed SEO.The difficulty with this as an approach is that short elephants are naturally the most unorganised animalsin the world (this is part of the fun of short elephant organisation) but you might want to cut down someof the very basic organisation by getting the short elephants to do it themselves. Below are a few thingsthat you can try and train your short elephants to do they’re listed from beginner level to expert.Whatever you’re trying to teach your short elephant to do just remember to be patient with them youmay need to teach them something a couple of hundred times before it sinks in.Teach your short elephant its name.Organising your short elephants can be a much quicker and more rewarding task if they know their name.Short elephants respond really well visually so try and get as many pictures around the house of theelephant with its name, a couple of watercolour portraits, a tattoo on the elephants knee of their nameand change your desktop background to them and their name.Teach your short elephant to do end of the day reportingIf your short elephants have been nibbling their tusks they may have famous ‘reporting’ fever which ispopular with elephants that start to become accustomed to organisation. Start them off with smallreporting – simple elephant counts are a good step as patronising as it seems and then move them on tofull end of day reporting and monthly summaries – you could be pleasantly surprised!Help your short elephants organise other short elephants.This really is for experts only, no matter how much fun it sounds. Not all short elephants will naturallywant to train each other – short elephants work in a democracy and you should respect that. If you knowwhat you’re doing though this is a real winner and is the subject of the famous Danny Boyle documentaryElephant School.
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5. Do your short elephant organising on drugs.Oh man, drugs. Drugs are illegal and drugs can kill people.Drugs be also be good for short elephant be organising. Drugs on face is drugs on elephant and elephantthe shed be falsely glued.Tapped tragic tantric elephant be man, oh boy, me druggy gone flew flew wan da staircase. The elephantbegonia bagel seamstress widdy pickle pickle egg-box. Jam on that face of the see-saw wanda wanda helpme wanda elephant be organised self fulfilling lobotomy. Westfield Stratford 1, Young Neil. WorldwideMitchell and Webb dancing on the ceiling oh what a feline. Hurting on the elephant. Ist flan elephantgagoranised besmirch when Marmite is the greatest mine Kingdome for the horseradish, two men enterone man entertains.Thames Ditton twice shy. Tell me baby is your elephant on the left hand side, please turn right now andthank you very much. Elephant elephant drug drug drug. Barking on my parking meter maid in chelseadon’t want to go. When will this infernal see-saw ever end you make it up on the roundabouts a boy withHugh Grant and the kid from Skins.When do you think you’ll next be able to call, charge your phone in Elephant and Castle. Short Elephant.Organise. Sabotage. Ba Hons in gardening and half the haircuts.When Jim Jarmuch left the toilet open did he really mean to cluck half the picalilly jars that he actuallyended up doing. No of course not and that’s what makes some of us archers and some of us may-poles.
6. Marry a short ElephantWe all know that no one thinks more like a short elephant than a short elephant. So what better way toget to know the mind-set of an short elephant than marrying a short Elephant.Mary Connage of Bournemouth married an Elephant in 1995 and her SEO has improved greatly.‘I was cynical and first and there was certainly a lot holding me back. I was worried that people wouldthink it strange, that it might stand in the way of me ever finding the human lover I dreamt of and Iwouldn’t find the elephant sexually attractive but all of that becomes irrelevant when you see thebenefits to your SEO.It’s the subtleties which you don’t really get until you’ve spent about 10 years living with an elephant as apartner. You can organise Short Elephants so much easier, when you know what makes the tick, the timesof the day they are more responsive and the sort of temperatures that they like. Sure Mike (my shortelephant husband) gets a bit jealous of me spending so much time organising other short elephants buthe knows that I’ll be cuddling up with him and the end of the day and he doesn’t really stay all thatjealous for too long!’There are not a huge amount of churches in the UK which allow short elephant marriage but the numberis increasing, particularly around Leeds.Outside of this presentation I do hope you spend as much time as possible distributing petitions to tryand change the status of these incredibly out-dated laws.We need to legalise short elephant to human marriage and we need independence for Cornwall and weneed it now!
7. Go on a Short Elephant Organising holiday inCornwall.Short Elephant Springs in Newquay are the countries only Short Elephant Organising holidayresort. They provide luxury chalets deep in the Cornish country-side and a rich programme of SEOexpertise.They have everything you need:Short Elephant Organisation computer simulations.Are you worried what the future of Short Elephant Organisation? Do you want your kids to have ago at their first ever Short Elephant Organisation but you need a safe environment? Well all ispossible in Short Elephant Spring’s computer SEO simulations. In a converted aircraft hanger you’llbe put to the test in various levels of difficulty or have a go at multi-player and do someorganisation with your friends or loved ones.Short Elephant Organising Pub quiz.A great laugh in the evening and you’ll always walk away with a story to tell. The Short ElephantSprings pub quiz is the ultimate pub quiz for the SEO fan – there are literally NO QUESTIONS onanything but SEO. Not only that but you’re in a safe pair of hands with the worlds most hilariousquiz master – Mr Boobie!Short Elephant Organisation historical walks.One of the things that makes Short Elephant Springs so special is its location – they arecompletely surrounded with fantastic SEO history. From SEO Hall – the first place to ever haveshort elephants organised in public to the grave of ‘dark denzil’ the most organised short elephantin all of the history of short elephants.
8. The sacred hearts of Cornwall. Voodoo magic potionsfor improving SEO.Do you feel like you’ve tried every short elephant organisation trick on this planet and still your shortelephants aren’t organised?Well don’t worry, the sacred hearts of Cornwall have a solution which isn’t of this world. They are thecountry’s only practising short elephant organisation voodoo council and they’ve experienced a greatrevival over the past few years.To summon them simply cut off the ends of all of your fingers a lick the shins of your shortest elephant.While you do this make sure that you are listening to Peter Gabriel’s Sledgehammer through a glass ofwarm strawberry milkshake. It is said that then one of the elder priests will present himself on yourtongue. Cut off your tongue to set him free. He is now yours.You have sacrificed your soul and your tongue but in exchange you have been granted the great powers ofgenerations and generations of the most powerful short elephant organisers. Let them do your bidding.Be warned though, they have been known to attack your neighbours and colleagues. If you aresummoning the spirits of the sacred hearts of Cornwall do be prepared to cook for them – they mostlyonly like pasties and Mackies ice-cream (rum and raisin flavour) but if you don’t have any of that handyjust shoot down a seagull and they will eat it whole.When you are finished with the sacred hearts of Cornwall you will have to burn your house and scatter theashes over the grave of a dead mosquito. Follow these instructions and all should be good (other thanyour burnt house, lost limbs and trapped heathen soul).
9. Go cold turkey for a week. Perspective on your shortelephant organisation.It seems almost unimaginable to go without short elephant organisation for a week. Not only is itsomething you don’t think you could go without but the thought of how unorganised your shortelephants will be after this week doesnt’t bare thinking about!Despite all the logic stacked against it giving up short elephant organisation for a week does have itsadvantages. You’ll be able to see your short elephant organisation in a whole new light when you return.Personally I had got to a point in my short elephant organising where I didn’t think I could organise themanymore. I had friends commenting ‘they’re so organised that they appear to be robotic’ which I knewwas great but I was just worried that maybe there was something I was missing.I packed only things that I knew I needed and nothing that would make me think about SEO – none of mymagazines, no podcasts – completely cold turkey. I went to stay with my friend in a camping site in Sloughas I had read in the papers that there SEO was illegal so I knew it would be safe.The first day was tough, it was one of the toughest experiences of my life. I remember havinghallucinations that my elephants were running into my tent – completely unorganised. Luckily I was witha good friend - I wouldn’t suggest going cold turkey alone. He knew that it was best to strap me up to achair and inject me with boiling hot lead to keep my mind distracted – it worked like a charm. After 48hours of constant injections I was barely thinking about my unorganised short elephants and was insteadconcentrating on the constant poisonous vomit.When I returned to my short elephant collection, sure they were unorganised, but my spirit fororganisation was so fresh it was like the very first time I ever set foot into a SEO den.
10. A good old fashioned pen and paper.Its easy to forget that when Short Elephant Organising began in the 1600’s there was notany of the fancy methods and advanced software we use today.ALL they had was a pen and a paper and that was enough for them. Some of the greatestshort elephant organisers had nothing more than this and it certainly never did them anyharm.So why not give it a try – perhaps things are getting too complicated with your SEO andyou need to simplify things to see the wood from the trees.This is the last tip and I hope it’s been a useful read.Remember while these are some of the basic ways to improve your SEO each SEOjourney is unique and it’s really in the practicing where you can learn so much. So justcut back on sleep and socialising and really invest the hours into your SEO and you willrealise that its something which, before you know it, will pay for itself several times over.Go spread the love and spread the short elephants.
SEO. Oh No. . .Apparently SEO can also mean Search Engine Optimisation. I have no idea what that is.Hopefully you haven’t accidentally stumbled across this presentation and read thatwhole thing.That really never was my intention. What, you think I am sick or something? You thinkthat’s how I get my kicks? Setting up something like this on Slideshare just to trickpeople into thinking that this is a presentation about SEO?Who would ever think that 10 simple tips for Great SEO could ever ever ever actuallybe a presentation about 10 Simple tips for Great SEO. If you’re really really botheredgive me your address and I will post you an elephant. I have hundreds of them andtrust me, they’re really short (makes for cheaper postage).Also would you be able to explain what Search Engine Optimisation is for me? Domake sure you keep it simple, no one likes really lengthy PowerPoint presentationsabout this sort of thing. I mean, honestly!Kind regards, Adam