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V men pp-revised-2

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V men pp-revised-2

  1. 1. WELCOME TO V-MEN 2010
  2. 2. A MOVEMENT THAT MEETS THE MOMENT V-Day is a global movement to end violence against women and girls.Since 1998, thousands of grassroots activists have staged benefit productions of Eve Ensler’s play The Vagina Monologues, and other creative
  3. 3. Over the last 11 years V-Day activists have:• Hosted events in 50 U.S. states and 130 countries.• Raised $70 million dollars.• Raised funds for over 11,000 groups workingthroughout the world to end violence againstwomen and girls.
  4. 4. V-Day has three core beliefs :• Art has the power to reach, transform andinspire people to act.• Empowered women are unstoppable leaders.• Lasting social and cultural change is spread through the lived experience of ordinary people who do extraordinary things.
  5. 5. Thousands of men havesupported theseefforts & paved the way for V-Men
  6. 6. Years of support from hundreds of incrediblemen has lead to the development of V-Men
  7. 7. Years of support from hundreds of incrediblemen has lead to the development of V-Men Dr. Denis Mukwege Director of Panzi Hospital in the Democratic Republic of Congo
  8. 8. V-Men aims to be Visible, Vocal and Vital in the struggle to create a world in which women and girls will be free to thrive, rather than merely survive.V-Men will champion these three messages: • Every man has the power and duty to end violence against girls and women. • Men can help reach boys and other men to promote healthy masculinity. • Women are vital partners, allies and teachers for men in preventing violence against women.
  9. 9. V-Season 2010 is about gathering the input & experiencesof the many V-Men out there for the development of a new script, “10 WAYS TO BE A MAN” which will serve as the V-Men Campaign’s artistic vehicle.
  10. 10. The V-Men campaign will:• Educate the public about the key roles men playin stopping violence against women and girls.• Inspire and support grassroots anti-violence activismby boys and men.• Connect men with opportunities and resourcesto support women and girls.• Promote a positive culture for boys and men, wherewomen and girls are nurtured and protected.
  11. 11. The Statistics• 1 in 5 college women experience sexual assault during their college years andapproximately 1 in 6 have experienced rape.• Approximately 1 in 3 adolescent girls in U.S. is a victim of physical, emotionalor verbal abuse from a dating partner. * ALL STATISTICAL SOURCES ARE AVAILABLE IN THE ORGANIZER’S NOTES
  12. 12. The Statistics• 1 of every 3 women is beaten or sexually abused in her lifetime.• 1 in 5 college women experience sexual assault during their college years andapproximately 1 in 6 have experienced rape.• Approximately 1 in 3 adolescent girls in U.S. is a victim of physical, emotionalor verbal abuse from a dating partner.• Boys who witness their fathers’ violence are 10 times more likely to engage inspouse abuse in later adulthood than boys from non-violent homes.• 4 million women & girls are trafficked annually.• In Africa and, in some cases, the Middle East, more than 130 million women haveundergone Female Genital Mutilation, and 2 million girls a year are at risk. * ALL STATISTICAL SOURCES ARE AVAILABLE IN THE ORGANIZER’S NOTES
  13. 13. What brought you tothe workshop today?
  14. 14. “10 WAYS TO BE A MAN”
  15. 15. What does it mean to be a man? The 7 ‘P’s of Male Violence* 4. Paradox 1. Patriarchy 5. Psychic armor 2. Privilege 6. Pressure cooker 3. Permission 7. Past experience* Developed by Michael Kauffman, Canadian psychologist & founder of the White Ribbon Campaign.
  16. 16. What did we learn from our fathers about manhood and masculinity?What is expected of us as men?
  17. 17. What does it mean to be strong?
  18. 18. How do you define femininity?
  19. 19. How does aggressionplay a part in sexuality?
  20. 20. Do you feel guilt or shame for being a man?
  21. 21. Have you ever been a witness to physical violence?
  22. 22. How are you, as a man,going to help end violence against women?
  23. 23. If You Stop the Violent Thought... ... You Stop the Violent Action
  24. 24. If You Stop the Violent Thought... ... You Stop the Violent Action
  25. 25. Understanding the Thought ProcessRational EmotionalThought ProcessingandReasoning Rational Processing Sound, Sight, Emotional Memory Touch, Smell, Processing Taste Response
  26. 26. Strengthening Our Emotional Awareness Rational Processing Sound, Sight, Emotional Memory Touch, Smell, Processing Taste ResponseWhat requires an emotional response?• Immediate threats (Attacker, Hot Stove, Car Crash)• Comforting a loved one• Film, Theater, Sex, Art, Music, Food, Sex
  27. 27. Strengthening the Path to Reason Rational Processing Sound, Sight, Emotional Memory Touch, Smell, Processing Taste ResponseWhat requires a rational response?• Threats and Stressors that are NOT Immediate: • Someone attacking you verbally / emotionally • An inconvenience or discomfort • News / Current Events / Emotions Stirred by Politics / Religion• Decision-making, Planning, Forecasting• Problem Solving, Conflict Resolution, Resourcefulness• Work Ethic / Perseverance
  28. 28. Cut Off the Fuel = Extinguish the FlameTakes 2 to Start a Fight, Not 1 (Offense / Defense) Rational ResponseStep #1: Recognize the StimulusStep #2: Stay cool, be ‘presidential’Step #3: Acknowledge the source COOL!Step #4: Apologize / Take AccountabilityStep #5: Seek the ‘why’ not the upper handStep #6: Reach understanding, not victoryStep #7: Sincere / Relevant ComplimentStep #8: Personal Debrief / ReflectionRules:#1. Be the first to acknowledge the other’s perspective#2. Apologizing is a sign of strength, not weakness.Whether or not you are at fault, it doesn’t matter. Apologizenot based on right or wrong, but because it disarms your‘opponent.’ People cannot be reasoned with on right andwrong when emotionally hijacked.#3. ‘Winning’ an argument means everyoneis a loser since no one grew from it. A Emotional Responsereal victory occurs when both growfrom the experience. Be the leader.That is what a real man would do. HOT! Stimulus
  29. 29. False Winner vs. True Winner False Winner True Winner• Seeks upper hand in an argument • Seeks equal ground in an argument • Manipulation • Pursuit of peace • Passive Aggressive • First Validates the other’s emotions • Physical or Emotional Superiority • Then Apologizes sincerely regardless of fault because: • Put Downs • It disarms the other• Pursuit of victory • Shows accountability and therefore strength• Does not apologize, instead demands apology • Nullifies either side to focus on write or wrong• Focuses on right and wrong • Helps both people go from emotional to rational• Invalidates the other’s emotions • Explores what other is thinking / feeling• Tells other what they should be thinking / feeling • Rephrases back to other to let them know you listen• Places blame on other or others • Does not blame others or things• Rationalizes behavior • Does not rationalize poor behavior• Accusatory Statements (“You did this…”) • “I feel _______ when _______ happens…”• Repeats the above patterns thinking other will • Repeats the above patterns until it becomes secondeventually ‘get it’ nature. It takes practice, but results are immediate! Emotional / Physical Signals Emotional / Physical Signals • Elevated breathing • Relaxed breathing • Rise in body temperature • No rise in body temperature • Raised voice / yelling • Regular voice / no condescension • Quick hand gestures • Normal, healthy hand gestures • Passive-Aggressive signs: • Squaring of shoulders / Open Chest & Arms • Sighing / Disgust / Condescension • Holding hands, hugging • Turning shoulders / Arms Crossed • Silent Treatment / Walking away

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