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Couple weekend oct. 2012


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Couple weekend oct. 2012

  1. 1. THE VIBRANT RELATIONSHIP Developing Acknowledging IntimacyKirsten Seidenfaden & Piet Draiby LONDON 20.-21. Oktober 2012
  2. 2. My Baggage:Attachment BehaviorBrain development Survival Strategies My stories
  3. 3. We can free ourselves from old habits and survival strategies
  4. 4. PROBLEMS- may not be solved- but they may dissolve
  5. 5. Key concepts: The Space The BridgeThe Encounter
  6. 6. Appreciation ------ AcknowledgmentSympathy ------ Empathy
  7. 7. Key concept:Acknowledging Intimacy (in-to-me-se)
  8. 8. Key processes:The Acknowledging Dialogue Mirroring Acknowledging Empathizing
  9. 9. Purposes of ”The dialogue ofAcknowledgment”: Establishing - a safe space - a clear sturcture - contact - Calm and easy going pace
  10. 10. When Mirroring- the listeners responsibility is to be 1. aware of what is said 2. attentive through the whole process 3. curious as to your partners experience 4. willing to let go of own thoughts and feelings- The storytellers responibility is to 1 talk about her-/himself : ”- I am/feel - ” etc.. 2 avoid criticising your partner 3 express him/-herself as precisely and briefly as possible 4 talk about one theme at a time 5 listening attentively to your partners mirroring – no interruptions
  11. 11. AttachmentEmotional attunement and mirroring being attentive and predictable 17
  12. 12. Our Bio-psycho-social destiny We are born in connection We suffer in solitude We develop in relation cit. Anne-Lise Løvlie Schibby
  13. 13. Attachment Theory: The ways we formattachments to other people
  14. 14. The Securely attached child will develop more competenceThe Insecurely attached child will develop more survival strategies
  15. 15. Attachment possibilities Secure Attachement: Child – grown upAcquired secure Attachment: Grown up – Grown up
  16. 16. Mentalizing – or in plain language: Acknowledging intimacy- is a capacity we can develop throughout life Seidenfaden & Draiby 25
  17. 17. By Mentalizing you simultaneously draw on your ability to: -regulate stress – regulating the intensity of your emotions -keep up your attention - empathize and understandAs well as furthering the development ofthese core functions
  18. 18. From The London Parent Child Project: ” - given the range of evidence …. we are drawn inevitably to suggest: In order to help children grow from their earliest childhood forward toward their full social and emotional potential, a centralaim of intervention and prevention work must be to encourage reflective functioning in parents or parents-to-be.”From:Howard Steele & Miriam Steele In: Mentalization, Frederic N.Busch (ed.), The Analytic Press, London 2008.
  19. 19. The Cogwheels and the Gear shift Breakdown and Restoration of the Acknowledging Intimacy Seidenfaden & Draiby 31