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THE VIBRANT RELATIONSHIP: WORKING WITH COUPLES AND PARENTS 2013

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DEVELOPING MENTALIZATION / ACKNOWLEDGING INTIMACY

"Connecting Fields"
Copenhagen May 2013
Kirsten Seidenfaden and Piet Draiby


Centre for Relation Focused Therapy www.relationsterapi.dk

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THE VIBRANT RELATIONSHIP: WORKING WITH COUPLES AND PARENTS 2013

  1. 1. THE VIBRANT RELATIONSHIPWORKING WITH COUPLES AND PARENTSDEVELOPING MENTALIZATION / ACKNOWLEDGING INTIMACYCopenhagen May 2013Kirsten Seidenfaden and Piet DraibyCentre for Relation Focused Therapy www.relationsterapi.dktorsdag den 6. juni 13
  2. 2. Powerpoints in SlideshareLitteratureVideoon:www.relationsterapi.dk(also an english version)torsdag den 6. juni 13
  3. 3. TAK  -­‐  Thanks  !      ........  to  some  of  our  many  inspirators:Theory:John  BowlbyMary  AinsworthCarl  RogersDaniel  SternPeter  FonagyJon  AllenDaniel  SiegelSco;  MillerPrac+ce:Hedy  &  Yumi  SchleiferHarville  HendrixSusan  JohnsonJulie  and  John  Go;man 3torsdag den 6. juni 13
  4. 4. Mentalizing as the new focus fortherapeutic change4torsdag den 6. juni 13
  5. 5. KEY PROCESSThe Acknowledging Dialoguetorsdag den 6. juni 13
  6. 6. Acknowledgement is a relationalattitude - a choice of a relational ethic.A willingness to see the world throughsomeone else´s eyes for a while.The Acknowledging dialoge is oneexample of how a relational ethics canfunktion in practicetorsdag den 6. juni 13
  7. 7. KEY CONCEPTS:The SpaceThe BridgeThe Encountertorsdag den 6. juni 13
  8. 8. torsdag den 6. juni 13
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  12. 12. Sidsel og Philip - a still pictureHow do we understand their conflict ?How do we support their therapeutic procesand personal development?12torsdag den 6. juni 13
  13. 13. ATTACHMENT THEORYThe ways we formattachments to other peopletorsdag den 6. juni 13
  14. 14. OUR BIO-PSYCHO-SOCIAL DESTINY- We are born in connection- We suffer in solitude- We develop in relationtorsdag den 6. juni 13
  15. 15. ATTACHMENTEmotional attunement and mirroringbeingattentive and predictable22torsdag den 6. juni 13
  16. 16. Ed Tronick: “Still face”Attunement and affect regulation16torsdag den 6. juni 13
  17. 17. 17torsdag den 6. juni 13
  18. 18. 18torsdag den 6. juni 13
  19. 19. The Securely attached child willdevelop more competenceThe Insecurely attached child willdevelop more survival strategiestorsdag den 6. juni 13
  20. 20. Savannah - videoclip20torsdag den 6. juni 13
  21. 21. We can free ourselves fromold habitsandsurvival strategiestorsdag den 6. juni 13
  22. 22. torsdag den 6. juni 13
  23. 23. ATTACHMENT POSSIBILITIESSecure Attachement:Child – grown upAcquired secure Attachment:Grown up – Grown uptorsdag den 6. juni 13
  24. 24. ARE YOU THERE FOR ME?Child Attachment:available and predictableemotional attunementAdult attachment:trust and loyaltyemotional attunementbondingtorsdag den 6. juni 13
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  26. 26. Mentalizing...or in plain language:Acknowledging intimacy- is a capacity we can developthroughout life31torsdag den 6. juni 13
  27. 27. MENTALIZING IS- holding mind in mind- the ability to see yourself from theoutside and others from the inside27torsdag den 6. juni 13
  28. 28. Definition of Mentalizing:Our explicit and implicit understandingor interpretation of behaviors asrepresenting intentions, thoughtsfeelings and needs- your own as well as others28torsdag den 6. juni 13
  29. 29. By Mentalizing you draw on your ability to:-regulate stress-regulating the intensity of your emotions-keep up your attention-empathize and understandAs well as furthering the development ofthese core functionstorsdag den 6. juni 13
  30. 30. Securely attachedshow significant and persistent betterfunction in these qualities in follow-upstudies after 27 years!30torsdag den 6. juni 13
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  33. 33. THE COGWHEELS AND THE GEAR SHIFTBreakdown and Restorationof theAcknowledging Intimacy39torsdag den 6. juni 13
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  38. 38. THE EVER PRESENT NONSPECIFICTHERAPEUTIC FACTORS:By Mentalizing we LIVE the intentions ofCarl Rogers&Scott Millertorsdag den 6. juni 13
  39. 39. KEY CONCEPT:Mentalizing / Acknowledging Intimacy(in-to-me-see)Mentalization Based Couple Therapytorsdag den 6. juni 13
  40. 40. KEY CONCEPTS:The SpaceThe BridgeThe Encountertorsdag den 6. juni 13
  41. 41. KEY PROCESSES:The Acknowledging DialogueMirroringAcknowledgingEmpathizingtorsdag den 6. juni 13
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  45. 45. Purposes of”The dialogue of Acknowledgment”Establishing-a safe space-a clear structure-turntaking-contact-calm and easy going pacetorsdag den 6. juni 13
  46. 46. When MirroringThe listeners responsibility is to be1. aware of what is said2. attentive through the whole process3. curious as to your partners experience4. willing to let go of own thoughts and feelingsThe storytellers responibility is to1. talk about her-/himself : ”I am/feel ...” etc.2. avoid criticising your partner3. express him/-herself as precisely and briefly as possible4. talk about one theme at a time5. listening attentively to your partners mirroring– no interruptionstorsdag den 6. juni 13
  47. 47. HANDS-ON PROCESS WITHSIDSEL & PHILIP- An introduction- An appreciation- The conflict- The childhood memory- The longing- Recieving and giving the gift- An appreciationtorsdag den 6. juni 13
  48. 48. HANDS-ON PROCESS WITHSIDSEL & PHILIPVIDEO - CLIPtorsdag den 6. juni 13
  49. 49. PROBLEMS & CONFLICTS- may not be solved- but they may dissolvein a process of mentalizationdifferentiation anda new mutual understandingand bondingtorsdag den 6. juni 13
  50. 50. THE NARRATIVEMentalizing is narration - by making sense of our own as wellas other peoples rich inner worldsWe construe the narrative of our life on the basis of therelations and interactions we’ve had with others.By breaking and making our autobiographical narrative weform and create who we aretorsdag den 6. juni 13
  51. 51. WRAP UP:- so by drawing onPsychodynamicNeuroscientificSystemic&Narrative traditionWe get to and may use our capacity toMENTALIZEtorsdag den 6. juni 13

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