© www.edgalaxy.com – Cool Stuff for Nerdy Teachers
Revising: editing the content of
your piece to make your ideas
clearer
 Day 1: Explode the Moment: “Show, Don’t Tell”
 D...
What does it mean to“Explode the
Moment?
 Take us through the important sections of your memory in slow

motion.
 Show y...
Take us through the important sections of
your memory in slow motion.
BEFORE:
After I got over my
fear, I put on my helmet...
Add in more description.
 BEFORE: I ran through the

smoke filled kitchen into the
hallway. I went into the
closest room ...
Use dialogue to slow down this
short section of time.
 BEFORE: The weather was sunny
and bright. The team I played for
wa...
Make use of a flashback.
 BEFORE: I thought about all

the happy memories, and
couldn’t stop seeing her smile in
my mind....
Share your present thoughts.
 BEFORE: Then it started

going up the hill very slow.
When it started going
higher and high...
Student Instructions:
 Look at your rough draft.
 At least one section to “explode the moment” has been

identified for ...
What is dialogue?
 Dialogue is when we quote someone’s exact words.


“Hey, that is a cool shirt!”

 When you are narra...
Punctuating dialogue
 Use quotation marks to surround spoken words.
 Put all punctuation marks inside the quotation mark...
Tagged dialogue
 An author will write he said, she said, he asked, etc.. To

let the reader know who is talking.

 “Whoa...
 After that, my grandma took me to see my great aunt

in the casket. She looked so peaceful and beautiful as

S

my grand...
Example:
Before: My mom came in
my room and was crying.
She couldn’t breathe and
my mom softly said
Uncle Joe has passed
a...
Example:
Before: Next, it was my turn to
step to the plate I got my helmet
and gloves on. Then, I walked
out of the dugout...
Example:
Before: I was walking
down the hug bright
hall. On the way I saw
other babies safe in their
mothers arms. I was
h...
What’s wrong with this example of
dialogue?
 I don’t want to go, “exclaimed the tired, little boy.”

 “I don’t want to g...
What’s wrong with this example of
dialogue?
“what are you talking about.” asked the man.

“What are you talking about,” as...
Your task:
 Read through your personal narrative, and look for

places to add in dialogue.
 You should add in 2 examples...
Upcoming SlideShare
Loading in …5
×

Revising our personal narratives

1,504 views

Published on

The writer has completed brainstorming and now has a rough draft. There is a temporary sigh of relief and then…revising begins.

This free teaching resource is from Innovative Teaching Resources. You can access hundreds of their excellent resources here. https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Store/Innovative-Teaching-Ideas

Revising is the step in the Writing Process where the author reflects on his or her rough draft and strives to make it better. This PowerPoint details specific techniques to target when revising rough drafts. Personal writing should evoke emotional responses and make readers feel connected to the author. This can be done through thoughtful, well-developed snapshots, appropriate thoughtshots. as well as the use of dialogue. Examples are provided that show just how powerful these revisions can be when added to one’s rough draft.
© www.edgalaxy.com – Cool Stuff for Nerdy Teachers

0 Comments
1 Like
Statistics
Notes
  • Be the first to comment

No Downloads
Views
Total views
1,504
On SlideShare
0
From Embeds
0
Number of Embeds
136
Actions
Shares
0
Downloads
0
Comments
0
Likes
1
Embeds 0
No embeds

No notes for slide

Revising our personal narratives

  1. 1. © www.edgalaxy.com – Cool Stuff for Nerdy Teachers
  2. 2. Revising: editing the content of your piece to make your ideas clearer  Day 1: Explode the Moment: “Show, Don’t Tell”  Day 2: Adding figurative language  Day 3: Sentence fluency  Day 4: Transition Words  Day 5: Adding dialogue © www.edgalaxy.com – Cool Stuff for Nerdy Teachers
  3. 3. What does it mean to“Explode the Moment?  Take us through the important sections of your memory in slow motion.  Show your audience what is happening, don’t just tell them.  Add in more description.  Use dialogue to slow down this short section of time.  Make use of a flashback.  Share your present thoughts. © www.edgalaxy.com – Cool Stuff for Nerdy Teachers
  4. 4. Take us through the important sections of your memory in slow motion. BEFORE: After I got over my fear, I put on my helmet and stepped on the 4wheeler.My dad asked “are you nervous?”I replied, “You bet I am!”So my dad gave me instructions and I got it started. ROAR! Man it was so loud I could feel my body shaking. AFTER: After I got over my fear, I put on my helmet and stepped on the 4-wheeler. Sitting on the seat seemed to rev my energy even more. My heart had to have been vibrating like the engine, as I turned the key to its “on” position. My dad asked…. © www.edgalaxy.com – Cool Stuff for Nerdy Teachers
  5. 5. Add in more description.  BEFORE: I ran through the smoke filled kitchen into the hallway. I went into the closest room and grabbed the closest cover I could find, and ran down the hall with the cover. I turned off the stove and put the cover over the pan and the fire stopped. I felt like a hero.  AFTER: As I tried to make it the short distance from the kitchen into the closet room, the hallway seemed to grow longer, seeming like a neverending maze that was keeping me from reaching my destination. I went into the closet room and my eyes scanned the room’s contents: a dull gray blanket in the corner seemed to be screaming to me, “I will help….” I grabbed the closest cover and…. © www.edgalaxy.com – Cool Stuff for Nerdy Teachers
  6. 6. Use dialogue to slow down this short section of time.  BEFORE: The weather was sunny and bright. The team I played for was the Bulls and we were a good team. While I was there my team was warming up by some pitching and some were warming up by passing the ball to each other. After warming up we went in front of the dugout and had a discussion and prayed.  AFTER: The weather was sunny and bright. The team I played for was the Bulls and we were a good team. While I was there my team was warming up by some pitching and some were warming up by passing the ball to each other. Listening to the conversation, everyone was filling calm and anticipating the upcoming game. “Rickie, are you ready to score a run today?” Other players were asking happy, easy going questions, and it was nice to experience the relaxed mood. After warming up we went in front of the dugout and had a discussion and prayed. © www.edgalaxy.com – Cool Stuff for Nerdy Teachers
  7. 7. Make use of a flashback.  BEFORE: I thought about all the happy memories, and couldn’t stop seeing her smile in my mind. I could still hear her talking, and laughing, and everything else.  AFTER: . I could still hear her talking, and laughing, and everything else. One particular memory that came to mind was enjoying Easter at her house. I had ran into her house in my Easter best to be greeted by her familiar hug and soft voice. “Come here and let me see you,” she quietly stated. She slipped me one of her extra special sugar cookies and said, “Don’t tell your mom that I gave that to you before your dinner.” Moments like this seem so near and it makes her lying here in this casket seem so unreal. © www.edgalaxy.com – Cool Stuff for Nerdy Teachers
  8. 8. Share your present thoughts.  BEFORE: Then it started going up the hill very slow. When it started going higher and higher I wanted to get off but it was too late. Then I thought to late to turn back now.  AFTER: Then it started going up the hill very slow. As our position reached higher and higher, my thoughts pleaded: ‘Can I get off ?’ The slow, gentle movements of our climbing higher stopped and I was staring at the gigantic hill before me. I closed my eyes, screamed loudly, andnow thought: ‘It is too late to turn back now.’ © www.edgalaxy.com – Cool Stuff for Nerdy Teachers
  9. 9. Student Instructions:  Look at your rough draft.  At least one section to “explode the moment” has been identified for you.  Write out this small section of your memory using one or more of the “explode the moment” techniques we have discussed today. © www.edgalaxy.com – Cool Stuff for Nerdy Teachers
  10. 10. What is dialogue?  Dialogue is when we quote someone’s exact words.  “Hey, that is a cool shirt!”  When you are narrating a memory, think about the way people spoke.  Sometimes people do not speak in complete sentences.  “What?” © www.edgalaxy.com – Cool Stuff for Nerdy Teachers
  11. 11. Punctuating dialogue  Use quotation marks to surround spoken words.  Put all punctuation marks inside the quotation marks.  Indent each time someone new is speaking. © www.edgalaxy.com – Cool Stuff for Nerdy Teachers
  12. 12. Tagged dialogue  An author will write he said, she said, he asked, etc.. To let the reader know who is talking.  “Whoa! Look at that cool bike,” Marla exclaimed.  Tammy said, “My dad falls asleep in front of the TV every night.” © www.edgalaxy.com – Cool Stuff for Nerdy Teachers
  13. 13.  After that, my grandma took me to see my great aunt in the casket. She looked so peaceful and beautiful as S my grandma said, “ he told me she didn’t sleep in her dress clothes, and she wasn’t going to be buried in her dress clothes so, she picked sleep clothes to be buried in.” She was dressed in a pink robe with a velvet, soft pink nightgown under. She had pearls over her rist, too. I thought about all the happy memories, and couldn’t stop seeing her smile in my mind. I could still hear her talking, and laughing, and everything else. © www.edgalaxy.com – Cool Stuff for Nerdy Teachers
  14. 14. Example: Before: My mom came in my room and was crying. She couldn’t breathe and my mom softly said Uncle Joe has passed away. I was so upset I started to cry also .” After: My mom came in my room and crying. She couldn’t breathe and my mom softly said, “Uncle Joe has passed away.” I was so upset I started to cry also .” © www.edgalaxy.com – Cool Stuff for Nerdy Teachers
  15. 15. Example: Before: Next, it was my turn to step to the plate I got my helmet and gloves on. Then, I walked out of the dugout and picked up the bat and got to the plate. I was nervous because I didn’t know whether he would strike me out or not. He threw a strike at first then I swung the bat the bat had hit the ball. When the ball hit the bat I heard a loud ding and felt the vibration of the bat. After: Next, it was my turn to step to the plate I got my helmet and gloves on. Then, I walked out of the dugout and picked up the bat and got to the plate. I was nervous because I didn’t know whether he would strike me out or not. I heard a familiar voice enthusiastically screaming, “Go Ricky!” He threw a strike at first then I swung the bat the bat had hit the ball. When the ball hit the bat I heard a loud ding and felt the vibration of the bat. © www.edgalaxy.com – Cool Stuff for Nerdy Teachers
  16. 16. Example: Before: I was walking down the hug bright hall. On the way I saw other babies safe in their mothers arms. I was holding on to the old used and steel rail with grandma squeezed onto my hand just a little bite too hard. After: I was walking down the hug bright hall. On the way I saw other babies safe in their mothers arms. I was holding on to the old used and steel rail with grandma squeezed onto my hand just a little bite too hard. “Are you nervous,” Grandma’s calming voice asked. © www.edgalaxy.com – Cool Stuff for Nerdy Teachers
  17. 17. What’s wrong with this example of dialogue?  I don’t want to go, “exclaimed the tired, little boy.”  “I don’t want to go,” exclaimed the tired, little boy. © www.edgalaxy.com – Cool Stuff for Nerdy Teachers
  18. 18. What’s wrong with this example of dialogue? “what are you talking about.” asked the man. “What are you talking about,” asked the man? © www.edgalaxy.com – Cool Stuff for Nerdy Teachers
  19. 19. Your task:  Read through your personal narrative, and look for places to add in dialogue.  You should add in 2 examples of dialogue into your rough draft. © www.edgalaxy.com – Cool Stuff for Nerdy Teachers

×