2012: My Very Own Disaster Movie - Dare Conference 2013

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As 2012 started, I was recovering from hip replacement surgery, and looking forward to having my mobility—and life—back. But two months into the year I had to face the fact that my business was failing, and wasn’t going to recover. I had to close it, and quickly. In the process I put five people out of jobs—the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I lost my colleagues, I lost my business, I lost my identity, and perhaps most importantly, I lost faith in myself.

In the months that followed, I had constant migraines, started to panic in crowded places, cried an awful lot, gained weight, stopped going out, and felt dizzy every day. All I wanted was to stay under my duvet for a few months, read, watch movies, eat chocolate, and comfort myself back to some semblance of confidence. But that wasn’t an option. I was committed to hosting an international conference in October, so I had no choice but to keep it together, as best I could.

I finally found the courage to tell this story at Dare Conference in London, on 25 March 2013.

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2012: My Very Own Disaster Movie - Dare Conference 2013

  1. 2012: M! V"r! Ow# D$%&%'"r M(v$" Kerry-Anne Gilowey Dare Conference, September 2013 @kerry_anne
  2. !" b#$%&'(r)
  3. This is a personal story.
  4. M&)(r p*(' p($#'%
  5. M&)(r p*(' p($#'% Jan ‘09 First employee is hired
  6. M&)(r p*(' p($#'% Sep ‘10 Hip surgery Jan ‘09 First employee is hired
  7. M&)(r p*(' p($#'% Sep ‘10 Hip surgery Jan ‘09 First employee is hired Jul ‘11 Expanded to 5 employees
  8. M&)(r p*(' p($#'% Sep ‘10 Hip surgery Jan ‘09 First employee is hired Jul ‘11 Expanded to 5 employees Sep ‘11 UK trip
  9. M&)(r p*(' p($#'% Sep ‘10 Hip surgery Jan ‘09 First employee is hired Jul ‘11 Expanded to 5 employees Sep ‘11 UK trip Oct ’12 CS Forum 2012
  10. M&)(r p*(' p($#'% Sep ‘10 Hip surgery Jan ‘09 First employee is hired Jul ‘11 Expanded to 5 employees Sep ‘11 UK trip Oct ’11 Hip replacement Oct ’12 CS Forum 2012
  11. RoboHip
  12. !" *+r",-#b," +#rr#'(r
  13. T&b*" (f *$"% What I said The truth “I like being a business owner.” I hated managing other people. “I love my work!” Work wasn’t fun anymore. “I’m terribly happy.” I was miserable as sin. “I’m getting closer to my goals.” I couldn’t have been further from my goals if I tried. “I love my employees.” I’d begun to resent my employees.
  14. I .*&' $#+’' q*-' )(*
  15. The upside of quitting
  16. The upside of quitting X
  17. Sunk-cost fallacy
  18. Opportunity cost
  19. S+#,--.' f&**&-! “I’ve already spent an hour watching this awful movie. It would be a waste not to finish it.”
  20. Opp(r'+#$'! -.'
  21. !" b#''," &$"+"
  22. M&)(r p*(' p($#'% Jan ‘09 Jul ‘11 Oct ’11 Sep ‘10 Sep ‘11 Hip surgery First employee is hired Expanded to 5 employees UK trip Hip replacement Oct ’12 CS Forum 2012
  23. M&)(r p*(' p($#'% Jan ‘09 Jul ‘11 Oct ’11 Sep ‘10 Sep ‘11 Hip surgery First employee is hired Expanded to 5 employees UK trip Hip replacement Feb ’12 A TOUGH DAY Oct ’12 CS Forum 2012
  24. A &*rpr-&-+/ p,(' 'w-&'
  25. M&)(r p*(' p($#'% Jan ‘09 Jul ‘11 Oct ’11 Sep ‘10 Sep ‘11 Feb ’12 Hip surgery First employee is hired Expanded to 5 employees UK trip Hip replacement A TOUGH DAY Oct ’12 CS Forum 2012
  26. M&)(r p*(' p($#'% Jan ‘09 Jul ‘11 Oct ’11 Sep ‘10 Sep ‘11 Feb ’12 Hip surgery First employee is hired Expanded to 5 employees UK trip Hip replacement A TOUGH DAY Oct ’12 CS Forum 2012 Aug ’12 Diagnosed with depression
  27. M&)(r p*(' p($#'% Jan ‘09 Jul ‘11 Oct ’11 Sep ‘10 Sep ‘11 Feb ’12 Hip surgery First employee is hired Expanded to 5 employees UK trip Hip replacement A TOUGH DAY Oct ’12 CS Forum 2012 Aug ’12 Diagnosed with depression Sep ’12 Increasing panic attacks
  28. I /r"&0' (f "%-&p"
  29. B+' I 1&/ (b*$2&'$(#%
  30. ... pr()"-'% '( 3#$%1,
  31. ... 0(#"! '( "&r#, Photo:http://www.flickr.com/photos/101332430@N03/
  32. ... & -(#f"r"#-" '( (r2&#$%".
  33. !" W-,0",1 &$r"#1
  34. I %-r"w"/ +p r"p"&'"/*!
  35. I b*+ff"/ 0! w&! '1r(+21
  36. I b*&0"/ ('1"r% Why can’t other people be smart like me?
  37. A!! "#$ %&#w '( "#$ )*&’+ , '+, A&- "#$ w'(. "#$’- !'(+/&/- 0#r/ T# "#$r '&(+'&)+(, +# "#$r f*0'!" T# +./ w'(-#0 "#$’- '1&#r/- Ar/ "#$ 2&*!!" 1#&&* *(% $( - ... f!r "#$p? - S&#w P*+r#!, 3/ Pr/('-/&+
  38. C-+"1#'(/r#p0)
  39. Your failures My failures H(w I %""...
  40. T&*, &b(+' $'
  41. T&*, &b(+' $' When you talk about it, you discover that you are not alone.
  42. S*pp(r'-+/ $#&'
  43. 5#/$#2 !(+r 'r$b" A tiny, but quite representative sample of the people who make up my tribe.
  44. C,"v"r p,(' 2"v-$"&
  45. Pr(-r&%'$#&'$#2 -(#%'r+-'$v"*! Cranking widgets is always an option.
  46. 5#/$#2 !(+r 0('$v&'$(# Write yourself notes Change how you think about things Encourage yourself
  47. D($#2 %-&r! '1$#2%
  48. D"+(*"1"+'
  49. CS F(r+0 w&% & %+--"%%
  50. CS F(r+0 w&% & %+--"%% This is the face of someone who has just seen a cheetah entering the room.
  51. R(b(1$p’% /($#2 (,&! '((
  52. !" 1(1"+' (f r"&(,*'-(+
  53. MAKE IT AFTER ALL 2012 You’re gonna D(#’' %'(p b"*$"v$#’...
  54. 6&#,% f(r *$%'"#$#2! Kerry-Anne Gilowey kerryanne@augustsun.co.za @kerry_anne

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