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Humor: Bible jokes



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Humor: Bible jokes

  1. 1. Bible Jokes<br />"Riddles and funny jokes from the Bible."<br />
  2. 2. What bird placed Jonah in the belly of the fish?A Swallow<br />Where in the Bible does it suggest that men wash dishes?II Kings 21:13"And I will wipe Jeras as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it, and turning it upside down to dry"<br />What did Jonah say while he was loading all the animals into the ark?"Now I have heard everything."<br />What man in the Bible spoke when he was a very small baby?Job (Job 3:1) "Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth"<br />Who was the best financier in the Bible?Noah: He floated his stock while the world was in liquidation<br />
  3. 3. What insect went to Egypt on a donkey?The Flea: The angel told Joseph to take Mary, the baby and flee into Egypt.<br />What simple affliction brought about the death of Sampson?Falling Arches<br />What animal could Noah not trust?The Cheetah<br />Why was Adam a famous runner?Because he was first in the human race?<br />What animal in the ark had the smallest appetite?A moth he just eats holes<br />
  4. 4. How do we know Cain took a nap when he left Eden?He went to the land of Nod<br />Who was the first space traveler?Elijah: He went up in a fiery chariot.<br />How do we know God has a sense of humor?Because he can take a rib.<br />Why did wise men have ashes on their shoes?Because the cam from afar.<br />What do we have that Adam never had?Ancestors<br />
  5. 5. Why did the unemployed man get excited while looking through his Bible?He thought he saw a job.<br />Why was Adam created first?To give him a chance to say something.Who was the most successful physician in the Bible?Job: He had the most patients<br />Who was the greatest comic in the Bible?Luke: He kept them in stitches<br />Where is tennis mentioned in the Bible?When Joseph served in Pharoah's court<br />Who was the most ambitious man in the bible?Jonah: Because even the great fish couldn't keep him down.<br />How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?By his net income<br />
  6. 6. At what time was Adam born?A little before Eve<br />How can you tell that David was older than Goliath?Because David rocked Goliath to sleep.<br />Why did Noah punish the chickens?Because they were using fowl language<br />To what question could Eve never say yes?When Adam asked if she had heard a joke from anyone else<br />Why was Solomon the wisest man in the world?Because he had so many wives to advise him<br />Where is medicine first mentioned in the Bible?When God gave Moses two tablets<br />
  7. 7. When did Moses sleep with five people at once?When he slept with his fore fathers<br />What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?Flood lights<br />Why couldn't Jonah trust the ocean?Because he know there was something fishy about it<br />When was radio first mentioned in the Bible?When the Lord took a rib from Adam and made a loud speaker<br />Who was the straightest man in the Bible?Joseph: Pharoah made a ruler of him<br />What did Adam and Eve do when the were expelled from the Garden of Eden?They raised Cain<br />
  8. 8. Where could the Israelites have deposited their money?At the banks of the Jordan<br />When is high financing first mentioned in the Bible?When pharoah's daughter took a little prophet from bulrushes<br />Was there any money on the ark?Yes: The duck took a bill, The frog took a green back, and the <br />skunk took a scent.<br />How did Mary show that Jesus was a gift to the world?She wrapped him<br />When was the Jordan river angry?When someone crossed it<br />What money did Noah carry into the ark?Bucks and doe<br />
  9. 9. What Bible character may have been only a foot tall?Nicodemus since he was a ruler.<br />What did the duck say when Noah gave him his lunch?You can put this lunch on my bill<br />What was the speech the angry umpire gave the pitcher and coach God?Sermon on the mound<br />What was the smartest animal on the ark?The snake: No one could pull his leg<br />What animal was most miserable on the ark?The Kangaroo: her children had to play inside in the rain<br />In what state would Noah feel most at home?Arkansas<br />
  10. 10. Why were the horses aboard the ark Pessimistic?They were always saying neigh<br />When was Baseball first mentioned in the Bible?Genesis: In the Big inning<br />Who are the two most famous baseball players in the Bible?Rebekah: walked to the well with a pitcherProdigal son: He made a home run<br />Who was the most wicked man in the Bible?Moses: He broke all the ten commandments at once<br />Where in the Bible does it talk about smokingGenesis: Rebekah lighted off her camel (KJV)<br />Why were Peter, Andrew James and John the best letter writers?Because as fishermen they learned to drop a line.<br />
  11. 11. Who in the Bible drove a foreign car?The apostles: They were all in one accord<br />Who introduced the first walking stick in the Bible?Eve when she presented Adam a little Cain<br />What did Noah tell his sons fishing off the ark?Go easy on the worms, we only have two<br />Who was the shortest man in the Bible?Bildad the Shuhite (shoe-height)Next smallest?Nehemiah (knee high miah)<br />
  12. 12. Who was the smallest man in the Bible?The guard who slept on his watch<br />What state is mentioned in the Bible?Arkansas: Noah looked out from the ark and saw<br />Why was the dyslexic agnostic an insomniac?He stayed up all night worrying about whether there was DOG or not <br />
  13. 13. MORE IDEAS? See "Creative Object Lessons" <br />200 page e-book that explains everything you need to know when planning your very own object lessons. It contains 90 fully developed object lesson ideas and another 200 object lesson starter ideas based on Biblical idioms and Names / Descriptions of God.<br /><br />