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1

FORGIVENESS IS
KEY IN MARRIAGE
Monday,
October 28,
2013

To sustain your marriage, you must live
forgiving.
2

1 Peter 3:7
“Likewise, husbands, live with your
wives in an understanding way,
showing honor to the woman as the
weaker...
3



Romans 12:19-21
„Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but
leave it to the wrath of God, for it is
written, “Vengeance i...
4



Matthew 6:14-15
“For if you forgive others their
trespasses, your heavenly Father
will also forgive you, but if you ...
5



John 20:23
“If you forgive the sins of any, they
are forgiven them; if you withhold
forgiveness from any, it is
with...
6



Second only to our relationship
with God, marriage is the single
most important relationship that
we will ever have....
7



Vows are exchanged,
commitments are made, and the
journey of learning how to make
two distinctly different individua...
8



As people stay together, they
realize that the husband/wife has
many faults and it is not the same
person you knew b...
9



Forgiving your spouse does not
mean that you must tolerate and
accept abusive behavior, whether
it is mental, emotio...
10



Those types of behaviors are
absolutely unacceptable, and
should never be tolerated by
anyone. Living with the atti...
11



For any marriage to succeed, the
couple must respond with
forgiveness from the very heart of
Jesus. Whether it is m...
12



It has been said, and I think rightly
so, that “Marriage at its best is a
struggle”. In order for a marriage
to con...
13



Forgiveness can be quite painful
when it involves someone you are
madly in love with. In marriage,
forgiveness is n...
14



It sounds spiritual and great
coming out of our mouths, but
inside we are struggling with
hypocrisy. We are plagued...
15



Forgiveness is not forgetting the
offense. Forgiveness is not
choosing to inflict the price for the
offense.

Monda...
16



Forgiveness becomes a struggle
when we seek to please our flesh.
We struggle because the Holy
Spirit demands that w...
17



We should be concerned for
ourselves when we seek revenge
on the people we promised to love,
honor, and cherish. Un...
Real Forgiveness Is
18

Real forgiveness is threefold.
 1. Forgiveness means excusing
the penalty for an offense, offerin...
19



These definitions are simplistic,
but they pack enough power to
loosen the stronghold of
unforgiveness.

Monday, Oc...
20



Forgiveness is a gift not a given
thing. When we choose to forgive
our spouse, we are giving up our
"right" to hold...
Asking for Forgiveness
21



1. Make an unconditional
apology
An unconditional apology
focuses on our responsibility in
t...
22



We don't make excuses or point
the finger at our spouse. An
unconditional apology should not
sound like this, "I am...
23



2.Humbly ask for the gift of
forgiveness
Again, since forgiveness is not a
given thing, we must ask for it.
After o...
24



3. Follow up with action
This is what gives substance to
apologizing and asking for
forgiveness. We need to sincere...
25



And, we need to be open to his/her
input as to what constitutes
satisfactory change. Remember,
he/she is the one wh...
26



4. Give your spouse time
Even if your spouse does accept
your apology and grant
forgiveness, we can't expect
things...
27



Be patient with them. Time will
show that you are changing and
are sincere about not hurting them
again.

Monday, O...
Granting Forgiveness
28



1. Forgiveness is a choice not a
feeling
We may not feel like forgiving our
mate. We may want ...
29



2. Share your hurt
After your spouse has apologized
and asked for forgiveness you
need to talk about the matter
bef...
30



Don't point a finger at them; just
share how you feel, so they
understand the depth of your hurt.
Make sure you fee...
31



3. Plan for change
Decide together what your
spouse's change of heart will look
like. Be clear about what you
expec...
32



4. Stop Mentioning Those Things
Again and Again
When your mind starts to wander
and you begin to dwell on the
incid...
33



Deciding to truly forgive your
spouse is re-committing to your
relationship. Don't sabotage that
recommitment by fo...
34



5. Give yourself time
Just deciding to forgive will not
strip away all of the pain of the
incident. You need to giv...
35



No one can make you forgive. It is
your choice. But, if you decide not
to forgive you will suffer the
consequences ...
36



On the other hand, when you grant
forgiveness you are taking the first
step in ridding your heart of the
pain you n...
37



Finally I say like this about
marriage: You made a choice of
your spouse when saw him/her. So
you have to work out ...
38

From the word SEE, I would suggest
the following:
 S- Suffering in your marriage
 E- Enduring your marriage
 E- Enj...
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Forgiveness is key in marriage

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You made a choice of your spouse when saw him/her. So you have to work out your marriage and the key to successful marriage is forgiving each other.

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Forgiveness is key in marriage

  1. 1. 1 FORGIVENESS IS KEY IN MARRIAGE Monday, October 28, 2013 To sustain your marriage, you must live forgiving.
  2. 2. 2 1 Peter 3:7 “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered”.  Ephesians 4:32 “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,  Monday, October 28, 2013
  3. 3. 3  Romans 12:19-21 „Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil Monday, October 28, 2013
  4. 4. 4  Matthew 6:14-15 “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses”. Monday, October 28, 2013
  5. 5. 5  John 20:23 “If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you withhold forgiveness from any, it is withheld.” Monday, October 28, 2013
  6. 6. 6  Second only to our relationship with God, marriage is the single most important relationship that we will ever have. People enter into a marriage with great joy and wonderful expectations of spending the rest of their days with the love of their life. Monday, October 28, 2013
  7. 7. 7  Vows are exchanged, commitments are made, and the journey of learning how to make two distinctly different individuals become one begins. Monday, October 28, 2013
  8. 8. 8  As people stay together, they realize that the husband/wife has many faults and it is not the same person you knew before. Marriage conflicts become part of their staying together. To survive or to sustain that marriage the couple has to learn to forgive each other. Monday, October 28, 2013
  9. 9. 9  Forgiving your spouse does not mean that you must tolerate and accept abusive behavior, whether it is mental, emotional, physical, or marital infidelity. Monday, October 28, 2013
  10. 10. 10  Those types of behaviors are absolutely unacceptable, and should never be tolerated by anyone. Living with the attitude of forgiveness towards the abuser is mandatory, living with the abuser is not. Monday, October 28, 2013
  11. 11. 11  For any marriage to succeed, the couple must respond with forgiveness from the very heart of Jesus. Whether it is marital unfaithfulness, mistreatment, or any other reason, forgiveness must reign. Monday, October 28, 2013
  12. 12. 12  It has been said, and I think rightly so, that “Marriage at its best is a struggle”. In order for a marriage to continue and grow strong it must flow in forgiveness. Monday, October 28, 2013
  13. 13. 13  Forgiveness can be quite painful when it involves someone you are madly in love with. In marriage, forgiveness is not "Don't worry about what you did, I'm fine with it and we all make mistakes." Monday, October 28, 2013
  14. 14. 14  It sounds spiritual and great coming out of our mouths, but inside we are struggling with hypocrisy. We are plagued by an abyss of pain, anger, bitterness, and resentment. Forgiveness is not lip service. It is a change Monday, October 28, 2013
  15. 15. 15  Forgiveness is not forgetting the offense. Forgiveness is not choosing to inflict the price for the offense. Monday, October 28, 2013
  16. 16. 16  Forgiveness becomes a struggle when we seek to please our flesh. We struggle because the Holy Spirit demands that we be like Christ. God is as displeased with unforgiveness as he is with sexual sins, deception, lying, and envy. Monday, October 28, 2013
  17. 17. 17  We should be concerned for ourselves when we seek revenge on the people we promised to love, honor, and cherish. Unforgiveness unequivocally implicates the wickedness hidden in our hearts and the depravity of our own souls. Monday, October 28, 2013
  18. 18. Real Forgiveness Is 18 Real forgiveness is threefold.  1. Forgiveness means excusing the penalty for an offense, offering pardon.  2. Forgiveness means renouncing anger and resentment.  3. Finally, forgiveness is a choice. God gave all of us the power to choose.  Monday, October 28, 2013
  19. 19. 19  These definitions are simplistic, but they pack enough power to loosen the stronghold of unforgiveness. Monday, October 28, 2013
  20. 20. 20  Forgiveness is a gift not a given thing. When we choose to forgive our spouse, we are giving up our "right" to hold something against them. Monday, October 28, 2013
  21. 21. Asking for Forgiveness 21  1. Make an unconditional apology An unconditional apology focuses on our responsibility in the matter – not our spouse's. It should sound something like this, "I was wrong for what I did and I am so sorry." Period. Monday, October 28, 2013
  22. 22. 22  We don't make excuses or point the finger at our spouse. An unconditional apology should not sound like this, "I am sorry, BUT IF YOU wouldn't have..." That is NOT an unconditional apology. Monday, October 28, 2013
  23. 23. 23  2.Humbly ask for the gift of forgiveness Again, since forgiveness is not a given thing, we must ask for it. After our apology we need to sincerely ask our spouse to forgive us. Monday, October 28, 2013
  24. 24. 24  3. Follow up with action This is what gives substance to apologizing and asking for forgiveness. We need to sincerely repent – or turn away – from our wrongs. Whether it's attitudes or actions, we need to show our spouse that we are changing. Monday, October 28, 2013
  25. 25. 25  And, we need to be open to his/her input as to what constitutes satisfactory change. Remember, he/she is the one who has been hurt so he/she might require more from us than we think necessary. But, we should be aware of his/her needs and be open to his/her suggestions. Monday, October 28, 2013
  26. 26. 26  4. Give your spouse time Even if your spouse does accept your apology and grant forgiveness, we can't expect things to be better right away. Now sure, you might get over the small things more quickly – but for bigger things, it can take your spouse time to warm up to you Monday, October 28, 2013
  27. 27. 27  Be patient with them. Time will show that you are changing and are sincere about not hurting them again. Monday, October 28, 2013
  28. 28. Granting Forgiveness 28  1. Forgiveness is a choice not a feeling We may not feel like forgiving our mate. We may want to harbor the anger and hurt and make them pay for what they have done. But, once you decide you want to grant forgiveness, you can begin to work through those feelings. Monday, October 28, 2013
  29. 29. 29  2. Share your hurt After your spouse has apologized and asked for forgiveness you need to talk about the matter before you move on. It might be uncomfortable, but you need to share how you feel about what has happened. Monday, October 28, 2013
  30. 30. 30  Don't point a finger at them; just share how you feel, so they understand the depth of your hurt. Make sure you feel heard, before you move on. Monday, October 28, 2013
  31. 31. 31  3. Plan for change Decide together what your spouse's change of heart will look like. Be clear about what you expect and what you need. The goal here is not to punish with requirements, but to set up guidelines that you both agree to. That way, there will be fewer gray areas that can lead to Monday, October 28, 2013
  32. 32. 32  4. Stop Mentioning Those Things Again and Again When your mind starts to wander and you begin to dwell on the incident and the hurt they caused you, tell yourself to stop. It's one thing to need to talk to someone like a pastor or a counselor about your pain so you can move past it, but it's another when you keep inflicting the pain on yourself by dwelling on the hurt. Monday, October 28, 2013
  33. 33. 33  Deciding to truly forgive your spouse is re-committing to your relationship. Don't sabotage that recommitment by focusing on the negative. Monday, October 28, 2013
  34. 34. 34  5. Give yourself time Just deciding to forgive will not strip away all of the pain of the incident. You need to give yourself time. Monday, October 28, 2013
  35. 35. 35  No one can make you forgive. It is your choice. But, if you decide not to forgive you will suffer the consequences of bitterness and frustration that harboring resentment brings. Monday, October 28, 2013
  36. 36. 36  On the other hand, when you grant forgiveness you are taking the first step in ridding your heart of the pain you now feel. You are saying, "Yes, you hurt me and what you did was wrong. But, I am giving up my right to punish you. In so doing, I am rising above the pain you have caused me." Monday, October 28, 2013
  37. 37. 37  Finally I say like this about marriage: You made a choice of your spouse when saw him/her. So you have to work out your marriage and the key to successful marriage is forgiving each other. Monday, October 28, 2013
  38. 38. 38 From the word SEE, I would suggest the following:  S- Suffering in your marriage  E- Enduring your marriage  E- Enjoying your marriage.  In order to enjoy your marriage you must live a forgiving life.  FORGIVE.. FORGIVE…FORGIVE….FORGIVE…..  Monday, October 28, 2013

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