Are your marriage expectations met?


Published on

Many people enter into marriage with very many expectations and over time they end up being very frustrated if the expectations are not met. You need to change your expectations of your marriage as the reality has dawned on both of you.

  • Be the first to comment

  • Be the first to like this

No Downloads
Total views
On SlideShare
From Embeds
Number of Embeds
Embeds 0
No embeds

No notes for slide

Are your marriage expectations met?

  2. 2.  You must change your marriage by changing your expectations otherwise you will remain a frustrated person in your marriage. June 28, 2013 2
  3. 3.  What expectations do you have for your marriage? Like many other couples, you and your spouse may expect to achieve goals ranging from financial security to regular sex. June 28, 2013 3
  4. 4.  But you also may experience the disappointment that so many other husbands and wives encounter when their expectations don't become reality. The greater the gap between what you expect and what you actually experience in your marriage, the more tension will come between you and yourJune 28, 2013 4
  5. 5.  But if you learn to recognize which expectations are unreasonable or unhealthy - and how to change them - you can change your marriage for the better in the process. Here's how: June 28, 2013 5
  6. 6. Question each other on the expectations you set .  Think about the various expectations that you and your spouse each have for your marriage: that you'll have children, attend church regularly, live in a nice house, have deep conversations, spend time with friends, enjoy good health, pursue fulfilling careers, and avoidJune 28, 2013 6
  7. 7.  Others include: live free of the pressures of debt, pray together, cook meals for each other, present a united front to others, enjoy healthy relationships with in-laws, have sex regularly, give generously to your church, serve others together, etc. June 28, 2013 7
  8. 8.  After you've each listed your expectations, think about the gaps between what you've hoped for and what you've actually gotten in your marriage. Identify the areas where the greatest gaps exist; these are the expectations you likely need to change the most. June 28, 2013 8
  9. 9. Expose the roots of your responses to each other.  Discover where the expectations that each of you brought to your marriage came from, and how they affect your current attitudes and actions. June 28, 2013 9
  10. 10.  Talk about your childhoods and previous relationships, and what your parents and others taught you about what to expect in life and how to respond to certain situations in certain ways. Ask God to help you heal from unhealthy influences and overcome them to make better decisions now. June 28, 2013 10
  11. 11. Balance cultural influences with Biblical truth.  Regularly evaluate what media content you've been feeding your mind and emotions - and how that's influencing your expectations of marriage. June 28, 2013 11
  12. 12.  Are you watching, listening to, and reading material that aligns with biblical truth and helps your marriage, or material that's contributing to unhealthy attitudes and harming your marriage? Don't just accept whatever messages come at you through the media. Filter the world's messages through the Word's messages. Focus on God's plan forJune 28, 2013 12
  13. 13. Resolve expectations about each other's personalities.  Accept the unique person that God made your spouse to be. Realize that personality differences between the two of you can strengthen your marriage when you figure out how to use them to compliment each other. Don't judge or criticize each other. Instead of looking for whatJune 28, 2013 13
  14. 14.  Ask God to help you love your spouse as he or she actually is, rather than who you want your spouse to be. Listen well to each other; be humble, gentle, kind, and patient with each other; and forgive each other for mistakes. June 28, 2013 14
  15. 15.  If your spouse is struggling to overcome some weaknesses, pray for him or her, but understand that God alone can empower your spouse to change. You can't change your spouse, so don't waste time or energy trying. Instead, focus on changing yourself to live as faithfully as youJune 28, 2013 15
  16. 16. Work on your unmet expectations one at a time.  Answer three questions about each unmet expectation you have: "Do I need to change or adjust this expectation?", "Is my expectation fear and reasonable?", and "If I express my expectation, will my spouse find it to be reasonable?". Change what you can (your own behavior) and release what you can't change (everything else) to God, praying for Him to intervene and June 28, 2013 16
  17. 17.  Work with your spouse to create new, realistic, and biblical expectations for the future. Recharge your lives through rest, relaxation, and prayers on a regular basis. Choose to enjoy life even when some of your expectations go unmet. And remember that your relationship with God through Christ should always be your main focus. You can expect the best in any situation when God is June 28, 2013 17
  18. 18. Love each other extravagantly.  Seek God's love daily so it can flow through your life into your spouse's life. Ask God to empower you to lavish your spouse with His love, in ways such as doing chores that need to be done and speaking encouraging words. June 28, 2013 18
  19. 19.  Regularly thank God for what He has done for you, and let that habit of expressing gratitude motivate you to express appreciation to your spouse for his or her good qualities and loving words and actions toward you. June 28, 2013 19
  20. 20. Remain committed.  Remember that God's purpose for your marriage is to teach both you and your spouse how to love more deeply and to grow to become more like Jesus. In order to fulfill that purpose, you must remain committed to the relationship, even when it becomes difficult. So, every day, seek to learn something new aboutJune 28, 2013 20
  21. 21.  Be willing to help and forgive each other. Praise and encourage each other often with your words. Stop blaming your spouse for problems in your marriage; take responsibility for your own mistakes and weaknesses, and work on changing your own attitudes and actions. June 28, 2013 21
  22. 22.  Deal with unresolved hurts. Trust God to restore your marriage to what He intends it to be. June 28, 2013 22
  23. 23. Keep investing in your marriage  Every day, work to keep your marriage healthy. Aim to be a constant source of hope and encouragement to each other. Pray for each other. Whenever you encounter an issue or situation that you wish would change in your marriage, be willing to change yourself ratherJune 28, 2013 23
  24. 24.  Ask God to empower you to make changes in your own life to help solve problems. Rely on God's love and wisdom to guide you each day. June 28, 2013 24