TMPC Leaders Training

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TMPC Leaders Training

  1. 2. Session 1 Introduction & Principles The TMPC Journey The Sofa Couple The Facilitating Couple Modeling a TMPC Session Session 2 Prepare Enrich Modeling an Evening with Engaged Couple Logistics Support Couple Modeling SCAM Programme Schedule
  2. 3. Principle 1: The best time to start supporting couples is before they marry
  3. 4. Principle 2: Christian principles are relevant to all relationships
  4. 5. Overview Started at Holy Trinity Brompton by Nicky & Sila Lee in 1985 and now run by other churches around the world Vision: A course within easy reach of any couple Aim: to help engaged couples build foundations for a lifelong marriage
  5. 6. Why We Do What We Do
  6. 7. Overview <ul><li>No group work </li></ul><ul><li>Most guests attend on recommendation of a friend </li></ul><ul><li>Suitable for Christians & pre-believers </li></ul><ul><li>Can be run by volunteers with support of church leader/ Relationship Central </li></ul><ul><li>Easy to run in a home with a DVD Player or a large venue </li></ul>
  7. 8. Overview 1 introductory session with PREPARE ENRICH + 5 Video Sessions 2 meetings with support couple 1 Party ----------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------------------------------------
  8. 9. TMPC2 TMPC 1 TMPC 3 TMPC 4 TMPC 5 Schedule TMPC 6 Meet TMPC Couple Meet TMPC Couple SCAM SCAM SCAM SCAM SCAM SCAM
  9. 10. TMPC2 TMPC 1 TMPC 3 TMPC 4 TMPC 5 Schedule TMPC 6
  10. 11. TMPC2 TMPC 1 TMPC 3 TMPC 4 TMPC 5 Schedule TMPC 6
  11. 12. TMPC2 TMPC 1 TMPC 3 TMPC 4 TMPC 5 Schedule TMPC 6
  12. 13. TMPC2 TMPC 1 TMPC 3 TMPC 4 TMPC 5 Schedule TMPC 6
  13. 14. TMPC2 TMPC 1 TMPC 3 TMPC 4 TMPC 5 Schedule TMPC 6
  14. 15. TMPC2 TMPC 1 TMPC 3 TMPC 4 TMPC 5 Schedule TMPC 6
  15. 16. TMPC2 TMPC 1 TMPC 3 TMPC 4 TMPC 5 Schedule TMPC 6
  16. 17. TMPC2 TMPC 1 TMPC 3 TMPC 4 TMPC 5 Schedule TMPC 6
  17. 18. TMPC2 TMPC 1 TMPC 3 TMPC 4 TMPC 5 Schedule TMPC 6
  18. 19. Session Timing 3.00 3.30 5.30 6.00 Tea Video Sofa Couple Ice-breaker 3.40
  19. 20. <ul><ul><li>Conduct as a couple </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Begin with short icebreaker </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Recap previous session </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Encourage couples to do homework </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Start and stop video </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Keep time of exercises </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Serve couples snacks during exercise </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Facilitate sofa couple session </li></ul></ul>Role of Facilitator Couple
  20. 21. Sofa Couple Session “ I like that the course allows us to discuss among ourselves privately. Feels a bit more secure. And that it’s “real”. The sofa couple and support couple really helps.
  21. 22. Sofa Couple Session Why To address issues of local context Most participants won’t ask questions until the issues are raised during the interview To model a relationship based on respect, love and openness
  22. 23. All of the couples…are very open in sharing the highs and lows of their marriage life…Good examples are demonstrated, e.g. respect each other when one’s talking. Show the love languages from time to time. Wendy guest of TMPC Sofa Couple Session Why
  23. 24. Sofa Couple Session How <ul><li>Between 15-30 minutes </li></ul><ul><li>Facilitator couple prepares sofa couple with a list of questions </li></ul><ul><li>Sofa couple must be flexible to answer any questions that may follow from response </li></ul><ul><li>Questions should be related to issues discussed in the video session </li></ul><ul><li>Sofa couple needs to be </li></ul><ul><li>comfortable sharing real </li></ul><ul><li>examples </li></ul>
  24. 25. Sofa Couple Session How <ul><li>Arrange seating with couples angled towards each other with the male partner sitting on the outside </li></ul><ul><li>Each partner must look for opportunities to praise and compliment the other </li></ul><ul><li>If sharing about a conflict, the “offending” party should start by sharing his/her role . The other party can then share his/her part in the conflict </li></ul><ul><li>Sofa couple must respectfully </li></ul><ul><li>let the other speak without </li></ul><ul><li>interrupting. Look at the </li></ul><ul><li>speaker when he/she is </li></ul><ul><li>talking </li></ul>
  25. 26. <ul><li>Modeling a TMPC Session </li></ul>
  26. 28. Session 1 Introduction & Principles The TMPC Schedule The Sofa Couple Modeling a TMPC Session Session 2 Prepare Enrich Modeling an Evening with Engaged Couple Logistics Support Couple Modeling SCAM Programme Schedule
  27. 29. What is PREPARE? <ul><li>It is a couple assessment tool from Focus on the Family used for engaged couple. </li></ul><ul><li>It is used as a foundational program for premarital counseling </li></ul><ul><li>Accreditation is needed from Focus on the Family </li></ul>
  28. 30. Why use PREPARE program? <ul><li>Benefits for the couple </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Helps couple to identify possible area of strengths and growths as a couple </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Encourages couple to discuss problematic issues they typically would avoid till after marriage </li></ul></ul><ul><li>Benefits for the administrator </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Provides comprehensive and accurate information of the couple in how they perceive issues in their relationship </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Very quickly identifies the couple strengths, growth areas and how they function together. Timesaver! </li></ul></ul>
  29. 31. What you need <ul><li>2B Pencils </li></ul><ul><li>Erasers </li></ul><ul><li>PREPARE questionnaire </li></ul><ul><li>PREPARE answer sheet </li></ul>
  30. 32. Before you start <ul><li>Write the names of the couples individually on the answer sheets IN PENCIL </li></ul><ul><li>This will be translated to a Couple Number to be submitted for the computer report. </li></ul><ul><li>Couple Number ensures confidentiality </li></ul>
  31. 33. PREPARE : Practicalities 1 <ul><li>Before they start, tell the couples: </li></ul><ul><ul><li>It is not a test </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>There are no right and wrong answers </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Strictly confidential </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Do not spend too much time on every question. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Understand the sentence construction of each question </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Only one response per question </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Try to avoid the response “3” (i.e. undecided) </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Ensure that every question has an answer. Do not leave any blanks </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Cannot consult one another as the questions are to be done separately </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Time frame given : recommended 45mins </li></ul></ul>
  32. 34. PREPARE: Practicalities 2 <ul><li>For each couple, submit 2 answer sheets and a fee of RM60 </li></ul><ul><li>Cheques payable to </li></ul><ul><ul><li>“ PREPARE-ENRICH MALAYSIA SDN BHD” </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>and mail to: </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Prepare Enrich Malaysia </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>6-2,Jalan Bersatu 13/4 </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>46200 Petaling Jaya </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><ul><ul><li>Selangor </li></ul></ul></ul><ul><li>We encourage someone from your team to go for accreditation </li></ul>
  33. 35. Interpreting the results <ul><li>Background information </li></ul><ul><li>Personality assessment </li></ul><ul><li>Item summary </li></ul>
  34. 36. Interpreting the results: Background information - 1
  35. 37. Interpreting the results : Background information - 2 <ul><li>Gives an overview information of the couple </li></ul><ul><li>Look out for similarities and differences </li></ul>
  36. 38. Interpreting the results: Personality assessment - 1
  37. 39. Interpreting the results: Personality assessment - 2 <ul><li>Assertiveness - ability to ask what they want from their partner </li></ul><ul><li>Self confidence - feeling good about self and to accomplish what they want in life </li></ul><ul><li>Avoidance - tendency to minimize issues and reluctant to deal with the issues </li></ul><ul><li>Partner dominance - feels partner tries to control them and dominate their life </li></ul>
  38. 40. Interpreting the results : Item summary - 1
  39. 41. Interpreting the results: Item summary - 2 <ul><li>The positive/negative signs indicates the characteristic of a couple relationship </li></ul><ul><li>The more +ve items a person agrees with, the higher their individual score for the category. And the more satisfied the person is with the particular area </li></ul><ul><li>The more –ve items the person agrees with, the lower their individual score for the category, and the more dissatisfied the person is with the area </li></ul>
  40. 42. Interpreting the results: Item summary - 3
  41. 43. PREPARE - Summary <ul><li>Provides accurate assessment of the couple’s growths and strengths area. PREPARE is one of the tools available. A simpler on line version is COUPLE CHECK UP </li></ul><ul><li>More effective Support Couple sessions </li></ul><ul><li>Don’t have to go through all the results – normally pick on top 3 growth and strengths from Item Summary </li></ul><ul><li>God is the changer of hearts </li></ul>
  42. 44. Overview 1 introductory session with PREPARE ENRICH + 5 Video Sessions 2 meetings with support couple 1 Party ----------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------------------------------------------------------------------
  43. 45. TMPC2 TMPC 1 TMPC 3 TMPC 4 TMPC 5 Schedule TMPC 6 Meet Engaged Couple Meet Engaged Couple
  44. 46. <ul><li>Modeling Meeting </li></ul><ul><li>with Engaged Couple </li></ul>
  45. 52. Discussing Results of the Assessment <ul><li>State Support Couple’s roles </li></ul><ul><ul><li>Sounding board </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Scenarios </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>If need be, will push for </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>actions (not decisions) </li></ul></ul>Engaged couple to separately list 3 strengths and 3 growth areas of their relationship. Facilitate discussion of their perspective vs assessment results. Affirm strengths Get them to agree on which areas to focus on
  46. 53. Meeting with Engaged Couple Give couples a model of a real family committed to loving one other in a real setting Establish personal relationship with couples Pray before couple arrives Meal with family Discuss results of “PREPARE”
  47. 54. Meetings with Engaged Couple Respect privacy with no family member being around Aim to end on time Pray before couple arrives With permission, pray for couple before they leave Pray for cleansing of home after couple leaves
  48. 55. <ul><li>Logistics </li></ul>
  49. 56. TMPC Party Couples encouraged to invite family and friends to the party Prepare couples to share about their experience of TMPC Held on the same day as the last video session while lessons are still fresh in their minds
  50. 57. Dinner Sharing by 1 support couple about why they do what they do Sharing by each TMPC couple about what they learnt during the course Introduction of TMPC & support couples for benefit of guests Encouragement by support couple to their assigned couple Running the TMPC Party
  51. 58. TMPC Party Sharing by Engaged Couple
  52. 59. Room Setup <ul><ul><li>Groups of twos </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Set seating apart to ensure privacy during discussions </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Play instrumental music during exercise </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Place small table for notes & food </li></ul></ul>Play video off hard drive rather than DVD
  53. 60. Encouraging Mingling Before the Session
  54. 61. Encouraging Mingling Before the Session Provide name tags Make introductions among couples Place chairs close together Ensure space is closed and cosy
  55. 62. Publicity <ul><ul><li>Facebook/Blogspot </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Visits to cell groups and camps of young adults </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Publicity blitz among cell leaders </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>List course on </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>http://relationshipcentral.org/register-your-course </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>Church bulletin </li></ul></ul>
  56. 63. <ul><li>Support Couple </li></ul>
  57. 64. Married for at least two years Attended The Marriage Course Happy to talk about marriage Willing to offer hospitality Support Couple Who Qualifies Not perfect but growing in God’s grace
  58. 65. Support Couples Why Most learn about marriage from parents Good and bad lessons shape our views of marriage Many don’t have role models of loving & respectful marriages Model what Christian marriage looks like in practice Provide role of extended family in a mobile society
  59. 66. A Blog of TMPC Guests
  60. 67. Support Couples <ul><li>Assignment by </li></ul><ul><li>Age </li></ul><ul><li>Proximity of homes </li></ul><ul><li>Results of PREPARE </li></ul>Should at least attend first two sessions of the course Be accountable to other Support Couples New Support Couples to shadow the more experienced
  61. 68. <ul><li>Support Couple </li></ul><ul><li>Accountability Meeting </li></ul><ul><li>(SCAM) </li></ul>
  62. 69. TMPC2 TMPC 1 TMPC 3 TMPC 4 TMPC 5 Schedule TMPC 6 Meet TMPC Couple Meet TMPC Couple SCAM SCAM SCAM SCAM SCAM SCAM
  63. 70. Check on one another’s marriages Support Couple Accountability Meeting (SCAM) Fellowship Pray for one another & for engaged couples Share ideas on how to help couples through issues Sort out duties & suggest improvements
  64. 71. Modeling a Support Couple Accountability Meeting

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