Codependency - March 2011

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"Codependency" was presented on Tuesday March 22, 2011, by Ronald E. Harrison; Chemical Dependency Therapist. This program discusses the symptoms and progression of codependency and describes actions and resources that help codependent people to recover from codependency. This program is part of the FREE, annual Dawn Farm Education Series. The Education Series is organized by Dawn Farm, a non-profit community of programs providing a continuum of chemical dependency services. For information, please contact Matt Statman, LLMSW, CADC, Education Series Coordinator, at 734-485-8725 or info@dawnfarm.org, or see http://www.dawnfarm.org/programs/education-series.

Published in: Health & Medicine

Codependency - March 2011

  1. 2. CODEPENDENCY AND YOU RON HARRISON You
  2. 3. HE’S ALL YOURS!!
  3. 4. What You Need to Know: Your Competency as a Parent, Partner Professional, etc and CoDependent Behavior
  4. 5. Co-Dependency <ul><li>Co-dependency is a primary illness developed through a dysfunctional pattern of living and problem solving which is nurtured by a set of rules within the family system. These rules make healthy growth and change very difficult. </li></ul>
  5. 6. -OR-
  6. 7. I GET MY NEEDS MET THROUGH OTHER PEOPLE.
  7. 8. Codependent people often Love others to death. Literally
  8. 9. “ KINDLY LET ME HELP YOU OR YOU WILL DROWN,” SAID THE MONKEY PLACING THE FISH IN A TREE.
  9. 10. <ul><li>You grew up with a chemically dependent parent </li></ul><ul><li>Your grandparent(s) were chemically dependent </li></ul><ul><li>You were emotionally abused as a child </li></ul><ul><li>You were sexually abused as a child </li></ul><ul><li>You were physically abused as a child </li></ul><ul><li>You are chemically dependent </li></ul><ul><li>Your significant other is chemically dependent. </li></ul>You might be co-dependent if:
  10. 11. MODIFIED MASLOW’S HIERARCHY OF NEEDS SURVIVAL- health/safety/shelter
  11. 12. MODIFIED MASLOW’S HIERARCHY OF NEEDS SURVIVAL- health/safety/shelter SELF
  12. 13. MODIFIED MASLOW’S HIERARCHY OF NEEDS SURVIVAL- health/safety/shelter SELF OTHERS
  13. 14. MODIFIED MASLOW’S HIERARCHY OF NEEDS SURVIVAL-health/safety/shelter SELF OTHERS Self Actualization
  14. 15. MODIFIED MASLOW’S HIERARCHY OF NEEDS SURVIVAL health/safety/shelter - OTHERS Self Actualization
  15. 16. MODIFIED MASLOW’S HIERARCHY OF NEEDS 1. Others Codependent behavior takes us back to the first level. 2. Survival Once back here we repeat the same behavior and of course get the same result!
  16. 17. PROGRESSION OF AN ADDICTION EARLY MIDDLE LATE NO SYMPTOMS NOTICEABLE SYMPTOMS BEGIN- TO SHOW UP DIAGNOSIBLE “ BY A 10 YEAR OLD”
  17. 18. PROGRESSION OF CODEPENDENCY EARLY MIDDLE LATE NO SYMPTOMS NOTICEABLE IN FACT, SEEN AS A WONDERFUL CARING PERSON SYMPTOMS BEGIN- ING TO SHOW UP, HOWEVER STILL LOOKS LIKE A CARING SENSITIVE PERSON DIAGNOSIBLE. ANGRY, REPEAT- ING BEHAVIOR, SEE’S LIFE AS BLACK AND WHITE, CONTROLLING, ETC.
  18. 19. MODIFIED JOHARI’S WINDOW SELF
  19. 20. MODIFIED JOHARI’S WINDOW SELF SELF and OTHERS
  20. 21. MODIFIED JOHARI’S WINDOW SELF SELF and OTHERS OTHERS
  21. 22. MODIFIED JOHARI’S WINDOW YOU YOU and OTHERS NO OTHERS ONE
  22. 23. MODIFIED JOHARI’S WINDOW SELF SELF AND OTHERS OTHERS NO ONE UNCONSCIOUS SUBCONSCIOUS MEMORIES REPRESSED MEMORIES
  23. 24. PSYCOLOGICALLY HEALTHY PERSON SELF AND OTHERS NO ONE OTHERS S E L F
  24. 25. ADDICT SELF AND OTHERS SELF no one O T H E R S
  25. 26. CODEPENDENCY OTHERS S E L F NO ONE SELF AND OTHERS
  26. 27. THE PERFECT MATCH ADDICT CODEPENDENT Addict
  27. 28. THE WINNER THE ADDICT - Your son Your daughter Your partner Your husband Your wife Your mother Your father Your client.
  28. 29. Signs and Symptoms of CoDependency <ul><li>Difficulty maintaining healthy relationships </li></ul><ul><li>Seeing life as black or white </li></ul><ul><li>Being overly responsible for others </li></ul><ul><li>Having feelings of powerlessness </li></ul><ul><li>Having difficulty setting boundaries </li></ul><ul><li>Fear of change </li></ul><ul><li>Seeing yourself as a “martyr” </li></ul><ul><li>Allowing yourself to be used </li></ul><ul><li>Resentful Attitudes </li></ul><ul><li>Reactive Behavior Instead of Proactive Behavior.. </li></ul>
  29. 30. SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS CON’T Frozen feelings Trouble with intimacy Low self esteem Develop victim role Boundary issues Personalize everything Don’t trust your perceptions and/or instincts Others behavior is a reflection of you Unrealistic expectations for yourself Use control and manipulation in relationships Fear rejection and abandonment…
  30. 31. The Co-dependent <ul><li>Often we feel we are expected to: </li></ul><ul><li>Put our own issues aside </li></ul><ul><li>Maintain control </li></ul><ul><li>Create a safe environment for our- </li></ul><ul><li>Husband,wife,son,daughter,mom,dad,client , whomever </li></ul>
  31. 32. <ul><li>Which just happens to be </li></ul><ul><li>a perfect growth environment for co-dependency </li></ul>
  32. 33. -so- We must -
  33. 34. . <ul><li>AVOID </li></ul><ul><li>Believing that we can manipulate our others into becoming healthy </li></ul><ul><li>COMPLIANT </li></ul><ul><li>≠ </li></ul><ul><li>HEALTHY </li></ul>
  34. 35. <ul><li>AVOID </li></ul><ul><li>Feeling personal blame when things don’t go right </li></ul>
  35. 36. <ul><li>AVOID </li></ul><ul><li>Taking credit for others success </li></ul>
  36. 37. <ul><li>AVOID </li></ul><ul><li>Linking success with our efforts </li></ul>
  37. 38. <ul><li>AVOID </li></ul><ul><li>Second-guessing every decision we </li></ul><ul><li>make.. </li></ul>
  38. 39. <ul><li>CONSEQUENCES OF UNTREATED CODEPENDENCY </li></ul><ul><li>1. Chemical dependency. </li></ul><ul><li>2. Other dependencies such as infidelity, workaholism, obsession with outside interests. </li></ul><ul><ul><li>3. Eating disorders. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>4. Angry most of the time. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>5. Develops stress related illnesses such as ulcers, rashes, migraines, depression, high blood pressure and stomach disorders. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>6. Becomes passive or controlling in relationships. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>7. Becomes totally dependent on others for feelings of self-worth. Low self esteem develops. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>8. See themselves as failures. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>9. Labeled, rigid, judgmental, self centered, and perfectionist. </li></ul></ul><ul><ul><li>10. Life becomes simplistic - either black or white. </li></ul></ul>
  39. 40. Obstacles to Recovery From Codependency <ul><li>Your use of drugs or misuse of alcohol </li></ul><ul><li>Your parents (or grandparents) use of drugs or misuse of alcohol </li></ul><ul><li>Your spouses use of drugs or misuse of alcohol </li></ul><ul><li>Your enmeshment </li></ul><ul><li>Your guilt regarding any of the above </li></ul><ul><li>Your urge to over-simplify any of the above </li></ul><ul><li>(or a need for simple answers) </li></ul><ul><li>Trouble with the disease concept </li></ul><ul><li>Your successful drug use as a child </li></ul><ul><li>Your “partial” recovery </li></ul><ul><li>Anger at any of the above. </li></ul>
  40. 41. SOLUTIONS: 1. THERAPY 2. SELF EXAMINATION 3. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS 4. AL-ANON 5. OTHER 12 STEP MEETINGS
  41. 42. <ul><li>EXTERNAL MOTIVATION </li></ul><ul><li>CREATES </li></ul><ul><li>EXTERNAL CONSEQUENCES </li></ul><ul><li>CREATES </li></ul><ul><li>INTERNAL MOTIVATION </li></ul>
  42. 43. <ul><li>TWELVE STEPS OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS </li></ul><ul><li>We admitted we were powerless over alcohol - that our lives had become unmanageable. </li></ul><ul><li>Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. </li></ul><ul><li>Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. </li></ul><ul><li>Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. </li></ul><ul><li>Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. </li></ul><ul><li>Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. </li></ul><ul><li>Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. </li></ul><ul><li>Make a list of all persons we have harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. </li></ul><ul><li>Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. </li></ul><ul><li>Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. </li></ul><ul><li>Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge His will for us and the power to carry that out. </li></ul><ul><li>Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. </li></ul>
  43. 44. STEP 6 WERE ENTIRELY READY TO HAVE GOD REMOVE ALL THESE DEFECTS OF CHARACTER. STEP 7 HUMBLY ASKED HIM TO REMOVE OUR SHORTCOMINGS THEN GET TO WORK!!!
  44. 45. RULE 62 <ul><li>DON’T </li></ul><ul><li>TAKE </li></ul><ul><li>YOURSELF </li></ul><ul><li>TOO </li></ul><ul><li>SERIOUSLY!! </li></ul>
  45. 46. FAMILY ROLES CHARACTERISTICS Lost Child Withdrawn Loner Lack of identity Use escape to deal with family’s problems. Scapegoat Trouble in school/law Blamed for family problems Serves as distraction defiant Hero Dependable Overachiever Perfectionist Visable success Does what’s right Mascot Provides comic relief Immature Brings fun to family Needs protection Fragile
  46. 47. FAMILY ROLES FEELINGS HURT Anger Loneliness Inadequacy Confusion Fear SCAPEGOAT Anger Hurt Guilt Rejection Fear MASCOT Anger Insecurity Loneliness Fear LOST CHILD Anger Insecurity Unimportant Loneliness Fear
  47. 48. Effective characteristics include: <ul><li>Respect Immediacy </li></ul><ul><li>Confrontation Genuiness </li></ul><ul><li>Potency Concreteness </li></ul><ul><li>Self Actualization Warmth </li></ul><ul><li>Empathy Self Disclosure </li></ul>
  48. 49. Recovering people must learn: <ul><li>HONESTY CONFRONTATION </li></ul><ul><li>TO DEAL WITH FEELINGS RESPONSIBILITY </li></ul><ul><li>HOW TO SOLVE PROBLEMS SELF DISCIPLINE </li></ul><ul><li>ASKING FOR WHAT THEY LISTENING </li></ul><ul><li>NEED </li></ul>
  49. 50. YOU Respect Confrontation Potency Self Actualization Empathy Immediacy Genuineness Concreteness Warmth Self-disclosure YOUR CLIENTS Honesty Confrontation To deal with feelings How to solve problems Self Disclosure Responsibility Asking for what they need Listening. S U P P O R T

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