AGENDA• Using sensory details: SMG 643-648• Creating a vivid presentation of a place.• Describing a person central to your event.• Writing Dialogue.• Framing: beginnings and endings
The Goal: Create A Vivid Presentation of Places• Recreate the time and place of the event• Ground readers in specifics: • When? Christmas morning; one day in late fall; Saturday night • Where? At a 7-11 in San Jose; at my Aunt Helen’s Easter party; In the back alley of a club in Sunnyvale• Name specific objects • White, spherical snowball • Dirty sidewalk • Thick, rich chocolate shake • Midnight blue BMW 328 with glittering chrome rims
The Strategy: Listing Key Places• Make a list of all the places where the event occurred, skipping some space after each entry on your list.• In the space after each entry on your list, make some notes describing each place. What do you see (except people for now)? What objects stand out? Are thy large or small, green or brown, square or oblong? What sounds do you hear? Do you detect any smells? Do any tastes come to mind? Any textures?
The Goal: Make A Vivid Presentation of People•Descriptive details of behaviors or actions • She stuck her hand in the bag and picked up the poor, little dead squirrel. • He drew his hands through his long, greasy hair•A bit of dialogue • “Poor dear,” she murmured • “Get out of my house,” he screamed•Detail the person’s appearance • A thin woman: all action • He wore dress clothes: a black suit and tie
The Strategy: Recalling Key People• List the people who played more than a causal role in the event• Describe a key person: Write a brief description of a person other than yourself who played a major role in the event. Name and detail a few distinctive physical features or items of dress. Describe in a few phrases this person’s way of moving and gesturing
The Strategy Continued: Use dialogue to conveyimmediacy and drama• Reconstruct one important conversation • Try to remember any especially memorable comments, any unusual choice of words, or any telling remarks that you made or were made to you. • Try to partially re-create the conversation so that readers will be able to imagine what was going on and how your language and the other person’s language reveal who you were and your relationship.
The Goal: Writing a Good ConclusionThe Strategy:• Framing: The neatest conclusion is to connect your event back to your quotation in the last paragraph. This will tie your essay into a neat package.Other Strategies:• Conclude with reflections on the meaning of the experience (avoid tagging on a moral)• To underscore the event’s continuing significance, you can show that the conflict was never fully resolved• Contrast your remembered and current feelings and thoughts.
Conclusion I heard some people around me breathe sighs of relief. Thecaptivating story about factories in China was no longer real to them. Themood was noticeably lighter as Mr. Mustard finished the last few minutes ofclass talking about how presentation is important when talking. However, Ididn’t feel the same as some of my classmates. Their feelings vanished assoon as they heard that the story wasn’t entirely true, but I felt that justbecause the parts were taken from different sources didn’t mean thesituation was different for those workers. I still felt that I was to blame fortheir suffering. Just as Katniss felt disgust for the Capitol, I felt disgust for myself. InThe Hunger Games, the districts suffer as the Capitol citizens enjoy theirextravagant lives. In real life, people in other countries suffer as a result ofpeople like me who like fancy electronics. Once again, I thought abouthow lucky I was to have a comfortable life. Hours and hours of SATclasses or tutoring were nothing compared to what other people my ageendured. I pictured myself talking to factory workers just as Cinna talked toKatniss: “How despicable we must seem to you.”
Notes• Use present tense when describing the events in a novel or film or story: “Katniss volunteers” or “Haymitch is drinking heavily.”• Your thesis for this paper will be the transition sentence: “Katniss’s mother’s complete breakdown reminds me of what happened to my aunt.” Or “Katniss distrusts Peeta even though most of his actions should make her trust him – I can relate.”• Use chronological order to tell your story.• Use past tense to describe the event(s) in your life: “I was camping with my family up in Yosemite.”
HOMEWORK• Read: HG through chapter 7.• Post #10: finish and post your in-class writing: • Listing and describing place; listing and describing people; recreating dialogue; conclusions. Review slides 3-8 to remind yourself.• Study: Vocabulary (Chapters 5-7)• Bring: HG and SMG; draft of your writing