Deadwood ExamplesUnnecessary • Wordy: There werephrases that many factors thattake up space influenced his decisionand add nothingto meaning. to become a teacher. • Concise: Many factors influenced his decision to become a teacher.
• Wordy: They played a softball game that was exhausting.• Concise: They played an exhausting softball game.• Wordy: It is expensive to upgrade computer systems.• Concise: Upgrading computer systems is expensive.
Some familiar expressionsthat are Deadwood• I feel• I think• It seems to me• All things considered• Without a doubt• It is important to note• In my opinion• The reason why• In conclusion
Deadwood distracts and annoys thereader and weakens your writing style.• Hint: omit the filler phrases "it is," "there is," and "there are" at the beginning of sentences; these often delay the sentences true subject and verb.
Utility Words Fillers that contribute nothing to a sentence.
Examples of Utility Wordsto Eliminate or ReplaceVague Nouns Adverbs denoting degree• Thing (something, • Basically anything, everything) • Very• Situation• Kind • Definitely• Type • Quite• Aspect• Sort• Area
Circumlocution• Problem: Taking a roundabout way to say something (using ten words when five will do) is called Circumlocution.• Remedy: Instead of using complicated phrases and rambling constructions, use concrete, specific words and phrases and come right to the point.
Omit "which" or "that” when possible.• Wordy: Because the fluid, which was brown and poisonous, was dumped into the river, the company that was negligent had to shut down.• Concise: Because the brown, poisonous fluid was dumped into the river, the negligent company had to shut down.
Miscellaneous Questions0 Does the paper follow MLA guidelines?0 Is the page length within assigned limits?0 Is the font type and size within the assigned guidelines?0 Does the Header or Footer follow the assignment guidelines?0 Is the professors name spelled correctly? Palmore0 Is your name spelled correctly?0 Does the paper have a title? Is it a good title? Is the title in the appropriate location?
Writing Tips0 Write about literature in present tense0 Avoid using “thing,” “something,” “everything,” and “anything.”0 Avoid writing in second person.0 Avoid using contractions.0 Cut Wordy Sentences0 Fix run-on sentences0 Check for misused words
A Work in an Anthology, Reference, or Collection0 Works may include an essay in an edited collection or anthology, or a chapter of a book. The basic form is for this sort of citation is as follows:0 Last name, First name. "Title of Essay." Title of Collection. Ed. Editors Name(s). City of Publication: Publisher, Year. Page range of entry. Medium of Publication.0 Example: 0 Harris, Muriel. "Talk to Me: Engaging Reluctant Writers." A Tutors Guide: Helping Writers One to One. Ed. Ben Rafoth. Portsmouth: Heinemann, 2000. 24-34. Print.
An Article in a Scholarly Journal0 Always provide issue numbers, when available.0 Author(s). "Title of Article." Title of Journal Volume. Issue (Year): pages. Medium of publication.0 Example: Bagchi, Alaknanda. "Conflicting Nationalisms: The Voice of the Subaltern in Mahasweta Devis Bashai Tudu." Tulsa Studies in Womens Literature 15.1 (1996): 41-50. Print.
Last name, First name. "Title of Essay." Title of Collection. (Date of originalpublication if applicable). Ed. Editors Name(s). City of Publication:Publisher, Year. Page range of entry. Medium of Publication.Langston Hughes“Passing”The Ways of White FolksNew YorkVintage 1990 1934No Editor in this casePages 51-55 Author(s). "Title of Article." Title of Journal. Volume. Issue (Year): pages. Medium of publication. Randall Kennedy “Racial Passing” Ohio State Law Journal Volume 62 Issue 1145 2001 1-28 Print
“My parents were enraged that life “Days after I was born thehad cheated them. They were furious grandmother knocked on our door that marriage blocked their last again, this time because my cries opportunity to escape. Then I came alarmed her. She found me in the along and I was different. Now they bassinet, unwashed. My mother are furious with me.” admitted she was afraid to touch me, except to pin on a diaper or stick a bottle in my mouth” (14). 0 This sentence shows 0 My goodness, first of all that is just downright heart wrenching. The that the narrator has a authors way of illustrating these very tough childhood. images is quite defined. This In fact, life is never easy quotation was an example of how her family and society treated her to her. After knowing from day one. She was not treated how tough her as she deserved, and have the childhood is, I can feel freedom to be who she wanted to be, nor did it seem as though much the bitter in her heart love was felt; it’s like she accepted when she decides to the hard fight from the start. She pass. I feel powerless even took this memory when I read this story. nonchalantly.
"Crow, are you a boy or a girl?" "Caw, Caw!" (17).0 The quote shows what horrible treatment the character goes through just because he/she is different. Difference is not coped with well in society so in order for us to digest it, people make fun of it because they feel insecure. We do not realize what we are doing the person who is being treated badly. The character never had the courage to stand up to the people that kept asking him/her the question which I wish he/she did so that he/she would feel more confident about who he/she is.
0 This spoke to me because I can kinda see why Jess likes this poem. The poem explains the segregation shes felt from “hir” […] parents0 “From childhood’s hour I have not been even when Jess was a child. Jess As others were – I have not seen continues to see other people fit As others saw – I could not bring into society when she couldn’t My passions from a common spring. figure out how to fit in herself. I From the same source I have not taken then think ze talks about how other My sorrow; I could not awaken people can’t seem to even feel hir My heart to joy at the same tone; sorrow because ze has no one who And all I lov’d, I lov’d alone.” understands how ze actually feels. There is no one at this point in time she can connect and relate too. The last line spoke to me the most. “And all I Lov’d, I lov’d alone” I interpret this as a statement where ze wants to find someone to love or someone to care for hir, to feel the warmth of someones kindness, yet shes all alone.
“I didn’t want to be different. I longed to be everything grownupswanted, so they would love me. I followed all their rules, tried my best to please. But there was something about me that made them knit their eyebrows and frown. No one ever offered a name for what was wrong with me. That’s what made me afraid it was really bad. I only came to recognize its melody through this constant refrain: ‘Is that a boy or a girl?’” (Chapter 2, page 13) 0 I think these few lines stood out to me the most in Stone Butch Blues because it identified how much she wanted society to accept her, and for her to just be normal. It makes me realize that we all have a lot more in common than we share with one another. Also, I just think this shows that she can have fear in her, and likely very anxious as well.
“Whatever the world thought was wrong with me, Ifinally began to agree they were right” (23) I felt sentimental as I read this There is a lot of hurt behind these because been different doesn’t words. This is more than just make us inferior, it simply means admitting someone was hurting we are distinguishable, and them, this was her accepting what unique. society thought and said about her. This was acceptance of the fact that society perceived her behavior and feelings as “wrong.” This quote just goes to show how much power societal pressures have over us, even our perception of ourselves. It’s striking… and a little scary.
“I was alone in the field. The coach stood a distance away from me, staring. I wobbled as I tried to stand. There were grass stains on my skirt and blood and slimy stuff running down my legs. ‘Get out of here, you little whore,’ coach Moriarty ordered.”This stood out to me the most because of what coach saysto her. It makes me wonder what he thought happened onthe field. Did he know she was raped and not care, or didactually think she was a whore and it was something shewanted? It infuriates me how he doesn’t take any actiontowards helping her or even finding out what happened.
“Mrs. Noble squeezed my arm as I passed, and when I looked up I saw she had tears in her eyes”(37)0 This sentence appealed to me the most because I felt like it was Jess’s first time being acknowledged by somebody. Someone can actually “see” Jess with no criticism of Jess in the teacher’s eyes.
“Whatcha doing?” Rachel asked me again. Her lip trembled. “Shhh, don’t cry,” I told her. I gave her a hug. “I’m running away from home.” She shook her head. “You can’t,” she said. I nodded my head. “I gotta try. I’m going crazy here.”I felt scared for her here because what she was doing was crazy. I have heard many stories about people running away, and it always does not end well. I am concerned for her, and I wonder what she might do and if she will be all right. What makes thesituation worse is that she does not have an idea of where she is going to go, and women in general have a higher risk of being raped, so I hope she is careful.
“Strong to my enemies, tender to those I loved and respected. That’s what I wanted to be” (34). 0 I found it interesting how Jess was constantly battling internally. In order to survive hir lifestyle Jess has to somehow be hard and unemotional yet at the same time tender. It is sad to me that Jess can’t simply be who ze is because if Jess did allow herself to be soft-hearted than ze would most likely be ruined emotionally by the negative events that seemed so inevitable. I also found it interesting when Jess was speaking with Jacqueline and Jacqueline expressed that it was somewhat selfish for her to want Al to be tender despite all of the pain Al was forced to deal with constantly.
“For the first time I might have found mypeople. I just didn’t know how to penetrate this society.”0 This showed me how out of place she was and how she kept digging to find a place to fit in, but when she did she didn’t know how to interact with them, she just seemed socially damaged.
“When I came into the bar in drag, kind of hunched over they told me,‘Be proud of what you are,’ and then they adjusted my tie sort of like you did” (Feinberg 7). 0 Although these few lines were presented in the very beginning of the novel, I believe that it stood out the most because, so far, reading the story it teaches the reader that being of a different sexual orientation may have its disadvantages, but it is who you are and it should not matter what other people think of you. Also, I believe that this quote stood out to me because I have a cousin who is lesbian and although our family members think it is “not normal” to be gay, her cousins including me have always told her to be proud of who you are because the person you are is what God created; He made no mistakes, whatsoever. Lastly, this quote can teach others to be proud of the person they are as whole because each person is different in his or her way. In other words, each person is unique and he or she should be proud of that.
“Al wanted me to hit the woman, to defend my honor. Icouldn’t think of any woman in the room I would want tohit, except maybe myself. I had no honor to defend.” (51)0 This stood out to me because it expresses the helpless feeling of being a special class in the society which is not easily accepted. The sentence “I had no honor to defend” shows how self-abased ze was. […] She deserved a better treatment.
“You think you’re a guy huh? you think you can take it like aguy? We’ll see. what’s these? her said. He yanked up hershirt and pulled her binder down around her waist. HEgrabbed her breasts so hard she gasped” (56). 0 This quote caught me off guard and adds to the list of actions described in this book I would call inhumane. How could officers of the law, people whoa re to protect and server, able to treat someone like this? A giant violation of rights and body.
“I felt woozy with fear. It reminded me of when my parents had me committed, or the cops opened my cell door. So many people in theworld had so much power to control and hurt me. I shrugged as though it wasn’t important to me”(Feinberg 93). 0 This quote at this point in the story showed me that she was harboring so many demons from her past. Her “stone” attitude comes from so many terrible situations. The way Jess just shrugs it off as if it doesn’t matter also shows her attitude. I figured she would be upset or furious but instead she acted as though she didn’t care. The anxieties of those situations from her past still haunt her and it shows how many times she has been violated. I figured she would have been more upset by this point in the story with her experience but she still just lets it happen.
“ Guess the street makes us old before our time, huh, kid?’ (118)0 This is hurtful to read. It made me angry! What is life without been a kid first? it made me sad that they had to grow up before their time just because society fails to realize their differences. And instead of encouraging who they wanted to become, rather they made life a living mess for them. pathetic!
“Baby, I’m sorry they hurt you. But more than anything, I’m sorry you got no place to go with it” (122). 0 so often people are being abused, picked on, and even oppressed. But what makes them more vulnerable is the lack of guardianship and counsel. They are left to handle the situation by themselves, which makes them more susceptible. And they are not comfortable enough to talk about their feelings and it doesn’t get any better than way.
“I went to the window and looked out over the mounds of snow, wishing I could do everything in my life once as practice and then go back and do it again.” (102)This quote stuck out to me because I feel as thougheveryone can relate to it. We all do something in I like this quote. We likelife which makes us wish wish that we hadn’t done believing that if we had ait. I’m sure everyone knows at least one moment in choice to do our lives overtheir life where they messed up, and would do and make all the “right”anything possible to go back and change it. If life choices life would be better.wasn’t so hard, we wouldn’t make mistakes, and But aren’t the mistakes we make what make oureverything would be perfect. However, through stronger and teach us andevery mistake, even the really bad ones, we learn make us who we are?and grow. So, even though we all wish we could goback and change things in our lives, it is thoseexperiences which make us who we really are.This quote served as a reminder that everyonemakes mistakes, and it’s what we do with thosemistakes which make us who we are.
“Things don’t change back,” [Theresa] sighed, “they just keep changing” (Beginning of chapter 13).0 This line caught my attention the moment I read it. Nothing in life is constant. This is something that’s hard to grasp as a child, but as you grow older these words begin to resonate with you. You’re never the same person you were back when you were a child. You’re growing and changing as you constantly interact with the environment around you. This concept also applies to the people you meet and the friends you make over the years; they come and go. Oftentimes good, lifelong buddies stick around, but the relationship you had when you were both thirteen isn’t the same relationship you have when you’re twenty-one. Sometimes friends turn into acquaintances and even in some extreme cases they become your worst enemy. Likewise, the aspect of change is true for social norms in our society. Things like homosexuality are starting to become a bit more accepted. That’s certainly not to say that there is no longer discrimination—there’s still plenty of that—but in the story that Feinberg has painted for us, we can look and see that things are different now.
In-Class Writing0 Choose a moment when Jess intentionally passes. How does this experience change who ze is? How do you know?0 Choose one when ze unintentionally passes. Does this affect hir in the same way? How do you know?
HOMEWORK0 Edit Essay #2 (Bring Revised and Edited Drafts)0 Reading: Stone Butch Blues (196-260)0 Post #16: Post your in-class writing (intentional and unintentional passing.0 Post #17: Jess interacts with medical personnel in various ways throughout the novel. Explore an experience Jess has with a medical professional. Does her gender identity influence the treatment she receives or doesn’t receive? Include a quotation.0 Studying: Terms