Getting Out Of The Hole: How To Deal With Regret and Discouragement
GETTING OUT OF THE
How To Cope With Disappointment and
The Deep Dark Hole……
My life has not worked out as it should
have, I’ve basically blown it and there
is no way back…
Why didn’t God make me more “X” -
Smarter, stronger, wiser, more
How come everything has changed
around me and I am now stuck,
useless, and irrelevant….
The Blame Game
It’s ALL the fault of: my parents, my childhood, my
ex-wife, my teachers, society, the government, my
asthma, my back pain, technology, alien abduction,
demons, Satan, false teaching, the End Times,
conspiracies, injustice, a fallen world, God who went
to sleep on me, the Church, the pastor, the police,
the court system, discrimination, the economy, lack
of opportunity, attitudes toward men, fate or even
These are FACTORS and not final causes.
Things are not final, are not forever and are rarely
focused on you personally
Sold into slavery by his own brothers
In prison on false sexual harassment charges
Could have played the blame game
Instead saw it as part of God’s plan
Used the circumstances to grow personally
and assumed responsibility and developed
skills both in Potiphar’s house and in prison.
Once promoted Joseph stayed in power
because he had a highly developed set of
It is impossible to be always
successful in this unreliable world.
Therefore the focus should not be
on "always being successful" (with
all the baggage of regret and
disappointment that expectation
creates) but instead our
expectation should be to work with
the much more possible goals of
faithfulness and spirituality.
The Speck and The Log
We feel “ripped off” when things don’t work out but
some disappointment is just hyper-criticism in
"Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the
judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and
with the measure you use it will be measured to
you. Why do you see the speck that is in your
brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in
your own eye? Or how can you say to your
brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,'
when there is the log in your own eye? You
hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye,
and then you will see clearly to take the speck out
of your brother's eye.
God – for “messing up your life”, Job had to do
Church – for pain and neglect
Self – for all your sin, folly and mistakes, after all
it’s on the Cross!
Others – for hurts both real and imaginary
“The World” – for not treating you as you would
have liked to be treated.
See that no one pays back evil for evil to
anyone, but always pursue that which is good,
both for one another and for all. Rejoice
always! Pray without ceasing! In everything
give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ
Jesus for you.
(1 Thessalonians 5:15-18)
STOP DOING – that which is not working out for
you no matter how good, virtuous, noble or
compulsory you think it is because you are just
living “under the Law” in such cases. (Of course
also stop doing any really dumb stuff). First say
“NO” which gives you room to say “YES”
DO A LOT MORE OF – that which is working for
you and is making you godly, successful, wiser,
more peaceful, happier and so on. Follow the Holy
Most people will find that about 50% of their life is
Ditch The Scoreboard!
Most Christian men are mentally keeping
score of life, success and so on. They also
keep score of their embarrassing failures.
We live by GRACE and not by the imaginary
The score got set to INFINITY at the Cross
and its staying there!
We live by faith and not by “brownie points” or
by gold stars.
Look At Nature
God makes BOTH giraffes and hummingbirds. It
is silly for the giraffe to worry that it cannot fly or
for the hummingbird to worry about its small size.
God makes sharks, tuna, trout and tiny reef fish.
Its Ok to be a medium-sized fish if God made you
to be a medium-sized fish. They have their place
in the ecosystem as well.
Its OK to be a bible teacher and not an evangelist
or to be a layman and not a pastor.
Certain roles are given by God and we just need
to accept that.
Put The Past Behind You…
The future can only be built upon the present
Regrets are paralyzing and are NEVER from God
Fantasies are the stuff of fools and only lead to poverty
Guilt and regrets are lies that devastate our self-esteem
and cause us to create foolish fantasies as a means of
inner compensation, and those fantasies destroy us.
Put the past on the Cross and into the deepest ocean
Let go of all need to compensate for past failure and
accept where you are at (for now) so you can start to
build upon it.
Don’t imagine that the Tooth Fairy is going to give you a
million dollars to make up for your terrible childhood.
Stop Fighting God!
Job, Jacob, David, Moses and Paul all
had to stop fighting God (in different
You have no valid case against God
You cannot wrestle God to make Him do
what you want and bless you. (Jacob)
You cannot blame God for all the
wickedness and attacks against you.
You cannot resist God’s call on your life
You cannot fight the revealed truth in
Understand The Master Plan
And we know that all things work
together for good to those who love
God, to those who are called
according to His purpose. Because
whom He foreknew, He also
predestined to be conformed to the
image of His Son, that He might be
the firstborn among many brothers.
Moreover whom He predestined,
these He also called; and whom He
called, these He also justified; and
whom He justified, these He also
Build A Team To Help You!
Most people cannot get out of the hole
Most guys are so prideful they insist on
doing it themselves, the hard way.
Team Members: God (Father, Son and
Holy Spirit), your wife and kids, parents,
positive faith-filled friends, work
colleagues, other experts in your field, an
accountant, your pastor and local church,
Draw up a plan and tell people their part
in the plan so they know exactly how you
want to be helped.
Building God’s Kingdom - Digitally
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