The Shiny New Chromebook


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Just a fun treatise of tetherware.

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The Shiny New Chromebook

  1. 1. The Shiny New Chromebookby John Marx Not since John D. Rockefeller gaveaway kerosene lanterns have we seen acorporate entity be so blatant when trappingconsumers into sustained purchases. Yet thereit is, a new bright shiny toy, and at an all-tooaffordable price. Truly the Chromebookmarks a new low in computing. WithSamsungs near replica of Apples MacBookAir, combined with Googles infamous And oh the surprise they will receive whentetherware, the Chromebook is sure to sell like, they finally do land a cubicle island only to findwell?, android phones. that their new masters wont let them share the The Chromebook takes the best and makes corporate information assets by storing them onit the worst. Before most of us could even reach the cloud storage in cyberslums. Once inside, the all-cloud we now will be in the fog. The near-earth too-familiar space bound by firewalls higher thanhaze of SaaS (Software as a Service) from our the eye can see, web applications will be torn fromnations top “do no harm” entity. But just as the the arms of Gen-whatever-ers and replaced by slowHippocratic oath has failed to prevent physicians booting proprietary office applications that wontand pharmaceutical companies from causing more allow document sharing or unfiltered access to evensymptoms than they prevent, the DenuntioManduco the Internet. Yes, in the year 2020 XP will still livewill ultimately swallow all of the worlds because IE 27 is not compatible with legacyinformation only to exploit it through their applications. And besides, shouldnt it? The Worldmisguided fiduciary relationship with the one- Wide Web is where the undesirables work and playpercent. and they are dangerous. Didnt you learn from that Unsuspecting patrons of our nations 280 pound pedophile that invited you to prom?supposed institutions of higher education are Meanwhile the chasm between them and usalready shunning plasticware from predatory lenders will grow even further with the ultimate freeonly to sign up for the technical debt offered by the Chromepad offered with a two year electronicallynations largest digital bank. And while payback in signed contract sealed when you enter the numberdollars is fleeting in a low-jobs economy it is better of your GoogleWallet, the new form of digital cash.than pay back in blood. It pains me to see that our And alas they sit, confused and isolated, separatedchildren and grandchildren wont ever change a from their lifetime of information tanning underchannel or choose their own content again. Instead, fluorescent lights and two-by-two tiles, only tothey will forever be fed the information Google await meeting with their friends after work onthinks they deserve based on queries they did Google Plus!during adolescence on now obsolete search engines.