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‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
Advanced Islamic Life Skills
COMMUNICATING
EFFECTIVELY
1
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
Communicating Effectively
Session 1- Power of Listening
31st August 2014
...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
Power of Active Listening
Session 1
3
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
How we Communicate
4
Reading
Writing
Listening
Speaking
Not taught
in sch...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
Exercise 1
Watch the video
Why is there poor communication here?
5
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training6
A guide to effective communcation
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwjAAg...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
Negative assumptions- Barriers
• Jumping to conclusions
– Finishing peopl...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training8
Senders Receivers
Abstract/ concrete
Barriers
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training9
‫قال‬‫عنه‬‫اهلل‬‫ي‬‫ض‬‫ر‬‫العاص‬‫ن‬‫ب‬‫عمرو‬:‫القوم‬‫أشر‬‫ىل‬‫ع‬‫بوجهه‬‫...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
Impact of Listening
Accentuates the positives
How do you feel when someon...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
Impact of Listening
Minimises the Negatives
How do you feel when someone
...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
Exercise 2
What kind of listener are you?
12
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
Al-Maqsud Listening Style Inventory
1. Answer questions 1-12
2. Circle A ...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
What’s your listening style?
• Passive Listening [<29]
– Eye contact
– Ex...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
How you Listen!
• Attentive listening [44-40]
– Steady eye contact
– Show...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training16
Senders Receivers
Barrier
Aggressive speaking
Non-assertive speaking
Pa...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training17
Ineffective patterns of Listening
– Attentive listener takes out the fa...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
Making Active Listening Work
• Hold off assumptions (hear the whole
messa...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training19
Abu Hurayrah (ra) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and
p...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
Solution to assumptions
• Deal with each as individual
• Listen first- ch...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
BREAK
10 minutes
21
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
Guidelines for Communication
The Holy Qur’an
22
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training23
ْ‫ن‬ِ‫م‬‫وا‬ُّ‫َض‬‫ف‬‫ن‬ َ‫َل‬ ِ‫ْب‬‫ل‬َ‫ق‬ْ‫ل‬‫ا‬ َ‫يظ‬ِ‫ل‬َ‫غ‬‫ا‬ًّّ‫...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
Three stages of Listening
Process
24
1. Receiving
2. Processing
3. Respon...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training25
ْۖ‫م‬ُ‫َه‬‫ل‬ َ‫نت‬ِ‫ل‬ِ َّ‫اّلل‬ َ‫ن‬ِّ‫م‬ٍ‫ة‬َ‫م‬ْ‫ح‬َ‫ر‬‫ا‬َ‫م‬ِ‫ب‬َ...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training26
Beliefs
Values
Perceptions
Thoughts / expectations
Emotions
Behaviours ...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training27
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training28
Radar on
Speaker
Active
Listening
Toolkit
The Magic
Ingredient
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
3 Skills to Attain
29
ONE
Radar on
Speaker
TWO
Active
Listening
Toolkit
T...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
1. Radar on speaker
• Capturing whole message
– Words
– Tone
– Body langu...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
2a. Active listening Tools
• TOOL 1- Drawing out speakers message
– Liste...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
2b. Active listening Tools
• TOOL 2- Verify understanding of message
– Ca...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
Summary of active listening tools
1. “you” focussed vs “I” focussed
2. Dr...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training34
When he (Messenger of Allah SAW) addressed
someone, he turned his entir...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training35
The Prophet paid equal attention to everyone. People came to
him with a...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training36
Imaam Hasan Radiyallahu 'Anhu says, (my younger brother) Husayn said: "...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training37
They did not argue before him regarding anything. Whenever one spoke to...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
3. Magic Ingredient- Empathy
• Empathy (manner of display>care/ respect) ...
‫المقصود‬
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Islamic Life Skills Training39
One of the Tabi'i Imam Ata ibn Abi Rabah (‫عنه‬ ‫هللا‬ ‫)رضى‬ said:
"A ...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training40
"Never interrupt a talk, though you know it inside out".
- Al Hafiz al-...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
Exercise 3
Group Role- Playing
41
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
Avoid verbal barrier modes
– Critic mode- [little put-downs]
– Identifier...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training
Seven Listening Tips
1. Grasp main ideas (content + emotion)
2. Use famil...
‫المقصود‬
Al-Maqsûd
Islamic Life Skills Training44
‫خريا‬‫اهلل‬‫كم‬ ‫زا‬‫ج‬
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The Power of Active Listening 

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In just 2 HOURS!!! You will learn how the power of active listening will change your life and of those around you!
 
You will learn three main skills that will have a massive impact on the way you listen:
You will learn how to focus and fix your radar on the speaker so that you capture what’s important
You will learn how to use the amazing easy use  “Active Listening Power Toolkit”
You will learn the most important magic ingredient that will make active listening the most powerful thing you have ever used

How you will benefit:
You will have a major impact on your work colleagues, friends, spouse, children and others
You will understand a lot more than just what you hear when you communicate
You will learn how to develop yourself immensely just over a short period of time 
MORE IMPORTANTLY…you will be acting upon the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (saw)
                                        

Published in: Spiritual
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The Power of Active Listening 

  1. 1. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training Advanced Islamic Life Skills COMMUNICATING EFFECTIVELY 1
  2. 2. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training Communicating Effectively Session 1- Power of Listening 31st August 2014 Session 2- Power of Speaking 28th September 2014 Session 3- Conflict Resolution 30th November 2014 2
  3. 3. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training Power of Active Listening Session 1 3
  4. 4. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training How we Communicate 4 Reading Writing Listening Speaking Not taught in schools
  5. 5. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training Exercise 1 Watch the video Why is there poor communication here? 5
  6. 6. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training6 A guide to effective communcation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwjAAgGi-90 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuZDbbz_6xY Monty Python Quest for the Holy Grails Poor Communication
  7. 7. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training Negative assumptions- Barriers • Jumping to conclusions – Finishing peoples sentences – Interrupting before completion of someone’s message – Tuning out as soon as a person starts talking – Dismissing new idea before hearing rationale • Focussing on intentions • Thinking you know best • Stereotyping 7
  8. 8. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training8 Senders Receivers Abstract/ concrete Barriers
  9. 9. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training9 ‫قال‬‫عنه‬‫اهلل‬‫ي‬‫ض‬‫ر‬‫العاص‬‫ن‬‫ب‬‫عمرو‬:‫القوم‬‫أشر‬‫ىل‬‫ع‬‫بوجهه‬‫ل‬‫قب‬ُ‫ي‬‫وسلم‬‫عليه‬‫اهلل‬‫ىل‬‫ص‬‫اهلل‬‫رسول‬‫كان‬. ‫أبوبكر؟‬‫أو‬‫خري‬‫أنا‬‫اهلل‬‫رسول‬‫يا‬‫فقلت‬‫القوم‬‫خري‬‫أين‬‫ظننت‬‫ىت‬‫ح‬ ّ‫ي‬‫عل‬‫وحديثه‬‫بوجهه‬‫ل‬‫يقب‬‫كان‬‫ف‬ ‫بكر‬‫أبو‬‫قال‬..‫عمر‬‫فقال‬‫عمر؟‬‫أو‬‫خري‬‫أنا‬‫اهلل‬‫يارسول‬‫فقلت‬.‫عثمان؟‬‫أو‬‫خري‬‫أنا‬‫اهلل‬‫رسول‬‫يا‬‫فقلت‬ ‫عثمان‬‫قال‬.‫سألته‬‫ن‬‫ك‬‫أ‬‫لم‬‫أين‬‫فلوددت‬‫ين‬‫ق‬‫فصد‬‫وسلم‬‫عليه‬‫اهلل‬‫ىل‬‫ص‬‫اهلل‬‫رسول‬‫سألت‬‫فلما‬ 'Amr ibn al-'Aas Radiyallahu 'Anhu reports: "(Rasulullah Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wasallam) gave attention, spoke and showed love to the worst person of a nation. So that, the person may feel he is being given special attention. He used to give attention, and spoke to me also in a manner, that I began to feel that I was the best among the community. (Therefore one day) I asked: 'O Messenger of Allah, am I better or is Abubakr better?' He replied: 'Abubakr'. I then asked: 'Am I better, or 'Umar?' He replied. "Umar'. I asked: 'Am I better or 'Uthmaan?' He replied: 'Uthmaan'.When I asked him these questions, Rasulullah Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wasallam told me the truth. (He did not tell me I was better to keep me happy. Afterwards I felt ashamed of myself on this deed). I felt I should not have asked such a question". [Shamaa’il Tirmidhi]
  10. 10. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training Impact of Listening Accentuates the positives How do you feel when someone really listens to you: • Respected • Care for • Supported • Rewarded • Satisfied • Sense of achievement What are the benefits • Increased productivity • Stronger quality relationship • More satisfaction • More interest • Better problem solving • Better co-operation and teamwork • Less stress 10 Gain a lot when you listen effectively- Lose a lot when you don’t- VERY POWERFUL
  11. 11. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training Impact of Listening Minimises the Negatives How do you feel when someone does not listen to you: • Disrespected • Not Cared for • unsupported • unrewarded • unsatisfied • Sense of on-achievement What are the harms • Decreased productivity/ efficiency • Poor relationship • dissatisfaction • Loss of interest • Poor problem solving • Poor co-operation and teamwork • More stress 11 Poor listening can be costly
  12. 12. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training Exercise 2 What kind of listener are you? 12
  13. 13. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training Al-Maqsud Listening Style Inventory 1. Answer questions 1-12 2. Circle A to E- whichever most applies to you 3. Now score yourself 1. A=5; B=4; C=3; D=2; E=1 4. Add up your total score 13
  14. 14. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training What’s your listening style? • Passive Listening [<29] – Eye contact – Expressionless face – Occasional nods – Occasional verbal acknowledgement (uh, huh) • Selective Listening [39-30] – Looks of disinterest – Looks away – at watch, papers – Sits quietly – Reacts with emotion- defensive/ debating – Jumps in/ takes over – Changes subject 14
  15. 15. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training How you Listen! • Attentive listening [44-40] – Steady eye contact – Shows interest (facial expressions) – Nodding – Provide simple verbal acknowledgement ( I see, ok, yes) – Raise question to draw message • Active Listening (responsive/ reflective listening) [50-45] – Show patience – Give verbal feedback to summarise understanding – Acknowledge emotion to fully understand speaker – Exploring reason for emotion – Speaking up when not clear 15
  16. 16. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training16 Senders Receivers Barrier Aggressive speaking Non-assertive speaking Passive- Aggressive speaking Assertive speaking Passive Listening Selective Listening Attentive Listening Active Listening
  17. 17. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training17 Ineffective patterns of Listening – Attentive listener takes out the facts from the emotion only- doesn’t cope with emotion (thinks understanding has been achieved) – Active listener- takes facts and emotion= whole message (knows that understanding has been achieved) • Speaker speaks to a speaker (not listener) Facts + Emotion = Meaning of message
  18. 18. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training Making Active Listening Work • Hold off assumptions (hear the whole message) • Avoid being quick on advice • Exercise patience • Eliminate Distractions/ physical barriers • Be respectful- don’t pass judgement • Shift Attention on to speaker- not to what you are going to say 18
  19. 19. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training19 Abu Hurayrah (ra) narrates that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the falsest of speech. Do not seek out one another’s faults; do not spy on one another; do not compete with one another; do not envy one another; do not hate one another; do not turn away from one another. Be, O slaves of Allah, brothers.” (Bukhari, Muslim) Ja‘far ibn Muhammad (ra) said: If you hear something about your brother that you dislike, then look for excuses for him, from one to seventy excuses; if you find an excuse for him (all well and good), otherwise say: Perhaps he has an excuse that I do not know of. (Al-Bayhaqi in his al-Shu’bat al-Imaan)
  20. 20. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training Solution to assumptions • Deal with each as individual • Listen first- check understanding • Avoid generalisations • Communicate first, act second • Make safest assumption first- assume other person means well 20
  21. 21. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training BREAK 10 minutes 21
  22. 22. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training Guidelines for Communication The Holy Qur’an 22
  23. 23. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training23 ْ‫ن‬ِ‫م‬‫وا‬ُّ‫َض‬‫ف‬‫ن‬ َ‫َل‬ ِ‫ْب‬‫ل‬َ‫ق‬ْ‫ل‬‫ا‬ َ‫يظ‬ِ‫ل‬َ‫غ‬‫ا‬ًّّ‫ظ‬َ‫ف‬ َ‫ُنت‬‫ك‬ ْ‫َو‬‫ل‬َ‫و‬ ْۖ‫م‬ُ‫َه‬‫ل‬ َ‫نت‬ِ‫ل‬ِ َّ‫اّلل‬ َ‫ن‬ِّ‫م‬ٍ‫ة‬َ‫م‬ْ‫ح‬َ‫ر‬‫ا‬َ‫م‬ِ‫ب‬َ‫ف‬ ْ‫ل‬َّ‫ك‬َ‫و‬َ‫ت‬َ‫ف‬ َ‫ت‬ْ‫م‬َ‫ز‬َ‫ع‬‫ا‬َ‫ذ‬ِ‫إ‬َ‫ف‬ ِۖ‫ر‬ْ‫م‬َ ْ‫اْل‬ ِ‫ِف‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ه‬ْ‫ر‬ِ‫او‬َ‫ش‬َ‫و‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫َه‬‫ل‬ ْ‫ر‬ِ‫ف‬ْ‫غ‬َ‫ت‬ْ‫س‬‫ا‬َ‫و‬ ْ ُ ْ‫هْن‬َ‫ع‬ ُ‫ف‬ْ‫ع‬‫ا‬َ‫ف‬ َۖ‫ك‬ِ‫ل‬ْ‫و‬َ‫ح‬ َ‫ني‬ِ‫ل‬ِّ‫ك‬َ‫و‬َ‫ت‬ُ‫ْم‬‫ل‬‫ا‬ ُّ‫ب‬ِ‫ح‬ُ‫ي‬ َ َّ‫اّلل‬ َّ‫ن‬ِ‫إ‬ ِۚ َّ‫اّلل‬ َ‫َىل‬‫ع‬ So by mercy from Allah , [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them and consult them in the matter. And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah . Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him]. Surat 'Āli `Imrān: 159
  24. 24. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training Three stages of Listening Process 24 1. Receiving 2. Processing 3. Responding Receiving- sensory organs Processing- analysing, evaluating, synthesizing- meaning- effected by emotion/ concentration- speaker cannot see/ hear this Responding- verbal/non-verbal
  25. 25. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training25 ْۖ‫م‬ُ‫َه‬‫ل‬ َ‫نت‬ِ‫ل‬ِ َّ‫اّلل‬ َ‫ن‬ِّ‫م‬ٍ‫ة‬َ‫م‬ْ‫ح‬َ‫ر‬‫ا‬َ‫م‬ِ‫ب‬َ‫ف‬ ِ‫ْب‬‫ل‬َ‫ق‬ْ‫ل‬‫ا‬ َ‫يظ‬ِ‫ل‬َ‫غ‬‫ا‬ ًّّ‫ظ‬َ‫ف‬ َ‫ُنت‬‫ك‬ ْ‫َو‬‫ل‬ََ َۖ‫ك‬ِ‫ل‬ْ‫و‬َ‫ح‬ ْ‫ن‬ِ‫م‬‫وا‬ُّ‫َض‬‫ف‬‫ن‬ َ‫َل‬ ُ ْ‫هْن‬َ‫ع‬ ُ‫ف‬ْ‫ع‬‫ا‬َ‫ف‬‫و‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫َه‬‫ل‬ ْ‫ر‬ِ‫ف‬ْ‫غ‬َ‫ت‬ْ‫س‬‫ا‬َ‫و‬ ِ‫ر‬ْ‫م‬َ ْ‫اْل‬ ِ‫ِف‬ ْ‫م‬ُ‫ه‬ْ‫ر‬ِ‫او‬َ‫ش‬َ‫و‬ ِ َّ‫اّلل‬ َ‫َىل‬‫ع‬ ْ‫ل‬َّ‫ك‬َ‫و‬َ‫ت‬َ‫ف‬ َ‫ت‬ْ‫م‬َ‫ز‬َ‫ع‬‫ا‬َ‫ذ‬ِ‫إ‬َ‫ف‬ۚ َ‫ني‬ِ‫ل‬ِّ‫ك‬َ‫و‬َ‫ت‬ُ‫ْم‬‫ل‬‫ا‬ ُّ‫ب‬ِ‫ح‬ُ‫ي‬ َ َّ‫اّلل‬ َّ‫ن‬ِ‫إ‬ So by mercy from Allah , you were lenient with them And if you had been rude [in speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them and consult them in the matter And when you have decided, then rely upon Allah Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him]. HUMILITY SELF RESTRAINT IN EMOTION/ PATIENCE ABANDON ASSUMPTION BE GENUINE ACTIVE RESPONSES SHARING/ VERIFYING MAKE FINAL JUDGEMENT WITHOUT TRANSGRESSING NOT TO TRANSGRESS IS REWARDING Receiving Processing Responding Outcome Listening is Act of Worship- Active Listening
  26. 26. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training26 Beliefs Values Perceptions Thoughts / expectations Emotions Behaviours and Actions Change Manage Develop Shift What others don’t see But can deduce
  27. 27. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training27
  28. 28. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training28 Radar on Speaker Active Listening Toolkit The Magic Ingredient
  29. 29. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training 3 Skills to Attain 29 ONE Radar on Speaker TWO Active Listening Toolkit THREE The Magic Ingredient
  30. 30. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training 1. Radar on speaker • Capturing whole message – Words – Tone – Body language- gesture, eye contact, facial expression, posture • Giving speaker full attention – Giving yourself to speaker • Steady eye contact • Sincere facial expression • Open receptive body language • Encouraging- non-judgemental tones • Avoid bad habits in listening – Poor eye contact- looking away/ locking in, rolling eyes – Unfavourable Facial expression – frown, smirk, raising eyebrow, blank look – Unwelcoming posture- slouching, being closed – Excessive movement- fidgeting, squirming- not sitting still. , pulling on self ie beard – Ineffective placement- distant, facing away, preoccupied – Uninviting tone of voice- harsh reactive tone, biting sarcasm, monotone 30
  31. 31. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training 2a. Active listening Tools • TOOL 1- Drawing out speakers message – Listener helps speaker express content of message • Letting speaker in: – Door openers (non-verbal) » Head nodding » Smile appropriately » Show look of interest/ concern » Turning/ facing/ leaning towards speaker » Steady eye contact – Door openers (verbal) » Hum, right, yes, I see (tone) • Echoing – Repeat key word – Wait after echo • Probing – Open-ended questions (what, how, why, explain, describe, elaborate, give, tell) • Checking subject: – You’re referring to – Repositioning speaker 31
  32. 32. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training 2b. Active listening Tools • TOOL 2- Verify understanding of message – Capturing emotions [ …sound like you’re excited] – Paraphrasing […in other words] – Reflective paraphrasing [ …you’re feeling…because of…. Is that right?] • Avoid “I know how you feel” • Do not make it “I” focussed- but “you” focussed • Does not check others emotion if “I” focussed • No emotion expressed from you if “I” focussed – Sharing examples • Conditions: – Hear the whole story – Give relevant example – Deliver it well » Connecting statement from speaker to you- [your situation sounds like...] » Tell your story briefly only » Connecting statement back to speaker [like you experienced…right?]- speaker focus 32
  33. 33. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training Summary of active listening tools 1. “you” focussed vs “I” focussed 2. Drawing out vs telling / reporting 3. Receiving/ non-judgemental vs expressing opinions 4. Less said vs more said 5. Gain meaning vs express meaning 33
  34. 34. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training34 When he (Messenger of Allah SAW) addressed someone, he turned his entire body. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, looked at the ground more than he looked up due to the power of his gaze. He didn’t maintain his stare at people, due to the strength of his gaze. (Shamaa’il Tirmidhi)
  35. 35. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training35 The Prophet paid equal attention to everyone. People came to him with all kinds of problems. He took full interest in the personal problems of people. Sometimes old women and slaves stopped him on his way to discuss something. He stopped and patiently listened to them. When the conversation was long he would sit on one side of the street to give them sufficient time. He listened to everyone patiently and would not be the first person to leave. In assembly, when the Prophet (saw) spoke, everyone calmly and respectfully listened to him. He turned his face in different directions to pay attention to everyone. When someone else spoke to him, he heard him patiently (Shamaa’il Tirmidhi)
  36. 36. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training36 Imaam Hasan Radiyallahu 'Anhu says, (my younger brother) Husayn said: "I asked my father (Sayyidina 'Ali Radiyallahu 'Anhu) about the conduct of Rasulullah Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wasallam in his assemblies' He replied.. 'Rasulullah Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wasallam was always happy and easy mannered. There was always a smile and a sign of happiness on his blessed face. He was soft-natured and when the people needed his approval, he easily gave consent. He did not speak in a harsh tone nor was he stone-hearted. He did not scream while speaking, nor was he rude or spoke indecently. He did not seek other's faults. He never overpraised anything nor exceeded in joking, nor was he a miser. He kept away from undesirable language and did not make as if he did not hear anything. If he did not agree with the next person's wish he did not make that person feel disheartened, nor did he promise anything to that person. He completely kept himself away from three things: from arguments, pride and senseless utterances. He prohibited people from three things. He did not disgrace or insult anyone, nor look for the faults of others, he only spoke that from which reward was attained (Shamaa’il Tirmidhi)
  37. 37. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training37 They did not argue before him regarding anything. Whenever one spoke to him the other would keep quiet and listen till he would finish. The speech of every person was as if the first person was speaking. (They gave attention to what every person said. It was not as is generally found that in the beginning people pay full attention, and if the talk is lengthened they became bored, and begin to pay less attention). When all laughed for something, he would laugh too. The things that surprised the people, he would also show his surprise regarding that. (He would not sit quietly and keep himself aloof from everyone, but made himself part of the gathering). He exercised patience at the harshness and indecent questions of a traveller. (Villagers usually ask irrelevant questions. They do not show courtesy and ask all types of questions. Sayyidina Rasulullah Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wasallam did not reprimand them but exercised patience). The Sahaabah would bring travellers to his assemblies (so that they thernselves could benefit from the various types of questions asked by these people, and also hear some questions regarding which they themselves, due to etiquette, would not ask). Rasulullah Sallallahu 'Alayhi Wasallam' would say: 'When you see a person in need, then always 'help that person'. (If someone praised him, he would detest it). If someone, by way of thanks praised him, he would remain silent, (because it is necessary that one 'thank a person for a good favour or good deed. It is like one fulfilling one's duty. Some of the 'ulama have translated this as: 'If one did not exceed in praising him, he would keep silent'. That means if he exceeded he would prohibit him). He did not interrupt someone talking and did not begin speaking when someone else was busy speaking. If one exceeded the limits he would stop him or would get up and leave (so that that person would stop)". (Shamaa’il Tirmidhi)
  38. 38. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training 3. Magic Ingredient- Empathy • Empathy (manner of display>care/ respect) + (emphasis on listening> understand message from speaker perspective) – Catch> Fact + Emotion= meaning/ understanding vs • Sympathy (manner of display>care/ respect) – Catch> Emotion only= not meaning/ understanding 38 Facts + Emotion = Meaning of message
  39. 39. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training39 One of the Tabi'i Imam Ata ibn Abi Rabah (‫عنه‬ ‫هللا‬ ‫)رضى‬ said: "A young man would tell me something that I may have heard before he was born. Nevertheless, I listen to him as if I had never heard it before.“ Khalid ibn Safwan al-Tamimi, who frequented the courts of the two Khalif'as Umar ibn Abd' al-Aziz (‫عنه‬ ‫هللا‬ ‫)رضى‬ and Hisham ibn 'Abd al-Malik (‫عنه‬ ‫هللا‬ ‫)رضى‬ said: "If a person tells you something you have heard before, or news that you already learnt, do not interrupt him to exhibit your knowledge to those present. This is rude and ill mannered."
  40. 40. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training40 "Never interrupt a talk, though you know it inside out". - Al Hafiz al-Khatib al-Baghdadi
  41. 41. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training Exercise 3 Group Role- Playing 41
  42. 42. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training Avoid verbal barrier modes – Critic mode- [little put-downs] – Identifier mode- [me too mode] – Defensive mode- [defend first – ask later] – Denying mode [dismissive language]…you’re too sensitive – Being-Right mode [black and white thinking- everything right or wrong] halal Vs haraam no mubah – Interrogator mode- [closed-end, leading the witness statements] – Sparring mode- [argument vs rebuttal] – Diagnostic mode- [psychological analysers making assumptions and then feedback] – Advice mode- [announcing solutions without understanding problem 42
  43. 43. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training Seven Listening Tips 1. Grasp main ideas (content + emotion) 2. Use familiarity to your advantage (don’t make assumptions and be positive) 3. Eliminate physical distractions (i.e. mobiles) 4. Act on what you say you would do- (follow-through skills) 5. Take an interest (saves time overall) 6. Remember you have 2 ears/ 2 eyes/ one mouth 7. Patience- (control own emotion) You don’t control anyone else- but you can influence them The person you have most control over, is you! 43
  44. 44. ‫المقصود‬ Al-Maqsûd Islamic Life Skills Training44 ‫خريا‬‫اهلل‬‫كم‬ ‫زا‬‫ج‬

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