Ten questions and answers about bdsm

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Ten questions and answers about bdsm

  1. 1. About BDSM
  2. 2.  What exactly is BDSM? Bondage and Discipline, Domination and Submission, Sadism and Masochism (BDSM) is any situation where people - of their own free will and choice - magnify the personal power elements between them and act this out for their pleasure. This may be sexual pleasure, but it does not always have to be.
  3. 3.  Are there different forms of BDSM? Yes there are many different forms of BDSM. The two main forms are these: • Lifestyle BDSM - This is the form where partners embed BDSM elements in their relationship in some way. • Kink or fetish BDSM - This is the form where people, occasionally, seek to use power elements, predominantly for their sexual pleasure, without turning it into a lifestyle. One is not more important, or more real, than the other. The two forms are just different. Quite often people grow from "kink" to "lifestyle"
  4. 4.  Is BDSM abnormal? There are power elements in all forms of human behavior: at work, at home, in politics, in sports and in (sexual) relationships. Magnifying the power element in your relationship is not abnormal. The current opinion among professionals is that consensual power exchange between informed and well-adjusted adults is normal and harmless (sexual) behavior.
  5. 5.  What "causes" BDSM feelings? It appears that genetic encoding may have something to do with this and it may also be that upbringing, social environment and education may have an influence. We simply do not know the definite answer. It is estimated that between 15 and 30 percent of the adult Western population nurtures some form of BDSM emotions.
  6. 6.  Why is there such a social stygma on BDSM? A significant part of the general public opinion on BDSM is based on very outdated information Xenophobia (fear of the unknown) plays an important role when it comes to the general opinion about BDSM Same can be said about the ill-informed coverage of the subject by excess-oriented media. Lack of reliable, dilligent scientific research on the subject also plays a part in this.
  7. 7.  Are the people who are very dominant in real life submissive in bed? The fairy tale about high profile politicians or managers seeking to be submissive in bed originates from prostitutes trying to promote their services. There is no proven connection between general social behavior and sexual behavior. Sexual behavior is a very individual thing, hence very different for individual people.
  8. 8.  Are people with a BDSM-inclination not all victims of childhood trauma or abuse? The number of people with a (juvenile or other) traumatic background is not greater nor smaller than it is in any other social group. General level of tolerance within the "BDSM group" allows for more discussion about such subjects and the "BDSM community" is one of the very few social groups that actually and actively sets up help and support facilities for such cases. There is no reason why people with a trauma history should not enter into BDSM-activity, provided they seek professional help and - on a personal level - deal with the trauma FIRST and OUTSIDE a BDSM-situation.
  9. 9.  At what age do BDSM-emotions emerge? About 25 percent of the "BDSM population” has nurtured BDSM-like emotions from a very young age. Plenty of these people can remember being fascinated by power situations before the age of 12. Many others have discovered their BDSM preference at a much later stage. It often comes after dramatic events in their personal life, such as a divorce. Such events causes people to think about themselves, their personalities, preferences and needs.
  10. 10.  Why are many people so secretive about their BDSM emotions? It is not easy to have to tell the world you are "different". This is true for everyone, who nurtures emotions, feelings or ideals that do not coinside with their social environment. The phenomena is known as "coming out (of the closet)” That is a difficult process that requires a lot of juggling between defending and explaining yourself to a probably unwilling audience. Quite often this even leads to a situation where people - regretfully - are too scared to even tell their partner about their emotions.
  11. 11.  If so many people nurture these feelings at young age, why isnt there any information available for them? Much depends on the country you were born in. In most countries sexual education in general leaves much to be desired. About 70 percent of the world population picks up their sexual information from their friends, pornography, excess-oriented media, mistress listings… Not everyone, who (temporarily) may nurture BDSM-like emotions during puberty and adolescense, eventually develops a persistant interest in BDSM, since much of this has to do with the more general sexual experimental phase, everyone goes through at young age. It is very important youngsters follow their own path, without too many outside influences.

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