In The Trauma Of Abuse Book


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In The Trauma Of Abuse Book

  1. 1. In The Trauma Of Abuse
  2. 2. In The Trauma Of Abuse Javvi
  3. 3. Copyright © 2007 by Javvi. ISBN: Softcover 978-1-4257-8670-0 All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner. This book was printed in the United States of America. To order additional copies of this book, contact: Xlibris Corporation 1-888-795-4274 43982
  4. 4. Contents Introduction ...................................................................................................9 Encouragement “Blossom’s” In The Trauma ................................................11 Mission & Vision Statement of Encouragement “Blossom’s” In The Trauma ..........................................15 Chapter One: Habits ....................................................................................17 Chapter Two: Coming Out ............................................................................18 Chapter Three: Catching the Dove and Letting Go of the Raven ..................19 Chapter Four: Sometimes We Fail Ourselves ...............................................20 Chapter Five: In the Trauma of Abuse .........................................................21 Conclusion ...................................................................................................23 Completeness ...............................................................................................25 Gold Plates ..................................................................................................27 Never Quit on Yourself .................................................................................28 In The Shadow of the Nite ............................................................................29 Press Forward ..............................................................................................30 You Can .......................................................................................................31 Why Quit?....................................................................................................32 Conqueror Over it All ..................................................................................33 The Challenge of Humanity .........................................................................34 People of Color.............................................................................................35 Ants in My Chest .........................................................................................36 Safe in the Arms of the Lord ........................................................................37 Bondage .......................................................................................................38 Poverty in the Mind......................................................................................39 Faith in Order to Carry On ...........................................................................40 Business for the Poor ...................................................................................42 The End of My Marriage ..............................................................................44 You are My Joy, Jesus...................................................................................45 Divided We Cannot Stand ............................................................................46
  5. 5. Press in to God.............................................................................................47 Driven ..........................................................................................................48 Press On ......................................................................................................49 Mountains ....................................................................................................50 Greatness Within You . . . ............................................................................51 Javetta’s Conclusion to living well ................................................................52 Javvi’s Quotes ..............................................................................................53
  6. 6. DEDICATION I would like to dedicate this very special book to God for helping me keep a single, and sound mind, and bringing the right people in my life at the right time to direct me on how to raise my children, and on how to keep myself together, and continue on the journey of life. Secondly, I’d like to dedicate this book to my two precious children Jacquinno, and Qualanno. I cried on my babies’ laps many a time during our abused marriage, and they cried on mine. They have brought a lot of joy and peace in my life that I never experienced as a child. Every two years when we visit a different type of roller coaster ride it’s my chance to not only see them growing up, and having fun, but I also get to have the childhood that I never had. Although I’m afraid to jump on the rides they hop on, just ordering food, buying them stuffed animals, them playing games to win, and using their spending money brings great joy to me. I get all happy, and excited running to one end of the park to another with them. Before long they are telling me to slow down, and wait up. The hours we spent doing their homework, and taping our family meetings, are the most treasured moments I’ve enjoyed. I am very proud of both of them, and I love them very much. I didn’t realize that I had so much energy within me. There are a lot of people who have invested within me, and I just want to say thank you. There people who prayed for me that I am much grateful for thank you for allowing God to use you as a vessel. There is a certain # of motivational tapes I listen to every morning that teaches me to attract good things my way, and my children’s way, tapes that teach me how to handle my finances, how to eat healthy, and be healthy. Thank you people. I know you don’t know me personally, but I invite you into my home 3-4 hours a day in order to work on myself, and grow to have a better life for myself, and children. Thank you Jim Rohn for teaching me about finances, and how to teach my children at an early age how to tithe. Thank you Napoleon Hill for letting me know and understand that I needed to forgive, and attract good blessings my way. Thank you T.D. Jakes for your father figure. Thank you Les Brown for sharing your struggles
  7. 7. it has help me get a better handle on mine. Thank you Zig Ziglar for sharing with me a weight problem that you had. I’m learning to get a better handle on my weight. Thank you Earl Nightingale for challenging me to continue my education, and to go back to school. For me that was a secret until you revealed it in so many words. There are books that I read everyday that challenge me to come out of my comfort zone, and help me work on my self-esteem, and children’s growth as a person. Thank you Nathaniel Branden for teaching me to value myself as a person, and to find out who am I, and why am I here. Thank you Judge Maybeline for teaching some of the people in the courtroom. There are people like me sitting at home watching wanting to learn to do better, but may not exactly know how to get there. Thank you Chuck Norris for teaching my children to believe in themselves. There are not inclined to learn karate lessons because you do such positive things with children. You have given them hope by loving your children. My two children said that’s nice he has a relationship with his children he’s the bomb. No they know every male is not bad. They needed a male figure to look up to. There are so many more that I read such as Judge Hatchet, Carter G. Woodson, who helped unlock some chains of bondage mentally off of my mind. There are so many people who have helped get myself together, thank you. I would like to thank all of my instructors in major, and class, you believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. You also saw good in me when I didn’t see it in myself. There were times that I thought the work was to hard for me to get through it, and you challenged me to continue on with the class, and my studies, thank you. I would like to thank myself, and say that I am proud of myself for writing this book, and for believing in myself. It pleases me to grow, and to see other people lives grow. When I look back over my life and see where I was 3 years ago, and how many baby steps it took me to get where I am, and where I am trying to go; I know that if I can do this many other people can also take charge of their lives to, and be proud of their accomplishments whether it be big or small steps. What matters most is that you are having meaning, and fulfillment in your life, and that you try to do the best that you can for your own life.
  8. 8. Introduction It was a sunny morning outside. The smell of bacon smelled good to me! I remember how I wanted to go outside. I spend another day in the closet. My mind was so tired, just at the age of four. I wanted so bad to play with the other children. Even if I could, I wouldn’t know how to play with the other children. At school, I would steal kids toys. No one wanted to talk to me. Some did, but being that I didn’t know how to communicate with them, I withdrew myself from them. I was a nervous wreck. I bit my nails every day. I couldn’t play like I wanted to. There was pornography in the home. My mind was filled with the images on television. I thought that this was a normal way of life. When I was ten years old, I remember screaming in my mind that someone would help me. I remember the time my abusers wanted to change and help me, but drugs and alcohol took them over. When I left home at fifteen and a half, I was full of anger, hatred, and discord. I felt as though the world owed me something, when in reality, I was owed a normal, loving, caring home by my care-givers. My mind was so depressed. My dreams were inside of me but they couldn’t come out. I rocked from ages four to twenty-one. My mind was so unstable that I couldn’t concentrate on school . . . only bad thoughts of abuse. Rocking filled my void when others rejected me. This allowed me to fantasize on what others would say to me and how they would treat me. That was a void that filled my heart for a while. When I had to be with a group of people, I was nervous. My hands would shake. I formed a bad impression of myself and figured that was how people would treat me. Everything I did was never good enough to me and I felt like that to others. In public, I would talk about the wrong things at the wrong time. I was always trying to compete with others. If I didn’t do that, I felt like I couldn’t go on living. By the time I was twenty years old, I had all these additions plus many more. 9
  9. 9. Introducing encouraging music from This CD would go very well to go with the in The Trauma Of Abuse book. Please visit our website for details. Javvi
  10. 10. Encouragement “Blossom’s” In The Trauma This page is dedicated to all our visitors who have visited our site. To the clients who have used our services thank you, and I hope that we have brought you some kind of joy, peace, and encouraging words when we’ve did the encouraging calls, greeting cards, and letters. Please do tell others about us, or contact us to tell others about them. For those of you who do not what our organization is about, I’ll tell you. Encouragement “Blossom’s” In The Trauma: We are a family based non-profit organization, operating out of the state of Ohio at the time. We have been in business since December 31, 2002. The name was first called Our Family Ministry “Blossom’s” With Acts Of Kindness. In 2006 the name was changed. What we do is send encouraging words, e-mails, letters, and greeting cards of our poetry on the cards, and phone encouragement for 21 days. These services are free, and may be used by childhood survivors of abuse, children who are going through abuse, single families who are homeless, and going through an abusive relationship. A mother, and two children, and who went through an abusive marriage, and childhood started the family service. There were times Javvi (who started it) had to encourage herself by her family making, and preparing arts and crafts for others, and being an listening ear when hurting moms and their children were experiencing a trauma crisis in their marriage. This is the beginning of how our wounds began to get healed, and brought great joy to us, so we decided as a family to share the joy of being a listening ear, and bringing encouraging words to others. 11
  11. 11. 12 Javvi We also do speaking engagements that we call trauma conferences introducing our music cd called In The Trauma Of Abuse that is played during our presentation. The children speak about other outlets that they used to conquer through abuse, and introduce their poetry, drawings, and books. Tokens for keepsakes are brought, and a calendar sign up if you wish to have encouragement through phone, e-mails, letters, etc. Usually trauma conferences are with smaller non-profit organizations, youth centers, battered women’s shelters, homeless shelters, and churches. We would like reservations 2 months in advanced, and on the weekends. When it’s usually 5-20 people we serve food and drinks. The locations we serve is: • Pennsylvania Area • Canada near New York • New York Area • New Jersey Area • Illinois Area • Michigan Area • Ohio Area • Missouri Area • Texas Area • Arizona Area • Colorado Area • California Area • Georgia Area • Washington Area • If we are not serving your area please give us a contact.
  12. 12. Encouragement “Blossom’s” In The Trauma Contact Information: 24-Hour Pager and Answering Service: 216-334-5228 Hours of Operation: Mon.-Fri. 9:00 a.m.-6:00 p.m. E-mail : Mailing Address: P. O. Box 14778 Cleveland, Ohio 44114
  13. 13. Mission & Vision Statement of Encouragement “Blossom’s” In The Trauma: It is our goal to help mend the hearts of the homeless single families, and those who are battered going through an abusive relationship, and abused children, through using encouraging words on greeting cards of our poetry, encouraging e-mails, letters, and words. We believe that helping mend these hearts will help these victim of abuse to conquer through their abuse, leave negative talk, and be around more positive, uplifting, encouraging people. 15
  14. 14. Chapter One Habits I would overeat or under eat and seek others approval of what I was doing. I would put so much pressure on my mind about my surroundings, my children, others and me. I allowed people to run over me. I hated it, but I loved it because I was use to it. I didn’t want to change because I thought I wouldn’t like the real me underneath. The root of the problem was a void of loneliness, low self-esteem and not being who I really was. Although I knew who I was, fear became a way of life . . . for me a habit! I was afraid to go to school, afraid of people, afraid of dogs, afraid of standing up for myself. Inside my mind I wanted to be set free, but my mind was wrapped up in events, low self-esteem and depression. I had no hope. 17
  15. 15. Chapter Two Coming Out I received Christ on November 13, 1988. My void was filled. I still felt like I wasn’t good enough so I kept receiving Christ. I got so tired. I decided to walk by faith and not by feelings. I got completely delivered by age twenty-two and at the age of twenty-five, I got back in the same way that I was in, as a child. I got married and remained married for five years, one month, and two days. By the second year of my marriage, I was in worse shape than I was as a child. My mind was played with; my kids and I were physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually abused. Pornography, gossip, and lying flooded our home. I soon lost hope. I went to the wrong people for help instead of relying on God to show me who to talk to and where to go. I behaved like a little girl. My husband fed off of my weaknesses and what he knew about my past. I backslidden because I thought God hated me (especially when I got ready to leave out of that marriage and environment). God began to send the right people to me that became my friends and family. These friends helped me to get back on the right track. God got inside my mind and twisted it. I felt it. I was able to stop being unstable. I no longer cared what others thought and said. I began to study the Word again and write a lot. My soul and spirit returned to God. Depression and nervousness were a healing process. I allowed my mind to think on the things of God according to Romans 12:2 and Ephesians 4. Now I am not vulnerable to abuse. I realize now that abuse does not have to be a way of life for me. During my divorce, I was looking to have a void filled and I participated in a lot of wrong outlets. However, I came out of those outlets and began to let Jesus be my all and all, and let Jesus fill all of my loneliness. The beginning of this filling is a process and something I am aiming to work on every day. 18
  16. 16. Chapter Three Catching the Dove and Letting Go of the Raven I began to feed my mind with tapes from the bible and music. I have a stable mind and a conquering mind, and not just survival instincts. Ravens are usually dead and dull; I was a raven at one time. Doves are pretty and by the way that they fly, they know who they are and where they are going. So do I! I am a dove, flying with confidence. Anyone can receive the dove in his or her hands. I have found out that I do not have to stop living because of sin in my life or because of abuse. I can come out and anyone else can as well. I am free at twenty-nine years old and I refuse to go back! The future looks so much better now. I am in control of my own mind and where I am going. It no longer matters what others say or what they think. Most of the time people are going to think what they want to think anyway. I have chosen to live for God, my family and myself. It is with the mind that I can be in control of my life. I am teaching my children to establish good thought patterns, think on good things, and ask God to direct their thinking. It is with the mind that we succeed in life (or not). What we do plays a big part on what the mind comes with. How we live plays a big part also. 19
  17. 17. Chapter Four Sometimes We Fail Ourselves There was a time in my life when I wanted everyone’s approval for everything. Being that I grew up without love and attention, I really didn’t know what it was. I began to understand that I must first learn to love myself. I learned to understand that I was worth something. When I stopped selling myself short, I began to have some balance and self-confidence in my life. For a long time I had a struggle with who I was. I grew up in a bisexual home. There were things done to me that should not have been done to me as a child or taught. At a young age, I was removed from the environment. I was between the ages of four and seven years old when other women used my body. I now put all of my fears and sorrows in a box, that I call a square. My square has four sides. My four sides are called hope, evil, love and pain—which mean help. In other words, I admit I still have some areas to conquer and not just survive. We all have dirt in us and have been dirty. It is what we decide to do with our dirt that is important and make up who we are. We must ask God daily to give us the strength to live our lives the way we need to. I am proud to share my story with the world. I am well pleased to be started on a new route in my life and I hope you are too. 20
  18. 18. Chapter Five In the Trauma of Abuse In the trauma of abuse, it’s hard to see the way out, it’s hard to see the way through our problems. In the trauma of abuse, it seems as if all the pain we have is squashed in the inside of us. This pain moves down from the inside of our heart and chest, to our head and back. In the trauma of abuse, it’s a load to carry. It feels as if there’s no way out and everyone that seems to be precious to us wounds us. In the trauma of abuse, it seems as if all hope is gone. We can get so loaded down with depression and deception, believing that no one cares. The fact is: no one knows how deep you are in the trauma of abuse. You are crying out from deep within, but you can’t even make your tears stream down. In the trauma of abuse, we must come to realize, we must forgive others and ourselves daily. Finally, we ask the Creator who made us, “help me, I need something bigger than myself.” In the trauma of abuse, there is a way out; we just have to realize that we need something bigger than ourselves to help us through this life, which can be a trauma at times. In the trauma of abuse, we need time to think and be at ease with ourselves. 21
  19. 19. Conclusion Although I may not have had the childhood that I was supposed to, it does not mean that I have to continue living in the pain. I can work through my pain, to start a new beginning for myself. There is nothing that I can do now about what happened to me in my childhood, but I can help change my life and my children’s future. I can only remember vaguely how I was forced to drink alcohol so that I couldn’t remember the sexual activity being done to me. My care-givers would give me alcohol from four years old until I was about eight years old. I would be knocked out for a long time. I lived with someone in my family who was a witch or greatly participated in witchcraft and spoke certain things over me. There were times in our home when the water would turn on and the lights would go on and off when no one physically touched them. I would see huge shadows of darkness and perhaps a person walking through the house. With much prayer and positive imaging, God helped me through this ordeal of creating good thought patterns in my lifestyle and mind set. From time to time, I was strangled and tied down with sheets and clothes hangers and beaten with the heel of shoes. In 2003, I created a song called, In the Trauma of Abuse. As I am the In the Trauma of Abuse speaker and encourage, I share this song with all victims of abuse and neglect. In 2003, my children and I started a family ministry called, Our Family Ministry Blossoms with Act’s of Kindness. (That’s now known as Encouragement “Blossom’s In The Trauma) We send the suicidal youth, homeless elderly lonely, depressed and oppressed encouraging words and emails. Since I’ve changed the name of our non-profit organization, I’m now focused on basing the organization for women who have been abused by a spouse, or child abuse survivors. This is how I was able to forgive myself and others through encouraging others and having a showing of empathy on them and with them. The website is called or www.encoragementblossoms I’m in the process of changing the website from the first one unto the second one. Sometimes people just need encouraging. It’s easy to say get over abuse, but the fact is it is a long process, and for some 23
  20. 20. 24 Javvi people like me who work on themselves daily . . . . This could take the rest of your life. Some people may not understand that this is a challenging process. For me I listen to Napoleon Hill sound recordings, Victor Franco, Jim Rohn, and Les Brown. These tapes encourages me to take responsibility for my life and children. Tai Chi and Pilates has helped me to relax my mind on a daily basis, reading books by T.D. Jakes, Les Brown, Judge Hachett, and Judge Judy, along with other good psychologists has helped me believe that I can raise my children, have a sound mind, and gather success for me that I consider success for myself. You just have to find out what works for you to relieve your stress in life, so that you can cope better in life, with yourself, and family. One day at a time you can learn to focus and take life on.
  21. 21. In The Trauma Of Abuse 25 COMPLETENESS By: Javetta After you have been shattered and torn within your heart, After the pain is still in your head, but has left your heart, After the memories and flashbacks are still there, The wounds are deep inside as if they were a sword, You hurt as if you had a toothache. There seems to be no rest when you’ve done your best, Everybody’s approval of your rights seems important to you, Shackled and bound in the mind. And you come to a conclusion . . . this has got to end! Lord, I surrender all say you, Faith is the substance of things hoped for, The evidence of things not seen, This is what you must believe. This is the first step to completeness in the mind, heart, emotions, and the spirit! As water flows down the streams of a brook, So is God’s completeness in your body, mind, heart, emotions, and spirit. In order for this to take place, you must first be in unity with yourself, and then with God. You must walk out of the old mind and past lifestyle you had. Though others remember you, this is about, and between, you and God. When you yield to God and forgive yourself, this is the beginning of completeness.
  22. 22. 26 Javvi Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen, This is what you must believe. This is the first step to completeness in the mind, heart, and spirit. As water flows down the streams of a brook, So is God’s completeness in your body. In order for this to take place, you must first be in unity with yourself, and then with God. Walk out of the old mind and past lifestyle that you had. Though others remember you, this is about, and between you and God. When you yield to God and forgive yourself, this is the beginning of completeness!
  23. 23. In The Trauma Of Abuse 27 GOLD PLATES By: Javetta The silver tint of the clouds of doubt sometimes cloud around me. But when I decide that I don’t want that tint, I put it away. When depression tangled around my heart, and inside of my mind the weaves of thread, because I thought there was no way out! I began to realize the only way I could truly be set free is to cry out to God with all of my heart. Though I didn’t know how to, joy filled my mind and the heaviness of deep pressure left my soul. When I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown, and stress hit my mind like a headache, unforgiveness of hurt set in my mind and played a part of the devil’s pavilion. God spoke to my mind and told me there’s a way out! There’s a path that man makes that seems right, but in the end there’s death. I turned loose and let go of every chain and weight, spiritually and physically, that was holding me back. I felt God’s hand working inside of my mind setting me free. When I allowed the devil to sit on my right side and talk to me instead of God, I closed out God and depression, obsession of hatred set in. Not caring what takes place in my life set in. I remembered when my life was full of His glory, His joy, His will and not my own. I truly repented with all of my heart and stopped believing the devil. Most of all, I let go of the things I could not change!
  24. 24. 28 Javvi NEVER QUIT ON YOURSELF By: Javetta Looking out on the ocean that is so soft and blue. How the waves twist and shine so wavy, so new. Newness of life seems to be taking place. My heart thrives for a resting place in life. Oh, how I must get to that dwelling place. Never quit on yourself! Try and find yourself. Once you find out who you really are, pursue it. As always, never quit! You must never quit! As the sun seems to tint the ocean, I feel my dreams arising in me . . . myself arising in me. Suddenly a voice speaks to me saying, “Never quit on yourself, you can do it!” Yes, I can! Oh, before I capture my dreams I must find out who I really am. Who am I? Who am I? Why am I really here? As the sound of a heart beat ticks, I discover who I really am. How nice! Suddenly goals, dreams, values, and myself all seem to come in place. I know why I am here. Now I have a place to belong. I know who I really am. Thank God I didn’t quit on myself! After so many changes in life, ways of living, and making so many mistakes, I’m seeing that that is what it sometimes takes to learn not to quit on yourself. There is a somebody in everybody. As the sun sets in place, so must our lives set in place. Just as the tides of water overrides and takes place, so our hearts must want a newness of change. We must not quit on ourselves. That is a challenge in itself. Never quit on yourself. Strive to be who you really can be, to bring out the best in yourself and others. Never quit on yourself. Make that this year’s solute for yourself. Never quit on yourself!
  25. 25. In The Trauma Of Abuse 29 IN THE SHADOW OF THE NITE By: Javetta In the shadow of the nite is when all things seem to break apart. Deep in the dark of the nite is a trail, when everyone seems to think everything is going alright. But we, who are going through it all, know so well how all is not well! “You are strong” they say. “How do you make it” they say. “You are a hero” they say. How they all expect you to do too much of anything. But if they knew what you were thinking sometimes! Only if they knew what you were thinking. Only if they knew what it took to get where you are. Only if they knew that prayer works and how long you stay on your knees in the shadow of the nite. Only if they knew in the shadow of the nite you humbled yourself before God and cried out, “God make me what you want me to be and what I should be!” You love everybody they say. If they only knew the faith it takes to pray for those you used to hate. Would they really want to be like you if they knew how much love and determination, in God, it took you to grow and mature in Christ Jesus? Would they be so quick to judge you the next time they think you should do everything this way or that? When they are put in the shadow of the nite, I wonder if they could stand the heat and how long would they endure. Only those who endure the shadows of the nite until the end comes, God’s way, truly succeed throughout all of life no matter who they are! It takes the dusting of God to build your character, determination to take chances, and dedication to succeed. Remember that when you are going through the shadow of the nite if you really want to succeed throughout life!
  26. 26. 30 Javvi PRESS FORWARD By: Javetta In order to press forward, you have to take off every weight that is holding you down. Get rid of guilt, malice, anger, hatred because there is no other way. God said in His word you can press forward by: whatever you bind on earth shall be bind in heaven. H whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. Bind up anger, strife, malice, hatred, guilt, transgression, feeling like a failure and gossiping. These things have so many women of God stepping backwards like cowards. Let it go! God said if you truly repent, go forward because old things are passed away and all things are new. There is nothing you can do about it. Press forward so that you can change lives and be a soul winner. Press forward with all that’s in you and loose peace in your heart for those who have done you wrong. Loose understanding in your life and your family’s life so your eyes can be full of the wisdom of God. Loose courage so you can fear not and take courage in the Lord. Meditate on God’s word day and night. Be careful not to let them ever slip away. Then God will make your ways successful and prosperous. Press forward in all things, always, and at all times!
  27. 27. In The Trauma Of Abuse 31 YOU CAN By: Javetta You can do anything you want to do. Believe in yourself and press forward without quitting. Do whatever it is you want to do. It doesn’t matter who doesn’t believe in you because God Almighty said you can! You can do all things through Christ which strengthens you! You can reach the top and you can be at the top. Give it all that you have. God loves and believes in you. Love that believes in you. Love that conquers all. Love that is pleasant. That is how God loves you. So, you can! If God is for you, who can be against you? No one of real power!
  28. 28. 32 Javvi WHY QUIT? By: Javetta There are all types of prints that lie in our hearts. The question is are they good prints or bad prints in our hearts? So many times when the road gets rough, and the hills get high, and the dirt road gets sandier, and there are all sighs and no smiles looking at us, we want to just give up and quit. Why are we in such a hurry to quit? Because it is a challenge, use all the determination that you’ve got! Take a good look in your heart because it plays a big part in quitting also. If you have prints of unforgiveness, hatred, strife, anger, and jealousy (on all five fingers especially) that leaves no room for God to move in your heart like He should. If you’re going to quit in something, quit indulging your heart with the past . . . that is over with! Quit indulging yourself with sorrowfulness that you think is due you, and let God give you a new heart with five new fingerprints on it. Love, forgiveness, working hard with your hands, kindness, and joyfulness! Ask Christ to come into your heart and believe in Him. So why quit? It’s not worth it! God has a wonderful plan for your life. Although life may be lonesome and gloomy sometime, you can become someone great in Christ with His joy upon you. Why quit? Give life a shot and do it God’s way this time!
  29. 29. In The Trauma Of Abuse 33 CONQUEROR OVER IT ALL By: Javetta We are conquerors over it all because God said—He who the son sets free is free indeed! No matter what you have done, you can be an overcomer. Overcomers believed in themselves to make it, and must still believe in themselves in order to continue to make it. It takes a conqueror to use every talent and ability they have. We can overcome stress if we just get our eyes off of the circumstances and keep our eyes on overcoming all things. Stress is a pest, but overcoming is a challenge! When we learn to praise the Lord in all things, we can begin to overcome it all through Christ. We are more than conquerors if we only allow ourselves to be!
  30. 30. 34 Javvi THE CHALLENGE OF HUMANITY By: Javetta You must want to change, not want to stay the same. Change is a way of life, although it seems like a pain in life. Life is queer with its twists and turns. So turn to the way of changing. You don’t want to stay the same. Life is learning about overcoming changes and obstacles. We must go through rainbows and shadows in order to become stronger. We as human beings must learn not to quit and to accept the challenges of life!
  31. 31. In The Trauma Of Abuse 35 PEOPLE OF COLOR By: Javetta Colors, colors everywhere. Some are darkened, some are whitened. Some are like brown sugar. Some are like honeydew. All people of color are beautiful in God’s sight. All are precious human beings. The difference is we come from different ethnic backgrounds. We have different coatings on our skin! People of color all have blood flowing through their veins, and they all need the same things, Love, patience, forgiveness, and a new start in life. We all have to believe in each other and work together if we’re going to make a difference! In order for us to come together we must be strong, letting the barriers of differences leave our hearts, people of color.
  32. 32. 36 Javvi ANTS IN MY CHEST By: Jacquinno (8 years old) I can feel the ants inside of my chest as I think about not fitting in and to be like everyone else. It feels like an attack in my heart because of abuse from my dad. This ant in my chest is called pain. I wish it would go away. I don’t know how to make it go away. I’ll hug myself and the ants in my chest and ask God to help me face and go through these ants in my chest.
  33. 33. In The Trauma Of Abuse 37 SAFE IN THE ARMS OF THE LORD By: Javetta I am safe in the arms of Jesus is the source of my health. The Bible says if I trust in God with all of my heart, if I’m not wise in my own eyes, and if I respect the Lord and let him be acknowledged in all my paths; this will bring health to my whole body and nourishment to my bones. I am safe in the arms of Jesus! The Bible says if we keep God’s commands in Exodus 19 (the Ten Commandments) that this will prolong our life and bring us prosperity of all kind. I am safe in the arms of Jesus! When the devil steals something from you remember (if you are a child of God). God said touch not my anointing, revenge is His. God will crush him on the head just as His son Jesus did on Calvary. But we must also do our part; I am safe in the arms of Jesus no matter what. You can be safe in the arms of Jesus, just receive him and trust in Him with all of your heart.
  34. 34. 38 Javvi BONDAGE By: Javetta Bondage is real, and bondage can be . . . Jesus has bonded my mind with the mind of Christ, thoughts that are pure, holy, righteousness, trustworthy, loveable, peaceful, and so much kind thoughts. It feels so good to be bonded by Him. I give his father God all the glory for who my family and I am today. The Father has sealed my mind with the cross of Christ. We no longer have to live in bondage. Jesus Christ said himself he who the Son sets free is free indeed. So we are free of guilt, hatred, strife, or evil imaginations. All we have to do is ask God to show us how to walk free, and speak the Word of God over our thought life and heart life. Bondage is real, and bondage is wrong. We’ve got to let Jesus Christ set us free and bond us with his freedom. Jesus bond me with your freedom, your freedom to think pure and holy peaceable thoughts of God.
  35. 35. In The Trauma Of Abuse 39 POVERTY IN THE MIND By: Javetta Is that why we don’t have? Poverty, poverty, poverty everywhere; it strikes African Americans, Caucasians, Mexicans, Hispanics, people of all colors. There’s different types of poverty; poverty from lack of finances, poverty from lack of material things, what is poverty, a lack of something that we need and cannot go without. If we do go without, we will always have a shortage of something that we so truly need. Just because we don’t have a lack of material things for the time being, does not mean we have to live like it; we must open our minds up (think positive images). But we must first close our mind to how people treat us while we’re in poverty [push those thoughts out]. They are not you and they can never be you, so you have to deal with the poverty in your life. We must change our thoughts of pattern about the poverty we’re in. For example, allowing ourselves to constantly worry about whatever it is we lack doesn’t help if we try to come up with a beginning of a new vision of our lack and help others in the process, and realize we are not alone. We can change the world. One person can change the world just by taking a stand of what we say or do. For those who lack finances and material things, we can start in our minds first with positive imaging and asking God to direct our steps and work toward budgeting, education, paying off our dept one step at a time.
  36. 36. 40 Javvi FAITH IN ORDER TO CARRY ON By: Javetta Yesterday, I did not know where I was going, simply because I did not know where I was going and I did not know how to make it there. And sometimes I still don’t know where I’m going. Since yesterday years has passed. During those troublesome years, I was told by strangers who thought they knew me well that I would not make it in life. I did not have what it takes in life to make it. I was only someone of low importance that had nothing going on in my life; carrying a whole lot of baggage on my shoulders. Today I am surrounded by more people who say that I have what it takes in order to make it through life. Now I know that I can do all things through Christ who gives me the strength. In order for Christ to carry on this way inside of my heart, I must believe in something that I cannot yet see (Christ himself). Now that I believe and I’m on a straight path, I am making it through these rough roads that lie before me. We all must come to a realization. I have come to realize that it does not matter where you come from or what others have said about you or are going to say about you, no matter what you will be challenged, so there is no need to try to please others in what you are wanting to do. What matters is that you know what you want out of life deep inside of your heart. Determination must be a must, and a yes, and you’ve got to know who you are; and where you belong. The more determination I have the more of a clear, purifying glass I will become that will not be broken. I may fall and pieces may even be shattered, but I will not be broken. People shatter you and batter you as if God is not watching; but he is! And he will deal with them. All the people who said that I could not make it will be put to shame themselves.
  37. 37. In The Trauma Of Abuse 41 I am now a strong-minded, determined person with determination and dignity who have the will power through Christ to make it. Yesterday people spoke to soon about me because today it shows a whole new outlook on my life. People who say that you are not something and you know that you are, who cares what they have to say. People who say you cannot do something have themselves missed out on something great in life because they doubted themselves and they were too ashamed to sell their lives out completely to their calling. So really they are telling you what they cannot do and not you yourself. Today is the day that we must determine within ourselves that we are going to be ourselves, that we are going to be free from the bondage of what others say about us and that we will dedicate our lives to become something that seems impossible but yet we believe just like we believed in Christ that we cannot see. Today we know now where we are going but maybe not exactly sure where we will begin at. It takes faith in order to carry on and you must have it, if you want to succeed in life, you must be willing to forget about the past and not look back. If you do this, you will find yourself a step ahead of your old self. This is called the process of faith working within our life and carrying out your hearts desires.
  38. 38. 42 Javvi BUSINESS FOR THE POOR By: Javetta Yesterday was another day that my family and I went without food. Today I don’t want to even get out of the bed. What is it that I can do? Everywhere I turn, it seems as if I can’t find nowhere to turn, no one understands, Umm. Lack seems to overtake me. Umm. The Bible says love conquers all things, and give it shall be given unto you. Umm. Instead of fighting our neighborhoods we can form a group for those who want change and meet on a weekly basis, discussing how we can help each other. Umm. Business for the poor, umm, business for the poor. If we work together . . . Will be content, we’ll have better neighborhoods better minds, and we will be rich in giving and God will bless us for helping each other. U-m-m, business for the poor. Believing on God to meet our needs, as we walk in faith, as we trust in him, as we love our neighbors as ourselves, as we, as we, as we, trusting in the Lord. Business for the poor—God’s way. God’s way. God’s way. Hey, Hey, hey, Hey,. As we walk together, and share together, English, speech, and math; teaching one another, business for the poor valuing our minds (blocking out a lie that we have to be poor) mentally challenging . . . Love the Lord with all of our heart, and loving others like we love ourselves, as the Bible says to. U-m-m. business for the poor, u-m-m. it’s our business to help each other out. Splitting tissues, soap and food between each other. Business for the poor. Being greedy does not help, it only leads to destruction. We can never get anywhere like that. We must be wise in our giving, know who we’re giving to. Business for the poor, u-m-m. business for the poor, u-m-m. the poor, the poor, the poor. Blessed are the poor in spirit for they shall be made rich. Made rich with a will to live, a will to . . .
  39. 39. In The Trauma Of Abuse 43 A will to give, walking in love, revelation of God’s knowledge, wisdom, and understanding, that’s rich, that’s rich, that’s rich. Business for the poor. Let’s dedicate ourselves to the Lord as 2 Corinthians 8:3-5 says, business for the poor, hallelujah, hallelujah, and hallelujah! Business for the poor, u-m-m. let’s receive each other. Business, business, business for the poor, repeat.
  40. 40. 44 Javvi THE END OF MY MARRIAGE By: Javetta You can just see when everything starts to fall apart on you. No one talks about the real problems your marriage is facing. It seems as if no one loves each other any more. Why did you marry, you wonder. Your body is under stress from worrying, you cannot bring the conclusion in your mind that this must end. Lies, someone you can no longer trust or no longer do you want to be around them. At first you want to pity yourself, you realize that’s not working, so denial comes in to cover up what’s really going on. Shattered and torn from physical, mental, and emotional abuse. This end must come and now. Time is running out, as I stay longer, the worst it gets. I am somebody. I do not deserve this, neither does my kids. Physically, mentally and emotionally, I’m in bondage. Every time I leave and get free, I go back and get into bondage, why? I sense there’s a glimpse of hope. It’s still the same game only a different rhythm this time. Finally, I leave him for good.
  41. 41. In The Trauma Of Abuse 45 YOU ARE MY JOY, JESUS By: Javetta You are my joy, you are my everything, you are my joy, you are my everything. Thank you for establishing my paths, you have directed my thoughts in your work, I’ll seek you every day that I live, for the rest of my life. You are my joy, you are my everything, you are my joy, you are my everything. As I look into your eyes, I see that you are pure and h-o-l-y. As I walk with you, I’m beginning to realize you are the only true, wise God. There is not other gospel that is— just yours. You are my joy, you are my everything, you are my joy, Jesus. You are dear to my life, Lord. You are perfect. I want to be around you forever, Lord. Jesus, you are my guiding light. You are my joy, you are my everything. You have cleaned me up, what a wonderful Jesus you are. You are my joy, you are my everything, you are my joy, you are my everything. What a wonderful God. When I look into your eyes, I see that there’s not other like you. You are my joy, you are my everything.
  42. 42. 46 Javvi DIVIDED WE CANNOT STAND By: Javetta Division is the beginning of destruction. Destruction is the beginning of downwardness. Downwardness is going backwards into life. The vision is the beginning of a new construction zone. Construction is headed up the hill towards upwardness in life we will either be divided or visualize our plans, friendships and lifestyles. We must decide. In order to be an encourager to help others visualize their plans we must work together in love and workmanship. Division only destroys and puts people farther apart. A plan in action brings people together. Divided we cannot stand.
  43. 43. In The Trauma Of Abuse 47 PRESS IN TO GOD By: Javetta We need the Prince to Rest in His Everlasting Sweet Smell. Press into God in everything. As we come to Jesus we must give him our all. Press to get the best of God by resting in his sweet smelling aroma. Press into the Prince that is the only Prince that is the only Prince of Peace and the only true King that can change our lives for the best in the North, South, East, and West. Our whole hearts must be given to God in order for true change to take place—Hallelujah let’s press on in to God, encourage other to give their best to God.
  44. 44. 48 Javvi DRIVEN By: Javetta There are all types of prints that lie in our hearts. The question is, are they good prints or bad prints in our hearts? So many times when the road gets rough, and the hills get high, and the direst road gets sandier, and there are all sighs and no smiles looking at us, we want to just give up and quit! Why are we in such a hurry to quit? Because it is a challenge, use all the determination that you’ve got take a good look in your heart because it plays a big part in quitting also. If you have prints of unforgiveness, hatred, strife, anger, and jealousy (on all five fingers especially) that leaves no room for God to move in your heart like He should. If you’re going to quit in something, quit indulging your heart with the past . . . that is over with! Quit indulging yourself with sorrowfulness that you think is due you, and let God give you a new heart with five new fingerprints on it. Love, forgiveness, working hard with your hands, kindness, and joyfulness! Ask Christ to come into your heart and believe in Him. So why quit? It’s not worth it! God has a wonderful plan for your life. Although life may be lonesome and gloomy sometimes, you can become someone great in Christ with His joy upon you. Why quit? Give life a shot and do it God’s way this time!
  45. 45. In The Trauma Of Abuse 49 PRESS ON By: Javetta If there is anything you want to do, do it while you can! If there ever comes a day you let the cares of this world tie you down, it makes it hard to look far ahead. Believe in who you are and what you can do. Do not let debt hold you down. Do not let the past of others knowing who you used to be hold you back. Push forward and press on in life! Remember, no one can do exactly what you can do! The sky is the only limit that you have. One of the greatest miracles lies in who you are. It takes courage to press on, press in, and press through. Press on!
  46. 46. 50 Javvi MOUNTAINS By: Javetta You can’t keep a dreamer down, Although the peace seems so slow around us, Although we seem to be climbing low, You may even need to pace your race, Remember the dream lies within you. When frustration comes, and doubting lies within your mind, Shake yourself and start back to climbing high toward your dream. Your dream is your dream, and not that of anyone else’s. Move toward your place in life, you have not been forgotten about. You must live with yourself, and be important to yourself. Although mountains will rise and come, rise up! Stand up! Be faithful! And go through your mountain. Mountains come and mountains go. The key is how we manage to go through life within our mind. You have come to far to turn back now. You are closer to your dreams than you once was. Mountains can be high and low, Mountains will come and go, How are you going to chose to go through your mountain? Must you rest? Go ahead. Must you pace yourself in your own race? Step by step. The flow of peace still lies within you. One day at a time, One day at a time. Remember your mountains are not too high for you. Don’t let your mountain over whelm you.
  47. 47. In The Trauma Of Abuse 51 GREATNESS WITHIN YOU . . . By: Javetta Inwardly though I’m twisted and stirred up with mixed emotions, there is greatness within me. Though the shackles of life have burden me down, greatness is still within me. Although I am like the raven that can be ugly and strike back meanly, There is still greatness within me. How can I get this greatness out of me? I must first start by forgiving myself and letting go of everything within the past, that can help me get angry so quickly. Greatness is within me, I can hear it calling my name. I must take responsibility for my life and for the choices that I have made. Greatness is within me; therefore I can make better decisions for myself. Thinking for myself and making good decisions is greatness for me, What else can I decide that is success foe me? Doing what I think is best besides what others think or feel that I should or should or should have done. This greatness for me, I embrace. Greatness is within me for me to embrace. Could it be that I must work within myself to pull this greatness out of me? I have pulled, and I have pecked, and I have wept. Had I known that greatness comes when I start by forgiving myself, then others; this love for myself I could have been embraced. Greatness is shining within me, not that I have let this burden flow out of me. I must never quit on myself and continue believing within myself no matter the outcome in life that I may receive. Greatness is within me and I’m rising and standing high saying it aloud. My life is mine to use, treat, and use as a temple. What will you do with your life? From day to day we can allow life to come in us, near us, or to pass us. Greatness is within you.
  48. 48. 52 Javvi JAVETTA’S CONCLUSION TO LIVING WELL Now that I’m 35 years old, and am on a journey to living life the way I see fit that’s success for me; I don’t allow people to continue in my life who insist on telling me what to do. You have to find your on conclusion as to how you are going to live your own life. As for me, I’ve decided to continue my education in law enforcement, and eventually law school. I would like to bring some hope to those who are in domestic violence situations, and childhood abuse survivors. I began each day with a family circle of prayer with my children. Enjoying every moment my 9 and 11 year old boys are growing, publishing their own books, art work, and poetry. Currently I’m working on a new music cd with my children called Never Quit On Yourself. The children and I are working on a play called In The Trauma Of Abuse. In this play it allows children who have been emotional abused, physically, and mentally abused the trauma experience of speaking about what they have been through. Thank you for your time. If you believe this book has been uplifting to you, please share it with others and let them know about the In The Trauma Of Abuse music cd that we have available please.
  49. 49. In The Trauma Of Abuse 53 JAVVI’S QUOTES: For years I struggled with the struggle within my own self. I didn’t really like myself, but yet I had to live with myself. When I stopped hating myself, and learned to accept myself, and love myself, it became much easier for me to take better care of my health, to look good, look my best, to save financially for myself, and accept my children. This is my special quote called the struggle within. The Struggle Within: Underneath the scars there lies a struggle within me. Underneath it all I’m just an everyday person who is learning, and growing everyday. I’m just an ordinary person who’s working through my struggles. There is no magic to who I am, for I am just an ordinary, everyday person who am striving to do the best, and be the best that I can be. I am learning, maturing, and growing. If I am a role model to you, please remember that I am not a pedestal, nor neither am I a perfect human being. I am a serving, learning, role model who am striving, and learning just like you are. Do not mistake my kindness as a weakness, for there is another side to me. I can fall just like anyone can, that is why your prayers can help me so dearly grow. When I falter please pray for me, and bring it to my personal attention instead of telling everyone. Remember, you share a struggle within to. If you point your fingers at me, ten fingers may be pointed back at you. If you help me with my struggle others will help you with your struggle within. It is a proven fact what ever you sow into a person’s life you will eventually reap. The struggle within seems like a quick pace, Sometimes I can’t keep up with this race. My mind sometimes feels twisted with all the new changes taking places inwardly, and outwardly. This is all worth the struggle to grow inwardly, and outwardly. This is why we must tap more into ourselves, and find out more about us, instead of trying to measure up to the person everyone else expects us to measure up to. This is your life take charge of it. No one can life your life for you. You need to do what you think is best with your own life, instead of living for everyone else. Live your life to the fullest, because you only have one to live. Your life should be lived for you.
  50. 50. This page is for version tracking purposes only. This is not part of the book and will be deleted when the book goes into Author Copy Stage. Jake S. Muelle Designed by : Reviewed by : Floramie Tuastomban Date Completed : October 02, 2007