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Almost everything i need to know about love I learned from Rumi

Inspiration about love and what makes it so both from Rumi and the theory of love.

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Almost everything i need to know about love I learned from Rumi

  1. 1. A PerfectMuslimWedding.com Production 2015 All images and content are copyright of respective owners
  2. 2.  There is no one definition  We know it when we see it, feel it, hear it, experience it.  It is a divine attribute, an energy a force that surrounds us, jus like gravity.  It is free and the more you give the more you get.
  3. 3.  I WILL ONLY FEEL WHOLE AND COMPLETE WITH HER/HIM  LOVE CONQUERS ALL  There is only one true love or soul mate for you.  Love occurs when it’s “love at first sight.”  You will be completely fulfilled in every way. Powerful sexual chemistry equals love.  IF WE REALLY LOVE EACH OTHER NOTHING CAN BREAK US APART  LOVE COMES AND STAYS AUTOMATICALLY, WE DON’T HAVE TO WORK AT IT.  MY LOVE WILL FILL MY VOIDS, MY NEEDS AND MY INSECURITIES
  4. 4.  Highly passionate, sexual, & intense  Often Believe in:  Love as Magical  Love as fate  Love at first sight  Very “American”  Movie: Titanic / Romeo and Juliet / Ghosts / Sweet Home Alabama / Natural Born Killers / Princess Bride / Sleepless in Seattle / Snow White, Sleeping Beauty & Cinderella  Hollywood loves eros love!
  5. 5.  The “Players” love  Will often:  Keep their passions in check  Avoid trouble and intensity  Feel uncomfortable about commitment  Keep secrets  Have affairs  Remember, we all have a little ludus in us  When a relationship gets too intense (or is no longer fun), they leave  Movie: Great Expectations / St. Elmo’s Fire / Cruel Intentions / Dangerous Liaisons  Hollywood’s Formula: Ludus plays with Eros--Eros is crushed
  6. 6.  Peaceful and slow  Not passionate and intense  Friendship is key  Difficult to separate from friendships  This love . . .  Develops over time  Endures long periods of inactivity or excitement  Lacks the heat of eros and the games of ludus  Movie: Harry Met Sally / The Wedding Singer / My Best Friends Wedding / Shrek / You’ve Got Mail / Beauty and the Beast / 2 Weeks Notice / How To Lose A Guy / Tootsie
  7. 7.  Practical  Looking for “types”  Parents, $, race, nationality, family, etc.  Love is logical & More stable  Not magical, but rational  Movie: Pretty Woman / Bridges of MC / As Good As It Gets / Shakespeare in Love / Big Fat Greek Wedding / Grease / Maid in Manhattan / Notting Hill  Hollywood Formula: Woman settles for pragma love--but is unhappy
  8. 8.  Extreme highs and lows  Jealousy  Obsessive  Self-worth comes from the relationship  Nothing else matters  Movie: Fatal Attraction / Something About Mary / American Beauty / The Crush / Memento / Taxi Driver / Swim Fan  Hollywood Formula: slashing tires, stalking, going into exile, drinking, etc..
  9. 9.  This love is . . .  Compassionate  Selfless  Egoless  No concern for personal reward or gain  Want the best for the other person  Movie: Forrest Gump / Man Love a Women / John Q / Casablanca /
  10. 10. Thought Frequency As Pie Charts Men thrashing Aging Having to pee Things we shouldn’t have eaten Food Pets Sex The relationship Women Sports The relationship Sex Men Going bald Aging Strange ear & nose hair growthCareer
  11. 11. Consummate Commitment Liking Passion Romantic Intimacy Companionate Fatuous Infatuate Empty Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love (Intimacy & Passion) (Intimacy & Commitment) (Passion & Commitment)
  12. 12. Intimac y Passion Commitment Non-Love x x x Liking  x x Infatuated x  x Empty x x  Romantic   x Companionat e  x  Fatuous x   Consummate    Sternberg’s 8 Components of Love
  13. 13. Attraction Communication/ consolidation Buildup Ending Deterioration and decline Relationship continues Triggering factors: Proximity, Similarity, Erotic love etc… Social-exchange and equity: Communication, Self-disclosure, Communal concern, External supports Social-exchange and equity/inequity: Relative attractiveness of alternatives, Barriers to dissolution Important variables influencing attraction Emotion Low: Relationship in stable state High: Heady feeling of romantic High: Upset of deterioration and trauma of disruption The life cycle of a relationship
  14. 14.  Factors that increase attraction  Proximity – people you know or see often  Similarity – background, values, attitudes  Physical Attraction – “matching hypothesis”  Personality – openness, sociability, humor  Economic Resources – especially in men  Mutual Attraction and Love  Ideal qualities are consistent across gender, culture, and sexual orientation
  15. 15.  Study comparing 37 cultures (Buss, 1989)  Men valued “good looks” in their partner  Women valued “good financial prospect” in their partner  Men preferred younger partners  Women preferred older partners
  16. 16.  Self-disclosure is important  Those who value intimacy tend to be more trusting, concerned for others, disclose more, have more positive thoughts about others, are perceived as more likable, smile, laugh, make more eye contact, and enjoy marriage more
  17. 17.  1. Physical Style (appearance, personal fitness, and hygiene)  2. Emotional Style (attitude toward romance, affectionate, supportive, faithful)  3. Intellectual Style (educational background, enjoys learning, attitude toward world affairs, creativity)  4. Social Style (personality traits, interaction with others, sense of humor)  5. Sexual Style (enjoys sex, likes to cuddle, easily aroused with no hang-ups)  6. Communication Style (verbally articulate, good listener, attitude toward communication, expresses thoughts and feelings)
  18. 18.  7. Spiritual Style (believes in God or higher power, has moral views, open to the mystical and different philosophies of life, compassionate toward less fortunate)  8. Personal Growth Style (attitude toward self- improvement, wants to learn about self and change for the better, sees own shortcomings, attends seminars)  9. Financial Style (relationship with money, attitude toward success, hard worker, ambitious career, honest and ethical, financially responsible)  10. Interests and Hobbies (enjoys music, dance, movies, travel, or whatever you are interested in).

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