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S t o p T h e W h i n i n g :
How To Complain Effectively
W i l d W i s c o n s i n W i n t e r W e b
Conference 2015 - Ja...
C o m p l a i n i n g E f f e c t i v e l y
I s N o t t h e S a m e a s W h i n i n g
Stop the Whining: How To Complain Ef...
M e e t P a t
•  Consultant and trainer for libraries since 1978
•  Speaker at ALA, PLA, LLAMA, MLA, AALL
•  Frequent visi...
Outcomes
Research and apply how decisions are made in
your workplace
Become more effective at solving problems
Grow your r...
Agenda
•  Why Do People Whine
•  How To Talk About the Problem
•  Audit Your Own Behavior First
•  Analyze The Issue
•  Wh...
Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively
Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015
6	
  
W h y D o P e o p l e W h i ...
•  Other people are doing it.
Whiny employees mimic the behavior
of whiny supervisors, and vice versa!
•  We don’t know ho...
•  We are putting off making a difficult decision.
•  We want people and situations to change, but
we don’t want to do any...
Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively
Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015
9	
  
W h i n i n g i s c o n t a ...
Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively
Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015
10	
  
H o w T o T a l k A b o u t...
How We Make Things Worse
•  Exaggeration
•  Escalation
•  Embellishment
•  Inaccuracy: not checking the facts
•  Generaliz...
Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively
Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015
12	
  
R e d u c e t h e d r a m a
The Voice of Reason
•  Only repeat what is true
•  Physical evidence
•  Concrete descriptions
Avoid adjectives and adverbs...
Translation
•  She ignored me.
•  The mayor hates libraries.
•  No one likes the new collection policy.
•  Everyone is ups...
Translation
•  She did not speak to me.
•  The city has a 10% shortfall
•  I don’t like the new collection policy.
•  I am...
Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively
Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015
16	
  
A u d i t Y o u r O w n B e...
Build Your Credibility
•  Trustworthy and reliable
•  Self-starter and pro-active
•  Low maintenance and even-tempered
•  ...
Time To Be Quiet
•  Is what you want to say:
Productive
Contributes to the solution
Supports other people’s success
Someth...
Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively
Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015
19	
  
A n a l y z e t h e I s s u...
Plan
•  Research
•  Write it down
•  Ask for real help
•  Come up with multiple strategies
Stop the Whining: How To Compla...
Mistakes
•  Don’t have the facts, just opinions and feelings
•  No written plan, so ideas, decisions, and actions
are not ...
Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively
Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015
22	
  
W h o W i l l F i x t h e P...
The Governance Game
•  Who gets to make decisions?
•  What decisions do they get to make?
•  How are decisions made?
•  Wh...
Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively
Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015
24	
  
T h e m y t h o f t h e c o...
Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively
Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015
25	
  
W h a t D o T h e y N e e d
Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively
Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015
26	
  
H o w d o y o u m a k e i t...
Convince Me!
•  Empathy for my position
•  What are my priorities?
•  Who do I have to please?
•  What are my selling poin...
Selling Points
•  Money: fiscally conservative
•  Status: influence in the community
•  Reputation: state and national awa...
N e x t S t e p s
Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively
Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015
29	
  
Resources
•  Discipline without Punishment, Dick Grote
•  Getting to Yes, Roger Fisher and William Ury
•  How To Raise You...
Contact
•  sieralearn.com
•  pat@sieralearn.com
•  twitter: @pat2pattern and @sieralearnteach
•  facebook: Pat Wagner
•  L...
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Whining wagnerwi jan2015

  1. 1. S t o p T h e W h i n i n g : How To Complain Effectively W i l d W i s c o n s i n W i n t e r W e b Conference 2015 - January 22, 2014 with Pat Wagner – sieralearn.com
  2. 2. C o m p l a i n i n g E f f e c t i v e l y I s N o t t h e S a m e a s W h i n i n g Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 2  
  3. 3. M e e t P a t •  Consultant and trainer for libraries since 1978 •  Speaker at ALA, PLA, LLAMA, MLA, AALL •  Frequent visitor to Wisconsin libraries •  Has survived her share of Wisconsin winters •  Images: pixabay.com Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 3  
  4. 4. Outcomes Research and apply how decisions are made in your workplace Become more effective at solving problems Grow your reputation as a leader. Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 4  
  5. 5. Agenda •  Why Do People Whine •  How To Talk About the Problem •  Audit Your Own Behavior First •  Analyze The Issue •  Who Will Fix The Problem •  What Do They Need Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 5  
  6. 6. Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 6   W h y D o P e o p l e W h i n e ?
  7. 7. •  Other people are doing it. Whiny employees mimic the behavior of whiny supervisors, and vice versa! •  We don’t know how to ask for what we want. •  We want change without taking responsibility. •  We get attention and bonding. Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 7  
  8. 8. •  We are putting off making a difficult decision. •  We want people and situations to change, but we don’t want to do anything differently. •  We feel helpless in the face of authority; we don’t believe people in power care. Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 8  
  9. 9. Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 9   W h i n i n g i s c o n t a g i o u s C a n i t s t o p w i t h y o u ?
  10. 10. Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 10   H o w T o T a l k A b o u t t h e P r o b l e m
  11. 11. How We Make Things Worse •  Exaggeration •  Escalation •  Embellishment •  Inaccuracy: not checking the facts •  Generalizations: oversimplification Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 11  
  12. 12. Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 12   R e d u c e t h e d r a m a
  13. 13. The Voice of Reason •  Only repeat what is true •  Physical evidence •  Concrete descriptions Avoid adjectives and adverbs Avoid abstractions •  Numbers Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 13  
  14. 14. Translation •  She ignored me. •  The mayor hates libraries. •  No one likes the new collection policy. •  Everyone is upset about the change in hours. •  My experience means nothing to the board. Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 14  
  15. 15. Translation •  She did not speak to me. •  The city has a 10% shortfall •  I don’t like the new collection policy. •  I am upset about the change in hours. •  I might not get the promotion. Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 15  
  16. 16. Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 16   A u d i t Y o u r O w n B e h a v i o r F i r s t
  17. 17. Build Your Credibility •  Trustworthy and reliable •  Self-starter and pro-active •  Low maintenance and even-tempered •  Hard-working and productive What would you add? Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 17  
  18. 18. Time To Be Quiet •  Is what you want to say: Productive Contributes to the solution Supports other people’s success Something you will never regret Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 18  
  19. 19. Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 19   A n a l y z e t h e I s s u e
  20. 20. Plan •  Research •  Write it down •  Ask for real help •  Come up with multiple strategies Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 20  
  21. 21. Mistakes •  Don’t have the facts, just opinions and feelings •  No written plan, so ideas, decisions, and actions are not nailed down: Flailing! •  Don’t ask for advice and help •  Don’t build a team •  Only relying on one strategy Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 21  
  22. 22. Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 22   W h o W i l l F i x t h e P r o b l e m
  23. 23. The Governance Game •  Who gets to make decisions? •  What decisions do they get to make? •  How are decisions made? •  Who implements those decisions? Do you know the “real” organizational chart? Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 23  
  24. 24. Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 24   T h e m y t h o f t h e c o m m i t t e e
  25. 25. Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 25   W h a t D o T h e y N e e d
  26. 26. Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 26   H o w d o y o u m a k e i t e a s y f o r t h e d e c i s i o n - m a k e r s t o y e s ?
  27. 27. Convince Me! •  Empathy for my position •  What are my priorities? •  Who do I have to please? •  What are my selling points? Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 27  
  28. 28. Selling Points •  Money: fiscally conservative •  Status: influence in the community •  Reputation: state and national awards •  Stability: making no waves •  Fame: innovation and experimentation Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 28  
  29. 29. N e x t S t e p s Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 29  
  30. 30. Resources •  Discipline without Punishment, Dick Grote •  Getting to Yes, Roger Fisher and William Ury •  How To Raise Your Self-Esteem, N. Branden •  Learned Optimism, Martin Seligman •  Don’t Shoot the Dog, Karen Pryor •  Becoming a Manager, Linda Hill Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 30  
  31. 31. Contact •  sieralearn.com •  pat@sieralearn.com •  twitter: @pat2pattern and @sieralearnteach •  facebook: Pat Wagner •  LinkedIn: Pat Wagner •  Google+: Pat Wagner •  librarything.com: patternresearch Stop the Whining: How To Complain Effectively Wild Wisconsin Winter Web Conference 2015 31  

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