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Managing Conflict With Confidence


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Managing Conflict With Confidence

  1. 1. Managing Conflict With Confidence: 7 Tips for Conflict Resolution 7 Tips for Conflict Resolution Jamie Notter Texas Society of Association Executives #newideas10 September 21, 2010
  2. 2. Welcome! Managing conflict... Handouts Giveaway!
  3. 3. CONFLICT
  5. 5. How do you feel about conflict? about conflict? HATE DISLIKE OKAY LOVE Avoid Avoid Resolution
  6. 6. Self-Perpetuating Cycle Conflict exists We avoid either the conflict or its resolution Conflict gets worse! We avoid more
  7. 7. BREAK THE CYCLE: 7 Tips for Managing Conflict 7 Tips for Managing Conflict <ul><li>3 Attitude Tips </li></ul><ul><li>3 Behavior Tips </li></ul><ul><li>1 Challenge </li></ul>
  8. 8. Tip #1: (attitude) (attitude) <ul><li>Know yourself. </li></ul>
  9. 9. Tip #1: Know yourself Know yourself <ul><li>I S T J </li></ul><ul><li>E N F P </li></ul>
  10. 10. <ul><li>TJ </li></ul><ul><li>TP </li></ul><ul><li>FJ </li></ul><ul><li>FP </li></ul>Tip #1:Know yourself
  11. 11. Tip #2: (attitude) (attitude) <ul><li>Humans are emotional. </li></ul><ul><li>Get over it. </li></ul>
  12. 12. Tip #2: Accept Emotions Accept Emotions
  13. 13. Tip #2:Accept Emotions
  14. 14. Tip #3: (attitude) (attitude) <ul><li>Move toward the conflict. </li></ul>
  15. 15. Tip #3: Move toward conflict Move toward conflict
  16. 16. Tip #4: (behavior) (behavior) <ul><li>Put learning first </li></ul><ul><li>(ask questions). </li></ul>
  17. 17. Tip #4: Put learning first Put learning first converge diverge
  18. 18. Tip #5: (behavior) (behavior) <ul><li>Value stories over “truth” </li></ul><ul><li>(ladder of inference). </li></ul>
  19. 19. Ladder of Inference I take ACTIONS based on my beliefs I adopt BELIEFS about the world I draw CONCLUSIONS I make ASSUMPTIONS based on the meanings I added I add MEANING (cultural and personal) I SELECT data from what I observe Observable DATA and experiences Source: Peter Senge, et al., The Fifth Discipline Fieldbook, p. 243
  20. 20. Tip #6: (behavior) (behavior) <ul><li>Feedback over judgment and </li></ul><ul><li>requests over demands </li></ul>
  21. 21. The Secret to Effective Feedback: Behavior Impact Judgment
  22. 22. Behavior-Impact Feedback Model <ul><li>WHEN YOU [do something...] </li></ul><ul><li>I [react this way...] </li></ul><ul><li>BECAUSE [of these reasons...] </li></ul><ul><li>SO I HAVE A REQUEST... </li></ul>Behavior Impact
  23. 23. Giving Feedback <ul><li>Exercise: Micromanager or Public Shame </li></ul><ul><li>Read the scenario. </li></ul><ul><li>Discuss with your table. </li></ul><ul><li>Come up with feedback, using the Model (you can use the four questions as a guide) </li></ul><ul><li>One person prepare to report your answer. </li></ul>
  24. 24. Tip #7: (challenge) (challenge) <ul><li>Change you, not them. </li></ul>
  25. 25. Questions? Jamie Notter