Love What You Do - A Key Ingredient for Success - Donald J.
Discover How To Reach Success, Happiness, Fame & Fortune! -
The Secrets Of Happiness - Jordan Cheng
Doing Our Full Potential - Scott H Young
Double Your Reading Rate - Scott H Young
Twenty Unique Ways to Use the 80/20 Rule Today - Scott H
The Critical Seven Rules to Understand People - Scott H Young
Law of Attraction : Questions, Questions, Questions... - Aldian
Loving Relationships – Affirmations – Mastering the Art of Life
- John Ryder
The Three Levels of Thinking - The Power of Purpose - Peter S.
The Secret Of Happiness – Noah Weinberg
10 Critical Success Clues for Success – Lesley Fieger
10 Winning Traits for Success – Richard Gorham
12 Elements for Success – Lesley Fieger
How To Make Your Wildest Dreams A Reality – Craig Lock
Ignite Your Success - Paul Frazer
Seven Character Traits of Successful People – Chris Widener
Seven Ideas for Success – Uravi Kumar
7 Things You Can Do To Reach The Success You Truly Desire –
BZ Riger Hull
Being a Winner - Ten Tips for Success – Petra Rankin
The Amazing Success Secret Anyone Can Start Using Today –
How To Begin Your Journey To Success – Dave Origano
Effective Strategies for Stopping Procrastination – Garret Coan
The Power of Mind Imagery - Joel S. Nelson
What You Need To Do To Be Successful – Graham and Julie
The Three-Step Formula To Success – Dean Phillips
You Become What You Think About -
How To Remove Obstacles For Personal Growth - Author
How To Become Attractive - Thomas Leonard
Motivating Interviewing - Author Unknown
How To Live A Happy And Rewarding Life - Author Unknown
The Five Rules Of Happiness - Burt Goldman
Top Seven Strategies To Become The Best At What You Do -
Lee Karjuki; Dean Amory
Sixty Small Ways To Improve Your Life In The Next 100 Days -
Quotes - Various Authors
What It Takes To Enhance Your Life - Dean Amory
Fifteen Ways To Enhance your Life Immediately - Dean Amory
Journey to Happiness - Organisational aid - Dean Amory
HOW TO USE THIS BOOK
This is not a reading book that you can read in one evening. It's a
kaleidoscope of opinions on how you can enhance your life. Hence,
the best way to read this book is to read one chapter at the time and
then bring into practice what you read before proceeding to the next
The texts in this book are public domain publications. However,
before citing an article in a commercial publication, it is advised to
always check with the author.
LOVE WHAT YOU DO - A KEY
INGREDIENT FOR SUCCESS
by Donald J. Trump, Chairman, Trump University
There is an ingredient for success that is often overlooked, maybe
because it sounds out of place in business lingo. But I know for a fact
that it is absolutely necessary to achieve any kind of long lasting
success, and I know this from experience. That ingredient is passion.
Enthusiasm on a big scale equals passion. If you don’t have passion,
everything you do will fizzle out, or be mediocre, at best. You have to
love what you’re doing in order to make it in a big time way. People
with passion never give up, because they’ll never have a reason to give
up, no matter what their circumstances might be. It’s an intangible
momentum that can make you indomitable.
Another way to see this clearly is to realize that passion conquers fear.
This is an important fact when considering achievement of any sort.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said “Every great and commanding movement
in the annals of the world is the triumph of enthusiasm. Nothing great
was ever achieved without it.” I agree. Think about that statement and
keep it close to you.
Next, assess your interests. What do you love doing? What is your
imagination presenting to you? Can you develop any of these interests
into a viable source of income? Can you come up with a personal
blueprint? Do you have a foundation in place, or in the works, for this
blueprint? Ask yourself these questions, cover your bases, and then
move forward. Without momentum, you will simply be daydreaming.
Very often the dividing line between success and failure is a lack of
passion. I’ve known people who have had fantastic ideas who can’t
seem to get them off the ground because they approach everything
passively. They think the idea will somehow get off the ground by
itself, or that just coming up with the idea is enough. Let me tell you
something—it’s not enough. It will never be enough. You have to put
the idea into action. And if you don’t have the motivation or
enthusiasm to do it yourself, it’s likely your great idea will sit on top
of your desk or inside your head for a long time to come.
The pursuit of happiness is a proactive endeavour. People need to
cultivate interests and explore their own skills and talents to really find
out what they love. But it doesn’t end there. People interested in
happiness—and who isn’t?—must also discover or create outlets to
enhance and sustain their passions.
Happiness, as a function of loving what you do, is a complex
phenomenon that encompasses temperament, talents, and deep-rooted
personality traits. There’s a lot to sort out, but it’s more than worth the
effort because you can’t fix problems you don’t understand. A good
self-evaluation, undertaken through a formal assessment that’s based
on validated, statistical sampling, can go a long way toward helping
one learn just what it is that makes him/her happy, and finding a
Passion is a catalyst. Use it to your advantage and you can start
achieving tremendous things. Whatever you do, don’t overlook or
underestimate this important ingredient for success. It can take you to
some amazing places!
Hope to see you there.
DISCOVER HOW TO REACH
SUCCESS, HAPPINESS, FAME &
The secrets to getting ahead in life and being successful are so simple
that we often overlook them. Replacing a few bad habits with a few
good ones can make a big difference.
Try the following tips to get ahead in life
Choose Good Companions
Two are better than one, and you will find it both protection and
incentive if you can secure a faithful friend; and in some respects
better than two are the many; therefore you cannot do more wisely
than seek out a wider companionship. Whilst instructed by the
information of some, and strengthened by the firmer faith or larger
experience of others, there are important themes on which you will
learn to think with precision.
Mrs. Whitney says, in one of her books, that "the things which are
crowded out of a life are the test of that life," and I believe that the
saying is true in its widest sense. Examine our lives closely, and we
shall find that we constantly delude ourselves with the idea that we
would accomplish certain things if we had time, when, in truth, we
have no real desire for those things. One person will say that reading is
out of the question; another will bewail the impossibility of
maintaining social relations; a third will avow that charitable or
benevolent enterprises would delight her if she might engage in them
and all the time these good people are comforting themselves with a
fallacy. The things for which they do find time are the things they
The things which are crowded out are the things they would not
choose if life lay unemployed before them. Scores of wives and
mothers are busied constantly with their family cares, but not one in
every score loves music enough to steal time for practice. Hundreds of
young men are forced by stress of circumstances to work hard for daily
subsistence, but only one in a thousand, perhaps, conquers the
difficulty of his position, and makes a name for himself. This one
might not have found his way easier or its upward steps less tiresome,
but he wanted to succeed, and so wanting, let nothing needful be
Keep Your Temper
You will accomplish nothing by losing it. Many date their failure in
business to some hasty and ill-considered statement made during a fit
of temper. When things go awry, business is dull, and the prospect is
dark ahead, it is very poor consolation to indulge in passionate and
angry remarks to those around you. The frown on a person's face is a
good indication of the state of the feelings within. The world judges us
by our outward conduct and behaviour, and ill-nature and anger. Keep
Energy and Courage
Energy enables a man to force his way through irksome drudgery and
dry details, and carries him onward and upward in every station in life.
It accomplishes more than genius. Energy of will may be defined to be
the very central power of character in a man - in a word, it is the Man
himself. True hope is based on it - and it is hope that gives the real
perfume to life. No blessing is equal to the possession of a stout heart
Charles IX, of Sweden, was a firm believer in the power of will, even
in a youth. Laying his hand on the head of his youngest son, when
engaged upon a difficult task, he exclaimed. "He shall do it! he shall
Nothing that is of real word can be achieved without courageous
working. The timid and hesitating find everything impossible, chiefly
because it seems so. The Scriptural injunction, "Whatsoever thy hand
findeth to do, do it with all thy might", must be realized if you wish to
succeed. It is pluck, tenacity, and determined perseverance which wins
soldiers' battles, and, indeed, every battle. It is the one neck nearer that
wins the race and shows the blood; it is the one march more that wins
the campaign; the five minutes' more persistent courage that wins the
fight. Though your force be less than another's, you equal and out-
master your opponent if you continue it longer and concentrate it
more. The reply of the Spartan father, who said to his son, when
complaining that his sword was too short, "Add a step to it," is
applicable to everything in life.
The Strength Of Silence
There is a mighty power in silence, and silence is frequently an
evidence of power. There are many people so weak that they can not
hold their tongues, or keep their mouths shut. One who offends not in
word is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole body. He who can
control his tongue, can control his entire nature. Hence silence is a
token of power, of reserved force. He who knows how to keep silence
knows how to speak; and often his silence is more impressive than his
"Brilliant flashes of silence" is by no means a senseless expression.
How often have we seen the babble of the foolish hushed by the silent
glance of an earnest soul; how often the ribald jest or scurrilous word
has died upon the lips when an indignant silence was the only reply it
could evoke. That man or that woman who can stand silent amid
reproaches and accusations and sneers and scons, shows a degree of
strength and power which falls not to the lot of every one. The silent
accomplish more than the noisy. The tail of the rattlesnake makes all
the noise, but the head does all the execution.
Idleness Not Happiness
The most common error is that of looking for happiness somewhere
outside of useful work. It has never yet been found when thus sought,
and never will be while the world stands; and the sooner this truth is
learned the better for everyone. If you doubt the proposition, glance
around among your friends and acquaintances, and select those who
appear to have the most enjoyment in life. Are they the idlers and
pleasure-seekers, or the earnest workers? We know what your answer
will be. Of all the miserable human beings it has been our fortune or
misfortune to know, they were the most wretched who had retired
from useful employment to enjoy themselves; while the slave at his
enforced labour, or the hungry toiler for bread, were supremely happy
THE SECRETS OF HAPPINESS
By Jordan - http://jordancheng.net/the-secrets-of-happiness/
There are paradoxes surrounding wealth and happiness, which drive
everyone to its pursuit. The reality is, there are sufficient evidences to
show a significant disconnect between wealth and well-being. Based
on the research findings, you will know that happiness can be elusive
and yet attainable.
The following are suggestions on how you can increase your
Realize That Wealth Does Not Create Permanent Happiness.
People adapt to changing circumstances—even to wealth or a
disability. Thus wealth is like health: Its utter absence breeds misery,
but having it (or any circumstance we long for) doesn’t guarantee
“The mind of every man, in a longer or shorter time, returns to its
natural and usual state of tranquillity. In prosperity, after a certain
time, it falls back to that state; in adversity, after a certain time, it
rises up to it.” (Adam Smith, The Theory of Moral Sentiments, 1759)
Be Your Own Time Master.
Happy people are master of time management, and hence often feel in
control of their lives. It helps to set goals and break them into daily
aims. Although we often overestimate how much we will accomplish
in any given day (leaving us frustrated), we generally underestimate
how much we can accomplish in a year, given just a little progress
Be Happy, Even Deliberately.
We can deliberately put ourselves into a frame of mind by starting it
with physical action. When you feel moody, look at the mirror and put
on a bright smile to yourself. It ignites the energy of joyful emotion,
which makes you feel better and trigger subsequent positive moods.
When you meet people outside, your energy can be felt by people and
brings forth mutually contagious effect. So put on a happy face. Talk
like someone with high self-esteem, optimistic, and outgoing. Once
you go through the motions, it can trigger the emotions. As Mary Kay
said: “Fake it until you make it”
Align Work with Passion.
As mentioned in my previous post Experiencing Flow State, happy
people often are in a psychological state called “in the zone” or “in the
flow” – when one is completely absorbed in a task that challenges
them yet without overwhelming them. Most of the expensive forms of
leisure (such as sitting on a yacht) provide less flow experience than
gardening, playing musical instruments, painting, keeping fish,
socializing, or craft work.
Be Physically Active.
It has become a known fact the exercise not only promotes health and
energy, it is also an antidote for mild depression and anxiety. Go for
gym, jogging, swimming, yoga, aerobics, Pilates, and anything that
works your body and gets you perspiring. Sound minds reside in sound
bodies. Read my post “Why Do I Wake Up At 6 am Every Morning”
on my experiences benefiting from daily morning run.
Have Enough Rest.
Happy people live active vigorous lives yet reserve time for renewing
sleep and solitude. Many people suffer from sleep deficiency, with
resulting fatigue, diminished alertness, and gloomy moods. If insomnia
is the cause, try to restore balance in life, exercise regularly, have
proper diet, get a massage, practice yoga and meditation.
Give Priority to Close Relationships.
Intimate friendships with those who care deeply about you can help
you weather difficult times. Confiding is good for soul and body.
Resolve to nurture your closest relationships: to not take those closest
to you for granted, to display to them the sort of kindness that you
display to others, to affirm them, to play together and share together.
Focus Beyond Self.
Reach out to those in need. Happiness increases helpfulness (those
who feel good do good). As true as the saying “what goes around
comes around”, doing good also makes one feel good. Being opened to
the needs of surrounding people also help you avoid dwelling in your
People who keep a gratitude journal—who pause each day to reflect
on some positive aspect of their lives (their health, friends, family,
freedom, education, senses, natural surroundings, and so on.)
experience heightened well-being.
“I cried because I had no shoes,” states a Persian saying, “until I met
a man who had no feet.”
Learn Not To Compare.
Most of the misery of people comes from comparing with others who
are better or have more. This is the definite source of discontent and a
perpetual sense of lack. It may continue to drive you to achieve more,
but for the wrong reasons. It is like the rat on the treadmill, constantly
chasing its tail until exhaustion. It puts a person on over-drive without
any sense of fulfilment. If there is any happiness from achieving, it is
often fleeting. When you stop comparing with others, you get started
on the path of freedom.
“Our poverty became a reality. Not because of our having less, but by
our neighbours having more.” (Will Campbell, Brother to a
Nurture Your Spiritual Self.
For many people, faith provides a support community, a reason to
focus beyond self, and a sense of purpose and hope. Study after study
finds that actively religious people are happier and that they cope
better with crises.
May you live a life of pure and permanent happiness!
DOING OUR FULL POTENTIAL
by Scott H Young
An idea I am constantly referred to is that of “living up to our full
potential.” I don’t agree with this concept. It might seem odd that
someone who runs a personal development blog would disagree with
the concept of living up to our full potential, an idea that is often used
as the fundamental of personal development, so let me explain.
I personally believe that the idea of “living up to our full potential”
illustrates a flaw in our thinking about how we define “success”. Our
full potential seems to imply that there is an arbitrary point of
maximum achievement for each of us in this life time. I think this type
of thinking can be inspiring, but also limit us in a way.
Thinking about “living up to our full potential” can often inspire or
push us to make improvements. In this sense, having a full potential to
live up to is a good concept in order to get us to make the
improvements we need to make to live a great life. However, I believe
that the concept of “full potential” makes some inaccurate assumptions
In order to see what these inaccurate assumptions are, we need to
define success. So what is success?
I personally would consider success to be the measure of happiness,
fulfilment and impact we have with our lives. Success is the sense that
we are fulfilled with our contribution to the world and are doing our
best. Think about it. Everything we do in life is pretty much to directly
or indirectly influence these factors. We want to be happy and fulfilled
in our life and our life’s purpose. Once we have that we want to
increase the positive impact we can have on the world. That is how I
would define success.
So where does happiness and fulfilment come from? Happiness and
fulfilment come from growth. When we feel we are growing,
improving and experiencing life to the best of our abilities is when we
are the most fulfilled and contented. Therefore I would say that the
measure of success we have in life is the level of growth we are
So why does this conflict with the concept of “living up to our full
I believe this conflict arises because this implies that the true measure
of success is in achieving a certain point or position in the continuum
of personal development. But based on our definition of success, the
position is not really what creates success. Success instead is based on
the rate of growth or velocity.
So instead of our past concept of “living up to our full potential.” I
would say it more accurately as “doing our full potential.” This may
seem like semantics but the difference is crucial.
Living up to our true potential, that is the arbitrary point of maximum
achievement in our lives is daunting and rarely inspiring. How can one
possibly live up to their “full” potential without the benefit of
hindsight? Even if we are doing our best, we might make mistakes or
incorrect decisions. This true potential implies that success, happiness
and fulfilment, are linked to achieving our “full potential”. Seeing as
this full potential is always just out of reach, extending this line of
thinking says that we will not be happy or fulfilled unless we reach it.
This is why I think this statement actually demotivates a lot of people.
Doing our full potential implies that we are going to do our best to
grow and improve ourselves. This statement puts the pressure on the
present, not the impossibly huge context of our whole lives. In this
sense, as long as we are doing the best we possibly can, we are
successful. We can always do our best, regardless of a specific
By focusing on doing our full potential we can experience maximum
growth and improvement in our lives. From this improvement and
growth we can achieve happiness and fulfilment. Knowing we are
doing the best we can is enough to satisfy. From this context I would
say that a recovering alcoholic doing his best to improve his life is
more successful than someone who has settled into an average life.
Our full potential in the course of our lives is often at the mercy of
different factors we cannot control. If we were to suddenly die
tomorrow, I wouldn’t say that where we our right now was our full
potential. Furthermore, this full potential gets us to strive towards a
point, rather than focusing on the growth and direction itself.
This concept of success as being an arbitrary point is prevalent in the
way we set goals. I often hear about people who say that they weren’t
any happier after achieving their goals than they were before. These
people would often go on to claim that the problem was with goal
The fact is, the real problem is that they believed success (happiness
and fulfilment) was linked with an arbitrary point, rather than the rate
of their own growth. The reason you set goals is to increase your
velocity, to increase the rate of your growth, not just to achieve a
specific milestone, or position, in that development. It may seem odd
that the purpose of goal setting isn’t just to achieve the goal, but rather
to get us to push beyond our normal expectations, but it is very true.
I believe that many people who like this expression already use it in
the way I describe as doing instead of reaching a point. For those
people I think you’ve already got the right idea. Focus on how you can
do your best right in this moment. As long as you are doing that, you
Life is a journey not a destination. Don’t focus on reaching an
arbitrary point, whether that is our “full potential” or even your
specific goals. Instead focus on whether you are doing your best to
grow, improve and expand. Focus not on living up to your full
potential but in doing your full potential in every moment of your life.
You can do anything
Success is not a Secret, Success is a Process
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Miracles are your responsibility! By : John Di Lemme
As you read this today, my goal is for you to take responsibility and realize
that you have the innate ability to create miracles. So let’s get started!
The 7 Most Important Subjects Never Taught In School By : Kevin Michael
Life is actually very simple. The hard part is allowing it to be that way. This
article briefly describes the 7 areas of our lives to which we should pay
constant attention. Having ideals in these 7 areas and learning to move
toward those ideals in a regular and balanced way can provide a powerful
sense of meaning and purpose. This article is meant to help people see this
more simply and clearly and to prod them in that direction.
DOUBLE YOUR READING RATE
by Scott H Young
Reading is an incredibly important skill to have. Just about any form
of education will involve reading, sometimes almost exclusively. You
can often make yourself an expert on an intellectual subject just by
reading enough in that area. But despite the incredible importance of
reading, most people are wildly inefficient at it. Sure: most people
have enough reading skills to move around. But they are far from
Over a year ago I picked up the book,
Breakthrough Rapid Reading by Peter Kump, an
expert in the area of speed-reading. From that
purchase I took the time and energy to study other
ways to improve my reading skill. When I did the
initial test, I could read at 450 words per minute. A
little above the average of around 300, but nothing
spectacular. By using the techniques I’ll describe in
this article I was able to increase that rate to around
900 words per minute in average situations, at least
doubling of my reading rate.
I believe there are six major keys to improving
your reading skill. Like all skills, success only
comes through practice, so just reading this article
won’t be enough. But if you are interested in how you might be able to
make dramatic improvements in both speed and comprehension, I’ve
found these six points to be the best start.
1) Remember, Reading is Not Linear
How do you read a book? Likely from start to finish, never going back
and never skipping any sections. This is probably one of the most
inefficient ways to read. The beauty of text is that it is non-linear. You
can skip down to read only my main bullet points, or read them in
practically any order. Although the pattern of start to finish might be a
simple one, it isn’t always the most effective.
For most books I do read in a roughly start to finish fashion. But I
frequently re-read passages that I want to get a greater understanding
of and completely skim over passages that I feel are redundant or
unnecessary. Good writers generally add anecdotes or metaphors to
improve understanding of a concept which you can skim over top of if
you already get their point. Similarly, bad writers often go short on
explanation of complex details so re-reading can allow your brain the
time to form the concepts.
Not only is reading non-linear but it doesn’t have a set pace. Although
I read some books at about 900 words per minute, I slow down to 200
if the passage I am reading is particularly information dense or
complicated. Similarly I can skim at over 1500 words per minute if
I’m reading mostly fluff. Saying I can read at 900 wpm is like saying I
can drive at 100 km/h. Speed reading isn’t just about faster but pacing
yourself for the specific reading task you face.
Most people read a book as if it were given to them as a speech. They
listen to the author and follow along with what he is saying in a purely
sequential manner. In order to reach faster rates of comprehension you
have to learn to abandon this tactic. You can start this by not sub
2) Stop Sub vocalizing
When you started to read
you probably read out
loud. Your elementary
school teacher wanted
you to read the book and
say the words aloud.
After you mastered this
skill, you were told to
simply say the words
inside your head and
read quietly. This is
where most reading
education and skill levels
To move to a new level you need to stop sounding the words inside
your head or sub vocalizing. Sub vocalizing takes time, more time than
is necessary to comprehend the words you are reading. It is almost
impossible to go much beyond 400 or 500 words while sub vocalizing.
Instead you need to train yourself to read without hearing the words in
But for most people this has become such an ingrained reading habit
that they don’t realize that sub vocalization is a distinct process to
comprehension. If I read at around a thousand words per minute, there
is no way I could hear the words in my head while trying to process
them. Instead I simply see the word and my brain automatically
constructs what has been written. I’ll understand a line of text that I
looked over in a second, even though it may have taken at least five
just to say the words in my head.
Since most people currently can’t separate the sub vocalization from
comprehension, they are locked in at a rate of about 400-500 words.
Moving beyond that rate requires that you practice reading faster than
you can actually read.
Edit: I’ve done a follow-up to explain sub vocalization more as I think
this post may have confused people a little. Check it out here: Speed
3) Practice Reading
Practice reading doesn’t mean reading. Practice reading involves
reading faster than you can actually read. Chances are you won’t
comprehend much of what you are reading because your brain is so
used to going at a slower rate and sub vocalizing. The point is simply
to see the text faster than you can read so you can untie the habit of
sounding the words as you comprehend them.
You can start doing this by taking out a timer or a stop watch and
simply viewing as much text in a book as possible in one minute. Use
a book you haven’t read before to ensure your brain is actually
practicing instead of relying on memory. Mark out where you started
and stopped. Count the number of words per line (use a quick average)
and then the number of lines you actually read in the book to compute
your practice reading rate.
Once you get used to practice reading at a high rate that you can’t
comprehend, you should slowly be able to actually comprehend at a
slightly slower rate but still faster than if you sub vocalized. I would
often practice read at between 1500 and 1800 words per minute, and
although I lacked comprehension skill, I could maintain it at about
900-1000, over double what I had done when I sub vocalized.
But how can you practice read faster than you can read? How do you
follow the text but still go faster than you can read? The answer is
another of speed reading tricks, using a pointer.
4) Use a Pointer
Your eyes don’t stay fixed in one
spot when reading. Eye tracking
movements have shown that your
eyes actually quiver and move
around considerably. And every
movement away from your position
in text requires a few milliseconds
to readjust. These little
readjustments in locating your place
in a book add up to be very costly if
you want to go faster.
Use your index finger to mark
where you are on the page at all
times. It should follow along with
the word you are currently reading,
slowly scrolling across each line and
then back down one. It may feel awkward at first and it may even
temporarily slow your reading rate as you adjust, but using a pointer is
critical if you want to improve your reading skill.
Using a pointer is also crucial if you want to practice read. By moving
your finger faster than you can actually read, your eyes get used to
viewing text faster than your brain can process what is written down.
This will break your sub vocalization attachment and can easily let you
double your reading rate with sufficient practice.
You should use your finger as a pointer all the time. When I first
started with the habit I found it annoying to hold the book in a funny
position so I could use my right hand to scroll the page. I thought it
was silly and maybe even a waste of time. But now I find it hard to
read without a pointer. Noticing how much it has helped me focus my
reading efforts it is a priceless tool in reading.
5) Eliminate Distractions
As a university student living on campus I’ve noticed a few of my
friends who “study” while watching television. Not surprisingly, these
tend to be the same people who complain about how much studying
they have to do. Reading can’t happen in an environment where
external distractions are overwhelming.
If you need a break, take a break. Taking a few minutes to watch a
television show, listen to some music or just close your eyes can often
improve your focus. But don’t multitask with your reading or you’ll
lose any benefits speed reading can offer. Worse, because you have
stopped sub vocalizing, you might even skim through several pages
before you realize you haven’t comprehended anything that was
Distractions will hamper regular reading but they will make speed
reading impossible. Sub vocalization creates enough mental noise that
it can hold your attention, but without that it can often be difficult to
stick with what you are reading.
External distractions may be a problem, but internal distractions are
just as bad. They occur when in the midst of reading you start
pondering that conversation you just had with a friend, the movie you
want to see or whether you should do your laundry. The way to
remove internal distractions comes from clearly identifying a purpose
and a motivation.
6) Find Your Motivation
If there was one piece of advice
I would offer to improve your
reading rate it would be simply
to engross yourself in the
material you are studying. If
you can connect what you are
reading to a deeply held
motivation, and determine your
specific purpose for reading
you can maintain a very alert
and focused state.
Most people don’t do this.
Instead they force themselves
to study the book they know
they should and end up having
to refocus themselves every
thirty seconds when their mind decides that this book is boring and
would like to be somewhere else.
First, find a general motivation. This is how what you are reading
relates to your truly motivating goals and passions in life. When I read
my psychology textbook I focus on the fact that many personal
development principles come from an understanding of human
psychology and that I may discover new ideas if I look carefully.
When studying ancient Asian history I focused on the fact that
studying a completely different culture could offer insights into how
Western and Eastern value systems differed, giving me new thoughts
on whether my values are as absolute as I once thought. I also focused
on the fact that many great philosophers such as Buddha and
Confucius lived during these times with a profound influence on the
ideas of these nations.
The general motivation should make you want to read the book. If you
don’t genuinely want to read the book, come up with more reasons it is
attached to your deepest interests or it is going to be a struggle to move
through. You can find a general motivation for reading any book if
you are creative enough, so don’t tell me you can’t figure out one.
The second portion is to determine your specific motivation for
reading. What are you specifically looking for when reading the book.
New ideas? A practical solution to a problem? An understanding of a
concept? A chance to flex your mental muscles? Figure out what you
want to get out of each reading session so your mind is primed to
intake that knowledge.
If you are interested in improving your speed reading, I strongly
suggest Breakthrough Rapid Reading by Peter Kump. The book
goes from beginner concepts that I’ve detailed to even more advanced
ones that I have yet to master (such as reading several lines at once and
reading sentences backwards to save time on a pointer backstroke).
Speed reading is definitely a worthwhile skill and at the very least your
friends will be impressed.
TWENTY UNIQUE WAYS TO USE
THE 80/20 RULE
I’m sure most people are familiar with Pareto’s principle, developed
by an Italian economist and most commonly known as the 80/20 Rule.
While Pareto originally used the rule noticing that 80% of the wealth
was owned by 20% of the population, the rule has applications in
almost every area of life.
There are many ways you can use this rule. Here’s twenty:
1. Work Tasks - Write down all the broad categories of tasks you do
at your job. You can make a little table that shows the amount of hours
spent at each category (say, 1 hr for E-mail, 1 hr for contacting clients,
etc.) and on another column write down a value estimate for what
percentage you believe it contributes to your productivity. Eliminate,
simplify or delegate low %’s and focus on high %’s.
2. Food - Record your eating habits for a week. Calculate up the
calories of the different items of food. I’ve done this before and I’ve
found it surprising how some treats contribute a high percentage of
your calorie pie for no nutritional value, when other vices consumed in
smaller portions take up only a sliver but still offer a tasty treat.
3. Daily Time Log - Do a time log on your activities for an entire
day. Record the stop and start point for any activity. Then broadly
shuffle the different activities into categories. Figure out what parts of
your day aren’t contributing to either productivity, entertainment or
personal happiness and cut them out.
4. Reading - Look at the last few dozen books you’ve read. Rate
them according to the amount of useful info or entertainment value.
Look for trends and use that info to skim or skip future books to save
5. Relationships - Look at your social circle and friends. Do a rough
estimate of the amount of time and energy you invest in each
relationship. Compare that to the amount of stress or satisfaction. You
might find that certain relationships are toxic and others are valuable
and should be invested in more.
6. RSS Feeds - Look through your feed list. Write down the
percentage of articles you enjoyed out of the last ten in the feed.
Eliminate the lowest %’s. You may want to take into account article
length or posting rate, but quality is probably the best measurement of
7. E-Mail - Group the types of e-mails you answer into basic
categories. Consider developing a template for the most common e-
mail responses that contribute the least potential value for answering
8. Magazine Subscriptions - Same as RSS feeds. Go through all
your subscriptions and give a percentage scale of what you perceive to
be the value of the last several editions. Cancel subscriptions to the
bottom and leave the top.
9. Television Shows - Record your television watching habits for a
week or two. After watching give a subjective rating of the television
show. After your done, total up the amount spent on different shows or
channels. If you have a special subscription service, cancel the
channels that you don’t watch or have little value. Otherwise, consider
eliminating live television entirely and recording the shows you feel
are valuable to watch later. I’ve done this before and it can be a big
time saver while still allowing you to enjoy some passive
10. Web Surfing - Record your web usage for a day or two. Write
down the sites you visited or tools you used to get there
(StumbleUpon, Digg, etc.) Figure out sites took up the most time and
which had the least value. You’d be surprised how often they are the
11. Spring Cleaning - Although it’s only a few weeks from summer,
you can use this on any organization attempt. Go through your items
and trash all the items that you haven’t used recently (except for
important documents). Just because you have storage space, doesn’t
mean it should be filled with garbage. Eliminate clutter and it becomes
far easier to find and use the things you actually need.
12. Clients/Customers - This one comes from Tim Ferriss, in the Four
Hour Workweek. Figure out which customers contribute the most
complaints and the least revenue. Notify them that things will need to
change and set down some guidelines. Then fire the ones that don’t
comply. Goes against the doctrine that the customer is always right,
but some people just aren’t worth the trouble they cause.
13. Hard Drive - Sort through your computer documents, comparing
the last modified date for various major folders. Create a separate
folder system where you can move these rarely used files. This will
eliminate your computer clutter and make it far easier and faster to
find the stuff you actually use.
14. Desktop - Same thing as the hard-drive, but I do it every week or
two. Just go through your desktop and delete any short-cuts or move
documents that haven’t been used in the last two weeks. You don’t
have to completely eliminate everything, but it will make your desktop
a more efficient workspace.
15. Applications - Go through all your computer applications. Figure
out which ones are distracting and are either rarely used or contribute
little value. Uninstall those. If this seems like too much work, a
complete computer reformat can get rid of the trash.
16. Home Appliances - Determine which appliances cause the most
frustration, stress and break down the most. Once you’ve done this you
have three options: learn to use the tool better to understand it and
prevent stress, buy a new one or find a substitute that is less damage
prone. Save yourself the headache and 80/20 your lawnmower.
17. Budget - Calculate all your discretionary expenses (after taxes,
food and necessities). Now compare the money value of each expense
with the utility of the purchase. If you wanted to compare different
entertainment items in your budget, you could value each expense on
the pleasure it brought you. If you wanted to compare different
investments or tools you could compare return rates or productivity
18. Blogging - Classify the types of posts you write into different
categories. I’ve done this grouping by, post length, subject, format,
style, images, etc. Multiply each by the amount of time to write each
type of post. Then compare that data to your estimate of traffic gained
from each. Use this as a guide for future writing.
19. Habits - Figure out which behaviours (or lack thereof) contribute
the most to your life. exercise? Rising Early? Family Dinners? Use this
as a basis for making new habits.
20. Goals - It doesn’t matter whether you have them written down or
just in your head. Look at all your goals and compare the resources
required to accomplish each (time, money, energy, etc.) with the
benefits gained. Benefits could be physical rewards, purposeful work
or emotional quality. Pursue the goals with the highest value.
7 RULES TO UNDERSTAND
By: Scott H. Young
Clearly a rule can’t define something as complex as human behaviour.
But despite this, I’ve found most people tend to make the same
mistakes. Remembering these seven rules will help you avoid these
People Skills is About Being Nice, Friendly and Interesting. Duh!
Most of the books I’ve read on dealing with people either make two
Obvious stuff that most people already know: Things like be nice,
be considerate, etc.
Bizarre and complex theories that may explain some behaviour,
but is difficult to generalize.
However, what most people need is information that can be applied
generally, but isn’t always obvious and that helps to avoid people
conflicts, social errors and emotional upsets.
Here are the seven rules I’m talking about:
Rule One: Never blame
malice for what can
easily be explained by
People don’t care about
you. This isn’t because
people are mean or
hurtful, but simply
because they are mostly
focused on themselves.
Consider this hypothetical
pie-chart showing the variety of thoughts a typical person has:
In this example, 60% of thoughts are self-directed. My goals. My
problems. My feelings. Another 30% are directed towards
relationships, but how they affect me. What does Julie think of me?
How will boss evaluate my performance in the next review? Do my
friends like me or see me as irritating?
Only 10% in this model is time spent in empathy. Empathy is the rare
event where one person actually feels the emotions, problems and
perspective of another person. Instead of asking what Julie thinks of
me, I ask what is Julie thinking.
Within that 10%, most people then divide attention between hundreds
of other people they know. As a result, you would occupy a fraction of
a percentage in most peoples minds, and only a couple percentage
points in a deeply bonded relationship. Even if you are in another
persons thoughts, it is how your relationship affects them, not you.
What does this mean?
1. Embarrassment doesn’t make a lot of sense. Since others are
only focusing a small portion of there thoughts onto judging
you, your self-judgement is overwhelmingly larger.
2. People who appear to be mean or hurtful don’t usually do it
intentionally. There are exceptions to this, but generally the
hurt you feel is a side-effect, not the principle cause.
3. Relationships are your job to maintain. Don’t wait to be invited
to parties or for people to approach you.
Rule Two: Few Social Behaviours are Explicit
Basically this rule means that most the intentions behind our actions
are hidden. If a person is feeling depressed or angry, usually the
resulting behaviours distort their true feelings. If I feel you snubbed
me, I might hold my tongue but ignore you later.
The old joke is that women use words like, “fine,” and, “go ahead,”
when they really feel the opposite. But I’ve noticed men do this too in
polite situations, although often not in the same way.
The application of this rule is that you need to focus on empathy, not
just hearing a person. Demonstrate trust, build rapport and learn to
probe a bit. By focusing on empathy you can usually break away these
subversions and get to the heart of the issue faster.
The other application of this rule is that most the time you feel
something, nobody else knows about it. So don’t get angry when
people aren’t responding to you. If you deceive your thoughts with
your actions, don’t get angry when you fool people.
Rule Three: Behaviour is Largely Dictated by Selfish Altruism
To say everyone is completely selfish is a gross exaggeration. That
ignores all the acts of kindness, sacrifice and love that make the world
work. But I would argue that most (not all, but most) behaviour does
work from the principles of selfish altruism.
Selfish altruism is basically win/win. It is where helping you directly
or indirectly helps me. There are a couple main categories where this
1. Transactions - If I purchase a car, both myself and the dealer
benefit. I get a vehicle, which I want. The dealer gets money to
improve his lifestyle. This is the predominant form of selfish
altruism between people who don’t have emotional bonds.
2. Familial - Blood is thicker than water. We are designed to protect
people who share our genes. This can sometimes shift towards
extremely close friends and loved ones.
3. Status - Helping someone is a sign of power. Many species of
primates will offer assistance as a sign of dominance. People act
similarly, offering aid to boost their self-esteem and reputation.
4. Implied Reciprocity - Many relationships are based on the idea
that if I help you, one day you will help me as well.
Occasionally behaviour falls outside this group. Nameless heroes
dying for causes that don’t help their bloodline. Volunteers devoting
their time towards humanitarian missions. But these are the minority,
whereas most actions can be explained by some form of selfish
How do you apply this rule? You understand the motives of people
and appeal to them as if they were selfish. Find ways to help people
within these four categories. Don’t expect people to offer aid outside
of selfish altruism, it isn’t impossible, but it isn’t likely.
Rule Four: People Have Poor Memories
Ever been told someone’s name at a party and then forgot it later?
Another rule of human behaviour is that people have trouble
remembering things. Especially information (as you’ll recall in rule
one) that doesn’t apply to themselves. People are more likely to
remember your similarities than your differences (unless they were
emotionally incensed by them).
Recently I even broke this rule. I made arrangements to talk to a
person I hadn’t met before on the phone. Even with my normally
foolproof system of calendars and to-do lists, a few spontaneous
schedule changes caused me to miss the call. I quickly apologized and
made a new arrangement.
But the fact is most people don’t have organized GTD systems. People
are forgetful by nature, so once again, don’t assume malice or
disinterest if something is forgotten. The other side of this rule is that
you can demonstrate reliability by having a good memory or system (if
it doesn’t fail you).
Rule Five: Everyone is Emotional
Perhaps this is an exaggeration. But the core of the message is that
people tend to have stronger feelings about something than they let on.
People who regularly have outbursts of anger, depression or
flamboyant enthusiasm are generally frowned upon in most cultures.
This especially applies to men (for women trying to figure us out).
The application of this rule is to not assume everything is fine just
because someone isn’t having a nervous breakdown. We all have our
individual problems, angst and upsets that are normally contained.
You don’t need to call people out on their private deception, but being
sensitive to those underlying currents gives you an advantage in trying
The alternate application of this rule is similar to rule two. People
generally assume everything is fine unless you just had a blow-up.
Rule Six: People are Lonely
This is another broad generalization. But it is amazing how many
people who seem to have it all, suffer from bouts of loneliness. As
social animals, I believe people are especially sensitive to any threats
to becoming ostracized. In Neanderthal times, exile meant death, so
loneliness and the desire to be with other people is a strong one.
The application of this rule is that loneliness is fairly common, so in
that sense, you really aren’t alone. I used to be bothered when I felt
alone or an outsider in a social group. Although I’m still human, I’ve
found recognizing this feeling to be fairly common as a way to
Rule Seven: Did I Mention People Are Self-Absorbed?
This may sound like a reiteration of rule one, but I believe the
applications extend beyond relationships and your emotional state. The
fact that people tend to be too concerned about themselves to give you
much attention, that people tend to be lonelier, more emotional and
feel differently than they let on applies to how you view the world.
If anything this perspective should make you more proactive and
independent. Once I started really learning these rules, it made far
more sense that I needed to take charge. By placing your individual
happiness in the hands of another person (or people), you ignore all
these rules and do so at your own peril.
I like to take an optimistic, but realistic view of people. People who
are generally try their best, but make mistakes and suffer from
unintended self-absorption. In other words, they are basically like you.
THE LAW OF ATTRACTION:
"Questions" by: Aldian Prakoso
The Secret is a film that was produced by Prime Time Productions. It
is actually a series of films that focus on the idea of “The Law Of
Attraction”. The principle is that under the “Law of Attraction” the
things that people feel and think attract real things in life. It stems from
the cosmos to the personal relationships people form with people. The
belief is that these things target physical, emotional, and professional
aspects of every person’s life, whether they understand it or not.
Ask : Know what you want and ask the universe for it.
This is where you need to get clear on what it is you want to create and
visualize what you want as being as 'real' as possible.
Believe : Feel and behave as if the object of your desire is on its
Focus your thoughts and your language on what it is you want to
attract. You want to feel the feeling of really 'knowing' that what you
desire is on its way to you, even if you have to trick yourself into
believing it – do it.
Receive : Be open to receiving it.
Pay attention to your intuitive messages, synchronicities, signs from
the Universe to help you along the way as assurance you are on the
'right' path. As you align yourself with the Universe and open yourself
up to receiving, the very thing you are wanting to manifest will show
What is it you want in order to have a truly magnificent life?
What is it in your daily life that you could do, be, or have that would
make a difference in the way you experience life? What would take
your life to the next level? What do you need (or want) to experience
life to the fullest?
We look at ourselves as human beings; but we are also human havings
and human doings. What do you want to have in your life to truly
make it spectacular: True friends, a new relationship, great health,
passion? What do you want to do to make your life fun and exciting:
Fly an airplane, run a marathon, volunteer once a week at an animal
shelter, write a book?
What would you like to be to make a difference in the world or to
yourself, or your family and friends: A great son, daughter, husband or
wife? Would you like to be abundant, loving, forgiving?
Look at each aspect of your life and identify what you want or desire
in the following areas.
What kind of relationships do you want to create with God, with your
parents, children, friends, co-workers, wife, husband, boyfriend,
girlfriend, and most importantly, yourself? How do you attract the type
of relationships that you want with the people in your life? How would
your life change if your relationships were closer, more intimate, less
judgmental, more trusting, and more loving?
Healthy Body and Lifestyle:
What do you want your body to look like? How do you want to feel?
What do you want to weigh? Do you want to live a healthy lifestyle?
Do you want to live a long life? Do you have exercise goals? Do you
want to have healthy eating habits?
Finances and Abundance:
Do you want to save more money? Do you want to reduce debt? Do
you want to increase your income? Do you want to create other
sources of income? Do you want to have a new house, car, piano, boat,
or other things?
Self-Improvement / Awareness:
Do you want a better awareness of who you are; why you do the things
you do; think, the thoughts, you think about; react in the way you do;
judge yourself and others; are highly motivated in some things, but
lethargic in others? Do you want to take classes, workshops, seminars?
Do you want to finally get the degree, diploma, certificate, or
credentials you have been thinking about? Do you want to read more
books on subjects for which you have a passion?
Hobbies / Entertainment / Fun:
What hobbies do you have now that you want to become better at?
What hobbies would you like to begin; gardening, chess, painting,
reading, collecting (coins, stamps, comic books, cookbooks, etc)?
What would you like to do for fun and entertainment: Attend a live
performance featuring your favourite bands, fish, or travel? What
would you like to learn to do for fun: Ballroom dancing, golf, tennis,
play an instrument? What would you like to do just once in your life:
Jump out of an airplane, talk in front of a large group? Do you want to
travel and experience nature, different cultures and scenery?
Passions / Purpose:
What are your passions? What is your purpose in life? An easy way to
identify this is to look at what you fantasize about or do in your spare
time because you want to do it or love to do it. If you have a garden in
your back yard and you really enjoy the hard work of maintaining a
garden, then that is a passion of yours. If you play tennis, golf or bowl
on the weekends, then that is a passion of yours. If you enjoy
babysitting your granddaughter, or fixing things around the house, or
finding new recipes to cook fun special meals, then that is a passion of
Once we get past the belief that we can have only one passion or only
one purpose in life, it is easier to see that we have many passions and
the only work we have to do is to make time for them, be present while
we arc doing them, and enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! Our purpose in life is to
live to our potential, experience love and life to the fullest, become
aware of whom we are and be true to our soul. Whatever form that
takes in your life is right for you.
together than apart, they both believe that when they are together they
are like "one". Unity is used to describe what happens when people
bond and experience the world differently; they are no longer just two
individuals but, have become a unit, a pair, a couple. Now they look at
the world differently and the world sees them differently as well. This is
a social archetype, a religious one, and a legal one when two people get
married. We become aware of this notion of being a couple from
childhood, hopefully growing up in a "family" ourselves. The concepts
of love, family, marriage, romance, happiness exist throughout every
aspect of our society, in every culture, across every nation and around
the world. The images that these words create are similar regardless
where one looks. So why is it so hard to find and build a successful
partnership of love and happiness? There are many reasons that make it
truly difficult but, no one can claim that it is impossible.
Anyone can find UNITY, love and happiness. It would help if you
would have a map of how to get there. The STAR holds all the keys you
need to find your way. The reason UNITY is at the top is that it is the
"lifting" energy for a relationship. It may be true that what attracts two
people together is often their physical appearance, some sort of
instinctual drive gets engaged but, soon after getting "close" both
individuals look at each other and begin to ask more serious questions:
"Could I live the rest of my life with that person, do I really love them?"
and that starts the mystical inquiry about becoming bonded to the other
person. That is when UNITY becomes so important. The best thing two
people can find is 'love at first sight' when both feel the excitement of
One arm of the STAR refers to NURTURANCE. The meaning of this
term is found in how each person takes care of the other with respect to
their physical needs, emotional ones as well as the material and spiritual
needs. Love awakens this urge for you to either be "maternal" or
"paternal" as the case may toward your partner. The key word here is
nurturing, sharing responsibilities and helping each other achieve more
in life. True love creates a desire in both individuals to support each
other through all walks of life. This does not necessarily have to be
along traditional lines rather, it often requires that both people seek
unique and special ways to make their partner happy, healthy, safe and
prosperous. More than anything else if we become aware of our mate's
potentials then it is up to us to help them strive for and reach those
potentials. Nurturance refers to the direction we push and pull our love
in. Everyone needs a push or a pull sometime, especially if it is from
The next arm refers to the aspect of SHARING in the joys and pains of
life from the level of the mind, body and spirit. This reflects both
individual's ability and desire to look at the world through each others
eyes, especially in terms of the past, present and future. The key word is
shared vision. This is what makes each partner feel special and valuable
to the other. It is one's interest in their opinion, their experience of life
that helps you feel whole and satisfied. This aspect is expressed through
our curiosity about how our partner sees, hears or feels something. It is
not necessary that we share similar views but that both partners have a
genuine interest in the other's experience. However, it is important that
we share similar dreams and goals for the future. In this manner both
partners participate in the construction of the world they live in and this
allows for celebration of life and that makes the difficult moments pass
by more easily.
Then one leg of the star refers to COMPATIBILITY this aspect reveals
how many ways two people fit together, first of all in body - how great
is their sexual chemistry, then socially, intellectually, financially,
emotionally, and spiritually. When two people have really great energy
together, they rarely get bored or tired of each other, there is a constant
stream of excitement between them. Compatibility refers to this sense of
how well two people mix together, especially in making love, that is
where we hopefully experience the exhilaration of that instinctual
passion for life. Chemistry is physically manifested in love making, this
is where the connection can be most concrete. There are many important
factors. In general, the appetite and passion are either in synch or not.
The questions are "how much sex" does each of you want - need, on a
monthly basis; and secondly, does the passion match both partners. If
there are big differences in these two aspects, then don't fool yourself
thinking that you have great chemistry, it may not really be.
The other leg of the star refers to FULFILLMENT which represents the
things we do for love's sake that promote a sense achievement within the
relationship. In our everyday life we try to master the situation, we want
to dominate to overcome but in a relationship it is more often a matter to
make the other person happy
to please them.
The key word here is
SURRENDER to your
partner with the expectation
that it will express your
sense of love for them. It is
not a matter of compromise,
which has its place in the
other aspects of the love star,
here surrender refers to the
complete giving in to the
other's needs or desires for
the sake of love. When one
surrenders it is not always
easy but it should be with
joy, to fulfil the other
partner's deepest needs. This aspect also represents each partner's
confidence to rely on one another, to be comfortable depending on each
other. With this aspect the relationship is assured the survival through
all sorts of difficulties.
All together, this represents the love star, and when each of these
directions is satisfied among two people then they obviously share a
tremendous partnership. If both agree that they fit together, that each
aspect is present and fulfilled then they have the necessary ingredients to
make their love work and enjoy a lasting relationship. These are rare.
Even if one believes that they share every thing with their partner, this
means that they have the potential to succeed. A great relationship
requires a lot of work and time, something people these days are not
always eager to invest enough of. Once these basic qualities are fulfilled
then begins a life of passion, joy, adventure, excitement, tranquillity,
love and family. Good luck!
Counselling can help both partners better appreciate
what you can be grateful for and be aware of what
is missing. That information is vital to decide what
to do, if possible, improve the relationship or if not,
work to dissolve it amicably. I have helped many
couples resolve their conflicts and find greater
happiness. I have also given my support to the
couples who determined that they cannot go on and
must change their relationship. These are the most
sensitive issues and difficult things we must deal
with. I have the experience to help you better understand and deal with
your relationship. Call my office to discuss your situation to see if you
would like to have me help you work on it.
I am grateful for discovering the best means to reach my dreams and
I realize that I am ready to enjoy life to the fullest and find peace of
When I focus my attention on positive possibilities I achieve the best
I am glad to be finding ways to improve my physical and emotional well
I am grateful that I was born with many gifts and talents for me to share.
Each day I learn new ways to create and express my unique abilities.
Every day I celebrate my growing confidence and determination to
When I do worthy things I earn the respect of others and feel good.
By utilizing my rational mind together with my intuition I make greater
As I express my gratitude, I can envision the goals I am achieving.
Moving forward and upward everyday symbolizes the joy of my
I take advantage of every opportunity to realize my true potentials.
I am grateful to be inspired to achieve my ultimate goals in this life.
It is great to feel the energy with a clear vision to see the path to my
My motivation and determination constantly push me to reach my goals.
I am glad my mind has the ability to focus and concentrate on my
It is amazing how powerful my mind is when I work deliberately on my
I am confident that my life is automatically attracted to what is good for
Everything I decide to do has an important reason and purpose.
I value my time very highly and use every minute effectively.
Love is the source of my strength and happiness.
Whenever I smile my face lights up with positive energy!
My questions always direct me to achieve the most in the long run.
Each day I learn new ways to create and express my unique abilities.
Everyday I take the time to exercise, rest, eat right and cleanse myself.
I am glad to attract the most interesting, powerful and caring people into
I accept my challenges as great lessons to motivate me to reach my
I appreciate the outstanding qualities I was born with.
I recognize that I am a unique and very special person!
Today I observe my progress in fulfilling my plans and dreams!
I am grateful to have been inspired to achieve my ultimate goals in this
Mastering the Art of Life and the Science of Success!
I believe everyone is born with unique talents, gifts, a large variety of
personal resources and a smaller number of limitations. Every person
has dreams and expectations some of which come true, others never do.
How fast and how far you progress in realizing all your potentials
depends directly on what you do and how you do it.
I have found that it is just as important to have what it takes to succeed
as it is to have what it takes to cope with those temporary setbacks we
all must endure. Most people are better at one of these than the other.
Those who learn to master both these skills (achievement and
adaptation) discover that life becomes easier to conquer and cope with.
Throughout life, this becomes your quest for fulfilment and the art
We already know the proven steps others have used to succeed at the
game of life. Whether you must overcome illnesses, bad habits, various
personal obstacles or if you want to achieve greater happiness, wealth,
creativity, wisdom and harmony in life, there are many things you can
do to succeed. Increasing your awareness and understanding of yourself
and life prepares you for the most amazing journey. Those individuals
who recognize life as an opportunity to learn and experience the
fantastic wonders of the world engage in this quest with passion. They
discover the power of their mind to escape the primitive instinctual
nature that dominates most people with fear or anger and allows them to
transform these lower impulses into creative expression of their higher,
spiritual nature. Anyone can experience fulfilment and happiness, it is
not reserved for just some people, its for everyone.
In the larger perspective, I see psychology as both the science and art of
working with the mind, body, and spirit of the individual. I do my best
to help each individual develop the skills and obtain the knowledge to
adapt or achieve. Once you know the science of success, the specific
steps you must take to reach your goals, then you must also develop the
art of life, relying on your inner wisdom or intuition to help you adapt to
life most effectively. These two skills together assure you the greatest
Few problems ever go away by themselves although many people are
willing to wait a long time thinking they might. I like to suggest that
seeking professional help on a problem is intelligent, will get rid of it
sooner, and let you get on with life. I enjoy working with people from
every walk of life, from the very affluent and powerful to young
students struggling. I have clients from nearly every corner of our world
and found that the same problems cause stress to us all. Consequently, I
have developed my own eclectic approach to teach you how to remove
obstacles and promote positive growth.
Some people may want to explore their lives and various issues or
relationships in greater depth. This can be a very rewarding process.
Certain people who wish to journey farther in the psychic sphere may
choose to explore past lives or learn how to meditate and reach higher
states of consciousness. I know of no limits on the insight and rewards
that an individual can attain in the pursuit of knowledge.
THE THREE LEVELS OF
THE POWER OF PURPOSE
by Peter S. Temes, PhD
The Power of Purpose begins with a simple but remarkable statement:
"The more you focus on helping others, the more you will succeed in
reaching your own goals." Peter S. Temes builds on this fundamental
insight to share a simple plan for living with the truest and most
enduring kind of happiness.
At the heart of The Power of Purpose are the "three levels of thinking."
At the first level, we ask, Who am I? and What do I want? At the
second level, we ask, Who do other people think I am? How do I look
to them? But the real magic happens when we hit the third level,
forgetting about ourselves and asking the questions that lend a
powerful sense of purpose to our lives: How do others look to
themselves? How can I help others become the people they want to
To help us along the way, Temes, who teaches humanities at Columbia
University, draws on the wisdom of great thinkers including Aristotle,
Søren Kierkegaard, and Abraham Lincoln; the life lessons of great
achievers ranging from Mother Teresa to Michael Jordan; and home
truths he's gathered from his parents, his grandparents, and his three
children. From all these sources and from his own life of great
personal accomplishment, Temes identifies the essential knowledge
that brings people happiness and success. He cites Aristotle's notion
that happiness is not a psychological state but a moral one, resulting
from doing good in the world. Temes also believes in the pivotal
importance of trust and team-building in every area of life, from the
family to the workplace to the street corner.
The Power of Purpose is a map for finding the confidence and power,
the opportunities and occasions, and — most important — the
techniques and strategies for centring your relationships and work on
helping others. It is a book with a point of view: the clearest path to
your own success and happiness lies in helping others get to where
they want to go.
Make the leap from asking, "who am I, and what do I want?" to asking
that most powerful question of all — "how do others see themselves,
and how can I help them feel stronger and more successful?"
Games are played in all kinds of places — sports stadiums, backyards,
offices, classrooms, kitchens, and dining rooms. But games are won in
only one place — in the mind of the winning player. That's why
Michael Jordan was consistently better than the tallest player in the
National Basketball Association every year he played — having better
physical tools to work with was not enough to beat a player like
Jordan, thinking at a higher level. That's why some salespeople
consistently sell more — of the same stuff to the same people — than
the rest of their colleagues. That's why David slew Goliath, and that's
why your personal path for your success begins right between your
Here's the fact: how we think is the key to how we live. It's the key to
your happiness, the key to your personal goodness, and the key to your
East Versus West in the Pursuit of Happiness
One useful model of observation on how people think comes in the
classic description of the difference between Eastern thinking and
Western thinking. Begin with the observation that unhappiness is the
product of unmet desires. Eastern thinking says, change your desires to
match what you already have, and you will become happy. Western
thinking says, change the world to fit your desires, and you will be
happy. If you are unhappy because you live in a tiny house and want a
bigger home, the traditional Eastern view would be to change your
desire so that you want no more than you already have. The Western
view would be to go out and build a bigger house, at almost any cost.
There's some wisdom in this model, but the world we live in today is
no longer easily divided between East and West; each tradition has
drawn on the other for decades now, and the habits and patterns of
thinking of each have blended together in important ways. And in my
experience, the most successful people have always combined
elements of both traditions in their thinking — they embrace the
ambition and outward focus of the West as well as the patience and
humility of the East.
We all know people who are filled with the Western ambition to go
out and change the world. Many succeed, at least now and then, by
pushing against the forces of the world and reshaping them. But just
about all of them also fail now and then — because they come face-to-
face with people, ideas, or parts of the physical world that are simply
too strong to be moved. And we all know people who are filled with
Eastern patience and humility, ready to reshape their own desires to fill
the world. At times, this approach to life is powerfully rewarding, with
the ups and downs of the external world softened by a philosophical
detachment from external things. But how many opportunities to make
positive change in the world slip by, how many chances to have a real
impact on the world are missed, because of this detachment?
But imagine the man or woman who looks at the world and
understands, this is when I should push, here is the opportunity to
reshape the world in some small way, and knows too when to say, here
is when I must step back, here is when my desire has to yield to
patience. The real power lies in being able to see both visions — both
the ambition of the West and the humility and patience of the East —
and being able to employ each when it best suits the challenge at hand.
Beyond East and West to the Three Levels of Thinking
For the world we live in today, the best model of human thinking I've
come across is built of three levels or stages,1 and it draws from the
best of both the East and the West.
At the first level, the most important question for understanding the
world and taking action is How do I feel? or How do I look to myself?
Picture a teenager waking up in the morning and saying to his parent,
I'm not going to school because I don't feel well. Or the worker leaving
a note on her desk right after lunch — Gone home, not feeling well.
That's level one. How you feel about yourself is almost all you care
One level higher, the teen turns to his parent and asks, Do I look as
bad as I feel? Or the worker decides not just to leave work, but to go
talk with a colleague and say, Wow, I'm not feeling well. In reply, the
parent may say, You look fine to me. Or the colleague may say, You
should sit down and let me have a look at you. This is the second level,
where you progress from asking How do I feel? or How do I look to
myself? to How do others feel about me? or How do I look to others?
This is a great leap forward — the individual is beginning to realize
that other people are important, and that the ways other people see the
world are important — but it's not remotely as powerful an outlook as
the next level up, the third level.
At the third level, the central question is not about how I feel, or about
how others feel about me, but about how they feel about themselves.
That might seem like a small step forward, but it can't be
overestimated. Think about a sales situation — at the first level, the
seller is focused on doing a good job on her own terms; at the second
level, she's focused on making a good impression on the sales
prospect. But at the third level, the salesperson herself might as well be
invisible, because she has no interest in looking good, but only in
helping the sales prospect look good in his own eyes, and reach his
Or think about that teenager who doesn't want to go to school. The
teen wakes up and says "I don't feel well" at level one. At level two,
he's able to hear a parent say "you don't look sick to me." But at the
third level, he's asking about how other people feel and discovers the
best possible motive to get out of bed into the world: "other people are
depending on me today." The motive to get up and out is not about
what matters to me, but what matters to others.
In this is some irony, and some magic. Once you focus on others in
this way — as a friend, as a citizen, as a manager, as a colleague —
you find that you yourself benefit as much or more than the others
you're trying to help. Focusing on the sales prospect's needs instead of
your own, you eventually reap the benefits of greater sales — more
money, more respect, more confidence. Focusing on getting up out of
bed because you understand that you can help others — and what a
transforming positive feeling that statement carries with it: I can help
others — you find that you become healthier and happier. You help
yourself as much as you help others, because your life becomes
infused with the purpose of doing good.
My grandfather is a wonderful example of this effect. A self-educated
man, he worked most of his life in jobs that did not satisfy his intellect
or his desire to help others, but in his free time he was devoted to
political causes that he thought could improve the lives of many. He
was a socialist and an antiwar activist (though a veteran of World War
II himself). Although some might argue that the specifics of his plan
for improving the world were misguided, his personal sacrifices to
help make positive change filled his life with a sense of purpose. I had
the strong feeling that well into his late eighties, he continued to wake
up in the morning and get out of bed in order to strike a blow against
war, injustice, and poverty every day. That kept him healthy and
engaged with the world while many others his age slipped out of
touch. But my grandfather had a reason to live and to stay strong: he
felt he was needed, and that he could help others.
A woman I know in New Hampshire has a similar story to tell. She
calls herself a community activist, having worked for years to get the
local government in her town to provide more services for young
families and their children. She's spearheaded drives to create a free
day-care centre, to offer medical services for small children, and to
give parents a safe and comfortable public place to bring their children
when the long New England winter drags on. Sundays, she sets up out
front of the local churches with her folding table, raising money and
getting signatures on petitions. Weekdays, she sets up in front of
schools and the one big food market in her small town. Everyone
knows her, and she's got no shortage of critics as well as staunch
friends — in small New England towns, there tend to be plenty of
sceptics about providing public services, especially if they require tax
dollars to be spent. But this energetic woman, a mother of two young
children, says she loves her enemies. "Two things that motivate me,"
she says, "are helping the little boys and girls who need the basics and
don't necessarily get them at home, and proving to those folks who
don't think we ought to do more that of course we ought to do more.
And I say this: thank goodness for those fools who don't want to help!
They keep me fighting. If I didn't have such good and proper enemies,
how would I know I was on the right track?"
She gets a good head of steam going as she talks. Clearly, this is a
woman who sees her life as filled with important work. She is a hero
in her own eyes — she's got to be strong to help the children in her
area, and so she is strong. Cause and effect. Because she asks herself
the fundamental level-three questions every day — How are others
living? What do they think of as their greatest needs? — she's reaching
ambitious goals, making an enormous contribution to the lives of
others, and filling her life with high purpose.
The Story of Ed and Fred: Tuning in to What Other People Care About
We all want to be our own heroes, and hear our own stories. If you
grasp this truth, you can use it to reach your own goals.
A famous story about the advertising business offers another glimpse
of the way the three levels of thinking work.
Two advertising managers are arguing about the size of the type in an
ad they're planning to run in a newspaper. One of them — call him Ed
— wants to save money by using smaller size letters in the ad. Smaller
letters mean a smaller, less expensive ad overall. The other — call him
Fred — says, "You dope, you need big letters to catch people's
attention. If we use smaller letters no one will stop and read the ad."
Ed says, "Nonsense. If your message is the right message and you say
it clearly, everyone will read the ad." Fred's not convinced. Ed
proposes a wager: "I'll bet you a thousand dollars I can run an ad in
tomorrow's paper that you'll need a magnifying glass to read, and no
matter how hard you try, you won't be able to resist reading every last
word." Fred smells easy money and takes the bet. The next day, the
paper comes out and there on the back page is a block of tiny type.
Fred laughs. "OK, pal," he says. "Pay up — I'm not reading it. I
couldn't even if I wanted to — the type's too small." "Well, OK, if you
really think you won't. But you should know what's in the ad. It's all
about you. It's your life story." Try as he might, Fred could not resist,
and before the day was over he'd gone out and bought a magnifying
glass and read all about himself over and over again.
Fred was stuck at the first level of thinking — he was in love with his
own story, as most of us are. Ed understood that and used his insight to
win the bet and to save money on advertising by writing ads that used
insight into the three levels of thinking to save on space. If you have
no insight, your voice has to be loud to be heard — and your ads need
to be big. But if you have lots of insight, your voice can be quieter and
more civil, and your ads can be smaller and less expensive.
Ed was at the third level — he understood that other people didn't want
to hear about the products he had to sell, or about him as a salesperson,
but were consumed by their own concerns about themselves and their
own personal struggles. He asked the right level-three questions —
How do other people look to themselves? What do they care about
most? Ed understood that if he could connect the sale of his products
to those personal concerns, his ads would be more effective and he'd
The Story of Marty Edelston: How Second-Level Pride Hobbles the
Critics of Successful People
This is the story of a successful businessman with no shortage of
critics. But his critics were at level one and level two. Marty was at
level three. That's why the critics were working for Marty, instead of
the other way around.
I first heard the story of Ed and Fred from Marty Edelston, the founder
of a company called Boardroom, Inc. Boardroom publishes the
newsletter Bottom Line/Personal, a title that has at times had more
than one million paid subscribers. I first went to work for Marty when
I was nineteen, and the experience was tremendous. It was a glimpse
into big-time publishing and also a fantastic exposure to a successful
entrepreneur just hitting his stride as his company was reaching sales
of about $35 million a year. Marty is something of a legend in the
publishing business, an idiosyncratic man with an iron grip on all the
details of his company, requiring personal approval of every word
published in his newsletters and books and signing off directly on just
about every dollar spent. Throughout the day, secretaries bring Marty
healthy snacks of sliced fruit, which he generally eats in the middle of
meetings, with his fingers.
One of Marty's great talents is hiring bright and hungry people for key
jobs. Many have publishing experience in more traditional firms and
some are put off by Marty's highly personal approach and his total
control of management at every level in the company.
by Rabbi Noah Weinberg
The key to happiness is to
appreciate what you have.
Sounds simple. So why are
so many people unhappy?
THE SECRET TO HAPPINESS
The first thing to understand is happiness is generated by you. Nobody
and no thing can make you happy. There is a difference between
happiness and a change in your mood. Your mood changes all the time
and is situational.
How do you make yourself happy? You have to get in touch with the
real you. Without really knowing yourself at the deepest level, how
can you know what makes you happy? If you have spent your life
pleasing others and being less genuine because you fear what others
think, then there is some work that needs to be done in the area of self-
When you become real, everything tends to fall in line because you
chose to only do what is in alignment with the real you. When you BE
who you are, you DO what makes you happy, and you HAVE what
you want in your life.
Another important ingredient to happiness is being in the moment.
This is sometimes easier said than done. It takes practice. It’s easy to
get lost in the thoughts about the past regrets, past guilt, or wishing
things were right now they way they were then. At the same time,
anxieties and fears about the future is no way to live either. All you
really have and can feel happy about is this moment right now.
Recognize that happiness is a choice you make. It is not an end result.
It is part of the process. You don’t achieve happiness because of
something. You simply are happy or you don’t. If you haven’t felt
happy in awhile, ask yourself, “What am I thinking about?” Be honest.
Accept others realities, even if it isn’t true for you. Recognize that it is
their opinion. Having this high level of acceptance will make a huge
difference in your level of happiness. No one and nothing else can
choose how you feel.
Discipline yourself to be happy. Do something to lift your spirits each
day. You have to raise your own vibration.
A young man once came to meet me in Jerusalem. He had an
unusually happy disposition, so I asked him what's his secret. He told
"When I was 11 years old, I received a gift of happiness from God.
"I was riding my bicycle when a strong gust of wind blew me onto the
ground into the path of an oncoming truck. The truck ran over me and
cut off my leg.
"As I lay there bleeding, I realized that I might have to live the rest of
my life without a leg. How depressing! But then I realized that being
depressed won't get my leg back. So I decided right then and there not
to waste my life despairing.
"When my parents arrived at the hospital they were shocked and
grieving. So I told them: 'I've already adapted. Now you also have to
get used to this.'
"Ever since then, I see my friends getting upset over little things: their
bus came late, they got a bad grade on a test, somebody insulted them.
But I just enjoy life."
Sounds simple, doesn't it? So why are so many people unhappy?
At age 11, this young man attained the clarity that it is a waste of
energy to focus on what you are missing. And that the key to
happiness is to take pleasure in what you have. Sounds simple, doesn't
it? So why are so many people unhappy?
Happiness Is A State Of Mind
Western society commonly perceives happiness as the outcome of
what you achieve and acquire.
My whole life would improve if I had a new car...
I just need a better job and then I can relax and be happy.
If only I met the right girl...
You get the car and what happens? For a whole week you're walking
on air. Then you go right back to being unhappy. Sound familiar?
Judaism says: "Happiness is not a happening. Happiness is a state of
mind. You can have everything in the world and still be miserable. Or
you can have relatively little and feel unbounded joy.
"Who is rich? The one who appreciates what he has." (Talmud - Pirkei
Once you master the art of noticing, appreciating and consciously
enjoying what you already have, then you will always be happy.
(c) 2007 Victoria Wizell All Rights Reserved
Appreciate What You Have – And Troubles
You are standing on the 70th floor of the Empire State Building,
gazing at the cityscape. Suddenly a rather large man brusquely pushes
past you, wrenches the window open and announces his intention to
You yell out: "Stop! Don't do it!"
The six-foot-five figure perched by the window turns to you and
menacingly says, "Try to stop me and I'll take you with me!"
"Umm... No problem, sir. Have a safe trip. Any last words?"
He says, "Let me tell you my troubles. My wife left me, my kids won't
talk to me, I lost my job and my pet turtle died. So why should I go on
Suddenly you have a flash of inspiration.
"Sir, close your eyes for a minute and imagine that you are blind. No
colours, no sights of children playing, no fields of flowers, no sunset.
Now imagine that suddenly there's a miracle. You open your eyes and
your vision is restored! Are you going to jump - or will you stick
around for a week to enjoy the sights?"
"I'll stay for a week."
"But what happened to all the troubles?"
"Ah, I guess they're not so bad. I can see!"
An eyeball is worth at least five million dollars. You have two of
them? You're rich. If you really appreciate your eyesight, then the
other miseries are nothing. Yet if you take it all for granted, then
nothing in life will ever truly give you joy.
Misconceptions On The Road To Happiness
"Once I know the tools for being happy, then it will work like
Don't expect the results to come automatically. It is possible to
intellectually understand how to attain happiness, yet not put it into
In fact, many people might actually prefer to be comfortable and
unhappy, rather than endure the discomfort of changing their habits.
Just as learning any new skill requires effort, you have to be willing to
invest serious effort to achieve real happiness.
"If I become content and satisfied with what I have, I'll lose my
motivation to achieve more."
Happiness doesn't drain your energy. It adds more!
Ask a happy person: "I have a boat. Do you want to go fishing?"
He'll say: "Great! Let's go!"
Now ask someone who is depressed: "C'mon, let's go fishing!"
He says, "I'm tired. Maybe tomorrow. And anyway, it might rain..."
Happy people are energetic and ambitious. There's never enough time
to do everything they want to do.
Happiness is optional. If I want to be depressed, that's my own
A beautiful Sunday afternoon. You're at the park having a picnic with
Suddenly the air is pierced by one person complaining: "Who forgot
the forks? It's too hot for volleyball. I want to go home already.">
You have an obligation to be happy when your mood is negatively
affecting others. Don't spoil the fun.
We all try to put on a happy face when we're at a party. But what about
when we are at home, with our kids? Or when we trudge into the
office on Monday morning?
Like an open pit in the middle of the road, a sour puss is a public
Being happy is part of being considerate to the people around us.
The Daily Pleasure Count
To begin appreciating life, pinpoint some things you are extremely
grateful for and count them every morning for one month, e.g.: your
eyes, your hands, your children, your cat.
Set a time each day to contemplate these pleasures. Feel gratitude for
them. This exercise can change the mood of even the most miserable
The next time you visit your aunt (the one who loves to complain), tell
her very respectfully:
"Auntie, I came here to suffer with you today. But before we suffer, it is
only fair that you also share with me five pleasures that you had
"I had no pleasures."
"Auntie, did you have coffee for breakfast?"
Don't let her off the hook with this perfunctory answer. Make her
share the pleasure. "Was it sweet? Warm? Did the aroma linger? Did
it give you energy?" (She'll comply because she wants her turn to
"Okay, it was sweet and it was nice."
"Great Auntie! Now four more!"
"I didn't have any more."
"Did you wash your face? Was it pleasant? Warm? Refreshing?"
Relive it with her. Then another one.
After she describes five pleasures, her complaints won't be nearly as
To really work at this, sit down with your spouse (or roommate) every
evening and discuss one pleasure that each of you had that day. At the
very least, you'll have a happier spouse or roommate!
Incorporate this into your family routine so that your children also
learn to appreciate their daily pleasures.
The One Hour Blessing Fest
The next exercise is more sophisticated.
Spend one hour writing down everything for which you are grateful.
Most people fly through the first 15 minutes. The next 15 minutes the
pen moves more slowly. The next 15 minutes get even tougher, but
you can pull through if you include your eyebrows and socks...
The last 15 minutes are excruciating.
Once the list is compiled, add one new blessing each day.
The power of this exercise is clear: You must be conscious of all your
blessings, in order to appreciate whatever new blessings come your
Prioritise Your Blessings
To really hone your skills and become an expert at appreciation,
prioritize your list.
Which is more valuable - your hands or your feet?
Eyes or ears?
Sense of taste or your sense of touch?
Comparing each pleasure forces you to qualify the various subtle
aspects of each pleasure. And to quantify how much each respective
pleasure gives you. Follow this course and work at it daily. Your
gratitude will continue to grow, building a solid foundation for a
lifetime of happiness.
TO BE HAPPY IS YOUR PURPOSE
The purpose of life is simply happiness. The feeling of happiness is
what it feels like to be perfectly human. To be alive and human
without believing or experiencing the problems, doubts and fears that
we usually pay so much attention to.
It is in our moments of happiness that we can access our full
capabilities. When we doubt or fear we are limiting our capabilities.
Life, energy or whatever term you wish to call it comes to us and
flows through us continually. We are not the closed off, fixed beings
that we think ourselves to be.
We are, at the subatomic level, a continually changing, flowing of
energy. Every time that you dust your house, you see parts of what
was your skin yesterday. Now it has left you and begun to be recycled
for another use. Tomorrow the particles that currently make up that
hated wrinkle, will be dust around your house.
Continually energy flows through you and is guided into form, by the
This energy is limitless in potential. However the amount that you
receive is limited by your openness. The energy comes into you
through your own funnel. Your funnel is determined by your
If you make your funnel tight and narrow, meaning you are down or
fearful, you will experience;
If your funnel is wide and expansive, you will be happy. And you'll
have all the energy, capabilities and motivation to fulfil your vision.
It is in our most joyful moments that we are able to care about others.
It is then that we have the energy, motivation and strength to turn
our dreams into reality.
The best thing we can do;
for the world is to be happy.
Our joy spreads out to others and helps them to be happy.
If you have a toothache, the aching tooth dominates your thoughts. In
the same way, when you are unhappy, your misery dominates your
thoughts. When you are happy, your mind is clear to think and care of
others. So paradoxically, to be happy is the most altruistic and
generous thing that you can do.
THE DEFINITION OF HAPPINESS
TO LIVE BY
A clear definition of happiness is very difficult to find for such a
When I have asked others for a definition of happiness the most
general response is a feeling of contentment.
As a result of this, many people, perhaps subconsciously, tend to be a
little wary of happiness.
Happiness seems to be a selfish goal. This definition brings to mind an
image of happy people lying around all day.
Therefore people sometimes think that they would cease to be
productive members of society, that they would stop caring about
In truth nothing could be further from the truth.
You cannot help others, you cannot be truly productive and useful
unless you are happy.
And you cannot be truly happy, unless you are productive, useful and