Influencing interpersonal and leadership skills


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Applying the contents of thisTraining Manual on influencing, interpersonal and leadership skills will enhance your relationships with colleagues, higher management and subordinates, as well as allow you to achieve your goals more comfortably, become a trusted and respected staff member and partner and boost your carreer.

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Influencing interpersonal and leadership skills

  1. 1. Influencing, Interpersonal and Leadership Skills Compiled by Dean Amory Warning: Reading and applying the contents of this book will change your life for ever!
  2. 2. Title: Influencing, Interpersonal and Leadership Skills Compiled by: Dean Amory Cover Picture by: Mconnors – MorgueFile Publisher: Edgard Adriaens, Belgium ISBN: © Copyright 2014, Edgard Adriaens, Belgium, - All Rights Reserved. This book has been compiled based on the contents of trainings, information found in other books and using the internet. It contains a number of articles indicated by TM or © or containing a reference to the original author. Whenever you cite such an article or use it in a commercial situation, please credit the source or check with the IP -owner. If you are aware of a copyright ownership that I have not identified or credited, please contact me at:
  3. 3. Index 1. INFLUENCE AND PERSUASION 1. Managetrainlearn’s Influencing and Negotiating Skills 1. What is Influence? 2. Why Influence Matters 3. The Wind and the Sun 4. Where Influence Works 5. Influence and Motivation 6. We Are Easily Influenced 7. Conscious Influence 8. First, Build Rapport 9. Matching Techniques 10. Key elements in successful influencing. 11. Factors in Influencing 12. Where You Start From 13. Liking 14. Their Intelligence 15. Meeting Their Needs 16. Different Needs 17. Your Credibility 18. Your Arguments 19. An Appeal From Aristotle 19. Tactical Influencing 21. Make It Acceptable 22. Your Authority 23. An Influencing Script Key Points 2. Influencing Skills 1. Direct influencing 2. Indirect influencing 3. Influencing your boss 4. The prince’s gift 5. Indirect influencing: 7 techniques 1 what if? 2 2nd person quote 3 softeners 4 visual metaphor 5 repeated yes 6 modest diffidence 6. Don’t outshine the master
  4. 4. 3. Linguistic Tools for Influencing 1. Reframe 2. Use of name 3. Mind reading 4. Lost performative 5. Cause and effect relationships 6. Presuppositions 7. Universal beliefs 8. Tag questions 9. Embedded commands 4. Powerful Persuasion Techniques 1. Appeal to identity 2. Use hierarchy of values 3. Invoke emotions 4. Motivate 5. Show the consequences 6. Ask questions 7. Reframe possible objectives 8. Use quotes 9. Employ metaphors 10. Compliment and flatter 11. Show no gray area 12. Belong to a special group 13. Have them make a commitment 14. Change their life 15. Overcome inertia 16. Add presupposition 17. Use rhetorical questions and make claims 5. Framework Theories for Applying Persuasion and Influence Techniques 1. Rank’s intensify and downplay model 2. Monroe’s motivated sequence of persuasion steps 3. The integrity principle 6. Influence and Persuasion in Sales 1. Establish a basis for persuasion 1. demonstrate understanding 2. generate a friendly, responsive environment 3. provide evidence 4. demonstrate your expertise 2. Persuasion during negotiation 1. uncover the root of objection 2. redirect prospect to focusing on product benefits 3. Possible reasons of failure to close the deal 1. failure to create desire 2. failure to be perceived as an expert 4. adopt correct attitude 5. know your ultimate conditions
  5. 5. 7. Facilitating Change 1. Stages of Change 1. Defining and promoting the change 2. Planning and implementing the change 3. Engaging people in change 4. Maintaining change 8. Behaviour Change 9. Cialdini’s Six Laws of Persuasion 1. introduction 2. the six law of persuasion, an overview 1. the law of reciprocity 2. the law of consistency 3. the law of liking 4. the law of scarcity 5. the law of authority 6. the law of social proof 3. Using the laws of persuasion 4. Ethical issues 5. Summary 10. Personal Influence: Preparation 2. INTERPERSONAL AND COMMUNICATION SKILLS 1. The Johari Window 2. The ladder of inference 3. Inquiry vs. Advocacy 4. Building and Rebuilding Trust 5. Reacting Skills 6. Political Savvy 7. Team Building 8. Delegation 9. Emotional Intelligence 10. Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy 10. Success Strategies
  6. 6. 3. LEADERSHIP 1. Leadership characteristics 2. The five levels of leadership (John Maxwell) 3. The ten leadership principles (adapted from John Maxwell) 4. The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership (John Maxwell) 5. The sources of power (French and Raven) 6. Use and effectiveness of influence strategies (Kipnis, Schmidt and Wilkinson) 7. Seven habits of highly effective people (Stephen Covey) 1 Paradigms and principles 2 Seven Habits, overview 3 Habit 1: Be pro-active 4 Habit 2: Begin with the end in mind 5 Habit 3: Put first things first 6 Paradigms of interdependence 7 Habit 4: Think win / win 8 Habit 5: Seek first to understand, than to be understood 9 Habit 6: Synergize 10 Habit 7: Sharpen the saw 8. Leadership Styles 9. LMX relationships (Dulebon, Bommer, Brouer and Ferris) 10. How to incorporate leadership into your own life?
  7. 7. 1. Influencing Skills Understanding the power of influence to get what you want 1. INFLUENCING & NEGOTIATING SKILLS Understanding the power of influence in getting what you want from others Overview It is now widely recognized that, in most situations, authoritarian ways of managing people do not work. Instead of getting people to do what we want, the authoritarian approaches of "I know best" and "I'm in charge" end up causing antagonism, anger and a job not done. In place of dictating skills, people who want to work with others use influencing skills. These skills use non-forceful techniques to work with people rather than against them. As a result, relationships improve, people feel valued and the job gets done. Aims of this Course By the end of this course, you will be able to... - define "influence" - name 5 factors that lead to success in influencing - suggest 5 influencing skills - give 3 ways to increase your credibility - suggest 5 ways to appear more authoritative The Topics 1. What is Influence? 2. Why Influence Matters 3. The Wind and the Sun 4. Where Influence Works 5. Influence and Motivation 6. We Are Easily Influenced 7. Conscious Influence 8. First, Build Rapport 9. Matching Techniques 10. Key elements in successful influencing. 11. Factors in Influencing 12. Where You Start From 13. Liking 14. Their Intelligence 15. Meeting Their Needs 16. Different Needs 17. Your Credibility 18. Your Arguments 19. An Appeal From Aristotle 19. Tactical Influencing 21. Make It Acceptable 22. Your Authority 23. An Influencing Script Key Points
  8. 8. 1. What is Influence? - The word "influence" comes from the Latin "in" meaning "in" and "fluere": "to flow". - Influence = the power to produce an effect, often unobtrusively (Oxford English Dictionary) - "Influence is the ability to affect others' thoughts, feelings and actions - seen only in its effects - without exertion of force or formal authority." (Elaina Zucker) - "Influence is the process by which one person modifies the attitudes and behaviour of another person. Power is the means by which he or she does it." - “Influence is getting people to do something or to think or behave in a certain way” (US Department of Homeland Security – FEMA) - Organisations are fine weaves of influencing patterns where individuals seek to get others to think or act in certain ways." The two types of influence Positional Influence Positional influence results from a designated position that is responsible for guiding others. Positional influence is when a person is elected or appointed to a position such as a mayor, or manager. The best uses of positional influence are when there are strict rules and established procedures, when automatic compliance is required, to recognize and strengthen good performance and to deal with performance or conduct issues. The downside of positional influence is that it generally results in compliance, not commitment: people do what you want to because you’re the boss. Personal or interpersonal Influence Unlike positional influence, (inter)personal influence is based on trust, support and collaboration and has to be developed or earned. You build (inter)personal influence as you build relationships and gain knowledge and experience in your job, demonstrating your own qualities and skills, such as: - building trust and reliability through talking the walk and walking the talk, honest communication, respect one another’s knowledge, skills and abilities, maintain confidentiality. - good listening, communication and reacting skills: active listening, paraphrasing and reflecting feelings, effective balancing of inquiry and advocacy, effective speaking and interviewing skills, distinguishing between emotion and content. - attending and encouraging - a sense of humour - facilitating change: being able to communicate change effectively - exert your personal influence to achieve your goals (Inter)personal skills results in commitment to the task or purpose: people decide that they want to work with you to get the job done. The best uses of (inter)personal influence is when you have no direct authority over others, when a “buy-in” is required, when creativity and to-way information sharing is required, with professionals who expect tot be treated with respect and to work collaboratively, for team-building, for responding to change.
  9. 9. Core elements of personal influence Personal influence involves three core elements: “I”, “You” and “We”. Each element reflects on attitude. When you adopt these attitudes, you tend to act in a way that contributes to effective personal influence. “I” This element reflects the attitude: “I am a trustworthy ally”. It involves taking actions that demonstrate your personal reliability, competence and commitment. People learn about you from what you say and how you act. They determine whether you are trustworthy based on your actions and will notice quickly if your actions do not correspond with your words. Examples of actions that can destroy your credibility include: criticizing people behind their back, passing the buck and repeating confidential information to others. “You” This element reflects the attitude: “You are a valuable resource”. It involves showing the other person that you value a working relationship with them. Examples include asking for their opinions and ideas and showing appreciation for their contributions. “We” This element reflects the attitude: “We can accomplish this together”. The “I” and “You” elements together allow you to build an influence relationship. After you’ve done that, you can use the relationship to work together to solve problems and accomplish your goals. 2. Why Influence Matters Influencing others is a vitally important and relevant skill for our times. This is because... · people are less inclined than in the past to accept naked shows of organisational power. You may think you have succeeded when you impose your will on others but you may only have sent resentment underground. · there is a greater recognition today that to get anyone to do what we want requires more than simple threats and bribes. We need to be more subtle and responsive to others' needs. · organisations recognize that brute force and conflict are usually counter-productive and wasteful of time and energy.
  10. 10. 3. The Wind and the Sun The following fable is told by Aesop: The North wind and the sun were having an argument as to which was the more powerful and, not being able to agree, decided to put it to the test. They spied a traveller and decided that whoever was the first to remove the traveller's coat would be the winner. The North wind tried first. He blew a strong cold blast, but the more he blew, the more the traveller held his coat tight around him. The sun's turn came. He began to shine on the traveller with all his warmth until the traveller grew faint and, unable to bear it any longer, took off his coat and retreated to the coolness of a nearby wood. Thus the sun was the winner. Moral: Influence is greater than force. 4. Where Influence Works You can choose to use influencing skills across a wide range of workplace issues... - to get something you want that is in the possession of others or controlled by them without recourse to force or threats or manipulation - to encourage people to change their habits, views, opinions, decisions, plans, actions, lifestyles - to affect the way someone feels about you or others - to help in facilitating a team of which you are either leader or member - to improve workplace relationships - to have a say in the way a person in a position of higher authority makes a decision that affects you - to have an involvement in decisions in areas where you have no direct line authority. 5. Influence and Motivation Influencing skills are of crucial importance to those who manage others because they are an alternative and more effective way to motivate people. force Force as a motivation tool invariably works when you want someone to do something but results in demotivated people who plot revenge. Persuasion Persuasion as a motivating tool can be very effective. Persuasion makes use of strong logical arguments to get someone to do something. One of the chief drawbacks to using persuasion is that, if people can be persuaded one way, they can just as easily be persuaded another way by another equally powerful argument. influence Influence works better than either force or persuasion. Unlike force, it doesn't alienate people. Unlike persuasion, it allows people the freedom to make up their own minds.
  11. 11. 6. We Are Easily Influenced In 1979, White and Mitchell carried out an experiment to show how easily we are influenced. They put together two teams of undergraduates who were employed to do some stock work for one of their professors. In each team there was a "plant": in one team a positive plant who throughout the job was primed to make positive comments such as "this is interesting work"; and in the other team a negative plant, primed to make comments such as "this is boring work". At the end of the job, both teams were questioned. The team with the positive plant scored much higher on satisfaction ratings than the team with the negative plant, thus showing that the plants in the teams had managed to influence the way the rest of the team thought about the job. 7. Conscious Influence While the vast majority of influencing happens without influencer or influencee noticing it, influencing only becomes a practical skill when it is practised consciously. David McClelland of Harvard University discovered in his research that there are four key elements in successful influencing. These are: 1. you must know what end result you want to achieve 2. you must tune in to other people's wavelengths 3. you must have self-confidence 4. you must have a desire for authority over others. McClelland then found that given these factors an influencer can select from three strategies. He can simply tell someone what to do; he can influence others by the use of interpersonal skills; or he can work symbolically by setting an example which others then copy. 8. First, Build Rapport Establishing rapport with someone else is an important pre-condition to any attempt to influence them. If you are wanting to influence a stranger, for example someone smoking in your train compartment, it is essential. There are 3 keys to building rapport: 1. notice what is going on in the other person. You don't have to be a psychologist to do this, but you can observe from what the other person is doing what their likely mood, thoughts and emotions are. You can also listen in an empathic way 2. see things from the other person's point of view, whether you personally share this view or not. This is known as "shifting perspective". 3. match their movements, mood and thoughts to establish a pattern of liking and harmony. You are then on each others' wavelength and can begin to influence them.
  12. 12. 9. Matching Techniques Matching is a powerful rapport-building technique. It is based on the principle that when others are like us, we like them more, find them less threatening and are prepared to trust them enough to be influenced by them. Matching is related to mimicking and mirroring but is distinctly different. Mimicking copies another person's gestures and expressions without any attempt to empathise with them. Similarly, mirroring is an artificial and obvious form of copying someone else. Matching, on the other hand, seeks to get inside the way another person feels and thinks. It is a genuine attempt to understand their frame of reference. So, if they see things in a short-term frame of reference, matching attempts to see things the same way. Matching can extend to ideas, moods, values and even belief systems. 10. Key Elements in Successful Influencing There are four key elements involved in successful influencing: 1. Set Clear Goals 2. Build Rapport : - be empathic (know what’s going on inside of others) - put yourself in their place - match movements, moods, values and thoughts 3. Be confident 4. Choose a strategy : - tell others what to do - set example - influence others by the use of interpersonal skills 11. Factors in Influencing There are seven different factors involved in influencing others. While you may be successful with only one or two of these factors present, the chances are greater when all these factors are present. 1. Where you start from. If the other person is diametrically opposed to your point of view, influencing them to change their view will be very difficult. 2. their intelligence level 3. whether the changes you propose meet the other person's needs 4. your credibility 5. your arguments 6. whether you create the right conditions to encourage others to be influenced 7. how authoritative you are.
  13. 13. 12. Where You Start From Whether you succeed in influencing someone to change their view - say, to yours or someone you are lobbying for - depends on where they are at the start of your attempts to influence them. There are five key stages on the spectrum. 1. diametrically opposite your point of view 2. more against your point of view than in favour of it 3. neutral 4. more for your point of view than against it 5. in agreement with your point of view. The best you can usually hope for is to move people by two notches on the scale. So you would be succeeding if you managed to influence someone to move from diametrically opposite your point of view to a neutral position or from neutral to total agreement with you. 13. Liking The link between influencing someone and liking them is well-established: Dale Carnegie wrote a best-selling book exploring this link called "How to win friends and influence people". You can't, of course, force people to like you; but one of the surest ways to get others to like you is to make up your mind to unconditionally like them first. You will also find others start to like you if you concentrate on the things you have in common rather than the things that make you different. Liking, or sociability, was found to be a key influencing skill by Kipnis. In his research he found that the seven most important influencing skills were: - liking, - assertiveness, - forming coalitions, - using reason, - using authority, - bargaining - threatening sanctions. 14. Their Intelligence Research has found that people at the higher and lower ends of the Intelligence Quotient (IQ) scale are harder to influence than those in the middle. The reason for this may be that those at the lower end of the IQ scale are less likely to understand strong arguments or be aware of the need for personal change. Equally, it may be hard to influence those at the upper end of the IQ scale because these are likely to be people who have worked things out for themselves. They may not be intellectually ready to accept that they should change their minds by someone else. If you need to influence people with closed minds, you may need to abandon the use of rational arguments and rely on another approach such as the needs approach.
  14. 14. 15. Meeting Their Needs We all rely on others to satisfy our needs, whether they are basic physical needs, social needs, needs of recognition or love and emotional needs. If you can put your finger on what others' psychological needs are, you can help them meet those needs, and thereby influence their thinking and feeling. This is the basis of traditional approaches to motivation at work in which we supply money, security, recognition and so on to meet people's needs. It is important to recognise that meeting others' needs can work benevolently or malevolently. Malevolent influence - in which you influence others manipulatively, against their own interests or to immoral and illegal ends - does not form any part of honest ways of managing others. 16. Different Needs You can influence others by finding out how people see things and what they need from any situation. 1. If you know someone likes to be needed, (guardian), say "Can you help me with this, Elaine...?" 2. If you know someone likes to be liked, (guardian, idealist), say "You were great with those customers, Mark. I have a similar problem I'd like your help on..." 3. If you know someone likes to feel special, (idealist), say "You usually have an interesting angle, Ali. What do you think about this...?" 4. If you know someone likes to think things out, (rationalist), say "I don't understand what that means. What do you think, Maureen?" 5. If you know someone likes to be certain of things, (guardian), say "How can we make sure of this, Sheila?" 6. If you know someone likes to be doing things rather than discussing them, (artisan), say "What do we need to do?" Basically, what most people want to know is: - Do you care for me? - Can you help me? - Can I trust you? Often it will be a good idea to begin asking: How can I help? What can I do for you? Or to show admiration by asking for a favour.
  15. 15. 17. Your Credibility Getting others to believe in you is what is meant by your credibility rating. When your credibility rating is high, you are likely to have more success in influencing others. There are seven ways to increase your credibility: · have a good track record of influencing others positively · get people to believe in what you say · put together a good case · tailor your arguments to each person · use more than one argument · convince people that you would use force if you had to · do what you promise to do. "To please people is a great step towards persuading them." (Philip Dormer Stanhope, 1694 - 1774) 18. Your Arguments Presenting a good case, tailoring it to those you want to influence and being flexible means having plenty of Push and Pull arguments. Push arguments use reason, logic and weight of argument. They are the kind of arguments inexperienced influencers use for most of the time. Pull arguments use empathy, feeling and attempts to understand what others need and want. They are used more frequently by experienced influencers. You can adapt your arguments to suit your audience. An audience of male managers only interested in the bottom line may be predominantly interested in your push arguments, while an audience of female front-line customer staff may be more interested in your pull arguments. Remember: 1. show, don’t tell 2. you don’t push rope, you pull it!
  16. 16. 19. An Appeal From Aristotle Aristotle, one of ancient Greece’s greatest minds, identified 3 appeals which were used by speakers of his time. He called them: ethos, logos and pathos. Ethos appeals are based on ethics and reputation. This could include endorsements from key people, building credibility, or citing expert testimony. Ethos is Greek for “character”. Logos appeals are based on logic, and include statistics, facts and evidence. Pathos appeals are based on emotion. This could range from fear of something you don’t want to happen to hope for something you do want to happen. Using all three kinds of appeals together will boost your persuasive power. 20. Tactical Influencing An Influencing Strategy works best when used with six tactical conditions: 1. A raising of the awareness of the need for change. This uses the stealth approach by influencing people gradually over a period of time until they can see no alternative to your views. 2. A repetition of your arguments although not so much that you frighten people off. 3. A creating of uncertainty in people’s minds. When most people begin to have doubts, they seek some kind of authoritative opinion to restore their mental balance. 4. Suggesting action which does not commit people and allows them a way out if they don’t like it. 5. A sense of urgency that, unless people make up their minds soon, an important opportunity will be missed. 6. Show passion and enthusiasm 21. Make It Acceptable In her book, "The Change Masters", Rosabeth Moss Kanter argues that if you want others to accept a change, you must use certain tactics to make the change appear more acceptable. So, when you present an idea, make it sound... - triable: for example, we'll run a pilot first - reversible: then they can go back to the old way if they don't like it. - divisible: if they don't like one aspect, we can ditch that and keep the rest. - concrete: tell them how it affects the bottom line. - familiar: explain the change in terms they understand. - congruent: set proposals that fit in with what is already happening. - sexy: make it attractive, fashionable, exciting to the powers-that-be and high- profile.
  17. 17. 22. Your Authority An appearance of authority always aids the influencing process. Power negotiations are one example where you need to let the other side know you have authority. Another example is when a customer has a complaint and demands to see someone "in authority". To appear authoritative... 1. Have plenty of ideas and information to draw on. 2. Claim territory; play at home; look relaxed and in charge. 3. Speak slowly and deliberately. 4. Only change your mind for your reasons and not theirs. 5. Avoid overt threats; punishing others is a sign of fear. 6. Be proactive not reactive. 7. Get more information than you give. 8. Don't take too many notes. If you need to. Do so out of sight of the other side. 23. An Influencing Script John wanted the team to accept new working arrangements. Although he knew he had the power to make them accept the changes, he wanted to take them with him so he decided on a plan of influencing. First, he listened to their views. He found to his surprise that some of the team weren't so far away from his views but there were areas they were worried about. During the meetings he introduced a note of uncertainty about the division's future. Over the next few weeks, John mentioned the new arrangements at every opportunity. He used a range of arguments in favour of the plan and emphasised how they would meet the team's needs. John avoided any direct confrontation with the team, worked on appearing calm and in control and let them know he was totally committed to the plan himself. In time, every one of them took up the scheme with enthusiasm. Key Points - Influencing works where force and persuasion don't. - When we are in a position to influence others, we can simply tell them what to do, use our interpersonal skills or simply set them an example. - Establishing rapport with others is a necessary pre-condition to influencing them. - Where you both start from determines how likely you will be to change another person's viewpoint. - It is easier to influence those with average IQ's than those at the extremes. - Malevolent influencing does not form any part of genuine ways of managing others.
  18. 18. The Quizzes Fill in the Blanks Options are: malevolent, pull, mind, like, diametrically, case, facilitating. 1. If you moved someone with a ______________ opposite view to neutral, you would be successfully influencing. 2. Influencing people manipulatively is ___________. 3. To make someone's _____ up, you can point to the urgency of a decision. 4. Influencing others is a key skill in ___________ teamwork. 5. You can extend your influence over others if you get them to ____ you. 6. Using statistics, facts and ____ studies are examples of push arguments. True or False Decide whether the following statements are true or false. 1. All real influence is non-manipulative and happens without people noticing it. (True) 2. Your credibility as an influencer depends on whether your case is right or not. (False) 3. Forcing people to change their minds about something makes them less convinced than if they changed it themselves. (True) 4. How successful you are in influencing someone depends on their starting point. (True) 5. It is much harder to influence someone with a high IQ than someone with a low IQ. (False) 6. Push arguments are always more effective than pull ones. (False) 7. The more times you repeat your case, the more convincing you become. (False)
  19. 19. Multiple Choice 1 Which of the following is not one of the keys to successful influencing? self-confidence an ability to tune in to others clear sight of your goal a readiness to use force Multiple Choice 2 Which of the following is least likely to influence someone to change their mind? having a good case setting an example using interpersonal skills telling them you're right Multiple Choice 3 Which of the following influencing tactics is least likely to get someone to change? giving them no way out creating urgency creating uncertainty creating a need for change Multiple Choice 4 Which of the following ways to present an idea is is least likely to succeed? Give them a way out Provide a benefit Make it fashionable Imply it is a major change Multiple Choice 5 Which of the following is least likely to make you look in command? speaking deliberately having lots of ideas being proactive using overt threats
  20. 20. Review of Aims Define "influence" Influencing is the ability to affect others' thoughts, feelings and actions without the use of force. Name 5 factors that lead to success in influencing Five factors that determine the success of influencing are: the IQ of the other person, their needs, your arguments, your credibility, and your confidence. Suggest 5 influencing skills Five skills that lead to effective influencing are: the ability to like others, assertiveness, using reason, bargaining, and self-confidence. Give 3 ways to increase your credibility You can increase your credibility by: putting a good case, using more than one argument, and doing what you promised. Suggest 5 ways to appear more authoritative You appear more authoritative when you speak slowly, avoid threats, look relaxed, have plenty of ideas, and take the initiative. Resource: “Become a better manager, trainer, and learner with free online management training materials, products and resources.” (Eric Garner) “Leadership and influence”, FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency), US Department of Homeland Security – Independent Study Program
  21. 21. 2. Influencing Skills Many of the situations we tend to worry about aren’t directly under our control, however, for instance how our friends and partners treat us, whether or not we receive promotions or contracts, or how much help we get from others. Problems with situations like this can often come up in our minds as should statements, such as “I shouldn’t have to do this without help!” or “I deserved that raise!” or “It’s not fair that it’s raining the weekend we were supposed to go camping!” (A note: “should statements” don’t necessarily contain the word “should”. A should statement is any thought or declaration declaring a need for someone or something else to do or not do something.) Should statements are a common example of a broken idea, a type of thinking that creates unnecessary trouble. To regard situations where we have influence only and not control in a healthy and constructive way, it’s important to come to terms with the possibility that things may not turn out the way we want them to. Direct influence Situations where we have influence come in two flavors: direct influence and indirect influence. Direct influence means that we can take specific steps to try to get the thing done. For instance, a person who wants a raise can usually go to his or her boss and request one, and someone who wants to be treated better by another person can confront that person. Indirect influence Indirect influence means that we can only take actions that encourage the results we want, but can’t control them or even push for a decision. Some examples of indirect influence are practicing more in order to have a better chance of winning a talent contest or writing letters to a representative to encourage a particular vote. Influencing the boss … One of the principles of working successfully with your boss is to make sure that you don't outshine him or her. This is simple boss-subordinate psychology: you are there to find solutions and your boss is there to take the credit. Understanding this key aspect of the relationship is the secret to both of you getting on. That means that when you want your boss to do something you care about, you must find subtle ways to put your case. One of the most important techniques of doing this is Indirect Influence and here is a story that shows you how to do it.
  22. 22. The Prince's Gift The Prince of Chi was at war with the Prince of Chu. He decided he needed the support of a neighbouring prince and so asked his son-in-law, Chun-Yu, to go and plead on his behalf. Chun-Yu asked what gift he was to take and his father-in-law gave him the derisory amount of a hundred pounds of silver. Chun-Yu knew that this would be insulting to the neighbour and, not wishing to insult his father-in-law, he began to chuckle. "Why are you laughing?" asked his father-in-law. "Well, this morning, I saw a farmer sacrificing a pig's foot and a single cup of wine and asking the gods for an abundant crop, a full garden and bursting barns and I couldn't help thinking that a man who asked so much should offer so little." The Prince of Chi at once saw the point and increased the value of his gift. Indirect Influence: 7 Techniques What Chun-Yu in this story knew was that approaching his father-in-law directly would amount to disagreeing with him, criticising his choice, and setting himself up in opposition to him. When power is with the other person, none of these approaches is likely to succeed. So here are 7 other techniques to use to indirectly influence your boss. 1. What if?: a "What if...?" question is a hypothetical way of gently suggesting your solution to a problem. "What if we computerised...? 2. 2nd person quote: by talking about your solution as if it were happening to someone else, your boss will relate the story to his or her own situation. "I know Accounts had the same problem and used consultants..." 3. softeners: softeners put proposals in ways that give the boss room to think..."Do you think it might help if...? "I wonder whether...? "Maybe..." 4. visual metaphor: the visual metaphor helps the boss to see things in a different way. "This problem's like untangling spaghetti..." 5. repeated "yes": several repeated "yeses" from the boss put them in a favourable frame of mind for your solution. "We do need more business, don't we?" "We need more revenue, wouldn't you agree?" "A computer would be more efficient, wouldn't it?" 6. presupposition: a presupposition gets your boss to mentally accept your solution. "What software would we need for a computer like this?"
  23. 23. 7. modest diffidence: modest diffidence is a way to put forward a view to your boss without arguing it with certainty, eg "If I'm not mistaken..."; "I'm fairly sure it will work...". Don't Outshine the Master Indirect Influence is good management and good common sense. It allows you to put your ideas across in a way that is acceptable to the other person. As Baltasar Gracian said, "Avoid outshining the master. The superiority of a subject over his prince is not only stupid, it is fatal. This is a lesson that the stars in the sky teach us. They may be related to the sun and just as brilliant, but they never appear in her company." Resource:
  24. 24. 3. Linguistic tools for influencing Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) was created in the 1970s by two US Academics – Richard Bandler & John Grinder – as a method of personal change and communication. In this chapter, we will examine a series of methods that will help you to: • Direct a conversation without dominating it • Influence how others see a situation • Persuade others to come to your point of view These techniques are subtle, but they are effective when they are used with intention and with skill. 1. Reframing Reframing is the process of making a shift in the nature of a problem. It is the process of changing a negative statement into a positive one by changing the “frame” or reference used to interpret the experience. If all meaning is context dependent, and if you change the context or content, then you will also change the meaning. All content is re-framable simply by changing the structure, the process, or the context. You can use this knowledge to help reframe how the other person sees a situation as well. By doing so, you can set the stage for persuading them to come to agreement with you. The basis of reframing is to separate intention from behavior and consequence so that you can then draw a correlation between them as part of your persuasive argument. Intention is the opposite of consequence. It is how you precede an action or behavior and consequence is what happens at the end of the action. Consequences can be either positive or negative. In order to reframe something, you have several options. You can: • Redefine the words • Change the time frame • Explore the consequences • Change the chunk size • Find a counter-example • Ask for evidence • Appeal to the positive intention behind the belief • Change the context so that the relationship doesn’t apply in the same way
  25. 25. Here is an example. As you read this text, imagine that you have had the following thought: “Learning Influencing and Persuasion Skills is hard” Redefine the words: • You don’t have to learn them, you only need to become familiar with them. • Learning them isn’t hard, it just takes a little more effort. Change the time frame: • The quicker you do it, the easier it will see. • You have plenty of time to practice and become more comfortable with them. Explore the consequences: • Unless you try it, you will never know how easy it can be. •If you don’t learn them, you won’t be as effective in your job as you could be. Change the chunk size: • Chunk up: “is learning hard in general?” • Chunk down: “how hard is it to learn one specific skill?” Find a counter example: • Has there ever been a time when you found learning………easy? • Have you ever had an experience where you thought something was hard at first, but you eventually got the hang of it? Ask for evidence: • How do you know that? • Why do you feel it is hard? Appeal to the positive intention behind the belief: • I can tell you want to learn these thoroughly. • I know how much you want to improve your influencing and persuasion skills. Change the context so that the relationship does not apply in the same way: • How hard it is for you to learn depends upon who is teaching • You learned to speak Japanese – now that was hard!
  26. 26. 2. Using someone’s name Addressing someone by their name is a way to establish rapport because it signals a level of connection, it can make them feel special, and it can subtly remind them that your message is directed to them. However, to use it effectively, you need to be sure of several things: Using someone’s name establishes a level of connection when it is used correctly and appropriately. Be sure you know how they want to be addressed. If a woman you are speaking to prefers Ms. Jones to Miss Jones and you use the latter, you will be irritating her rather than building rapport. Don’t move to first names until either they have called you by your first name or you ask them if it’s OK to call them by it. Once you’re on a first-name basis, be sure you use the correct version of their name. Is it Robert, Rob, or Bob? Find out so you don’t cause barriers to building rapport with this technique. Don’t overuse it. Saying someone’s name is an effective way to draw attention to a specific point. But if you use it in every other sentence, you’re going to become obvious. There is a delicate balance to how frequently you use their name, so take care not to abuse it. 3. Mind reading With this tool, you indicate with your word choice that you know what the other person is thinking. If you are accurate, you’ve strengthened your rapport and you can manage an objection to what you are proposing to them before it is voiced. You can use language to persuade someone that they really do feel the way you are suggesting. With this technique you us language to persuade someone that they feel the way you are suggesting. Examples: o I know you believe this might be difficult, but it will be worth it. o I understand that you are concerned about the outcome, but your careful preparation will ensure success. o Many people feel, as you do, that it’s important to demonstrate integrity in our work and product. 4. Lost Performative In this case, you are stating a value judgment that omits identifying the person who is doing the judging. This makes it a neutral, easy to agree with statement. It is called the lost performative because there is no indication of the source of the information. You are actually increasing your ability to control the conversation without taking and misinterpreting the other person’s point of view. In this technique you make a neutral, easy to agree with statement with no indication of the source of the information.
  27. 27. Examples: o It’s a fact that people like people who are like themselves. o It’s good to know that the economy is getting better. 5. Cause and effect relationships This helps you put across a message when you want the other person to see the effect of what you are talking about. For example: o Seeing you come in late makes me feel you don’t care o Coaching will help you learn many skills o Attending this meeting will create changes 6. Presuppostion A presupposition is something that you haven’t stated but that is assumed to be present or true for your statement to be understood. For example: o When we’ve finished your appraisal, you’ll feel confident about the next six months (we are presupposing that the confidence will come or that we will do something that will leave them feeling confident – all we have to do is finish the appraisal). o As the economy picks up, we will see profits improve (we are presupposing that the economy will pick up eventually). 7. Universal beliefs A statement of something as a universal belief implies that there is no exception to what you are saying. You can use universal beliefs to get the person in the habit of agreeing with you. Examples might be: o Everyone wants to be happy at work o If you remain positive, you’ll see better results 8. Tag questions This tool gets the other person to think about what you said and then answer it in their mind. Since we can think about five times faster than we can talk, this can work well in persuasion and influencing. o As we take more action, our market share goes up, doesn’t it? o By listening more closely, you’ve learned much more, haven’t you? 9. Embedded commands These are exactly what they sound like – a command in your language without actually commanding someone to do something. These words speak to the subconscious and form part of a larger context, like: o So, looking at your priorities makes you feel better now? (Embedded command is ‘feel better now.’) o It’s good you’ve decided to get that report finished by 2pm. (Embedded command is that you’ve decided – finish it by 2pm)
  28. 28. 4. Powerful Persuasion Techniques “They who influence the thoughts of their times, influence all the times that follow. They have made their impression on eternity.” Influence and the psychology of persuasion. Whether you are writing an advertisement, an email to a friend, an inter-office memo, hoping to change a family member’s actions, or trying to convince a group of people to come over to your way of thinking, you need to know the methods top persuaders use to change people’s thinking and get them to take action. Here is a collection of the most persuasive techniques used by politicians, advertising copywriters, spin-doctors, propaganda writers, lawyers…anybody who has to change an individual’s mind–or groups of people’s minds–quickly. A person could use these techniques to get people to do things they wouldn’t ordinarily do, change their beliefs, get them to change their minds, get them to take action. I’ll give some short examples for each technique in an advertisement using the fictitious Special-J Dog Food. I’ve tried to sum up each technique with a sentence or two, but you could expand each one into a few sentences or paragraphs. That would make the techniques you are using much more powerful. 1. Appeal to Identity Who a person is and how they see themselves is an incredibly important influence tool, maybe the most important of them all. If you can tie in what you want with what their identity would do in a similar situation, you’d have a very good chance of getting him or her to do it. As a matter of fact, if you’re convincing enough, you would cause inner conflict that would compel them to act in the way you want. Of course people have more than one identity. They combine with their roles in life and how they see themselves. Many of these are fairly universal: being a good parent, a good friend, a good manager, being interesting, honest, etc. Another use of the Appeal to Their Identity is the use of Labels. What positive label could you put on the person(s) you are writing to? Here are some frames you can use for labelling someone: * You’re a natural _______. (“You’re a natural entrepreneur.”) * You’re not the type of person who _______. (“You’re not the type of person who would lie .” The label here? Honest.) * One thing I really like about you is _______. (“One thing I really like about you is your open-mindedness.“) * Unlike other ______, you’re ________. (“Unlike other managers, you’re generous.“)
  29. 29. The above frames are very useful in buttering a person up before asking them to do something for you. You would use one of the above frames and then make a request that would cause a conflict with the label you gave them. So, if I used the, “Unlike other managers, you’re generous, ” I would then, later on, ask for a raise or a loan of some sort. Here are a couple of examples I might use when selling to dog owners: • Pet parents always serve their dogs Special-J Dog Food. • Caring pet owners feed their dogs Special-J Dog Food. While you’re writing, ask yourself, “Who is this person?” Who does she think she is?” “What roles are important to him?” “What positive, complimentary label can I apply to him or her?” 2. Use Their Hierarchy of Values. This technique can tie into the one above. People place a value on practically everything. And that includes time, goods, ideas, people, etc. But they do have priorities. They will compare the characteristics of one thing to another to determine which one is more valuable to them, especially if they have to make a choice. How can you tie in what you’re offering with one or more of their highest values? Some of the fairly universal values (at least here in the west) are these: love, health, attractiveness, security, safety of family, pleasure, impressing others, happiness. Think of something fairly expensive you bought recently. Why did you buy it? What value(s) of yours made it appeal to you? What would have stopped you from buying it? What would have had to happen for you to pay twice the money for it? Whatever your answers to these questions, they show the values you applied to your purchase. An example: • What’s more important to you, saving a few bucks or your dog’s health? Questions to ask yourself while writing: “What’s important to this person?” “How can I make my offer just as valuable?” 3. Invoke Emotions. As any professional advertising copywriter knows, you sell something by getting the prospective customers’ emotions involved. Propagandists and spin-doctors know this too. Positive emotions like hope, anticipation, love, and negative emotions like anger, loneliness, disgust can spur people into action. You also need to use emotionally charged words that add impact to your writing. Try to pull out bland words and head to a thesaurus to find words that have a punch. An example: • Show the love for your dog that he or she shows you.
  30. 30. Ask yourself, “What emotions do I want to invoke, and how can I do it?” 4. Motivate Why should they do what you ask them? What’s in it for your reader? What do they get? What’s the incentive? What are the major benefits of doing what you are asking them to do? Make big promises. Promises you can keep if you don’t want major fallout later. A great way to get your readers motivated is to use a list of benefits, just pile on all the great benefits of what you are offering or what they will get when they do what you are asking. Here’s an example: • When you feed your dog Special-J Dog Food, you’ll notice your dog will : * Be more content and happier * Sleep better * Have a shinier, healthier coat * Be less likely to get sick * Recover from injuries faster * Have cleaner breath While writing, ask yourself, “How can I motivate my reader(s) to act now? How can I light a fire under them? What are all the benefits they will get if they act?” 5. Show the Consequences. How will your readers lose out by not doing what you suggest? Paint a word picture for them. What pain will they experience if they don’t do as you ask. This doesn’t mean make threats. That will set up resistance. Just tell them some of the negatives of not doing what you want, choosing an alternative to what you are offering…or doing nothing. An example: • Many dog foods are not nutritionally balanced, especially imported dog food. The last thing you need is for your dog to get sick, start losing his or her hair, becoming listless, just because you have been serving your dog canned food that isn’t as healthy. An important point when using this technique is to NOT dwell on the negatives for too long. People are exposed to negative news all day long. If you spend too much time on the consequences, you might lose them. Keep it short. Ask yourself, “How will they lose out if they don’t act now?” “What pain will they experience if they don’t do as I ask.?” 6. Ask Questions. When you ask lots of questions of your readers, you get them involved. And once they are involved, you can lead them where you want them to go. One old time use of questions in sales and copywriting is to ask several questions in a row that get the prospective customer to say “Yes”. This will, more often than not, get them into a positive mood and more receptive to your request.
  31. 31. Another good way to use questions in your writing is to make suggestions rather than orders. “Why not order now while you are still on this website,: instead of just using “Order now!!”. Questions are an ideal way to insert embedded commands. Some examples: • How do you know your dog is getting the proper nutrition he/she deserves? • Why not treat your dog to Special-J Dog Food today? When writing try to put in a few questions to get your readers involved. 7. Reframe Possible Objections. What would stop someone from doing what you want them to do? What possible anxiety could they feel about doing what you ask? Write down all they could possibly reject about your offer or request. Then take your list of possible objections and reframe them. Put a spin on them or change their perspective. Example: • Special-J Dog Food contains micro-capsules to release nutrients into your dog’s body all throughout the day, keeping her immune system running at peak levels, lessening the chance she will get sick. (THE POSSIBLE OBJECTION IS: “All dog food is the same.”) What you DON’T want to do is ignore any possible objections. By not bringing them up, you risk looking like you’re hiding something, or you are making your offer sound too good to be true by leaving those objections out. Ask yourself, “What would stop this person from doing what I want?” “How can I put a more positive spin on this objection? “”What else could this mean?” “What’s not apparent to them?” 8. Use Quotes. Authority and Social Proof are incredibly convincing ways to persuade. Just by quoting an expert or a celebrity (in the form of quotations), or satisfied customers (in the form of testimonials) you ramp up the persuasive content of your writing quite a few notches. Another benefit of using quotes in your writing is that they attract the eye when put inside quotation marks. Example: • “Nine out of ten veterinarians feed their dogs Special-J Dog Food.” • “My dogs love Special-J Dog Food. They’re healthier, happier, and look great!” ~ Marlin Perkins When writing your piece, ask yourself where you can find quotes and testimonials that will support your case.
  32. 32. 9. Employ Metaphors. The use of metaphor (and analogies and similes) have been used to influence, persuade, educate, and convince for thousands of years. Most of the Bible and other religious books are written in metaphor. It’s another powerful technique. How is what you want them to do like something they love to do? What are the parallels between the two? If you are selling a product, how is your product like something else very desirable? The classic advertising positioning statement “ABC is the Rolls-Royce of printer inks” uses metaphor for this effect. Here are some examples: • Special-J Dog Food is like an immunity booster shot for your dog. • It’s the canine Fountain of Youth! Ask yourself, “What is my offer like?” 10. Compliment and Flatter. If you can pull it off, make your reader feel special. This technique might be a bit transparent when writing to cold audiences (people you don’t know), but if you know them or you know the type of people they are (like a certain car owner), you should compliment them, especially if you have something negative to tell them. If you can’t think of anything nice to tell your reader (C’mon!), you can always do what Joe Gerard (Guinness Book of Records’ World’s Greatest Salesman used to do: mail them cards that said “I like you!” inside. He swore that this technique worked miracles. It also ties in quite well with Technique 1 (“Appeal to Their Identity”). Ask yourself, “What do I appreciate about this person?” “What do I like about this person?” “How can I compliment them with sounding like a brown-nose?” 11. Show No Gray Area. Point out to your readers that there really isn’t any choice in what you have to offer. They have only a very positive outcome if they do as you say or a very negative one if they don’t. Which one are you going to choose? You can (or will) do/have/be (POSITIVE), or (NEGATIVE). An example of this technique: • You can give your dog nutritious, balanced meals, or you can take him to the vet every month. When you are writing your piece, ask yourself how your readers don’t have a choice. It’s only black or white.
  33. 33. 12. Belong to a Special Group. Because of our tribal nature, we almost always seek out people who are similar to us. Veterans, collectors, artists, even people who have the same illnesses are all groups that come together in rapport. There are a few variations on this technique that you can use alone or in combination: a) people who already belong to a special, desirable group b) people who don’t belong to a special group…BUT WANT TO b) having a mutual enemy c) getting on the bandwagon or being left out Each one would require a different approach. Here are some examples using each of the variations above: a) To all you pit bull owners out there…. b) Here’s how you can become a pit bull terrier lover too… c) The State wants to take your pit bull away! d) If you own a pit bull terrier, this is your last chance to join Pit Bull Owners of America. “A sharply defined enemy is a far stronger argument for your side than all the words you could possibly put together.” ~ Robert Greene Of course this technique works well with Technique 1 (“Appeal to Their Identity”) because when you are part of a group, it’s also a party or your identity or a role you take on. When using this, ask yourself, “What groups of people does my offer appeal to? What are their interests and desires? What group of people would my target want to belong to?” “Can I start a desirable group of my own?” 13. Have Them Make a Commitment. When people make a commitment to an idea, they tend to find it very difficult to change their minds without creating conflict or anxiety (called, Cognitive Dissonance). This is a little more difficult to do in one-way writing (say an advertisement or a sales letter), but it can be done. For an advertisement, You would first ask your readers a question where they would most likely say yes. Then you’d continue with your writing. Finally, you’d remind them of what they said yes to. For example: • Do you love your dog? (THEN I’D CONTINUE WITH THE BODY COPY OF THE AD.) Earlier in this article (letter/ad), I asked you if you loved your dog. What better way to show your love for her by giving her a delicious and nutritious meal...
  34. 34. For a more personal correspondence, say an email, online chatting, or a letter, you could ask one of these questions: • I thought you said you were…., “I thought you said you were a Conservative. That’s not what a Conservative would say.” • Didn’t you say you…, “Didn’t you say you loved animals? Why would you eat meat…” • Don’t you think (UNDESIRABLE TRAIT or TYPE OF PERSON) is (NEGATIVE LABEL)? IF THEY AGREE…LATER FOLLOW UP. YOU: Don’t you think being a cheapskate is a horrible? HE: Yeah, sure. …LATER… YOU: Hey, can I borrow twenty bucks? When writing your piece, find out how you can get your reader to make a commitment, even a small one: donating a little money, trying something, even saying “yes” to something, etc. 14. Change their life. Most people are unhappy with their lives…or at least a some aspect of it. Many of them want change. But they don’t know how to change, or if they do, they are too afraid or lazy to do so. How can what you are offering change your target’s life for the better? Your offer must do more than change lives though, it has to change lives with the least amount of effort. What many people are looking for is the Magic Pill. Something where they wake up and their lives are magically different. • As you know, your dog’s life affects your whole family. You, your spouse, especially your kids are affected by the health of your beloved dog. Your offer can probably change your readers’ lives for the better someway, somehow. How? 15. Overcome Inertia. The first rule here is to simplify the steps they need to take. Don’t go into too much detail as to what they have to do. Narrow their choices or options down. It’s been proven that people won’t take action if they have too many choices available to them. It also helps to show them the consequences of not acting now (See Technique 5 “Show Them the Consequences”). Top persuaders often create urgency by telling their readers how scarce their offer has become. You can use a time deadline, a limited quantity, a limited supply of a freebie/bonus/premium, or a soon-to-arrive price increase to get your readers off their butts.
  35. 35. Some examples: • Get a 25% discount of Special-J Dog Food before November 10th. • Receive a bottle of Special-J Puppy Shampoo with every case of Special-J Dog Food. But please hurry, we only have 53 bottles left. Ask, “How can I increase the urgency of my offer?” “How can I add a deadline?” 16. Add Presuppositions. These are compelling ways to put thoughts into people’s heads without even verbalizing the thought. Here’s a quick way to incorporate presuppositions into your writing: Use questions. This requires a little more thought than Technique 6 (“Ask Questions”) presented above. Just think of what you want your readers to believe about your offer or product. Then put it into a question form. Some examples: • Do you know of any other dog food that makes your dog healthier than Special-J Dog Food? (NOTE: Whether they answer yes or no, by answering the question they imply that Special-J Dog Food will make their dog healthy.) • How are you going to handle your dog’s newfound vitality and playfulness? When writing, ask yourself how you are going to imply your claims. 17. Use Rhetorical Questions to Make Claims. This one is used a lot by the mass media. Why? Because it lets claims slip into readers’ minds without resistance. If I say, “XYZ tablets let you lose weight while you sleep,” you probably won’t really believe it; you’ve heard claims like this all the time. But if I ask, “How has XYZ tablets helped thousands of people across the USA lose weight while they sleep?“, it has a better chance of being accepted without resistance. Take a claim that you want to make, and try out different types of questions to frame it in. Example: • How does Special-J Dog Food help your dog live a longer, healthier life? When you are writing, ask yourself, “How can I put some of my claims into question form?” There you have seventeen ways to influence and persuade…. …When working on your project, keep sentences fairly short. One mistake I see quite often in ads and other forms of persuasive writing is sentences that are too long. The longer your sentences, the more difficult they are too read, and the more likely they will be ignored. You can mix and match these techniques depending on your project. The US military’s Psychological Operations (PSY-OPS) has had a lot of success with leaflet
  36. 36. drops over enemy territory. They are often quite small in size and need to get the job done quickly. They tend to use Technique 3 (“Invoke Emotions”), Technique 4 (“Motivate Your Reader”), and Technique 5 (“Show Them the Consequences”). For something like a billboard, demonstration placards, or bumper stickers, you could use Technique 6 (“Ask Questions”) or Technique 9 (“Employ Metaphor”). You now have a ton of power in your hands. You’ve turned your pen (or keyboard) into a formidable weapon. Please use this power ethically. I don’t know if you’ve already begun to notice how great you feel because of this power. Thanks for reading this post. Clearly, you are an incredibly intelligent person. And I like you, I really do. “It takes tremendous discipline to control the influence, the power you have over other people’s lives.” ~ Clint Eastwood Resources: by LOU (HTTP://BLOG.NLP-TECHNIQUES.COM/2010/06/17-OF-THE- WORLDS-MOST-POWERFUL-WRITTEN-PERSUASION-TECHNIQUES/) Influencing and persuasion skills Sales and Selling – Training and Techniques. Rank’s Intensify / Downplay Schema. Persuasion Techniques. Communication Skills Articles, various. MTD Training Academy. Advanced Communication Skills.
  37. 37. 5. Framework Theories for Applying Persuasion and Influence Techniques You’ve learned a great deal at this point about building rapport and have gotten some insight into how the words you choose can help to persuade someone. But how do you know how to apply those tools? To answer this question, we’ll look at some theories posed on how persuasion works. Yes, you have some tools now to help you influence and persuade others, but this information will give you a ramework for how you can apply them. 1/ Rank’s Intensify and Downplay Model In this model, Henry Rank describes a model of persuasion using two opposite strategies: intensification and downplay. This means that when you are in a situation where you are attempting to persuade someone else, you use the two strategies to highlight certain aspects of the conversation and to downplay other aspects of the conversation. 1. Intensify When you intensify something, you draw attention to it by making it more significant. You use three tools to intensify something: repetition, association and composition. You will recognize these concepts from commercials and other marketing campaigns because they are effective at getting you to hear a message and purchase their product. If you think about it, you are doing the same thing when you are attempting to persuade someone, only your product is an idea or a decision. Repetition When you repeat something multiple times, it is more likely that the other person will remember it, which can help them to be influenced by it. Plus, when you repeat something enough, the listener is more likely to accept that thought or statement as true. You see this in commercials when an advertisement repeats a word over and over again. New, improved, bargain, or other descriptors are commonly repeated in hopes that you will remember the statement. Association In this technique, you draw a connection for the listener between your concept and another idea with which they are already emotionally connected. You can use negative or positive emotions in this technique. For example, you can persuade someone to keep a job by associating the loss of a job with the loss of their home and their family’s comfort. You can persuade someone to accept a delegated task by associating it with a sense of pride in accomplishment or by letting them know you are choosing them because you associate them with intelligence and prudent thought. You see this in commercials when the ‘beautiful people’ are using the product and smiling brightly, or when the guy who uses the product gets the girl. The advertiser is trying to draw an association between their product and the emotional experience of the people being portrayed.
  38. 38. Composition This strategy uses the structure of your argument to compare the outcome being portrayed against an outcome that is less desirable. You are basically making your option look or sound better by contrasting it with another possible outcome. In advertisements, you can think of ‘before and after’ commercials or someone who is unhappy before a product and happy afterwards. There can be a strong emotional tug here as well. 2. Downplay On the other side of the intensify coin, you have downplaying. It is the opposite strategy from intensification. Here the goal is to distract from certain aspects of the situation. The methods you use to downplay a fact or statement are the opposite of the ones you would use to intensify them. In this situation, you would use diversion, omission, or confusion. Diversion This is a basic distraction technique. You simply divert the person’s attention to something by drawing their attention to another feature or characteristic of your argument. For example, if you are trying to convince your boss to let you work from home, he or she might zone in on the fact that they wouldn’t be able to supervise you directly. Instead of letting the conversation dwell on that issue, you could divert their attention to the fact that you would be more productive without distractions, which in the long run will save the company money and will make your boss look good when you are getting things done faster. Omission This is exactly what it sounds like; you simply do not say anything about a topic that you think might sway the other person from your point of view. However, you need to be careful when you use this tactic because in a work scenario, you may be required to use full disclosure. Or, if you omit information when you work with a customer and it is information that they discover after the fact, if they consider it important information they will not appreciate the fact that you omitted the information in the first place. However, if you can safely leave certain information out of a conversation that you think would dissuade the other party, you can choose to do so. It might be something that you can address after you have already gained agreement, at which point the item may no longer have as much importance. Confusion Although this is not the most noble of persuasion tactics, it is effective. If you can establish yourself as the expert with the complex or highly scientific information, you may override the other person’s position simply because they are not able to deliver their position with the same amount of detail. If you know the topic you are discussing inside and out and the other party does not, you will be at an advantage because you will be able to show a depth of knowledge that makes it seem as if because you know more you must also know better.
  39. 39. 2/ Monroe’s Motivated Sequence of Persuasion Steps In the 1930s, John Monroe developed a series of steps that he believed were the keys to persuading another individual. The steps are: • Attention • Need • Satisfaction • Visualization • Action 1. Attention To get someone to listen to your argument, you need to get their attention. You have about five seconds when talking to someone to engage their attention before they will lose focus. You Can do this in several ways. • Use their name with a tone that conveys urgency or importance • Use emotion to demonstrate your position – smile, frown, be exasperated – whatever emotion conveys the strength of your position • Physically touch them if you have the level of rapport where this is appropriate. Put your hand on their forearm or shoulder to draw their attention. • Bring up a topic that you know they are passionate about and segue into your argument – but be sure there is a valid connection so you don’t seem to be changing the topic too quickly • Start with a statement that conveys the benefit of your position for the other person 2. Need Once you have the other person’s attention, work to keep it. You can lose their attention as quickly as you have it if the other person doesn’t see the need to continue listening. To keep the other person’s attention, you have to be familiar with what is important to them. What do they want? What do they value? Why should they care about your side of the argument? Once you can answer these questions, you are ready to ‘hook’ the listener by focusing on what they care about. 3. Satisfaction In this step, you describe to the listener how your position will meet the need you addressed in the previous step. Will your solution solve their problem? Will it prevent them from having to deal with additional problems? In other words, what benefits will the listener receive if they are persuaded by your argument. Or what negative consequences will they avoid? 4. Visualization Visualization means that you can create a picture for the listener of what the situation will look like once they have been persuaded to accept your position or agree to your decision. Help them do this by describing what the world will be like ‘after’ they agree with you. For example, use language like: • Imagine what it will be like when you no longer have to…
  40. 40. • Can you see how this would reduce your work load (solve your problem, increase your profits, etc.) • Picture yourself leaving work on time once we make this change (or some other way their life will improve once they agree with you) 5. Action Once you sense that you are approaching agreement, you need to cement it by suggesting the next step or action that will put your solution in motion. Don’t wait – act as soon as you can so that the other person is not left stewing and thinking things over more (and perhaps changing their mind). 3/ The Integrity Principle When you are persuading or influencing another, you are assuming a position of leadership. However, you won’t be perceived as a leader unless you exhibit the trait of integrity. Integrity can be defined simply as being true to your word, being authentic in your actions and speech, and demonstrating the kind of behavior that you expect others to have. In other words, don’t ask others to trust or believe in you or your solution if you haven’t demonstrated that you are trustworthy. Integrity is something that you have to practice continually. It takes effort to honor your word every time and to be the example you want from others even when you are under stress or simply have a personality conflict. But the benefits you can gain from developing integrity are enormous when compared to the damage you can do in the workplace – and to your ability to persuade others - if you lack it. Think for a moment about characteristics of people who have tried to persuade you that you didn’t like. What, specifically, were the attitudes, behaviors, or traits of that person that has you still thinking of them in a negative light? Probably you would list things like favoring certain people, not coming through on promises he or she made, gossiping, taking credit for another person’s work, or treating you disrespectfully. All of these issues can be traced to a lack of integrity. So how do you practice integrity? There are three key areas that you can concentrate on developing. As you read each description, ask yourself how you would feel someone trying to convince you of something did not possess these key characteristics. 1. Sincerity Also called authenticity, people with this facet of integrity: • Do not put up a false front • Accept responsibility for their commitments and strive to meet them • Are honest about their own limitations • Accept responsibility for their mistakes • Tell the truth
  41. 41. 2. Consistency You can demonstrate this facet of integrity by: • Treating people equally as much as possible • Following through on promises • Working as hard or harder than is expected • Having the same expectations or rules for yourself as you have for others 3. Substance Substance refers to integrity becoming a part of who you are being in all your work relationships by: • Keeping private information private • Not gossiping or complaining about team members to other team members • Doing what’s best for the team and not just yourself • Giving credit where credit is due • Caring about the development of your employees if you are a supervisor • Making it a priority to maintain clear communication and resolve any conflicts If you have read this information and realized that you have not always acted with integrity in the workplace, you are certainly not alone. But going forward, you can now recognize that integrity can be built one action at a time. As you get more practiced at it, you will find that it becomes a habit. And once you start seeing the results that come from practicing integrity, you will want to keep going. Resources: by LOU (HTTP://BLOG.NLP-TECHNIQUES.COM/2010/06/17-OF-THE- WORLDS-MOST-POWERFUL-WRITTEN-PERSUASION-TECHNIQUES/) Influencing and persuasion skills Sales and Selling – Training and Techniques. Rank’s Intensify / Downplay Schema. Persuasion Techniques. Communication Skills Articles, various. MTD Training Academy. Advanced Communication Skills.
  42. 42. 6. Influence and Persuasion in Sales 1. Establishing a Basis for Persuasion in Sales Although the information shared to this point can certainly be used in sales, there are a few additional points that are specific to a sales relationship. Before you can persuade a customer to choose you or your company, you need to establish a basis for doing so. You can do this by following these steps: 1. Demonstrate Your Understanding Putting yourself in your customer’s shoes lets you look at the scenarios they are facing and helps you to concentrate on finding the best solution for their scenarios. When you work with your customer, the interaction is not about you – it’s about them. Ask questions that demonstrate you are well-informed about their business their needs, and how your organization can help them to be more successful in their own business. 2. Generate a Friendly, Responsive Environment Don’t underestimate the impact of being friendly and responsive. Your attitude in working with the customer, meeting their needs, and handling their requests says a great deal about you and your organization to the customer. Plus, your responsiveness – how quickly you respond to their objection and how well you meet their expectations – will be an important decision point for any customer in whether or not they will be persuaded to use your company. One good rule of thumb is to under-promise and over-deliver for your customers. You’ll be demonstrating an exceptional level of customer service that they will want to experience again in the future. 3. Provide Evidence and More Evidence You need to be able to demonstrate to your customer that you, your organization, and your product or service are the best choice for the customer. Be able to explain precisely how your offering will benefit the customer in ways that the competition cannot. Give the customer testimonials from other customers and show them before and after scenarios that prove how your product or service has made a difference for other customers and how it can do the same for them. No matter what you do, be sure that anything you share is fully verifiable. 4. Demonstrate Your Expertise Who would you be more apt to buy from – someone who knows the basics about your industry or someone who you see as an expert in your field? As you work with the customer, demonstrate that you understand what you are presenting to them. Share information that shows you understand their field, the upcoming trends, and the challenges people in that industry are facing. You’ll instill confidence in the customer to choose your product or service over the next provider.
  43. 43. 2. Persuasion during negotiation 1. Uncover the root of the objection Start by asking some questions that will help uncover the root of the objection. The exact questions you use will vary depending on what the client says, but some possible examples include: • What is your main concern with this point? • Why does that particular concern worry you? • If your concern were handled, what would the result look like? • What is your main priority in considering this offer? • What information do you still need? • What would the ideal offer for your situation include? • What are the main factors you will consider in choosing your provider? Notice that these are all open-ended questions. They give the prospect the opportunity to talk so that you can learn more information as well. 2. Next, Redirect the prospect to focusing on the benefits of your product Some examples of these types of questions include: • We’ve talked about the fact that you have a challenge with ________. What would it be worth to your organization if that challenge were resolved? • How would it help you to be more competitive if you didn’t have to deal with the problems caused by _______________ anymore? • What value can you see in eliminating __________ from your daily workload? If you find that the prospect is not willing to give you more information, you might need to examine other possible reasons for their objection. 3. Possible reasons of failure to close the deal 1. Failure to Create Desire All sales require that your client has a desire to own your product or use your service. If you haven’t yet created that desire, you will face objections and not make the sale no matter how persuasive you think you are being. This idea comes from the sales method known as AIDA, an acronym which stands for: • Attention • Interest • Desire • Action This is very similar to Monroe’s Motivated Sequence Model that we discussed in Chapter Six. The point is that if you haven’t created the desire for your services, you will not persuade the customer that they need your services. Why would they buy something that they don’t want? You will need to go back and establish desire by demonstrating the benefits your offering will provide to the customer. If you do this well enough, you won’t have to do any more persuading – the customer will already want what you are offering.
  44. 44. 2. Failure to Be Perceived as an Expert Another common reason underlying objections is that your customer doesn’t yet see you as a partner in their business. At the very least, they should see you as a source of expert information and assistance when they need it. If they don’t see you that way yet, you will need to work at reinforcing their perception of you as a benefit to their organization in order to persuade them to complete the sale. You can do this by taking some simple steps like: • Sending customers information from industry publications or other sources that are related to their business • Keeping informed about any regulatory changes to their business • Following your customers in the news so that you know what their challenges are and what they might need in the future • Creating a network of contacts so that if your customer needs something you don’t provide, you have a specific person that you can refer them to • Continuing to receive training on developments of the products that your company offers, as well as any products that your competition is offering • Attending conferences that are related to your industry and sharing what you learn with your customers Once you are perceived as an expert in the customer’s field, you will find that objections become much rarer. The customer will come to you asking for advice and suggestions rather than you having to go to the customer and ‘sell’ to them. 4. Adopt the Correct Attitude Your mind needs to be in the right place when you enter into negotiations. Otherwise, you will simply not be as persuasive as you could be. You don’t want your emotions to get in the way of your ability to interact with the other party and you want to be prepared to continue providing the best quality service you can for the customer. Here are some tips for ensuring you have the right attitude: • Be confident in yourself, your organization, and the value that your product or service provides • Remember that objections to your proposal are not objections against you personally • Remain calm in order to keep thinking clearly and responding well • Be patient because not everyone thinks at the same pace or in the same way • Remind yourself that the goal is to find a solution and agreement that provides value to both parties 5. Know Your Ultimate Conditions We know a few things about customers by now. We know that they are likely to try to get the lowest price and most favorable conditions possible. We know that they can have unrealistic expectations or unreasonable demands. But we also know that there is a point during the negotiations at which they are willing to walk away from the table and go to the competition instead. You need to know the same information about your own position.
  45. 45. At what point will you decide that persuasion and influence is not possible, and that you would be better served pursuing another customer? What are the requirements that an agreement must include in order for you to take it? What are the points on which you are willing to make concessions and the points on which you are not? If you don’t know this going into the negotiations, you could waste time arguing points that are not critical for you. This might take more than your own input to determine, so if you are negotiating as a team, be sure to schedule a meeting to discuss this ahead of time. Resources: by LOU (HTTP://BLOG.NLP-TECHNIQUES.COM/2010/06/17-OF-THE- WORLDS-MOST-POWERFUL-WRITTEN-PERSUASION-TECHNIQUES/) Influencing and persuasion skills Sales and Selling – Training and Techniques. Rank’s Intensify / Downplay Schema. Persuasion Techniques. Communication Skills Articles, various. MTD Training Academy. Advanced Communication Skills.
  46. 46. 7. Facilitating Change Most organizations have been facing wave after wave of significant change that will only increase in volume, speed, and intensity in the future. With all of the change going on, the cost of failed change has become high for organizations. There is an equally high “human toll” from failed change because the first casualty is loss of trust. Compound that loss with the emergency management goal of protecting life and property in the face of disasters, and the potential loss is great indeed. Of crucial importance is not what change happens, but how change happens. A study for managing change in the government singled out leadership as the most critical factor in the successful implementation of change. Clearly, organizations that are most successful are those that:  Have learned how to respond to changes that impact them.  Have leaders who know how to plan for and implement change well.  Attend to people’s reactions and feelings associated with the change. It is helpful to understand the stages of any change process and what is needed for each to make the process successful. The stages we will discuss are:  Defining and Promoting the Change  Planning and Implementing the Change  Maintaining the Change  Engaging People in the Change 1. The Stages of Change 1. Defining and promoting the change To successfully lead change, certain characteristics are required: 1. Being trustworthy, reliable and influential 2. Initiating change, but not micromanaging or controlling it 3. Listening to and advocating for both organizational and individual needs 4. Communicating that opportunities are available in the change 5. Maintain public visibility and accessibility during the process. Communicating Change All people involved need to understand 1. What the change is 2. Why it is necessary 3. What it means to them and the organization 4. Why the change needs to happen NOW Key questions are: 1. What problem are we addressing with this change 2. What opportunity are we trying to capitalize on 3. What will the organization look like in the future
  47. 47. 4. Where will the individual fit in? 5. What will happen exactly? (Step by step plan, training, resources) The rule of six: Communicate new information six times in six different ways 2. Planning and implementing the change 1. Defining actions and tasks that need to take place to advance the change 2. Assigning responsibilities for these actions and tasks 3. Creating a timeline for the change process 4. Dealing with potential problems that may arise along the way, including staff resistance 5. Defining a means of assessing progress 6. Monitoring the impact of the change on staff and the organization 7. Developing a feedback loop that can provide information to fine tune the change process as it develops Critical tools that will be needed for this include: 1. Clearly defined policies 2. Action and communication plans 3. Resources, such as staff training and communication channels. 3. Engaging the people in the process This is largely about maintaining relationships with people during the change process. This includes: 1. Including staff and those with expertise or technical capacity with key administrative and organizational authority in order to ensure successful adoption by the largest number of staff.
  48. 48. 2. Asking for feedback during the process, accepting a wide range of responses to the change. 3. Listening to staff concerns and effectively and sincerely responding to staff feedback, needs and requests; providing staff what they need – both physical and mental, to support the change. 4. Maintaining change 1. Continually engaging those whose support of the process is critical. 2. Continued attention to communication and feedback 3. Providing what is needed 5. Change: understanding the emotional circle What do you do with what happens to you? And if you're managing, how do you bring other people through major changes productively? It always helps to have a model - especially a visual one - to make sense of what doesn't make sense at the moment. Let’s have a look at the stages of transition through which we all travel and the emotional responses associated with those. These apply to both personal and organizational changes. Why? Because organizational changes are always personal. Sometimes it's just plain comforting to know that what you are The challenge is: Understanding where you are, what you can't control, and identifying and acting on what you can control.
  49. 49. Kübler Ross in some more detail: 1. Organizational Stability: I'm not sure when I last saw long-term stability in large organizations. But for the sake of our learning, let's assume that things are moving along pretty well. People are content with what they are doing and how they are doing it. Life is good. 2. The Change: Something new happens that causes disequilibrium. There are two normal responses: 1. The ever-popular Denial. This comes in the form of shock, confusion and suspicion. "This isn't really happening." 2. Anger & Seeking Justice. "Let's get and punish the weasel responsible for this!" Please note: It is happening and you will not punish the weasel--assuming that there is one. Talking with friends and associates feels good and is even cathartic for a little while. Getting stuck here will give you cardiac arrest or get you arrested. So why not just let go and move to the next step? 3. Depression, Fatigue. I know, it was more fun being angry. But you will wear yourself out shadow-boxing with unseen villains. And the ones you can see have made up their minds that things are going to be different. So it's time to move on. By the way: "Depression" is often defined as "anger turned inward." So it's a natural progression to go from 2 to 3. However, it's self-defeating to stay there. 4. "Let's Make A Deal": Bargaining. When things aren't going our way, we try to make tradeoffs and salvage at least something from our sense of loss. Anything that will help get us out of the current situation. This is a coping mechanism, not a resting place.
  50. 50. 5. Acceptance. "OK," you say, "I'm cautiously optimistic and will invest a little in the new situation and see how it goes." or Opt Out. It's perfectly normal to assess a new situation and decide "This isn't for me". 6. Mastery. If one accepts the new thing, then a new sense of optimism, patience, commitment, and productivity returns. Remember: These phases are not a Straight-Line evolution. The path isn’t linear! We're talking people. Individuals who, with individual constitutions and make-up, move along at different rates of speed. We all bounce around trying to make sense of things. When we finally accept that things actually are the way they are (reality), then we begin to work things through in a healthy, productive way. Management Action If we're managing people through a change, what does support really look like? When the personal/group emotions seem to be in Denial... Restate the change goal and the reasons for changing. Be positive but not an apologist. What people really need is to see things as they are. Your job is to be clear about reality. Don't make excuses, give honest context. Excuses are an excuse in and of themselves - to disavow one's own responsibility in the effort.
  51. 51. When you see Anger and Justice Seeking (let's get 'em!)... Listen, then paraphrase for understanding. That is, make sure that you understand what they are really saying and feeling; and let people know that they are, in fact, heard. Listen for real. I've gotta emphasize this one. Too many of us are street-smart from too many active listening workshops. Faking empathy is easy. Being believed isn't - unless we are acting in a truthful way. Ask people what they want to do to move on. Help people get into an active mode. And help them realize that, while you are there to help, moving on is their responsibility. When you realize people are Fatigued or even Depressed... Prevent "ain't it awful " sessions while acknowledging the validity of how they feel. Be quick to tell people when they are doing the right things. Discourage rash statements or behavior. Allow that, while it might seem a satisfying exercise, it will hurt them - and their colleagues and family. Focus on short-term, focused tasks where people can get a sense of success. And another. And another. Even if a large project is mandatory, take time to break it into chunks. Let's face it: none of us needs one more thing to make us feel overwhelmed if we're already feeling overwhelmed. If someone truly exhibits verbal or behavioral tendencies that are abnormal, don't ignore it. Name it, ask what the person is doing about it, and wait to hear a substantive answer. If you don't get one, talk with HR or your employee assistance program rep about what to do next if you don't already know. Note: In 30+ years of business and business consulting, I've never seen anyone commit a violent or hurtful act during a large-scale change. It does happen. I have, though, often discovered instances of people taking their anger and depression home and causing great turmoil in their families - a cycle which impacts the workplace and the well-being of spouses and children. When people are confronted with a description of their observed rash behavior, they often drop their head - or smile - and say, "You're right. I'm glad somebody finally said something." Healthy people understand that being confronted with the truth is an act of caring. After one "bottoms out" and moves further along the curve toward meaningful action, other things happen:
  52. 52. Regardless of your official organizational role, try switching viewpoints along the way; think of yourself as a manager, then as an employee. I think you'll be moved by how quickly you begin to understand the challenges of each. When the personal/group emotions look like "Let's Make A Deal" and people are Bargaining... Express certainty and conviction, but not arrogance. "I believe in this change." And revisit a few reasons why. Visibly move to execute your share of the change. When things are tentative, people are looking for an example. Be one. Be patient but persistent. Think of major changes as times when people lapse into a bit of adolescence. And for good reason: they aren't mature at what is happening! So persistence is important. It provides a "back door boundary" that continues to help people look ahead and not avoid the growth needed to move ahead to maturity. When you see Acceptance... Celebrate using specific achievements related to the goals. By the way: this is the one thing that is ignored most. I don't know why. I've asked, and answers range from "they're getting paid to do this" to "we don't do celebration." The same people give their dogs treats when they finally decide to stop doing their business on the carpet. Go figure. Discuss and Document lessons learned. This is not only a chance to do just what it indicates; it's an opportunity for people to gain a group sense of accomplishment and even a sense of celebration.
  53. 53. Probe for opportunities. Once you've all reached this stage, the "how-to" ideas will be ripe. When some choose to Opt Out... Listen to their reasons and acknowledge that they are valid. Ask what they want to do next. Help keep them focused on the fact that there is a life outside of your organization and that they can contribute. Tell them what you see as their strengths. Offer assistance in some meaningful way. Provide some degree of outplacement assistance knowing that not everyone would stay the course. The benefit to the company: enhanced reputation as a place where everyone is valued, even when their talents no longer fit the current circumstances. At this point, people are Moving On. Keep moving...the next change is just around the corner! Please Remember This: People who are wrestling with change aren't items to be "fixed". They're people who are being people. And Change invites Leadership. In the midst of disruption, we all want two things: Understanding and Direction. This is an opportunity to offer both. 1. The change curve above summarises typical reactions when you have change thrust or forced upon you 2. However, when change is owned and initiated by you it is a different kettle of fish (e.g. you will avoid the negative red emotions shown on the change curve and enjoy the green emotions and a great sense of achievement). Therefore, the best way to manage change is to help create it. Change: No Closure Means Extra Exposure Closure is a must when it comes to change, because if it isn't permitted or encouraged at the right time, it will come back to haunt organizations at the wrong time. Unfinished business demands completion. People require completion. So make your choice: Do it the healthy way or the disruptive way. Either way, it will happen. Here's what I mean: The models presented in this article up to now are linear and show what appears to be a beginning and an end. Nice and neat. They do a good job of helping us intellectually grasp the emotional elements of change. Yet the truth is, our lives and business lives are filled with ongoing changes. The end of one thing breeds the beginning of another. And each major change brings with it a sense of loss of what represented stability. In business, we readily talk about sales cycles, business cycles, "going full circle", and "closing the loop". None of these is linear. So here's a diagnostic question: Do we practice what we preach? Most large-scale change models talk about "cementing" or "institutionalizing" the desired change. To do that, there needs to be an event or ceremony that acknowledges or even celebrates the past in order to let it go. Without such an