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Raising godly children 19 jun 15

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Raising godly children 19 jun 15

  1. 1. 1 Raising Godly Children
  2. 2. 2 Serving God As Families My own experience…. Chen Su Lan Children’s Home Bendemeer Tuition Project Prisons Ministry Annual Caroling Project Yangon Orphanage Overseas Mission Trips
  3. 3. 4 Caroling 2013
  4. 4. 5
  5. 5. 6 Yangon Orphanage Building Project
  6. 6. 7
  7. 7. 8
  8. 8. 9
  9. 9. 10 Cambodia Mission Trips
  10. 10. 11
  11. 11. 12 A family that serves together…. a. Stays together
  12. 12. 13 Caroling Practice Video
  13. 13. 14 A family that serves together…. a. Stays together b. Parents are disciple makers
  14. 14. 15
  15. 15. 16 A family that serves together…. a. Stays together b. Parents are disciple makers c. Testimony is greater
  16. 16. 17 “Jin Jia Ho” Video
  17. 17. 18 12 key lessons
  18. 18. 19 Lesson 1 - Godly values affect nations and generations.
  19. 19. 18 Abraham will surely become a great and powerful nation, and all nations on earth will be blessed through him. GENESIS 18: 18-19
  20. 20. 18 Abraham will surely become a great and powerful nation, and all nations on earth will be blessed through him. 19 For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just, so that the Lord will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him.” GENESIS 18: 18-19
  21. 21. View their MOM as being “very religious” Have experienced either family devotions, prayer or Bible reading in the home Today’s Reality Percentage of churched youth who: 48 % 23 %View their DAD as being “very religious” 27 %
  22. 22. experienced a family service project talked with MOM about faith 29 % Percentage of churched youth who have: 28 % 13 %talked with DAD about faith Today’s Reality
  23. 23. of today’s children/youth who are participating in church programs are going to disengage from their Christian faith. 60 %-90 % The Result/Reality
  24. 24. of today’s children/youth who are participating in church programs are going to disengage from their Christian faith. 60 %-90 % The Result/Reality Why? = Hypocrisy
  25. 25. 16 When the men got up to leave, they looked down toward Sodom, and Abraham walked along with them to see them on their way.17 Then the Lord said, “Shall I hide from Abraham what I am about to do? 20 Then the Lord said, “The outcry against Sodom and Gomorrah is so great and their sin so grievous 21 that I will go down and see if what they have done is as bad as the outcry that has reached me.” GENESIS 18: 16-21
  26. 26. 27 Exercise - List out the VALUES you want your children to have.
  27. 27. Video
  28. 28. 29 Lesson 2 - Live the VALUES you want to teach.
  29. 29. 30 2 Corinthians 3:2-3 “You yourselves are our letter….known and read by everybody. You show that you are a letter from Christ…..written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God……”
  30. 30. 31 Deuteronomy 6:6-7 “These commandments that I give you are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”
  31. 31. 32 Sermons We See BY EDGAR ALBERT GUEST
  32. 32. 33 Sermons We See BY EDGAR ALBERT GUEST I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day; I'd rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way. The eye's a better pupil and more willing than the ear, Fine counsel is confusing, but example's always clear; And the best of all the preachers are the men who live their creeds, For to see good put in action is what everybody needs.
  33. 33. 34 I soon can learn to do it if you'll let me see it done; I can watch your hands in action, but your tongue too fast may run. And the lecture you deliver may be very wise and true, But I'd rather get my lessons by observing what you do; For I might misunderstand you and the high advice you give, But there's no misunderstanding how you act and how you live.
  34. 34. 35 When I see a deed of kindness, I am eager to be kind. When a weaker brother stumbles and a strong man stays behind Just to see if he can help him, then the wish grows strong in me To become as big and thoughtful as I know that friend to be. And all travelers can witness that the best of guides today Is not the one who tells them, but the one who shows the way.
  35. 35. 36 One good man teaches many, men believe what they behold; One deed of kindness noticed is worth forty that are told. Who stands with men of honor learns to hold his honor dear, For right living speaks a language which to every one is clear. Though an able speaker charms me with his eloquence, I say, I'd rather see a sermon than to hear one, any day.
  36. 36. Positions Held: Dy Director/Chief of Staff Singapore Prisons Service Senior Director, Rehabilitation & Protection Ministry of Social and Family Development Lesson 3
  37. 37. 38
  38. 38. 39 Lesson 3 - Do NOT outsource parenting.
  39. 39. What Are Your Expectations?
  40. 40. 41 Lesson 4 - Your child is NOT exam marks.
  41. 41. 42 Qn: Do you really love your wife? Qn: Do you really love your husband? Qn: Do you really love your child?
  42. 42. 43 No, You Don’t!!
  43. 43. 44 Expectations vs Love based parenting
  44. 44. 45 Parenting That Creates Fear, Shame And Guilt 8.1 Expectations Disappointment s PerformanceGuilt and shame Expectations based love creates fear FEAR
  45. 45. 46 How We Love • I expect you to make me happy and give me security and/or significance. • My dreams/ideals are centered around you. • I give you the power to make me happy or miserable. • I expect you to live up to my created idol of a husband/wife/child. • Because I treat you well, you should become what I expect.
  46. 46. 47 Idolatry And An Idolizing Spirit • I look to you to supply things only God can supply, i.e. Happiness, Fulfillment, Significance. • You become the centre of my life orientation. • I create (carve out) the idol in my mind which you need to become. • I control/manipulate you to become my idol. • You or I (my desires) become the center of my dreams and expectations.
  47. 47. 48 How God Loves • One-sided, irrespective of return. • No expectations or manipulation. • He keeps on forgiving. • Self sacrificially. • He loves us even though we are “useless”. • He gives and gives from the inside out.
  48. 48. 49 If We Really Love Like God Loves • We will not have any selfish expectations • We will not try to manipulate or control • We will keep on forgiving • We will break down all idols
  49. 49. 50 In Conclusion • The value of a person will not be determined by what we can get from them. • The value of a person is that they give me an opportunity to love as I have been loved by Jesus. • The more useless they are, the more valuable they become.
  50. 50. 51 Our Love vs God’s Love • Our love is: • Externally determined (you are given the power to make me unhappy). • Exchange determined (you need to earn my love or return it). • Expectations determined (you have to meet the expectations of my love). 8.2.1
  51. 51. 52 Our Love vs God’s Love • God wants to change it to the pure love of his own heart, which is: • Internally (vs eternally) sourced. • One-directionally unconditional. • Intentionally driven. 8.2.2
  52. 52. 53 Eternally Sourced Love Is Pure And Creates No Fear • Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only son into the world that we might live through him. (1 John 4:7-9) • And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. (1 John 4:16) • It is clear, God and God alone should be the source of love. 8.3
  53. 53. 54 Lesson 5 - Practise love-based parenting, not expectations-based parenting.
  54. 54. 55 Exercise - Recollect childhood memories of your father (and mother)
  55. 55. 56 Lesson 6 - Decide TODAY how you want your children to remember you.
  56. 56. 57 Lesson 7 - Create memories in fun and creative ways.
  57. 57. 58 Exercise - Select a child. Plan a memorable activity for him/her.
  58. 58. 59 Lesson 8 - Provide a happy and safe HOME for your children.
  59. 59. 60 A Father Should Be The Thermostat Of The House • A thermometer measures temperature, a thermostat sets temperature. • Mothers determine the emotional temperature in the house far more frequently than fathers. • The leader is the most dominant ingredient in an emotional soup.(Daniel Goleman) • To assume his God-given role as head of the house, a father needs to become the most dominant ingredient in the emotional soup. 8.10
  60. 60. 61 Daddy’s Home! 8.6
  61. 61. 62 Mommy Comes First • How we love our children’s mother is the first and primary relationship our children observe. • To love our wives well is the core of our children’s security. • Children grow up in an emotional “security complex” when they know that: • Dad will never leave mommy (for better or for worse, until death do us part). • Dad and mom will find a way to settle their conflicts. • Dad and mom have a total commitment to respect, comfort and support each other 8.4
  62. 62. 22 Years Ago - 28 Nov 1992 Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor; If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken - Ecclesiastes 4 : 9 – 12
  63. 63. 64 Exercise - Pray as a couple (or pair).
  64. 64. 65 “Train (start) a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” – Prov 22:6
  65. 65. 66
  66. 66. 67 Lesson 9 - Teach them young. If not, others will.
  67. 67. Loving the Word  Age-appropriate Bibles  Display & use Bibles  Bible reading plans  Devotional/Study Bibles (1 Peter 3: 15-16) …Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behaviour in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. Truth Worldview (Discernment) Apologetics (Defending faith)
  68. 68. The Battle for Hearts and Minds “The [Secular] Humanistic system of values has now become the predominant way of thinking in most of the power centers of society. It has outstripped Judeo-Christian precepts in the universities, in the news media, in the entertainment industry, in the judiciary, in the federal bureaucracy, in business, medicine, law, psychology, sociology, in the arts, in many public schools and, to be sure, in the halls of Congress.” Dr James Dobson
  69. 69. TrueU Worldview Camp 18th-22th Dec 2013 Le Grandeur Palm Resort Johor
  70. 70. Feedback from Adults “I learned that science is not in conflict with God; Science supports God’s existence.” “I learned the language of the other beliefs and how to articulate their difference from my Christian faith.” “…the big bang theory did not contradict creation but instead strengthen the truth that ultimately our omnipotent God was the one who created the universe.”
  71. 71. Feedback from Youths “My faith in God has increased and I feel more convicted to share with others about what I have learnt to enlighten them about the existence of a true God. I'm also amazed at extent of God's creation of the universe and his ability to create each individual so special and unique.” “The True U lessons really opened up my eyes and helped me understand that my faith in God has to be strong, and that I must not just be able to stay rooted in Christ when I go into university of higher education, but I must also be prepared to answer questions regarding my faith.”
  72. 72. 73 “But my children still won’t listen!”
  73. 73. 74 “speak the truth in love” Eph 4:15
  74. 74. 75 Lesson 10 – Rules - Relationship = Rebellion Rules + Relationship = Response
  75. 75. 76 Exercise – How is your relationship with your child? Is there something you should stop doing, start doing or do more to strengthen the relationship?
  76. 76. 777.1:5 The Johari Window
  77. 77. 78 Lesson 11 - Not just the “what”, but also the “why”.
  78. 78. 79 Forbidden Sexual Practices (Leviticus 18: 1-5) Then the Lord said to Moses, “Give the following instructions to the people of Israel. I am the Lord your God. So do not act like the people in Egypt, where you used to live, or like the people of Canaan, where I am taking you. You must obey all my regulations and be careful to obey my decrees, for I am the Lord your God. If you obey my decrees and my regulations, you will find life through them. I am the Lord.
  79. 79. Design Blessings Benefits Deviation Curses Costs/ Consequences 1 2 3 4 5 6 8 9 7 10
  80. 80. Strengthof Family/Nation Time 10 1 Go back to God’s design
  81. 81. 82 Lesson 12 - Return to God’s design for marriage and family.
  82. 82. 83
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  84. 84. 85
  85. 85. 86
  86. 86. 87
  87. 87. 88 Letter to Dad on Father’s Day 2013 (from Sarah Wong, 18 years old) “……..I really am an expensive kid, not in terms of money maybe but in terms of A LOT OF TIME – but you’ve always been there…….
  88. 88. Letter to Dad on Father’s Day 2013 (from Sarah Wong, 18 years old) “…….when I needed a a friend to share things with and whine to after floorball trainings, a shoulder to cry on after really hard days, a chauffer to keep my rides entertaining, a food delivery man to keep my tummy happy, a clown to cheep me up, a preacher to remind me to stay close to God always, and Daddy to be my pillar of strength……….
  89. 89. Letter to Dad on Father’s Day 2013 (from Sarah Wong, 18 years old) Thanks for always being at my back and call, I know I owe you a lot. Promise I’ll get that automatic wheelchair for you if you ever need one or get too lazy to walk…..”
  90. 90. 91 “You always assure me that it’s okay to be me, & that I’m beautiful inside and out, you teach me to spread my wings out, you help me to fly.
  91. 91. 92 “You always assure me that it’s okay to be me, & that I’m beautiful inside and out, you teach me to spread my wings out, you help me to fly. You also see the best in people when they’re not doing so well, like how you spotted the coral. No one would’ve picked up the unwanted, the lost souls, the inmates, the gays, the lesbians, the poor, the different, the troubled – you have an amazing heart daddy for God & His people……. I wanna be like that someday too.
  92. 92. 93 “You always assure me that it’s okay to be me, & that I’m beautiful inside and out, you teach me to spread my wings out, you help me to fly. You also see the best in people when they’re not doing so well, like how you spotted the coral. No one would’ve picked up the unwanted, the lost souls, the inmates, the gays, the lesbians, the poor, the different, the troubled – you have an amazing heart daddy for God & His people……. I wanna be like that someday too. Thank you for making me who I am today. I hope you’re proud of your art piece (me) so far. I’m not done yet though. Happy Father’s Day daddy. Stay strong. Love you. Sarah. 15/6/14
  93. 93. 94 Raising Godly Children 1. Godly values affect nations and generations 2. Live the values you want to teach. 3. Do not outsource parenting. 4. Your child is not exam marks. 5. Practise love-based parenting, not expectations-based parenting. 6. Decide today how you want your children to remember you. 7. Create memories in fun and creative ways. 8. Provide a happy and safe home for your children. 9. Teach them young. If not, others will. 10. Rules – Relationship = Rebellion; Rules + Relationship = Response 11. Not just the “what”, but also the “why”. 12. Return to God’s design for marriage and family.
  94. 94. Video

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