Twenty Years       of  First DatesWhat Other Singles Want     You to Know
Introduction                                                  Celebrate 20 Years with Us By                               ...
Dating Chemistry                                                                                           The Reason: We ...
First Impressions The Reason: More than half of                      getting ready for a first date singles decide whether...
First ImpressionsDeal Breakers:                                               What is the first date deal breaker for you?...
Timing The Reason: Timing is everything.                  first date timing Isn’t it? We want to help you get your timing ...
Timing Are Men And Women Reversing Roles?                                      One of the more fascinating things we’re se...
TimingLooking for a Relationship                             how long do you wait to                                      ...
Wordplay The Reason: The right words can             “Have fun! Don’t over-analyze every word, build your connection a lit...
Wordplay      Something to Talk About                                    First date talking turn-offsMost singles agree wi...
Hints For Him The Reason: Everybody needs a reminder now and then, and there’s always something you can do a little better...
Hints For Him6     Treat everyone you see or speak        about with respect. Like a jobinterview, a first date is a micro...
Hints For Her The Reason: Because we commu- nicate with more single men than any of the women’s magazines you read or any ...
Hints For Hermen: what is the MOST attrac-tive feature of opposite sex52% — Smile37% — Eyes  6% — Backside  5% — Hair5    ...
Get Your Flirt On  The Reason: It’s fun. It’s           they are. Most people only inquire     immediately when you feel a...
Get Your Flirt OnLaughOne of the best ways to show off your senseof humor is by appreciating theirs. Ask anyperformer: Gen...
2nd Chance at                           Chemistry? Have you ever had a bad or lukewarm first date lead to a longer term re...
Think Out of the Box                                                    The Reason: You’re a different person than        ...
Think Out Of The BoxCaroline, was an HR Professional and an avid           Some of the things you think you value the most...
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20 Years of First Dates


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It's Just Lunch, premier matchmaking and dating service for busy professional singles, fills you in on what other singles want you to know.

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20 Years of First Dates

  1. 1. Twenty Years of First DatesWhat Other Singles Want You to Know
  2. 2. Introduction Celebrate 20 Years with Us By Dating Smarter T wenty years ago, a Chicago woman found herself suddenly single when her engagement was abruptly called off. She began the search to meet “normal,” well-educated professionals. Her friends sent her out on blind dates, she tried per- sonal ads, and contemplated video dating services, but she wasn’t comfortable with any of those op- The Reason: Because you’d probably tions. The ideal date, she decided, was a lunch date like to know why we’re giving you this free or a drink after work–a fun, laid-back, stress free emagazine and what’s in it. way to meet other professional singles. Thus, It’s Just Lunch was founded and the rest is history.We Take Dating PersonallyTwenty years later, with offices tens of thousands of people, where we ask singles for thelocated throughout the United we’ve received personal feed- nitty-gritty on what’s impor-States, Canada and the world, back about almost every one tant to them when it comes towe know a thing or two about of them. Not to mention the finding romance. We’re writtendating. Actually, we probably thousands of articles, blog about everywhere, from theknow more than anyone else. posts, and fifty books. Plus, Wall Street Journal and ForbesNot only have we set up over we’re famous throughout the to USA Today, and most recentlytwo million fun first dates for world for our dating surveys in Parade magazine. We’re about to reveal to you what the people you date are really thinking. It’s not our advice–it’s theirs–on chemistry, timing, what to talk about,Our Dating Advice for what makes a date successful, and what to avoid. We analyze the results You Comes from from a number of our surveys, and as usual, there are some big surprises, including one area where men and women seem to be switching roles. Other Singles So keep reading. Enjoy. Date better. It’s our way of thanking you for twenty great years. Here’s to more great dates that lead to possibilities. Warmly, It’s Just Lunch 1
  3. 3. Dating Chemistry The Reason: We know when it’s there, and when it’s not-- but do we know what it is? Here’s what’s even more confusing: What you mean by chemistry, and what your date means, may be totally different. A couple thousand singles have let us know how they view it, so now we can tell you. Their answers may surprise you. “Chemistry has a mind of its own. There are things you can do to invite it, but it will only show up when it wants to.” Sheri McCall,Dating Director “A chemical reaction happens when two chemicals are It’s Just Lunch Hartford combined and they transform into something altogether different.” Then, when we asked what peopleSurvey Says: look for in terms of measuring the Detect a pattern yet?66% of singles say that on a success of a first date, the number Comfortable is definitely the magic one item, with 45% of the vote, was “I word. There are things you can dofirst date, chemistry is more felt comfortable being myself.”important to them than compat- to make someone feel more com-ibility. But what do they mean What First Date Success Means fortable. We give first date hintsby chemistry? Though 20% are that will help, starting on page 4.sparked by physical attractive- But there is only so much you canness, and 7% by flirty or sexy 8% do. There’s also a mysterious sidebanter, the clear winner is nei- 29% to being comfortable with some- 15%ther of those. Instead, it’s “feel- body that has nothing to do withing comfortable together,” the any action you can take. It’s just 4% umm . . . chemistry.answer selected by 44% of oursingles–and surprisingly 49% of I felt comfortable being myself The good news is–since that’s themen. “Great conversation” was 44% case, you can’t really mess up athe runner-up, selected by 28%. date. So you might as well relax 4%, My date turned me on and have fun. 15%, There was never a lull in the conversation 8%, We immediately agreed to see each other again 29%, I walked away with a smile on my face 2
  4. 4. First Impressions The Reason: More than half of getting ready for a first date singles decide whether they want usually takes: to see you again in the first twenty minutes. You’ve got to make a good 42% — 1 hour first impression–or avoid making a 27% — 45 minutes bad one. 21% — 30 minutes 8% — 2 hoursThe Two Biggest Impression 2% — 15 minutesMakers: Forewarned is ForearmedThere are two top answers for what sin-gles notice on a date. The first is whether Time to talk about the items that mayor not you ask them questions about leave a bad impression with your date.themselves. The second is how you treat Some of them you can fix, others youthe people around you. So make an ef- can’t, at least not before your next date.fort to really find out about your date andhis or her life, especially their hobbies First, let’s talk about instant turn-offs.and interests. And be patient and kind We asked about smoking, bad teeth, be-with the folks serving your coffee or your ing overweight and an unkempt appear-meal. ance. It’s much harder to change the first three categories than it is to do a betterEach of those items are way more im- job grooming yourself. The good news,portant to the impression you make than if you have any of these issues, is thatwhat you wear or whether you pay or not. no individual attribute is a deal breaker for most singles. Whether you smoke,Nonetheless, your date will notice how have bad teeth or you’re overweight, theput together you are. 77% of singles majority of singles are likely to be okayspend 45 minutes or more getting ready with it as long as you have other desir-for your date. So go ahead and make able attributes.your best effort as well. The extra timeyou spend making yourself present- Which of these automatically turns you offable may give you an added confidence to someone on a first date?boost-- and confidence is something bothmen and women find attractive. They appear “You don’t get a second chance to They smoke 22% unkempt make a first impression, so dress to 26% impress, be engaging and positive and remember to smile. And please, put They’re overweight away your cell phone!” 25% They have bad breath Stacy Stellmacher, Operations manager 27% It’s Just Lunch Minneapolis 3
  5. 5. First ImpressionsDeal Breakers: What is the first date deal breaker for you?We also looked at another set of dealbreakers, most of which can easily be 40%changed, like answering a cell phoneduring a date, being late, bad breathand drinking too much. As uncomfort- 30%able as these behaviors or issuesmake people, the top answer was a 40% 20%different one, one that can’t really be 20%changed: 40% of singles chose “not 21% 10%having any interests in common.” If 14%one of you loves mountain biking, Bad breathcamping, and the outdoors, and the Too much 6% 0% alcohol No commonother is a homebody who cherishes interests Answering thecooking, a good movie, and a nice cell phone Tardinesshotel, it may not be a match. But that’snobody’s fault, and there’s not much Leave Your Coupon Homeyou can do about it. Groupon and its imitators offer half-off coupons for many restaurants. It turns out that more than 60% of singles think it’s tacky or cheap to use one on a date. If your date brought out a Leave it home to use with a friend. coupon to pay for your first date, what would you think? First Impression Finals: The last task that’s part of making a good impression on a first date, and slightly thereafter, is how you ask for a second get-together. Here’s how other singles attempt to move things forward: Tacky 39% Cheap 41% how they ask for a second date 65% — A phone call Smart 23% — Ask them straight out on the first date 20% 8% — An email 3% — A text message 1% — Instant messenger 4
  6. 6. Timing The Reason: Timing is everything. first date timing Isn’t it? We want to help you get your timing down by sharing what more than For years we’ve been looking at how long it takes 2000 singles told us about theirs. people to decide whether or not they want to see someone again. The answers are always fascinating. And they change dramatically over time First off, let’s look at what’s happening currently with the entire survey group. 5 minutes. 12.6% of singles decide whether or not to see a date again in 5 minutes. On a first date how much time do you need before you decide if you want to see your date again?An amazing 57% of the people you date 5 minutes 7%decide whether or not to see you again in the 3% 13%first twenty minutes!But singles under forty are even faster! In a An hoursurvey we conducted with American Way, the 33%in-flight magazine of American Airlines, 20% of21-39 year olds said they only take five minutes. 20 minutesIf you are seeing people under forty, that’s one 45%in five of your dates. 3%, I always agree to see someone again 7%, Over an hour 5
  7. 7. Timing Are Men And Women Reversing Roles? One of the more fascinating things we’re seeing is that the length of time it takes to decide whether or not to go out with someone again has changed over the last seven years for both men and women. It turns out, currently, women and men are quite similar in their ap- proach to deciding on a second date. But in 2004, there was a huge disparity between the sexes. Back then, 64% of women took at least an hour to decide whether or not to go on a second date with a man. Now, 56% of women are deciding in the first twenty minutes or less. How Long Does It Take You To Decide Whether Or Not You Want To See Someone Again? 50% 46% Women Men 37.5% 27% 44% 25% 35% 14% 11% 12.5% 5 Minutes 8% 7% 20 Minutes An hour 5% 0% Over an hour 2% I always agree to seeAnd if we time travel again with men back to 2004, 79% of the guys on a someonefirst date took only 15 minutes to make up their minds whether to ask awoman out again. That means only 21% took longer than that.But our latest statistics show that 34% of the guys take an hour or more.So men and women, polar opposites a mere seven years ago, have justabout met in the middle. 6
  8. 8. TimingLooking for a Relationship how long do you wait to schedule a second date?or a Second Date? 39% — Within 48 hoursW e were pretty sure that men and women would have different per-centages on this topic. And we were right 35% — Within 24 hours 13% — Within 72 hours 9% — Right after the dateabout that. But there was a surprise, too.We posed the question “When you are 4% — A weekon a first date, what is going through yourhead?” Top two things they’re thinking about onOne gender’s top answer was “Do I want your dateto see him/her again?” Women 60%The other gender’s biggest response was Men“Could we have a relationship together?” 45%But which sex said which? 51%Would you believe that men are the ones 30%who are more pre-occupied with the idea 36%of a future relationship? Well, they are. 39% 45% 15%Who would have guessed?And, of course, kissing is a matter of Do I want to see 0%timing, too. him/her again? Could we have a relationship together? First date went well, would you be open to kissing at the end of the date? Tip No “When it comes to dating, we may all 22% want to try to slow things down, relax some of our rules, and give people a bit of a chance before we come to a final conclusion about them. Life has a way of pleasantly surprising you if you are patient.”  Yes Irene LaCota It’s Just Lunch 78% 7
  9. 9. Wordplay The Reason: The right words can “Have fun! Don’t over-analyze every word, build your connection a little at a time. conversation, text or call. Over-thinking may ruin The wrong ones can instantaneously something before it has a chance to begin.” jettison you back to the dating pool. Molly Kane, Client Director It’s Just Lunch SeattleA Thousand WordsWhen it comes to a first date, talkisn’t cheap. In fact, it’s the mostvaluable factor in determiningcompatibility, according to 36%of singles. It turns out that youmight want to spruce up yourconversation starters as well asyour appearance before you headto that coffee shop or restaurant.When you think of compatibilityon a first date, which do you thinkis the most important component? Ready, Set, Talk 3. Ask open-ended ques- tions that evoke a response When it comes to a first beyond yes or no. date, here are five tips to 15% help your conversation 4. Try learning five jokes 25% sparkle and keep your foot that are clean and not Physical comfort demeaning to anyone. This with each other out of your mouth: may take a while, but it’s 23% 1. Keep up with current actually a useful tool in events so you can talk many situations. intelligently about major Easy conversation developments 5. Remember something 37% he or she said and relate 2. When you talk about it to something that’s said yourself, keep it positive. later in the conversation. 15%, Shared outlook on life Stick to your best attributes This is a great way to show 23%, Similar personal styles and and the interests you’re what a wonderful listener habits most passionate about. you are. 8
  10. 10. Wordplay Something to Talk About First date talking turn-offsMost singles agree with the advice that BloodyMary, a character from the musical SouthPacific, gives in her famous song, “Happy Talk:”“Talk about things you’d like to do.” 52% say 4%that your hobbies and interests are the easi- 14%est and best topics for a first date. But if you’ve 18%been to the South Pacific, feel free to mentionthat, too. 24% of singles think travel makes forgood conversation during your initial outing. Money 14% His/her past conquestsWhat are the easiest/best topics 49%for conversation on a first date? 18%, His/her ailments 14%, Politics/religion 6% 8% 4%, The future Travel 24% DANGER ZONE Hobbies/Interests 52% DO NOT ENTER into a conversation about the following topics if you want to avoid alienating your date: previous romantic conquests and physical ailments. Those are the 10% top two subjects most singles dislike hearing about. 10%, Family 8%, Movies 6%, Food 40 percent of singles believe talk- ing about your ex is the biggest “don’t”on a first date. 9
  11. 11. Hints For Him The Reason: Everybody needs a reminder now and then, and there’s always something you can do a little better. Ten Things Women Expect1   Smile the minute you see her. After     all, she was nice enough to agree tomeet with you-- and she actually showedup. This will help her feel comfortablewith you, which as we’ve mentioned, isan important part of chemistry. Plus it’llmake you feel good, too. According to ablog post by Ron Gutman on,British researchers have reported that asmile provides the same positive stimula- “The most common feedback I get from womention to the brain as 2000 chocolate bars-- after dates they’ve particularly enjoyed is thator $25,000. the gentlemen was a great conversationalist. He had the ability to listen to what she was2   Have topics of conversation in     mind. Almost one-third of the wom-en we surveyed measure chemistry by saying and keep the conversation flowing.”  Anton Jones, Dating Directorhow great the conversation is. If you want It’s Just Lunch Detroitto look good, then be ready with somesubjects to talk about. But don’t just talk:LISTEN. An enjoyable conversation is afifty-fifty proposition. BONUS POINTS: Ifyou know what she’s interested in, do 4   Get there five minutes early. Being on time     shows respect. But showing up a little early lets you be there when she arrives. It’s mucha little homework so you can talk about more relaxing for her to see you when she getsthose subjects. there, rather than to have to wait for you.3   Be aware of your body language.     This will also help her feel comfort-able. Don’t be too stand-offish, as in 5   Treat her like a lady. Hold doors open. Pull     out her chair. She’ll see your old-fashioned good manners as a positive trait. But do it in asitting back with your arms folded across relaxed manner, like you do this every day, ratheryour chest. Leaning in shows interest. But than trying too hard.not too far–you don’t want to invade herspace. Also, make plenty of eye contact. 10
  12. 12. Hints For Him6   Treat everyone you see or speak     about with respect. Like a jobinterview, a first date is a microcosm Survey Says:of who you are. And women instinc- one of the most important things i notice on atively know this. If you are disrespect-ful to the wait staff, they know that first date is:eventually you will treat them the 39% — How they treat the wait staff or other people same way. If you are disparaging around usabout an ex or someone else in your 38% — Did they ask me questions about myself?life, they know that you could easily be 16% — How much effort they put into their appearancenegative about them, too. Stay posi-tive. Women are watching. 6% — If my date offers to pay 1% — How much my date tips the wait staff7   Give her a sincere compliment.     This is a great way to make yourdate feel more comfortable. But make 10it subtle, not over the top.   Have a sense of humor.  8   Be confident. We hear time and     There’s a reason speakers   again that women like confident tell jokes at the beginning of aguys. And if you’ve ever been with a speech. Laughter takes you from thegroup of guys and a pretty girl, you’ve analytical, judgmental left side of theseen that the confident guy gets the brain, to the creative, intuitive, rightmost attention. Here’s a tip if you side. Once you make someone laugh,need a little boost in the self-assur- they’re more open to you. So whenance area. When you go on a date, you spot an opportunity to make herinstead of wondering ‘Will she like laugh, go for it. But keep it clean!me?’ Turn it around and think, ‘Will Ilike her?’9   Make eye contact. 29% of singles    say that eye contact is the numberone way to show that you’re confident. “The two most important characteristics I’ve seen in myIt’s the best way to let a woman know successful clients are confidence and a positive attitude. Ityou’re truly paying attention to her. doesn’t matter who you are or what you are looking for. If youPlus the eyes are said to be the win- feel good about yourself, it’s a lot easier for other people todows of the soul, so look into hers, feel good about you, too. If you are positive and enjoy life, youand she won’t be able to help looking will not only enjoy the dating process more, but you’ll alsointo yours. become more appealing, meaning you’ll probably find your significant other a lot sooner.”  Krista White, Director of Operations It’s Just Lunch Washington DC 11
  13. 13. Hints For Her The Reason: Because we commu- nicate with more single men than any of the women’s magazines you read or any of the TV talk shows you watch. Ten Things Guys Expect1   Dress Like You’re Interested. Men     are visual, and they are aware whena woman is wearing something a littlespecial. Guys notice, for example, whenyou dress in colors that are especially What character trait do you lookflattering to you or wear something that’s for in someone you date?just a little showy. And it makes them feellike you’re interested in them. 34% — Kindness 19% — Intelligence2   Be On Time. It’s a sign of respect in     all situations, but especially on afirst date. Some guys will take it person- 14% — Confidence   6% — Ambitionally when you’re late, and you won’t see   2% — Humorthem at their best. For certain women,it’s easy to be on time. But if you’re What Not To Wearalways late, pretend your dates are job You may think some of these items are appealing, but theinterviews for a million dollar job. men surveyed will tell you otherwise.3   Be Kind. According to 34% of the     more than 2000 singles we sur-veyed, it turns out that kindness is the Men: What article of women’s clothing is the biggest turnoff for you? 0% 10% 20% 30% 40%most important character trait, more Uggsimportant than even intelligence and 5%confidence. So lead with kindness, and Baby doll dresses 12%be kind to everyone you interact with Loose baggy sweatsduring your date, including him. 38% Too much jewelry4   Stay Positive. Even about yourself.   21% It doesn’t matter if I can imagine her body   You make a better impression when 15%you leave out negative remarks aboutyour ex, your boss, and even your neigh- “Look at each date as an opportunity to learnbor. But it’s also important not to be more about yourself”disparaging about yourself. Guys want tobe around women who like themselves. Sara French, Managing Director It’s Just Lunch Seattle 12
  14. 14. Hints For Hermen: what is the MOST attrac-tive feature of opposite sex52% — Smile37% — Eyes 6% — Backside  5% — Hair5   Show Your Sense of Humor.   Dating’s more fun when you don’ttake it too seriously. Plus humor will helphim open up, too. A little back and forthjoking is a form of play and will make iteasier for you both to get to know eachother.6   Make Eye Contact. Let him know   that you’re paying attention. Eyecontact shows confidence and creates a 9   Share Your Opinions    Without Making it 10   Let Out Your Softer     Side. If you’re open Seem Like a Debate. Most and vulnerable, it will makenice connection. guys like bright women. But it easier for him to be that7   Smile. According to our surveys,   when they’re having coffee, way, too. The two of you will   52% of singles think a smile is the lunch or drinks, they’re more have a much more emotion-most attractive feature of the opposite interested in feeling comfort- ally satisfying connection ifsex. Plus it will make both of you feel able with you than in having you both let your hair downgood. If those aren’t enough reasons, an intellectual debate. So and show your humanity.check out Hints For Him on page 4. share your opinions freely in a gentle way, and if there’s8   Find a Reason to Compliment Him.  a subject you butt heads   Underneath it all, even the tough- on, find a diplomatic way toest guy is pleased when he gets a com- change topics.pliment from a woman. And knowing youlike something about him will put him atease, and make him feel comfortable with “Make a conscious choice to give off ayou, which, as mentioned previously, is warm and approachable energy, and youthe number one aspect of chemistry for will radiate attraction.”most singles. Presley Mulvaney, Client Coordinator It’s Just Lunch Seattle 13
  15. 15. Get Your Flirt On The Reason: It’s fun. It’s they are. Most people only inquire immediately when you feel a con- interesting. It adds an element about the surface of things. Your nection. of excitement to any date. And dates will enjoy it if you take the it’s a ritual that’s been bringing conversation to a deeper level. Next, Give a Compliment men and women together since Ask them why they like what they A compliment received after eye Adam and Eve. like, and how they wound up contact and a smile feels more doing the things they do. It will intimate than when it’s just given develop a sense of closeness andThe Flirting any old time. This is the moment comfort.Process to say something subtle that stillEveryone likes being let’s him or herflirted with. It brings a know you’re feel-level of intimacy that ing an attraction.takes things out ofthe friend zone into Tell It Likesomething a bit more It Isromantic. Here are tenways to add a little flirt Being vulnerableto any date–or even and honest is theany conversation. slam-dunk, sexi- est thing a manConnect to or woman canYourself First be. Getting “real” with someone willFlirting works best make you standwhen you are not only out from everyoneaware of the other per- else they date. Itson, but also aware of your own Listen Attentively also will make it easier for yourbody--instead of in your head, date to be open and vulnerablethinking the whole time. Take a Being a good listener is a potent with you. Just don’t get too per-few seconds to connect to your- aphrodisiac. Everyone loves the sonal.self. The simplest way is to no- feeling of being fully seen andtice what your feet feel like, and heard.then your hands. You get bonuspoints for becoming aware of your Make Meaningful Eyebreathing and your heartbeat. Contact and SmileLook for the Why and the This 1-2 punch transports theseHow simple actions from the realm of friendship to the world of flirting.People love it when you ask ques- Let your eyes linger on his or herstions that let them show you who while you’re talking, then smile 14
  16. 16. Get Your Flirt OnLaughOne of the best ways to show off your senseof humor is by appreciating theirs. Ask anyperformer: Genuine laughter brings a greatersense of approval than even applause.Be EnthusiaticAs a flirt, you want the person you’re flirtingwith to feel good about you and to experienceyou as a fun, happy, great-to-be-with person.The easiest way to make that happen is toreally let yourself enjoy your date, no matterwhat happens. If you seem like you’re glad tobe there, they will be glad to be there too. Your Date’s Going Well. What Signals DoDraw Them In You Give Off That You Are Interested?Lean forward, not because you want to showoff your muscles or your cleavage, but toconvey interest. Talk to them actively, showingthat you like them. Then start talking morequietly and intimately. They’ll need to get Lean in close Compliment your datecloser to hear you, so draw them in with your 18% 24%voice. Guys, gauge her “personal zone” andthen encroach on it just an inch. Leaning intoo far can seem too forceful.Touch Him or Her 9%The sense of touch heightens during flirt- 3%ing and can actually send tingles through a Give your undivided attention to your dateperson’s body. Realize this power and watchfor ways to use it. Once you’ve become com- 46%fortable, lightly brush shoulders, or touch theirhand or arm if they say something funny. 9%, Share intimate knowledge about yourself 3%, Offer a taste of food 15
  17. 17. 2nd Chance at Chemistry? Have you ever had a bad or lukewarm first date lead to a longer term relationship? The Reason: Some people, even though they try their best, just can’t relax until the second 60% date. Or maybe last time they were having a bad day and you 45% didn’t get to see who they really were. Never 59.91% 30% Once or more “Change things up by turning the 36.71% 15% second date into a physical activity 3.38% like golf, tennis, or bike riding. A num- 0% ber of people find it easier to open up Yes, quite often and connect with someone new when they’re moving around.”Second Date Bad News: Pamela Lanier, Senior Director It’s Just Lunch ColumbusYou may be fighting an uphill battle even if he or she agreesto go out with you again. 52% of our respondents haveagreed to go on a second date just to be nice, even though Survey Says:they didn’t want to. One interesting note: This questionresulted in one of the widest splits between men and It doesn’t happen all the time, butwomen. 57% of women had done this and 42% of men. more than one-third of our singles report that they have had a bad or lukewarm date lead to a longer term relationship. So if someone shows interest in going out with you again, 100% consider saying yes. Maybe they see No something you don’t. 47.77% 75% “I encourage my clients to always 50% pursue a second date if they’re on Yes the fence after date one. Most people 52.23% relax and show their true colors on 25% the second date.” 0% Molly Kane, Client Director It’s Just Lunch Seattle 2nd Date Just to Be Nice? 16
  18. 18. Think Out of the Box The Reason: You’re a different person than you were during your last relationship. Your dating preferences may have evolved as well. The love of your life may be out there in a somewhat different form than what you previously imagined. How to Make Dating More Fun Stay open to a wider variety of people and date more. Over and over we see that our clients who are willing to do this have the most matches, the best time and Get Current With Yourself the greatest success.One   way to open up to wider dating We know. There are a lot of reasons to rule people   possibilities is to mentally update out.who you’ve become since your last round of On the other hand, not everything you think is im-dating. Here are some questions to think about: portant really is. Here’s one way to test how strongly• Why are you dating again? Is it for a long- you feel about an issue in terms of your next rela- term relationship or are you looking to date tionship. Ask yourself this: recreationally? If I met someone and I was attracted to them, and• What do you have to offer that may be they made me feel truly loved–would it matter that different from the last time you dated? they were ________?• Are there things you want to do differently Fill in the blank with each of your parameters for this time? What are they? ruling someone out.• What do you hope to gain from meeting You might be thinking--”Okay, but I could never be new people? attracted to someone who was ______.” That may be true. But maybe not. “I’d rather be happy than right” Douglas Adams Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe 17
  19. 19. Think Out Of The BoxCaroline, was an HR Professional and an avid Some of the things you think you value the mostskier. She was smart, engaging and gorgeous may not be as important to you as it is to bewith a great sense of humor. One of her deal truly loved.breakers was that she didn’t want to date men Maybe he doesn’t need to love animals aswith children, even though she had a son of much as you. Maybe she doesn’t need to beher own. Then along came John, a successful willing to cook. Maybe the two of you don’t needbusiness owner and a great dad to two young to share identical spiritual beliefs. Just respect-sons. I could tell that John and Caroline were ing each other’s point of view might be enough.perfect for each other. On the other hand, if you have a child who livesThe problem was John’s kids; I called Caroline with you, then you definitely need someone whoand told her what a great fit he was. She likes kids.decided to go ahead and meet him. Honor your deal breakers--but test to see if they really are hard and fast rules.They’ve now been dating for about six monthsand John recently called me to thank me forseeing their “couple potential.” Not only arethey still happy together, it turns out Carolineis thrilled that her son has someone the sameage to play with. Expert Advice: “One trait that Seattle’s most successful clients possess is that they Brenna Rick, Elite Coordinator It’s Just Lunch Minneapolis are very open when it comes to meeting people from different areas of Western Wash- ington. Location doesn’t really matter if there is some apparent chemistry or connectionHow many hours a week do you devote to on the first date. A prime example: Jeff andlooking for dates (not including going out Cheryl who were recently married through us.on the actual date)? Jeff lived the urban life in the city and had his small business not far from his home. Cheryl lived and worked 60 miles outside the city 3% in a small town. Jeff was skeptical, but open 3-6 hours 2% to making the drive south to meet Cheryl for 13% their first date. The two really hit it off and 0 hours neither mentioned the distance in their feed- 41% back. Two years later, they are now married and Jeff packed up his urban life and moved to the country to be with Cheryl!” 1-3 hours 42% Jillian Arbow, Senior Client Coordinator 3%, 7-10 hours It’s Just Lunch Seattle 2%, 10 hours 18