The first step in conversation. (greeting)
In face to face can be verbal and non verbal
In email can be verbal and non verbal
Open the channels of communication
(Example:- “Haven’t we met before?” or “Nice day, isn’t it?”
Preview Future message
(Example:- “I’m afraid I have a bad news for you” or
“Listen to this before you make a move”
In office memos and email Served in part by headers that
indicate the subject of your message, the recipients and CC
Substance and focus of the conversation.
Business is a good term for this stage, because it emphasizes that
most conversation are directed at achieving some goal.
Fulfills one of the basis components of interpersonal communication
– learn, relate, influence, play or help.
Exchanges roles of speaker/listener frequently. (example:- talk
about new supervisor, what happened in the class, your vacation
Is the reverse of the second stage.
Reflect back on the conversation
Five dimensions of feedback
Person focused/Message focused
Low monitoring/High monitoring
The ‘good bye” of the conversation
Combination of verbal and non verbal
Usually signals some degree of supportiveness
Example:- “Well, it was good talking to you”
May summarize the interaction as a conclusion.
Disagreement between or among connected
individual, coworker, friends, lovers or family
Perceived incompatible goals
Inability to set/achieve goals
Center on objects, events and persons
Issues that we argue and fight about everyday
Equally numerous (clashes that arise when
younger brother refuse to obey his older
brother, mother and daughter.)
A fight indicates a bad relationship.
Fighting damages personal relationship.
Fighting is bad; it reveals our negative selves
Increased negative regard for opponent.
Depletion of energy.
Close off self to the other party.
Leads to further conflict, hurt and resentment.
Examination of problem(s); work towards potential solution(s).
Each states own needs/wants.
Prevent hostilities and resentments from festering.
Shows ability to resolve conflict satisfactorily; stabilizes
verbal expression of differences
face saving differences
Read the FAQs
Don’t shout (writing in caps is shouting)
Lurk (reading notices and conversations without contributing)
Be kind – especially to newbies
Don’t send commercial message
Don’t spam, flame or troll
Before Conflict After Conflict
-Fight in private
- Be sure both are ready to fight
- Know what the fight is about
- Fight about solvable problems
-Consider what beliefs you need to
-Learn from both conflict and process
-Keep the conflict in perspective
-Attack your negative feelings
-Increase the reward and cherishing
1. Competing: I Win , You Lose
2. Avoiding: I Lose, You Lose
3. Accommodating: I Lose, You Win
4. Collaborating: I Win, You Win
5. Compromising: I Win and Lose, You Win and Lose
Avoidance and Active Fighting
Avoidance – Leave the scene, actively or passively
Active – Full participation in conflict
Take responsibility for you own thought and feelings
Problems of Avoidance
Denial that anything is wrong
Problems remains unresolved
One person give in, usually unwillingly
Can build to greater conflict
Force and Talk
Force – Using either physical or emotional power
Talk – The only real alternative to force
Gunnysacking/ Present Focus
Gunnysacking (Pass Orientation)
Unproductive process of storing up complaint and then unloading
them when argument arises.
Example:- You come home late one night without calling.
Attempt to keep focused on present conflict only.
Face-enhancing and face-detracting
Involve attacks on the person’s self image, designed to embarrass or
insult the other persons.
Confirms the value of other, seeks to save and build ego
Treat other as unable, bad, incompetent, seeks to damage ego
Includes personal rejection, belt-lining and more
Expresses positive feelings towards the other person, a critical factor in
the survival of a relationship.
Seeks to win by attacking the other person’s self concept
a form of disconfirmation that discredits the other persons
can lead to physical force
Refer to productive conflict resolution
argues from a point of view
reaffirms the other’s sense of competence and worth