This is a training module I created for others to train people in basic restaurant etiquette. This module started its life as a quick and dirty guide that we could use to instruct our students in matters of basic etiquette before taking them on a series of field trips throughout the state of West Virginia. I mentioned the guide in passing to my VISTA site supervisors Reba Crossen and Danna Grant, and they both enjoyed the idea of it so much that they suggested I develop the course into a training module to share. So that's what I did, and that's what you see here!

1. Restaurant Etiquette:
A Crash Course

2. Table of Contents
-Title Page-
-Table of Contents-
-Time Frame-
-List of Materials-
-Icebreaker-
-Training Contents/Agenda-
-Lesson 1: Plain Good Manners-
-Lesson 2: Table Placement-
-Lesson 3: What to Do When You Get to the
Restaurant-
-Lesson 4: Proper Eating Style-
-Lesson 5: After the Meal-
-Handouts-

3. Time Frame
Icebreaker – 5 minutes
Introduction – 2 minutes
Lesson One – 5 minutes
Lesson Two – 10 minutes
Lesson Three – 15 minutes
Lesson Four – 20 minutes
Lesson Five – 5 minutes
Conclusion/Q&A – 15 minutes
Total amount of time: 77 minutes, approx.
Be sure to allow some wiggle room for open
discussion. 80-90 minutes total should suffice.

4. List of Materials
-This training booklet.
-Enough copies of the enclosed
handouts for every participant.
-If you are doing demonstrations
of any of the techniques described
here, you will need the required
equipment, but this is optional.

5. Icebreaker
Each participant will introduce themselves with their
name, where they’re from, why they’re taking the
class (if applicable), and one piece of etiquette
advice that they heard growing up and always
follow today. (No repeats, if possible!)
This icebreaker doesn’t really have a name—it is
simply designed to make the participants a little
more comfortable with their fellow trainees and
share a little about themselves with the group. It
will also give the trainer an opportunity to know
what etiquette rules their students are following so
that they can emphasize them (or correct them) in
their presentation.

6. Training Contents
1) Restaurant Etiquette: A Crash Course
– brief introduction, handouts distributed
2) Icebreaker and Introduction
3) Lesson 1 – Plain Good Manners
4) Lesson 2 – Table Placement
5) Lesson 3 – What to Do When You
Get to the Restaurant
6) Lesson 4 – Proper Eating Style
7) Lesson 5 – After the Meal
8) Conclusion/Question & Answer Period
Pause frequently for questions or clarification.

7. Plain Good Manners
-If you receive a dinner invitation, it is best to respond to it as promptly as
possible. Did you know that the traditional ―RSVP‖ you see on invitations is from
the French for “répondez s'il vous plaît” or ―Please respond.‖ If you wish to bring a
guest, contact the host and ask if this is acceptable to do if the invitation does not
address it.
-If there is a recommended dress code, try to stick with it. It is bad form to out-
dress the host as much as it is to under-dress for the occasion. Business casual
will suffice for nearly all occasions.
-Punctuality is a virtue—make it a point to never be more than ten minutes late
unless it is absolutely unavoidable, and if you know you‘re going to be late, attempt
to let your host know ahead of time so they know not to wait on you.
-In some cases (such as a hosted dinner party), it is considered good manners to
bring a small gift for the host, such as flowers, chocolates, or wine.
-Memorizing rules is all well and good, but perhaps the most important rule to
take away from any etiquette class is to not violate the law of excessive
behavior. This means exactly what it implies: excessive drinking, excessive talking
at an excessive volume, excessive joke telling – especially bad ones, excessively
large mouthfuls of an excessive amount of food, and an excessive amount of
negativity in conversational subject matter. As long as you can avoid any truly
excessive behavior, it is unlikely that you will commit any major etiquette faux pas.
Even then, any minor mishaps you may have will occur quietly, and will likely not
be noticed by other diners.
-The most important thing at any dinner is to relax, enjoy, and have fun. Do
what you feel is right, and as long as you have a good sense of humor about any
potential etiquette gaffes, your fellow diners likely will, too.

8. Table Placement
-Most restaurants today do not bother with a full table setting. More than likely,
your table setting (even in nicer places) will look something like this:
-On the off chance that you are dining in a more upscale restaurant, or are at a
wedding or catered event, however, here is a more detailed look at table settings, as
well as a couple of rules to live by.

9. -Always work from the OUTSIDE, to the INSIDE. Example: When you have
two forks, the one on the outside is the fork for your first course (salad normally)
and the one on the inside is for your main entrée. This rule is the same no matter
how many forks you have—just work from the outside, in.
-Knives and spoons are always on the right, forks are always on the left.
-Dessert cutlery, if there is any, will be placed at the top of the place setting,
with forks facing left, and spoons facing right.
-Glassware will always be positioned above the knives. No matter how many
wines are being served, or how many glasses, the order will always be:
Water—Champagne—White Wine—Red Wine—Dessert Wine
-The side plate or ―butter plate‖ will typically be to the left of the forks with a side
knife for butter.
-Here‘s an easy way to remember which side is which for the bread plate and which
side is for the drinks: b d. Bread on the left, drinks on the right, both letters
facing inward.

10. Here is an example of what a nicely set table might look like. Don’t be
intimidated! Just follow the guidelines for table placement, and you’ll be
just fine!

11. What To Do When You
Get to the Restaurant
-If you are unhappy with the table the host or hostess places you at, it is important
to try to speak up as soon as possible, and preferably before you’re seated. If
you are seated under an air-conditioner, don‘t be afraid to tell the hostess that you
are freezing—they may move you to another table, or in some cases even offer you a
shawl, but they will likely not raise the thermostat.
-When seated, unfold your napkin and place it across your lap. The napkin
may be used along the course of the meal for occasionally wiping your lips or
fingers, but NEVER your nose or the cutlery. At the end of the meal, place the
napkin tidily on the left of the place setting. Some etiquette experts believe that
you should place the napkin across the back of the chair when finished, but this is
typically only done at very upscale establishments—don‘t do it with paper napkins!
-It is commonly known that you should keep your elbows off of the table while
you are eating, and keep your left hand in your lap unless you are using it to eat
with. Before the food arrives, however, it is acceptable to use elbows on the
table as a way to lean closer to someone with whom you are conversing to
show that you are interested.
-If bread rolls are served as a pre-meal appetizer, it is more correct to break the
bread with your fingers than it is to cut into the bread with the butter knife.
-It is considered polite to wait for everyone at the table to receive their food
before starting to eat your own, unless otherwise indicated by the host or
hostess. In some cases, if the food is hot, etiquette dictates that you start
eating when it is served to you, whether or not the rest of the table has received
their dishes. Use your instincts, and follow the lead of the rest of the table.

12. -If you would like butter, bread, or some kind of condiment, ask the person
closest to it if they can pass it to you so that you don‘t have to reach across the
table for it.
-When looking over a menu and unsure of what to select, it is not considered bad
form to ask the server their opinion with open-ended questions. Rather
than ―Is the trout good?‖ questions like ―I‘m in the mood for fish. Do you have any
suggestions?‖ will help the server help you.
-Many restaurants have signature and seasonal dishes, which are normally marked
on the menu. Seasonal dishes have a tendency to use fresher local
ingredients that the chef has selected and signature dishes are dishes for
which the chef or restaurant is well known. These are normally good picks
for those who are open to sampling new things. However, note that sometimes
the specials are in a higher price bracket. Don‘t be afraid to ask the waiter which
price point the specials fall into—this is a good way of asking the price of a special
without dropping the dreaded ―And how much is that?‖ question.
-When ordering food from the waiter or waitress, a little courtesy will get you a
long way. Always say ‗please‘ when requesting and ‗thank you‘ when receiving.
Though it‘s hardly a rule set in stone, you‘ll get on your server‘s good side when you
preface your order with “I’ll have…” or “I’d like…” rather than “Give me…” or “I
want…” In a similar vein, if a server offers their name, don‘t be afraid to use it—
however, badgering the server for details about their personal life may put them off.
-Perhaps one of the most boorish things you can do in a restaurant is,
when the server introduces his or herself and asks how you are, bark out
“we’re hungry!” You may think that it‘s funny, but it sends an unflattering
message about you to the server.
-Do not immediately ask anything of the server if they seem rushed. When the
server says they‘ll be with you in a minute, believe them, and wait for them to
return before placing any orders or requests.
-When you want to attract your server‘s attention, it is considered impolite to
gesture across the restaurant, stand up, raise your glass or generally make a
spectacle of yourself to flag down your server. Eye contact and a nod will do in
most cases.
-Don‘t be afraid to engage your fellow diners in conversation! Polite conversation
at a volume that is appropriate for the restaurant setting is, after all, the

13. whole point of dining in a group. However, certain topics are considered
inappropriate while eating. Examples of these include personal family problems,
graphic medical issues, and topics which may be inflammatory or hurtful
to your fellow diners.
-Always taste your food before adding seasonings to it. To do otherwise
suggests that you don‘t believe the dish is palatable as it is. Taste the dish first
before requesting the salt and pepper.
-Speaking of salt and pepper, these two condiments should always be passed and
received as a set. Even if you only want the salt, these condiments should be kept
together on the table to prevent confusion later on.
-A note for diners with allergies: if you are unsure if a dish you are about to order
has an ingredient to which you are allergic, it is fine to ask your server the
details of the dish or to request that a specific dish not contain the
offending ingredient. It is VERY IMPORTANT to note, however, that being
allergic to an ingredient is very different from disliking an ingredient. If
you dislike an ingredient, simply request that a dish be served without it and most
servers and chefs will accommodate your request. But to lie and say you are allergic
creates extra unnecessary work for the server and chef, and should you be found
out, you will look very boorish indeed. It is in your best interest not to annoy the
server or cook with unnecessary requests.
-If you receive your food and it is genuinely not to your liking (i.e. noticeably
burnt/undercooked, etc.) it is acceptable to send it back, provided you are
polite. ―This isn‘t what the menu was offering‖ is a good line to drop without being
too personal about the food. However, if your food arrives and it’s simply a
matter of you remembering that you don’t like one of the ingredients, then
that is your problem.
-If you have a coughing fit or need to blow your nose, or if you need to use a
toothpick or check your makeup, excuse yourself to the restroom by saying “Excuse
me,” or “I’ll be right back” before leaving the table. Do not announce that you
are going to the restroom, and regardless of what you do there, always wash your
hands before returning to the table.

14. Proper Eating Style
-There are notable differences between the American and Continental styles of
dining etiquette. For our purposes, we will focus on the American style.
-If there is a soup course, always move the spoon away from you to the other
side of the dish, using the opposite side of the bowl as a place to catch drips from the
spoon, and sip (don’t slurp) the liquid QUIETLY from the spoon. The whole of
the spoon should not enter your mouth while eating.
-If your food is too hot, take the hint and wait for it to cool before eating it.
Blowing on your food is not considered good table manners, although to do so
quietly and discreetly will often pass without comment from other diners.
-Hold your fork and knife in a relaxed and natural manner—do not grip your
cutlery with clenched fists. Keep the handles in the palm of the hand, with your
forefinger on top and thumb underneath.
-The knife goes in the right hand, and the fork in the left (with the positions
swapped if you are a lefty). It is acceptable for Americans to cut up several parts of
their meat at once, then place the knife down on the edge of the plate, move the fork
to the right (or left) hand, and spear the food with your fork to eat. It is also
acceptable to place your knife and fork down on either sides of the plate in between
mouthfuls or to take a drink. Once used, however, your utensils must never
touch the table again, only the plate.
-It is not considered proper to chew with your mouth open or to make
excessive smacking noises while chewing. Both of these problems are easy to
avoid by making sure that you take polite-sized bites, i.e. no more than a third of
the fork‘s worth of food. Taking small bites will also take less time to chew and
swallow, which will save you from another etiquette sin: talking with your
mouth full. Make sure your food is chewed and swallowed completely before
attempting to engage a fellow diner in conversation. Burping audibly is also,
obviously, impolite at the table.

15. -Bread is to be eaten with butter—not used as a sponge for soup, or to mop up
sauces from your plate. In more informal settings, it is acceptable to use certain
types of bread (such as garlic bread) to mop up excess pasta sauce. In formal
settings, however, bread is to be broken into bite-sized bits with the fingers
and buttered piece by piece as you consume it.
-If the food presented is not to your liking (and it is not a matter of it being
improperly prepared), it is polite to make an attempt to eat a small amount of
it. Failing that, it is alright to cut it up and move it around the plate a little! To
leave an entirely untouched plate, however, is a grave insult to the cook.
-It is quite acceptable to leave food on your plate if you feel that you have
eaten enough. In fact, in the early days of American and European etiquette, it
was considered rude to clear one‘s plate completely! Leaving behind a small amount
of food indicated that a person was well off enough that they did not need to eat all
of the food presented to them. It was actually Eleanor Roosevelt who was most
instrumental in changing American etiquette to allow a diner to clear their plate,
citing the impracticality of wasting food in the aftermath of the Great Depression.
Though it is now socially acceptable to eat all that you are given, it is not
necessary to attempt to scrape up every last morsel of food, either!
-Picking your teeth is extremely unattractive! Refrain from doing so unless
toothpicks have been expressly provided. The same goes for licking your fingers—
that is what a napkin is for! In a nicer dining situation, if messy, hands-on food
is on the menu, finger bowls containing water and a small cloth will usually be
provided—use this instead. Failing that, many restaurants provide wet wipes
with messy courses such as ribs, lobster, or bone-in chicken.
-When finished eating, position the knife and fork side by side in the center
of the plate, indicating to the wait staff that you are finished eating. This
will save them having to ask.
-In more informal restaurants, if you would like a to-go box, wait until they come
over to collect your plate and ask for a box then. In very formal restaurants
(i.e. a restaurant making full use of all of the pictured cutlery and glassware on the
handout), it is not considered good form to take food home with you. Keep this in
mind as you dine!

16. After the Meal
-Even if you feel you could have cooked a better meal, or if you disapproved of
something on the menu or the choice of wine, it is considered much more polite to
keep one‘s grievances to oneself. If you are unable or unwilling to pay
compliments, then remain silent.
-Standard tipping rates for solid to excellent service in restaurants today is in the
15-20% range, with 20% or higher being awarded for particularly excellent
service. A 10-14% tip (or lower) implies that you were dissatisfied with the
service.
-If you were, in fact, dissatisfied with the service and wish to make it known, be
tactful. Speak with the host or hostess about it in a polite tone of voice, no matter
how upsetting it may have been. Explain why you were upset without getting
personal—―I waited 20 minutes for the server to notice me,‖ is more credible and
factual than ―It took that idiot 20 minutes to serve me!‖ Most decent restaurants
pride themselves on their service and will be happy to make amends. Do not
demand discounts or perks—those are for the manager to offer depending on the
size of the lapse in service quality.
-It is considered good form to thank the host or hostess after the meal. In cases
of a formal dinner party, it may be prudent to write up and send a thank you
note to the host of the party.
Remember: entertaining is intended to be ENJOYED. If you are polite and
well-mannered, the specific rules of table etiquette are less important than
the overall attitude you take towards dining out, and any faux pas will
probably be ignored. Just relax and enjoy yourself!

17. Handouts
-Diagram of a Table Setting-
-List of Etiquette Websites and Resources-

19. A List of Etiquette Websites and Resources
Emily Post Institute– Emily Post‘s 1922 book ―Etiquette‖ became the
gold standard for etiquette reference. This website carries on her legacy
as the go-to guru on all matters big and small relating to etiquette.
http://www.emilypost.com/
Etiquette Hell – A website dedicated to readers sharing their etiquette
horror stories with others.
http://www.etiquettehell.com/
I Heart Etiquette – An etiquette blog by Malika S. Brown, the President
and CEO of Excuse Me, Please, Company, an image and etiquette
consulting firm.
http://iheartetiquette.wordpress.com/
Miss Manners – A syndicated advice column dealing specifically with
matters of personal and professional etiquette.
http://www.missmanners.com/
Dear Abby – A syndicated advice column that deals with personal
problems and queries; etiquette breaches are often discussed.
http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/
Diner‘s Digest – Contains a brief overview of the catch-22 involved in
modern American etiquette, as well as a well-rounded reading list.
http://www.cuisinenet.com/glossary/tableman.html
The Elegant Woman – A blog dedicated to elegance in all its forms;
there is a brief section on etiquette which is very helpful.
http://www.elegantwoman.org/index.html
Charleston School of Protocol and Etiquette
http://www.charlestonschoolofprotocol.com/