Peace Made Must Be Kept
In Christ and In Marriage
• Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in
the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:3).
Unity Must Be Kept In Peace
• Endeavoring –
• 1) to hasten, make haste
• 2) to exert one’s self, endeavour, give
• To Keep –
• 1) to attend to carefully, take care of
• 1a) to guard.
• Unity –
• 1) unity
• 2) unanimity, agreement
• Bond –
• 1) that which binds together, a band, bond.
• 1a) of ligaments by which the members of the
human body are united together.
• 2) that which is bound together, a bundle.
• Peace • 1) a state of national tranquility.
• 1a) exemption from the rage and havoc of
• 2) peace between individuals, i.e. harmony,
Scripture Compares Christ and Church To Marriage
Ephesians 5 follows ch. 4:1-6
• Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should
submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love
your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up
for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by
the washing of water with the word, In the same way
husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He
who loves his wife loves himself.
• "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and
hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."
This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to
Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his
wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her
In Christ and in Marriage
Keeping The Peace Takes:
You can’t change the past, only your perception
of it; but you can control the future.
What Do You See
When You Look In The Mirror?
The Most Important Thing Is How You See Yourself
Importance and Power of Words
• Our words reveal our thoughts.
• Our thoughts produce our actions.
• Our actions produce our lives.
• You are what you think, you think the words
you use, you live the words you think!
. . . Baylor University psychologists recently
interviewed 3,539 married couples. They asked
a lot of relationship questions related to the
subject matter of their arguments.
These researchers were trying to understand
why couples fight. The assumption had been
that the results would point to the usual culprits
– money, sex, etc.
• But, after the data had been carefully
analyzed, it turned out that the tension that
actually led to the fight itself almost always
related to the deeper issues of whether the
partners felt understood or valued.
• one person either feels neglected or
• Logic will never change emotion or
Edward De Bono
Two Types Of Questions
How might the answers affect peace
• Does my spouse love me?
• Does my spouse support me?
• Does my spouse believe in me?
• Does my spouse respect me?
• Does my spouse care about my feelings, dreams and ideas?
• Does my spouse desire me?
• Do I feel like my spouse loves me?
• Do I feel like my spouse supports me?
• Do I feel like my spouse believes in me?
• Do I feel like my spouse respects me?
• Do I feel like my spouse cares about my feelings, dreams
• Do I feel like my spouse desires me?
• Each of us perceives something about every
question and it is our perception that we live.
We live what we feel!
Our feelings will have a profound impact on our
ability to keep the peace.
We must not minimize each others feelings.
Peace Made Must Be Kept Because Of
The Way Peace Is Made
Most People Never Reach Peace
You might not be keeping the peace at all, you
may have just stopped fighting.
Understand Your Partner's Love Language
• According to Dr. Gary Chapman, we each have a
primary "love language" that helps us feel loved.
• We may thrive on words of affirmation, acts of service,
receiving gifts, quality time or physical touch. Chapman
believes that thoroughly understanding and acting on
your partner's primary love language will help you have
the best relationship possible. Learn what exactly
makes your partner feel closest to you, and practice it
often as a way to keep the peace in your relationship.
• You may have done a few things to hurt your partner
unintentionally, but knowing how to apologize will
cover a multitude of wrongs. After the next time you
do something hurtful to your spouse, look him in the
face and apologize sincerely.
• According to Dr. Ben Kim, it is important that you do
not say "I am sorry if you were hurt by what I did,"
because this puts the blame on your spouse instead of
on yourself. Truly accepting responsibility for your
actions is the only way you can restore your
relationship when you have done harm to your spouse.
• Apologize immediately – Once the discussion
or argument is over, if you’re at fault,
apologize and begin getting over it. There’s
nothing sillier than someone knowing that
they’re wrong, but refusing to apologize. It’s
understandable that feelings won’t subside
right away and the residue of an argument or
heated discussion may remain, and if you
can’t give a sincere apology because of that,
maybe it is best to wait.
• But all that does is slow the healing process.
Be adult about it and consider the good of the
relationship. The longer the dark cloud of hurt
feelings linger, the more opportunity for
resentment to set in. Childishness and pride
have destroyed many a relationship. Too many
stories of “the one that got away” are in
existence all because someone didn’t
apologize soon enough.
Understand How to Accept an Apology
• When your spouse apologizes to you, be sure to accept
the apology without making her feel worse than she
already does. Understand that she had to let go of her
pride and become vulnerable to admit she was wrong,
and that she wants you to accept her apology.
• Do not make the mistake of using her apology as an
excuse to point out her wrongdoings, and never
withhold forgiveness from her. By embracing her
apology sincerely, you refuse to manipulate her by
toying with her feelings.
• Communication is one of the most basic ways you
can keep peace with your spouse. Only 7 percent
of communication is verbal. The things you do say
a lot about your priorities, as well as how much
you are willing to sacrifice for the happiness and
well-being of your spouse.
• Let your significant other know how much he
means to you by performing acts of kindness on a
Ephesians 4:26; Matthew 5:25-26
• Most arguments can be settled before they even start
if situations are addressed quickly. Often things get
blown up because one or both persons in the
relationship refuse to address problems head on.
• No one wants to have an uncomfortable conversation
over something that seems minor. But minor can
become major in a heartbeat if not handled right away.
Handling this can be the same as handling your health.
Preventive maintenance. Don’t wait until you’re on the
operating table to learn a thing or two about heart
• Constant communication is often talked about in
relationships, but only in the sense of making sure people
know how you feel.
• Not enough people talk about having uncomfortable
conversations as part of that communication. If something
is said that you don’t like, say something now. Don’t wait
until it’s said seven more times. If something is done that
you don’t appreciate, don’t let it fester. Discuss it before it
becomes a habit or a way of life. Waiting may cause your
complaint to feel like an attack. Molehills are easy, but
some mountains can be difficult to ascend.
• There’s no need to be shy now. . . You now
have certain rights and expectations. You also
have needs that should be met.
• Whether emotional or sexual, people in
relationships must be honest about what they
need to be happy. More people go outside of
their relationship because they aren’t getting
what they need within it.
• Most times, a simple conversation could’ve
solved that problem. Once you’re in a committed
relationship, there’s no more room to be shy or
secretive. Let it all hang out. Confusion and
frustration are often created in relationships
when partners are still expected to be mind
readers. The time to make people “read” you was
during the dating period. Give your partner the
best chance at pleasing you by giving them all of
the information they need. If you don’t, you can
hardly blame them solely for not meeting your
Keep articles/books like this in perspective
• . . . Columns and books like this one serve a purpose, but it isn’t
supposed to be your Bible. Relationship advice should help to
enhance your knowledge, not do all the work for you. Don’t lose
yourself or your relationship within the lines of the page. No one
knows better about what a person needs than they do.
• Therefore, don’t bring too much of an advice columnist, author,
radio of television host into your relationship. It’s like bringing
another person into the room and if your partner isn’t on board
with it, they may resent it. Rather, take what’s written here as a
suggestion. Take what is applicable and use it. If it doesn’t work or
apply, throw it out. Always consider the people in the relationship
first before you assume that someone that doesn’t know you has
Things That Seek To Destroy Your Peace
Warning The Following Is Graphic
The Following Are Potential Threats To
Keeping The Peace Use Extreme Caution.