Do you know how much is involved in attachment parenting? Perhaps you woul like to find out?


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Do you know how much is involved in attachment parenting? Perhaps you woul like to find out?

  1. 1. ==== ====Do you realize how much is involved in attachment parenting? It is just as well to find out....Browse these reviews for more info!http::// ===="You must be the change you want to see in the world"-Mahatma GandhiOur culture has moved far away from natures intended way for us to parent and care for ourchildren. Unfortunately, over many centuries, as the world has become increasingly moreindustrialized, people have lost touch with their natural parenting instincts. Each generation isparented in a way that causes distress, pain, depression and anger. This in turn causes each newgeneration to pass down harmful ways of parenting that reflect their hurt, distress and resentment.Alarms in natureNature has built alarm signals into every animal to alert parents, companions and predators thatthe animal is experiencing or sensing a need, a threat or a danger. In nature, animal parentsinstinctively respond immediately to the alarms of their young. A human infants alarm signal iscrying, which is intended to alert parents to a need. As children grow older, their alarm signalsbecome more sophisticated when their needs arent met and often include behaviors that parentsfind disturbing.Some of the alarms of children:· Directly telling us they have a need· Asking us to help them meet a need· Asking nicely· Asking rudely· Crying· Whining· Yelling· Screaming· Outbursting· Pouting
  2. 2. · Tantruming· Swearing· Withdrawing· Clinging· Defensiveness· Sarcasm· Hyperactivity· Depression· Anxiety· Raging· Distractibility· Fidgeting· Squirming· Oppositionality· Harassing· Defiance· Refusing· Disrespect· Threatening· Aggression and violence towards people and animals (verbal, physical, sexual)· Destructiveness (vandalism, breaking things, stealing, etc.)· Self destructiveness (self mutilation, substance use, sexual promiscuity, badrelationships, suicidal gestures, etc.)· Challenging
  3. 3. · Passive complianceThe distress cries and acting-out behaviors of youth, like the cries of an infant and the behavioralcues of animals, are nature-based alarm signals. Their alarm signals warn us that something inthe childs body, immediate circumstance, life or environment is distressing to them physically oremotionally and is threatening harm to their optimal development.When we fully understand that concerning behaviors are the natural alarm signals of children, wewill be less likely to, in good conscience, punish, medicate or force children into compliance withdistressing, unnatural circumstances. We will begin to realize more and more as we look aroundour society, that from the hyperactive toddler to the rageful 17 year old, punishment, force, bribes,manipulation and medication do not make distressed children happy, cooperative orcompassionate; nor do those reactions fill the voids and satiate the needs children are trying toalert us to with their alarm signals.The recipe for a happy child: Secure parent-child attachment through meeting our childrens needsChildren of all ages require a secure parent-child attachment in order to thrive. A secure-parentchild attachment is vital to a childs optimal functioning in all areas of their development. It is theblueprint and foundation of a childs life long physical, emotional, social, intellectual, sexual,spiritual and moral functioning. It is the blueprint and foundation of a childs lifelong happiness andability to cope with life and relationships.A secure parent-child attachment develops as the result of parents meeting childrens basicphysical and emotional needs, and then higher level needs, from infancy until young adulthood.This natural function of parenting is part of the human attachment cycle:1. The child feels a physical or emotional need;2. The child expresses the need using a signal such as crying, showing, asking or telling;3. The parent meets the childs need as soon as possible;4. Every time the childs needs are met, the child feels calm, satiated, homeostasis, joy and trustin the parent.As a result of this unbroken cycle, secure attachment builds and develops.If parents usually do not meet their childs needs or usually delay in doing so, their child will feeldistress, rage, grief, anxiety and distrust in the parents. Every unmet need builds and builds andan insecure or disrupted attachment develops. When a child suffers a disrupted attachment,emotional and/or behavioral problems may show up immediately or may slowly begin to surfaceover a period of years.Parenting and educating the way nature intendedPeople in peaceful tribal cultures and non-human mammals are the natural models that can teachus how nature intended us to parent. In tribal cultures where violence is very low and mental
  4. 4. illness is reportedly a rarity, people are found to parent in line with the rest of our closest mammalrelatives. The most critical features of natural parenting are:· Constant skin-to-skin contact and non-stop carrying of the infant for the first 12months of life;· Breastfeeding for at least two and a half years and optimally, up to four and ½years;· Co-sleeping with infants and young children;· Responding to the physical and emotional needs of children all through childhood;· High levels of physical affection, emotional connection and cuddling through outchildhood;· Nonviolent, democratic discipline and guidance;· Strong family and community relationships· Strong family and community modeling of respectful, compassionate,interdependent (everyone doing their part for the benefit of the whole) behavior;· Natural education through play, exploration, imitation, self-directed learning, physicalactivity and being an active part of the community; and· Allowing children the freedom to develop, learn and mature at their own pace.Many of our mammal relatives show similar ways of parenting, especially mammals that carry theiryoung or have frequent physical contact with them, such as bonobos, gorillas, elephants anddolphins.Child developmentAs children grow through life, they face certain developmental tasks at each phase of their life. Asecure parent-child attachment and natural education helps them resolve and complete theirdevelopmental tasks to an optimal level, without being rushed or forced.School and day care harms secure parent-child attachmentOne of the most life-changing disruptions to the parent-child relationship is when children areplaced in day care, preschool and grade school. The conditions of traditional schools are oftenharmful:· To the parent-child attachment relationship,· To democracy,
  5. 5. · To a childs natural development,· To intellectual development and creativity,· To the childs body and health,· To social development, and· To emotional and behavioral stability.Day care and preschool separates children from mothers at the age when it is critical to braindevelopment that young children are with their families. Older children, through late adolescenceare often unhappy, bored, frustrated and mentally exhausted in school. They have little time for thehigh-energy physical activity, exploration, inventiveness and play that they need for optimal braindevelopment. Homework further takes childrens time away from their own interests and fromfamily and friends. Additionally, many children are negatively influenced by their school peers andpull away from their parents at younger and younger ages.But isnt school good for children?Almost everything about the "one size fits all" environment of traditional school is opposite to whatnature intended for a childs development. Some of the reasons why traditional school is harmfulto childrens natural development are:· Traditional schools are based on controlling large groups of people so they all do thesame thing;· Traditional schools structure and curriculum are not in line with childrensdevelopmental or learning needs at any age;· Public schools are cutting the very means by which children learn and find joy: Play,recess, art, music, drama, fun events, field trips and hands-on activities.· Traditional schools do not take into consideration that childrens primary way oflearning is through play and exploration. Schools primarily focus on forcing children to sit andlisten.· Traditional school does not allow children to direct their own learning based oninterests, talents, passions and abilities;· Traditional school labels children who cannot conform as "learning disabled" or"behavioral problems";· Traditional school is responsible for thousands of children being prescribed drugs fortheir exuberance, boredom or a developmentally inappropriate learning environment;· Traditional school regiments childrens basic physical needs (food, water,elimination, physical activity and rest) and fails to allow children to respond to their own needs;
  6. 6. · Almost half of the states in the USA still permit teachers to legally assault childrenwith paddles in public school;· Traditional school isolates children from their families and communities;· Children are forced to do homework after being confined for six or more hours inschool;· Homework further isolates children from family time, play time, social time and timefor pursuing ones own interests;· Standardized exams are designed to measure how well a child tests and how well achild can recall isolated facts. This does not demonstrate a childs knowledge, intellect,experience, creativity or moral development;· Learning is considered to be about "getting the right answer" rather than about theprocess of how to ask questions and where to find answers;· Traditional school allows children no power, causing children to isolate themselvesinto exclusive groups or cliques in order to establish a false sense of power;· Traditional schools control-based practices offer little opportunity for childrenswants, wishes, ideas and needs to be expressed, leading some to rage, rebellion and revenge;· Traditional school fails to function as a democracy to prepare children to participatein a democratic society;· Traditional school is an outdated institution based on the factory work ethic of thelate 1800s and early 1900s; and· Traditional school has refused to evolve to meet the creative and intellectual needsof children.There are many joyful alternatives to traditional school which often inspire children to reachlearning potentials and excellence far in excess of most traditionally schooled peers. Alternativesinclude:· Unschooling (child-led curriculum),· Homeschooling,· Democratic schools (which are run as democracies),· Montessori schools,· Waldorf schools,
  7. 7. · Private schools that respect play, outdoor time, childrens natural development andjoy in learning,· Public charter schools (that focus on the arts and play)· Virtual (online) public or private schools,· Independent study or apprenticeships,· Early collegeOur everyday life causes emotional and behavioral problemsConstantly, parents are conditioned to accept and live with so many beliefs, trends, habits,routines and practices that seem harmless but are actually harmful to childrens naturaldevelopment. These include:· The way children are seen as property and as less-than-human by our culturecompared to how adults are seen;· The way parents and schools teach and model violence, domination and inequalityto children by punishing them, speaking to them disrespectfully, using control tactics with themand dictating what they will do, where they will be, how they must act and what they must think fortheir entire childhoods;· The self-centered, materialistic, academic-obsessed, work-obsessed, sex-obsessed,money-obsessed, media-obsessed and violence-accepting values parents and the culture modelfor children about how to live; and· The way parents substitute themselves with all types of distractions that dont fillchildrens needs, such as day care, school, school sports teams, TV, video games, cell phones,the Internet, designer clothing and putting peers and material objects ahead of family.These beliefs, trends and practices also include forcing youth to grow up in ways that are notappropriate to their development and failing to allow youth to develop and grow naturally.Child trauma and PTSDMany children in our culture suffer symptoms of trauma and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder fromdistressing and frightening treatment such as physical punishment, and severe abuse and neglect.Trauma affects all areas of a childs development and actually rewires the childs brain, causingemotional problems that may be misdiagnosed. Trauma is believed to be stored in parts of thebrain that prevent therapy, maturity, learning and insight from healing it, causing symptoms to lastfor decades. A special kind of therapy, called EMDR, can help heal trauma.Examples of trauma:· Difficult birth
  8. 8. · Infant left to scream in incubator after birth· Circumcision· Parents failing to respond to their infants cries immediately· Crib sleeping· Child left alone at night· Having basic needs ignored or denied· Physical abuse, including "spanking", "smacking", "paddling" or rough handling of achild· Sexual abuse· Emotional abuse· Neglect of physical and emotional needs· Abandonment· Being left in day care· Being forced to go to school· Lack of support in upsetting situation, injury, illness or other trauma· Out-of-home placement (foster care, group home, juvenile boot camp or detentioncenter)· Loss of parent or loved one· Death of parent or loved one· Witnessing domestic violence· Witnessing any type of violence or attack on a person or animal· Peer harassment· Being the victim of racist or derogatory remarks about ones nationality, sex, gender,sexual orientation or appearance· Pain or illness
  9. 9. · Born substance addicted· Hospitalization· Homelessness· Seeing frightening, violent or sexualized TV shows, movies, games or websitesExtreme breaks in attachment: Foster care, institutional facilities and adoptionChildren who have been adopted or who live in orphanages, foster homes, institutions andprograms have suffered extreme attachment disruption and often have severe emotional andbehavioral problems as a result. These are the children who our culture has failed the most, asthey are some of the most damaged and hurting people in our societies.Our children do not have brain disorders- Our culture is disordered!Most children in our culture who act out their distress are misdiagnosed with mental illnesses andbrain disorders such as ADHD, learning disabilities, bipolar disorder and oppositional defiantdisorder. They are often forced to take powerful, mind-altering drugs once they are diagnosed.However, most of the symptoms that these children are expressing are actually symptoms of adisrupted attachment, a developmentally inappropriate educational environment and PostTraumatic Stress Disorder. Although our culture views these children as "brain disordered", it isactually our culture that is disordered. Diagnosing and medicating children does not heal thecauses of their distress. The symptoms that children show are actually natural responses to anunnatural and intolerable life circumstances!Repairing attachment and healing traumaIt is possible for parents to repair attachment and heal trauma with children of all ages! Basicprinciples of healing, such as physical affection, empathizing and showing compassion to ourchildren, plus getting help for ourselves, are necessary parts of repairing attachment and trauma.Other necessities include:· Attachment parenting;· Instilling family principles, self discipline and responsibility through respectfulguidance and strong modeling;· Learning nonviolent forms of emotional expression and communication with childrensuch as Marshall Rosenbergs Nonviolent Communication (NVC) model or Naomi AldortsS.A.L.V.E. formula;· Finding alternatives to traditional schooling such as unschooling, homeschooling,democratic schools, Montessori schools, Waldorf schools, early college or private schools thatrespect play, childrens development and joy in learning;· EMDR treatment to heal trauma;
  10. 10. · Neurofeedback to retrain the brain;· Natural attachment therapy to help repair insecure attachment;· Holistic and body-centered treatments to heal imbalances (EFT, homeopathy, etc.);and· Learning about the dangers of diagnosing and medicating childrens behavior.Re-parenting children with severe attachment disruptionEven children who have been adopted or children who suffer from severe attachment disruption orReactive Attachment Disorder can heal and grow to attach strongly to their parents! Parents mustmake a permanent commitment to their children, secure a support system for themselves and findan attachment specialist, to start this very challenging process.Parents must be willing to provide their children with re-parenting experiences that meet theirchildrens unmet early developmental needs, including intense physical affection. Parents musthave a strong set of family principles in place, and an understanding of how to use consequencesand restitution so that they are not punishing their children. In order to help their children developemotional stability, tools for nonviolent emotional expression can be learned and practiced byevery family member. Adoptive parents and parents of children with severe attachment disruptionshould expect severe testing behaviors and relapse cycles as children grow to deeper and deeperlevels of attachment.Healing our culture nowOur culture is the collective entity of the beliefs and actions of generations of human beings,including ourselves, who have diverged from natural ways of living and parenting. Our culture istruly mentally ill and "brain" disordered! However, a giant bottle of Adderoll, Celexa or Risperdolisnt what our culture needs...Our culture is saturated by violence and anger, leading to disrespect for other human beings,disrespect for other living creatures and disrespect for our own natural environment. Our culture isconsumed with shame about sexuality and the human body, leading to rigid, uptight bans onsexuality on one hand and a relentless obsession and adolescent-like mockery of it on the otherhand. Each generation passes this sickness of violence, shame and rage onto the nextgeneration, creating materialism, self-obsession, money obsession, work obsession, academicobsession, substance obsession, media obsession and war obsession. More programs, prisons,schools, rules, medications, laws and punishments will not stop it. We must start by raising humanbeings to think and feel differently.In order for our culture to heal itself, parents, professionals and law makers must prioritize healingour children and our young adults rather than labeling, punishing, medicating, confining andincarcerating them. As citizens, we all have a responsibility to take part in demanding that mentalhealth professionals, social workers, doctors, scientists, our states human service agencies andour state legislators prioritize:
  11. 11. 1. Meeting all childrens needs now;2. Healing the damage already done to children; and3. Helping and mentoring young adults with trauma histories in order to prevent damage to thenext generation."You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be noresult" -Mahatma GandhiTo explore attachment parenting, natural education and the natural ways to heal our childrensemotional, behavior and learning challenges in more detail, please visit to learn more about my book, Instead of Medicating andPunishing.Laurie A. Couture is the author of Instead of Medicating and Punishing: Healing the Causes of OurChildrens Acting-Out Behavior by Parenting and Educating the Way Nature Intended. Her bookwas chosen as a finalist in the ForeWord Magazine Book-of- the-Year Awards in 2009. Laurieworks as a licensed mental health counselor for children and families, as well as a consultant,parenting educator, writer, public speaker and childrens rights activist. She is the founder of (formerly and is a Board member ofParents and Teachers Against Violence in Education (PTAVE). She appears in the documentaryfilm, The War On Kids (2009), and she is a contributor to Life Learning Magazine, KindredMagazine, and several other publications and websites. She mentors adisadvantaged teen and has previously worked in the fields of social work and early childhoodeducation. Ms. Couture is also a human rights and environmental activist as well as an artist andphotographer. She is the author of the comic series, The Hypocrisy Chronicles. Ms. Coutureswriting and advocacy on behalf of children have reached an international audience. She unschoolsher 15 year old son, Brycen R. R. Couture, who is a professional choral singer and the creator ofFeendz homemade stuffed toys. Brycen is also in the process of writing book one of a fantasytrilogy. Laurie and her son live in beautiful New England, USA.Article Source: ====
  12. 12. Do you realize how much is involved in attachment parenting? It is just as well to find out....Browse these reviews for more info!http::// ====