My Feelings on How it Started and Ended Summer of 2012 Gregg and Grace (Me)
The Start So this incredibly cute, strong, and sweet boy moves intomy apartment complex in the summer of 2012, and I had nevermet anyone like him. He was charming, nice, and extremelyattractive (we don’t get many of those kind in Madras). So ofcourse I developed a huge crush on him, I mean how could I not?
Starting…Still So anyway, we became really good friends, we hung outall the time. I found out so much about him. Like he’s colorblindand likes the band Maroon 5. My favorite times were when wewould lay in the grass and he’d put his head on my stomach and Iwould play with his short hair.
Well That Escalated Quickly After a few weeks of doing that and us flirting (though at the time Ithought we were just playing, because I “flirt” with everyone) we were goingto have a few people spend the night at Allison’s and we invited Greg. It wasdark out at the apartments only a street lamp lit the empty street and westood in front of the small park. When Greg came back from his grandmaswith an answer for whether or not he could go he told us he could not. So Igave him a hug goodbye, like usual, before we were going to leave. Then hesaid “Close your eyes.” and I was like “Okay?” So I did and unexpectedly hecrashed his lips to mine.
After Shock On our walk across town that night I was dizzy and lightheaded. I could stillfeel my lips tingling and all I wanted was to still be in his warm embrace. I didn’tknow if I was supposed to tell people but I just wanted to scream from the rooftops “The boy of my dreams kissed me!” But I couldn’t do that so I settled fortelling the girls of our walking party. Sharay, Alissa, and Allison. Allison didn’t careat all but at least Sharay and Alissa would share my excitement. I had beenwearing one of his over shirts that day mostly because I was cold and he didn’twant to wear it. And I am okay with saying that is the first night I slept with a guysshirt. That’s the over shirt
My First Real Love Over the next couple of weeks we became the couple of theapartments, I don’t mean we were the only couple but we were thegreatest. We were always together and always were hugging or kissing orholding hands. Needless to say, I was happy. After awhile he told me thathe may be moving back to Arizona. I acted as strong as I could aroundhim but when I was alone I cried, I cried a lot. Then a week or two laterschool started. I was so nervous for Gregg, but mostly I was scared forour relationship. All the girls at school would have a crush on him and allof them were prettier than me. I just didn’t understand why he wouldstay with me when he could have any girl in the school. I still don’tunderstand why he stayed with me for so long.
The Start of the End When school started my guess was right, all the girls had a crush onhim. Even worse they all hated me because he was mine before they even gota chance. I acted strong around him, like I didn’t care about them, but as mygood friends know it hurt me a lot. I was really insecure about that kind ofthing and somehow the girls found that out and played of those insecurities,they spread rumors that he was cheating on me and that he didn’t actuallylike me. I started to believe them. I stopped being so lively when he was gone(I only was around him because I didn’t want him to know anything waswrong) it even got so bad that I stopped eating because I was convinced hedidn’t like me because I was fat and ugly. He didn’t really help thoseinsecurities (not that he knew about them) he hung out with the girls thateveryone knew had a crush on him and even let them where his coats andshirts. I thought I was special because I had his shirt then I realizedhe gives those to everyone and I’m still a nothing. Gregg also told me that hewasn’t moving back. Which gave me hope.
Try to Pull Through Out side of school he was great. We we’re always together. Myfavorite memory of us was just four days before the break-up. We we’restaying the night at my friend Allison’s house (she was there of course) and Iknow what your thinking “Your parents let you spend the night together?How irresponsible!” but we were fourteen and we werent stupid. We werewatching movies, playing Mario, and listening to music all day. Then when wefinally got tired we decided we were all going to sleep in the living room.Allison took the couch and we slept next to each other on the floor. As we laidthere he kissed me and then said “I love you.” “I love you too.” I replied easily for we had said before and I meant it. “Forever and Always?” he asked. “Forever and Always.” I confirmed.
Forever Is An Awfully Short Time I thought after a weekend like that I could deal with all the girls atschool, I was wrong. They hated me and I just wasn’t confident enough inmyself to let their words slip away. They told me I wasn’t pretty or good enoughfor him and honestly I believed them. He was great and I was just a stupid girlwho thought that maybe I could be good enough. Anyway, just so fate cancomplicate the crap out of my life, my best guy friend, Garrett, confessed hisever lasting love for me, okay actually he just told me he liked me, but samething. He told me Gregg wasn’t good enough and that was a first. He said I coulddo better and he told me that Gregg and I should break up. I denied all of it andstayed with Gregg. Apparently he said the same to Gregg because about twodays later Gregg came up to me in the library before school and said he neededto talk to me. He said that he was tired of all the drama and that Garrett toldhim to break up with me. He said I did nothing wrong but we should take abreak. I just smiled and nodded when he was done I grabbed Allison aside andtold her. I didn’t cry, at least not around anyone, I wasn’t going to show myscars.
Thank You I told only my close friends Allison, Garrett, and Wilson. Oddlyenough that day I ate lunch, laughed loudly, and even hugged Garrett (eventhough he probably helped the break-up process along). I just want to thankthem for being there and making me laugh. Now I can feel okay again, eventhough I don’t have my first love anymore, I think I’ll be alright. And a specialthanks to Garrett for the constant reminder that I have the option of havinghim “stick his boot up Gregg’s ass”.
P.S.• I’m starting to think about other guys now, like I have a crush on my friend Wilson. He’s the nicest guy I’ve ever met, it’s like a bad thought doesn’t even cross his mind. He just can’t be mean and plus he’s hilarious, I just can’t help but smile when I’m near him.
4 Months Later• So, I just went through this again, and let me say, I’ve grown a lot as a person since then. I’m no longer as insecure, I know I’m beautiful in my own way and I’m glad to be. I’m happy, though it took awhile.
An update on everyone from before.• Allison- My supposed best-friend has decided she thinks she’s better than me and now that I’m secure in myself I won’t tolerate that. We are no longer friends.• Wilson- This still hurts me. He now has a beautiful girlfriend. She is really nice and I like her a lot. The bad thing (other than I really liked him) is that he now hangs out with her friends instead of me. We don’t even make eye contact in the hall.• Garrett- Also has a girlfriend. She is amazing, she is probably the sweetest girl I’ve ever met. But, she is also part of the friend group that Wilson is now in and Garrett has left me for them too. At least I get the occasional hello from him.• Gregg- Every girl still wants him, but only because he’s pretty. I have no problems with Gregg. I talk to him more then I talk to Wilson or Garrett. I am over Gregg but it still kills me every time he has a girlfriend (and he’s had lots) but I think that’s because he was my first love. But it pisses me off that he still looks so hot all the time, like, give it a rest dude!
As I said Before…• I am happy now. I have a few really great friends and the bullying had stopped. I do have a boyfriend currently, he’s a high- schooler with ginger hair and he’s really smart and funny. He makes me feel beautiful and important unlike Gregg who made me feel worthless. I don’t know if this happiness will last, it seems like it never does, but for now I’m great and that’s all I could ask for, I guess.
Me and my friend Gwen My boyfriend!Me and my friend Lauren!