In popular culture, friend zone refers to a platonic relationship wherein
one person, most commonly a man, wishes to enter into a romantic or sexual
relationship, while the other does not. It is generally considered to be an
undesirable or dreaded situation by the lovelorn person. If a desired party
does not return or respond affirmatively to the advances or affection of the
desiring party, but continues to participate in the friendship in a platonic way,
it is sometimes described as friend-zoning. In a related sense of the term,
friend zone can describe a "commitment mismatch", such as when two people
are sexually involved, but in which one person wants a committed
relationship such as being a boyfriend or girlfriend, while the other does not.
According to psychologists, the man in a cross-gender friendship is more
likely to be attracted to his woman friend than she is to him, and he is more
likely to overestimate her interest in a romantic or sexual relationship. The
concept has been criticized by feminists as being unfair and misogynistic in
imposing an obligation on women to offer sex in return for kind actions by
The term “Friend Zone” was coined in the November 3rd, 1994 episode
of the American television sitcom Friends titled ""The One with the Blackout."
While Ross is pining over his friend Rachel, Joey tells him that he waited too
long to act on his feelings for her and was running out of time to be able to
change their friendship into something romantic. By the end of the series,
Ross and Rachel (shown below) end up married.
Ways to tell if you got Friend Zoned
1. He keeps forgetting to get your number
Ever since you met him, you've been asking the question, why doesn't he
try to get my number? It may look like he's just forgets to ask for your
number, just in case he has to call, but it is highly likely that he is trying to
send you to the friend zone.
2. He makes it hard for you to initiate physical contact
What's a girl got to do to get a hug around here? That may be the thought
going through you head, when asking yourself, why is it so hard to initiate
Call it old fashion but if you are having trouble get a hug and even bump
shoulders with him, it's not because he doesn't want to be touched. The more
likely reason behind why it feels like he put invisible handcuffs on you is that
he may be friend-zoning you.
He may be your crush, but that's pushing it.
3. He doesn't notice the little things about you
I had something done to my hair. It might not be much, but— do you think
he will notice?
If he's never asked you if you did something to your hair or noticed that
you got a pair of new shoes recently I regretfully inform you that you may be
heading to the friend zone.
Okay, he hasn't asked you yet about the new handbag you just got despite
the fact that it's so obvious that it might as well be stamped on your forehead.
Is this a sign that you should be worried about being friendzoned? Yes it is.
4. He tries to give you dating advice
He thinks that the guy from last weekend'sparty and you would really hit it
When the guy you like is trying to set you up with other guys and giving you
advice on dating, you may find yourself in one of those he is just not that into
you situations or would he would rather just be friends. Nevertheless, he
wants to put you in the friend zone.
So what if he want you to start seeing other guys. You two are not even
What if you want to move clear away from the friend zone?
5. He talks with other girls more than you
This is huge. If a guy talks with other girls more than you, he has begun
to create the distance between you and him required to put you in the friend
What if you happen to like-like the guy?
1. It takes the pressure off. Break the touch barrier
2. You can still ask him for favors. Even if he friend-zoned you, there’s
no reason he can’t help you move or fix something in your
apartment. You’d ask any of your friends with that skill set. (He’s
also not required to say yes to the request, so everyone wins.)
3. You get access to an honest male perspective. Does this outfit make
me look fat? Does my outlook make me seem crazy? Would I look
better with bangs? These questions can act as powder kegs in
romantic relationships, but are perfectly productive platonic ones,
because it’s not a test with only one right answer. The friend zone
is a one-stop shop for typically tough (but fair) advice you can’t get
4. The satisfaction of giving him good advice. Conversely,whether you’re
helping him pick out a Mother’s Day present or telling him to burn
all of his graphic tees, it feels good to boss your buddy around. It
feels even better knowing you’re right.
5. You have someone to be gross with. Friend-zoning may as well come
with a fart flag to wave. Now you can freely claim yours, along with
discussing whatever disgusting topics you desire. It’s fun, freeing
and good practice for being grossly comfortable in a long term
relationship, only not with each other.
6. He can introduce you to other guys. One of the best parts about
getting friend-zoned is that you can now freely admit to being
attracted to his friends without hurting his feelings. The odds are
that he feels a little guilty for rejecting you, wants you to find
someone awesome …. and is happy to hook you up with a friend
who’s a good dude.
7. You also have someoneto introduceto girls. As the saying goes, “If you
love somebody, let them go.” When your gal pals complain about
there being no good single guys out there, now you can brag and
say that you at least know one. Just be sure to warn them about the
possibility of being friend-zoned, in case it’s a pattern in his
8. It gives you insight into what you want (and don’t want) in a partner.
Getting close with someone platonically can teach you a lot about
relationships outside of the friend zone. Being that comfortable
with each other shows you the gap between how people present
themselves and who they actually are. This often reminds you of
why you were drawn to him and why it would never work, which is
important information to apply to your romantic search.
9. You get practice at opening up to someone. The emotional
transparency required in romantic relationships can be intense
and challenging over time. The friend zone give you a chance to be
honest with far less pressure and consequences. Your guy friend
can’t get that annoyed at you for talking about your feelings too
much. Just tell him you’re letting him practice listening … for the
10. It makes you more sensitive towards people you reject. Getting friend-
zoned can hurt if you’re not ready for it. Now that you have some
insight on how it feels, you’ll approach it with the care of an actual
friend next time it’s your turn to shoot someone down.
11. The future may surprise you. While you don’t want to actively pine
for a person, it’s not impossible that you’ll grow more compatible
over time. You can’t talk, fight or seduce your way out of the friend
zone; you have to appreciate your friendship for what it is. And if
someday it becomes something else, well, better late than never.
Slow burn or no burn, it’s win-win either way. You still have your
1. Improve Your Confidence and Comfort Level With Girls. The first
reason why being in the friend zone is a good thing is that by
becoming friends with more girls, you'll be able to improve your
confidence and comfort level with girls. This is especially helpful if
you don't have very much experience with girls and want to be
more relaxed and natural around them. This will make future
dates less awkward and more successful. By spending more time
around other girls, going on dates will be easier and less stressful
for you. There is one downside to becoming more comfortable
around girls though. If you become a little too comfortable with
being around girls, you might soften up and change for the worse.
To avoid making this mistake, make sure you are yourself around
girls and don't change yourself to fit in with them. If you do that,
you're more likely to find yourself in the friend zone again.
2. More Opportunities To Meet New Women. One great benefit of being
in the friend zone is that it gives you new opportunities to meet
new women. If you are outgoing enough you'll end up meeting
friends of the girl who friend zoned you, which can grow your pool
of dating prospects. This will make it easier for you to bounce back
and recover after being put in the friend zone. The more often you
find yourself in the friend zone, the more opportunities you'll find
to meet new women. This will help speed up the process of finding
the right girl for you.
3. Lingering Possibility Of Becoming More Than A Friend. The lingering
possibility of becoming more than a friend is the main reason why
guys stay in the friend zone with girls.It usually never happens, but
that doesn't mean it's impossible. If you know what you're doing
and can play your cards right, you can turn things around in your
favor. If you choose to stay in the friend zone for this reason, it's
important not to suffocate the girl of your affection. If you try too
hard, you'll come off as needy and pathetic and she'll be scared
4. Free Dating and Relationship Advice. If you get into the friend zone
with a girl and keep her around instead of shunning her, you'll
have a reliable source of free dating and relationship advice in the
future. This can make it easier for you to work through the issues
you're having in your love life and can sometimes be less
embarrassing than asking your guy friends for help. So take
advantage of this kind of advice if you ever need it.
5. No Other Guys Take Advantage Of Being In The Friend Zone. The last
reason why the friend zone is a great place to be is that no other
guys ever takes advantage of it. With less competition around, it
becomes much easier for you to reap the rewards of being in the
friend zone. Most guys don't know how to deal with rejection and
cut off all ties with girls who reject them. Rejection isn't any fun,
but if you're confident in yourself and don't take everything
personally, you'll be seen as far more attractive than most guys. So
don't sweat it if you're put in the friend zone and take advantage of
the opportunity instead.
How to Escape Friend Zone?
1. Break the "nice guy" or "sweet girl" stereotype. Most guys and girls who
find themselves in the "friend zone" are usually susceptible to many of
the characteristics of the "nice guy" or "sweet girl" stereotype. This
means pretty much someone who wants to avoid making other people
uncomfortable at any cost, but does so usually at their own expense by
not communicating their own needs. Where you're romantically
attracted to someone, but you don't want to "pressure" them into a
relationship, or "ruin" the friendship by expressing your interest or
making a move, you'll end up holding back in a variety of ways. The
trouble is, when you make other people's feelings more important than
your own (instead of finding that happy balance), you're unconsciously
communicating to people that your own feelings don't matter. This may
make it seem like you have low self-worth, which is the opposite of
confidence. While some people are attracted to ever agreeable mates,
the person who assigned you to the "friend zone" probably is not. If
nothing else, inaction tells the other person that you're simply not
interested (chances are, even if they never felt attracted to you, they
wondered about your intentions).
2. Stop being needy. One of the reasons you might be interested in this
person more than they're into you is because you are giving off signals
that you really want to be in a relationship! You might be coming off as a
little desperate, which is quite the attraction killer. You might be
rushing things emotionally and maybe physically.You might also be
placing this person on a pedestal, because you're so caught up in the
idea of the relationship, that you're quick to assume this person is
"perfect". Examine your own neediness. In one word, relax. There will
always be many more encounters besides this one, so stop treating it
like the last one you'll ever have. Also, don't force yourself to reveal
your hopes for intimacy, let your actions display your confidence. Your
demeanor should speak for itself.
3. Think about the difference between a friendship and a romantic
relationship. If you think a romantic relationship should just be a great
friendship with physical intimacy thrown into the mix, then it's
understandable to look for common ground first, and wait for the
physical attraction to kick in sooner or later. But not everyone sees
relationships this way. Some people expect a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend"
to play a particular role in their lives in order for physical attraction to
emerge. The person who you want to be more than friends with
probably makes a bigger distinction between "friend" and "romantic
partner" than you do. Realize that many people (both male and female)
expect to be courted in some way. And many psychological issues play
out in the relationship arena that don't ever arise in friendships. Some
people, for example, look for a romantic partner who can play more of a
parental role than a friend would. Figure out what the person you're
pining for wants in a boyfriend or girlfriend. Then decide whether you
want to be that for them. Note that some people are attracted to toxic
relationships. If your love interests keeps getting involved with people
who treat them badly, despite your advice, you might just have to accept
that they're working through some issues. You could spend your entire
life waiting for them to "see the light" or you could move on and find
someone who actually (through their actions, not their words) wants a
4. Break the touch barrier. For many people, a big distinction between
"friendship" and "relationship" is the way they touch. There are platonic
ways to touch someone, and romantic ways, and the boundary is
differentfor differentpeople. Butif you'reterrified of touching someone
the wrong way, to the extent that you hesitate and never touch them
first, your intentions may be good but your "touch paralysis" isn't
helping you at all in the romantic department. Take a few little "touch
risks". Reach for their hands, hair, shoulders, ankles, and back. Don'tjust
always wait for them to do it first. If they don't like it, they'll definitely
let you know. But touching someone communicates to them that you
find them attractive, and also that you're reasonably confident. Both of
these things can make someone feel more attracted to you.
5. Realize that you're "tying up" your feelings by staying friends with
someonewho isn'tromantically interested in you. In the instance where
you've already followed the previous steps and you've left your
pushover habits behind, you've stepped up to role that he or she is
looking for in a relationship, and you've crossed the touch barrier, but
this person still wants to be "just friends", you'll need to make some
hard decisions. Maybe they're simply not attracted to you, for reasons
you'll never know. But you still have feelings for them. Is it wise to
continue spending time with them? Consider that it'll be difficult to
develop feelings for someone else if your feelings for this person are
fueled every time you hang out. You'll struggle with feelings of jealousy
and frustration when that person dates. Consider that even if you do
manage to develop feelings for someone else, your heart might always
be torn and confused, and it'll be hard to give your new flame your
undivided affection. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to take the
friendship down to the level of acquaintance. The person might feel
offended, perhapsitwill seem as if you don't value them as just a friend,
but remember (and explain to them if necessary) that you can't control
how you feel, just like they can't control how they feel, and you need to
make room in your life and heart for someone who feels about you the
way you feel about them.