Michele And Julie Inviting Children To Be


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Michele And Julie Inviting Children To Be

  1. 1. Parenting Strategies to Invite Success A Collaboration of Educators’ Perspectives Dr. Julie Charles, K-8 Assistant Principal Dr. Michele Robinson, K-8 Principal
  2. 2. Why Are We Here, Anyway? <ul><li>What Does Effective Parenting Look Like </li></ul><ul><li>Tips and Strategies for Inviting Children to be Successful </li></ul><ul><li>An Introduction to “Love and Logic” </li></ul><ul><li>(Jim Fay, Charles Fay, Ph.D. and Foster Kline, M.D.) </li></ul>
  3. 3. “ The Three R’s” as we know them <ul><li>Respect- Giving and getting it </li></ul><ul><li>Responsibility- Teaching and modeling it </li></ul><ul><li>Relationship- Creating and maintaining it </li></ul>
  4. 4. A Recipe For Success <ul><li>Take one child (recipe may be doubled, or tripled) </li></ul><ul><li>Add effective parent (s) </li></ul><ul><li>Expect things to be stirred up </li></ul><ul><li>Monitor for a minimum of 18 years </li></ul><ul><li>Check readiness frequently </li></ul><ul><li>Serve and enjoy </li></ul>
  5. 5. Successful Children <ul><li>Are respectful, responsible and are a joy to be around </li></ul><ul><li>Have acquired self-confidence (not self-importance) from struggles and achievement </li></ul><ul><li>Can problem solve with adult guidance </li></ul><ul><li>Are accountable for their mistakes and poor decisions </li></ul><ul><li>Are prepared for all that life has to offer </li></ul>
  6. 6. Success Looks Like This
  7. 7. Effective Parents Look Like This… <ul><li>Honest- “Yes, I made similar mistakes.” </li></ul><ul><li>Open- Parenting is not an opportunity for you to reinvent yourself. Remain open to your child’s emerging individuality. </li></ul><ul><li>Consistent- Unless you determine a need for change, things should look the same from day to day. </li></ul><ul><li>Active Listeners- Includes eye contact, attentive postures and “echoing” your child’s thoughts. </li></ul>
  8. 8. Effective Parents Enjoy The Best Things In Life, Their Children!
  9. 9. Reviewing Our Progress (AKA: pop quiz) <ul><li>The Three R’s </li></ul><ul><li>Respect, Responsibility and Relationship </li></ul><ul><li>Effective Parents </li></ul><ul><li>Open, Honest, Consistent and Active Listeners </li></ul><ul><li>Successful Children </li></ul><ul><li>Self Confident, Problem Solvers, Responsible, </li></ul><ul><li>Accountable, Respectful, Prepared for Life. </li></ul>
  10. 10. Effective Parents Do What? <ul><li>Encourage Independent Thinking </li></ul><ul><li>Model Respect </li></ul><ul><li>Communicate Effectively </li></ul><ul><li>Accept Diversity in Others </li></ul><ul><li>Manage Adversity </li></ul><ul><li>Actively Problem Solve </li></ul><ul><li>Listen Attentively </li></ul>
  11. 11. Parenting With Love, and Logic <ul><li>RULE #1 </li></ul><ul><li>Adults set firm limits in loving ways without anger, lecture, or threats. </li></ul><ul><li>RULE #2 </li></ul><ul><li>When a child causes a problem the adult hands it back in loving ways </li></ul><ul><li>Children are offered choices with limits. </li></ul><ul><li>The adult's empathy is &quot;locked in&quot; before consequences are delivered. </li></ul><ul><li>Fay, J. (1996). The Rules of Love and Logic. [Electonic Version] Retrieved February 9, 2007, from http://www.loveandlogic.com/pages/rules.html </li></ul>
  12. 12. Children Are Offered Choices With Limits <ul><li>Would you like to wear your coat or carry it? </li></ul><ul><li>Are you going to clean the garage or mow the lawn this week? </li></ul><ul><li>Are you having peas or carrots as your vegetable tonight? </li></ul><ul><li>Are you going to bed now? Or would you like to wait 15 minutes? </li></ul><ul><li>Are you going to put your pajamas on first or brush your teeth first? </li></ul><ul><li>Will you be home at 10:00? Or do you need an extra half hour with your friends? </li></ul><ul><li>Are you guys going to stop bickering? Or would you rather pay me for having to hear it? </li></ul>
  13. 13. Empathy is Key <ul><li>Most adults find it difficult to deliver empathy when a child has misbehaved. The more natural tendency is to show anger, threaten, and lecture </li></ul><ul><li>Communicating Empathy Tells Children </li></ul><ul><li>My parents care about me. </li></ul><ul><li>My parents aren't going to back down. No use in arguing! </li></ul>
  14. 14. The Benefits of Kissing The Boo-Boos First <ul><li>The child is not distracted by the adult's anger </li></ul><ul><li>The adult-child relationship is maintained. </li></ul><ul><li>The child is much less likely to seek revenge. </li></ul><ul><li>The adult is seen as being able to handle problems without breaking a sweat. </li></ul>
  15. 15. Three Parenting Styles <ul><li>CONSULTANT This parent provides guidance and consultant services for children. </li></ul><ul><li>HELICOPTER This parent hovers over children and rescues them from the hostile world in which they live. </li></ul><ul><li>DRILL SERGEANT This parent commands and directs the lives of children. </li></ul>
  16. 16. Compare and Contrast <ul><li>The Consultant parent demonstrates how to take care of self and be responsible </li></ul><ul><li>The Helicopter parent &quot;takes on&quot; the responsibility of the child </li></ul><ul><li>The Drill Sergeant tells the child how he/she should handle responsibility </li></ul>
  17. 17. More Comparisons <ul><li>The Consultant provides &quot;time frames&quot; in which child may complete responsibilities </li></ul><ul><li>The Helicopter provides no structure, but complains, &quot;After all I've done for you...“ </li></ul><ul><li>The Drill Sergeant demands that jobs or responsibilities be done now </li></ul>
  18. 18. And Even More Comparisons <ul><li>The Consultant often asks self, &quot;Who owns the problem?&quot; helps the child explore solutions to his/her problem </li></ul><ul><li>The Helicopter whines and complains about having an irresponsible child who causes &quot;me&quot; much work and responsibility </li></ul><ul><li>The Drill Sergeant takes over ownership of the problem using threats and orders to solve the problem </li></ul>
  19. 19. The Builders vs. The Stealers <ul><li>Focus on strengths </li></ul><ul><li>Expect children to work for what they want </li></ul><ul><li>Set limits and expect children to behave </li></ul><ul><li>Make discipline look easy </li></ul><ul><li>Show children that arguing and manipulating does not work </li></ul><ul><li>Guide children to own and solve the problems they create </li></ul><ul><li>Avoid lectures and repeated warnings </li></ul><ul><li>Love their kids for who they are </li></ul><ul><li>Focus on their weakness </li></ul><ul><li>Give their children everything they want </li></ul><ul><li>Are afraid to set limits and permit misbehavior </li></ul><ul><li>Show frustration too quickly </li></ul><ul><li>Get sucked into arguments and power struggles </li></ul><ul><li>Repeatedly rescue or punish children </li></ul><ul><li>Use lectures and repeated warnings often </li></ul><ul><li>Love their kids for what they do </li></ul>
  20. 20. Teaching “Problem-Solving 101” <ul><li>Start with Empathy- “Oh, how sad you must have felt.” Or, “I can imagine your disappointment.” </li></ul><ul><li>Empower- “What do you think you will do about this?” </li></ul><ul><li>Provide Support- “Would you like me to help you brainstorm some solutions?” </li></ul><ul><li>Give Permission- “I think you have a good plan in mind.” </li></ul>
  21. 21. Talking Time To Talk <ul><li>Use “Door Openers” </li></ul><ul><li>That’s a great question; what do you think? </li></ul><ul><li>Is there something you’d enjoy sharing with me? </li></ul><ul><li>I am not certain, but I will try to find the answer. </li></ul><ul><li>That IS interesting, tell me more! </li></ul><ul><li>Has something similar ever happened to you? </li></ul>
  22. 22. Search Institute 40 Developmental Assets <ul><li>External Assets include: Support, Empowerment, Boundaries and Expectations, and Constructive Use of Time (#1- #20) </li></ul><ul><li>Internal Assets include: Commitment to Learning, Positive Values, Social Competencies and Positive Identity (#21- #40) </li></ul><ul><li>Search Institute. (2004). 40 Developmental Assets. Retrieved February 9, 2007 from www.search-institute.org </li></ul>
  23. 23. How You’ve Helped Build Healthy Development <ul><li># 1 Family Support </li></ul><ul><li>#2 Positive Family Communication </li></ul><ul><li>#6 Parent Involvement in Schooling </li></ul><ul><li>#11 Family Boundaries </li></ul><ul><li>#16 High Expectations (from parents and teachers) </li></ul><ul><li>#20 Time at Home </li></ul><ul><li>#29 Honest </li></ul><ul><li>#30 Responsibility </li></ul><ul><li>#32 Planning and Decision Making </li></ul><ul><li>#34 Cultural Competence </li></ul><ul><li>#36 Peaceful Conflict Resolution </li></ul><ul><li>#37 Personal Power </li></ul><ul><li>#39 Sense of Purpose </li></ul>
  24. 24. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services <ul><li>Provide a safe home </li></ul><ul><li>Encourage your child to express feelings </li></ul><ul><li>Promote mutual respect and trust </li></ul><ul><li>Listen Attentively </li></ul><ul><li>Set a Good Example </li></ul><ul><li>Encourage Your Child’s Talents </li></ul><ul><li>Celebrate Accomplishments </li></ul><ul><li>Foster Your Child’s Independence and Self Worth </li></ul><ul><li>Discipline Constructively, Fairly and Consistently </li></ul><ul><li>Love Unconditionally </li></ul>