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Donne, compagne di vita

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Relazione presentata dal Dr. Walter La Gatta, psicoterapeuta sessuologo, al Convegno La Costola di Adamo, tenutosi ad Ancona il 01-03-2015.

Published in: Health & Medicine
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Donne, compagne di vita

  1. 1. Donne, Compagne di Vita Dr. Walter La Gatta psicoterapeuta, sessuologo
  2. 2. • If the relationshipIo io La coppia non funziona se… io io
  3. 3. • If the relationshipIo La coppia funziona se… Io e Te
  4. 4. Le persone in coppia mostrano: • Un migliore stato di salute ; • Un minore tasso di mortalità rispetto ai non sposati. (Waite & Gallagher, 2000)
  5. 5. Qualità della Relazione … Ma i benefici dipendono dalla qualità della relazione: dove la relazione è di “scarsa qualità” i dati non sono migliori ed anzi, a volte sono peggiori rispetto alle persone non sposate. (Umberson, Williams, Powers, Liu, & Needham, 2006; Williams, 2003).
  6. 6. Raggiungere l’armonia. Per raggiungere una nuova armonia, a livello di coppia e nella vita familiare, occorre fare un patto che riguardi anzitutto: . Rispetto per l'altro, . Libertà personale, . Parità tra i sessi, . Non violenza.
  7. 7. Femminismo
  8. 8. Gli uomini possono essere «femministi» ? No, per il semplice fatto che non sono donne. Possono però evitare di ripetere gli errori delle generazioni precedenti, impegnandosi ad essere partners più rispettosi , collaborativi e disposti a mettersi in discussione;
  9. 9. Allora come possono sostenere le donne? Si può essere di esempio ai propri figli, nel lavare i piatti, cucinare, ecc. I lavori domestici non sono una prerogativa genetica riservata alle donne della famiglia…
  10. 10. L’educazione dei figli Molte volte sono le donne stesse ad imporre ai figli maschi il ruolo «machista» dominante. Esse possono solidarizzare con i figli maschi, anche quando questi esprimono comportamenti violenti.
  11. 11. L’uomo non è il lupo cattivo…
  12. 12. Il tradizionale ruolo maschile limita anche gli uomini… • Dal peso di dover mantenere la famiglia da solo, • Dallo stress psicofisico di mostrare in ogni momento la propria virilità, • Dal dover reprimere le emozioni, • Dal non occuparsi direttamente dell’educazione dei figli, ecc. In fondo, il femminismo ha liberato anche l’uomo:
  13. 13. Anche nell’intimità troppo spesso l’uomo si sente compresso nel suo ruolo di maschio
  14. 14. La sindrome del pene piccolo Viene riscontrata in uomini che hanno in realtà un pene del tutto normale, anche se loro temono di averlo troppo piccolo. La definizione di “sindrome del pene piccolo” non comprende tuttavia gli uomini portatori di microfallia cioè con meno di 4 cm nello stato a riposo e meno di 7,5 cm in erezione.
  15. 15. Ansia da prestazione Il sesso è oggi per molte donne un terreno di confronto con il maschile. Molto spesso gli uomini temono di non essere abbastanza competenti per proporsi, e questo determina una forte ansia da prestazione.
  16. 16. Competizione fra i sessi La seduzione femminile si è molto rinforzata: tacchi altissimi, biancheria e abbigliamento sexy, chirurgia estetica.
  17. 17. L’uomo deve competere con una donna oggi più forte Molte donne ricorrono al CAPITALE EROTICO per raggiungere il potere e fare carriera e questo è spesso insopportabile per gli uomini.
  18. 18. I conflitti di coppia Principali elementi di conflitto nella coppia stabile sono: i figli, il sesso, i compiti domestici. Dillon Lisa M et al., Sources of Marital Conflict in Five Cultures, Evolutionary Psychology – ISSN 1474-7049 – Volume 13(1). 2015.
  19. 19. Figli L’avere figli in molti casi può essere un collante per la coppia. Possono però creare conflitti già nel decidere quando e quanti averne, come educarli, quanto spendere per loro ecc.
  20. 20. Vita sessuale In campo sessuale, la frequenza NON equivale alla qualità della prestazione: occorre MEDIARE fra le diverse esigenze. C
  21. 21. Lavoro domestico
  22. 22. La coppia anziana La maggiore attesa di vita rende più longeve le relazioni affettive: di conseguenza la vita di coppia è divenuta molto più complessa.
  23. 23. Allora, migliorare la comunicazione Una comunicazione difficile sfocia quasi sempre nella separazione e nel divorzio quando le parole non vengono misurate e ci si abbandona agli insulti.
  24. 24. La gentilezza E’ la gentilezza nei modi il fattore predittivo che permette alla coppia di restare unita. Dillon Lisa M et al., Sources of Marital Conflict in Five Cultures, Evolutionary Psychology Volume 13(1. 2015.
  25. 25. Dalle neuroscienze apprendiamo che il 99% del patrimonio genetico maschile è identico a quello femminile. Brizendine, 2007-2010 Non possiamo più ragionevolmente permettere che l’1% di diversità sia ragione di incomprensioni, competizioni o guerre fra i sessi come è accaduto in passato.
  26. 26. Grazie! w.lagatta@clinicadellatimidezza.it

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