Happy.. Whatever day of the week it is! But welcome once again to another
instalment of my rather odd little OWBC.
Last time various small children of „Orrible, the Generation One heir, grew up in
various ways that would probably have displeased Evil Susan greatly. Except for
Ruthless. She would probably have liked Ruthless. Except she seems to be getting
just a tad too mean.
Anyway – things!
“Hang on just one minute! What do you mean by „things‟? I am Evil Susan, my
descendents are not just „things‟!”
Yeah, but.. You hate them all!
“SO?! I do, especially having to hang here next to this waste of time, Simoleans
and resources I somehow managed to create. But I couldn‟t stand YOU when I
was alive either - even less now I‟m dead!
That doesn‟t mean I still don‟t want to go home.”
“And furthermore, who said those Riverblossom wheelbarrows could occupy the
same stretch of wall as Evil Susan? I ASK you!
Lump face dumb name could be alright sometimes, but that spoon of a girl? Never
once did I hear her utter something intelligent and non-crop related in life, just
thank fishness I can stop listening to her now.. WHY is she even in my house?”
Because „Orrible loved her best of all his girlfriends?
“And those so-called Grandkids? BAH! Rusty fork the lot of them. Don‟t even get
But alas we must get started, for the children are our future after all.
So moving swiftly along, this particular morning Parasite is busy being a great big
sister on the front lawn.
“Faster. I want FASTER! NOW!”
..And Ruthless is busy being just as demanding of her as ever.
The two oldest twins, Leech and Louse, are having a quiet game of red hands
outside their room before school.
“There you go Leechy! I don‟t want you go to go school without a fairly full fun
meter. Did you sleep okay?”
“Ooo, very well thanks! I had a lovely dream, we all went out for delicious tea and
cakes, and ended up sitting in the same place for seven hours! Can you believe
“Haha, sounds like just the kind of thing you‟d like! Oh by the way, whose bed did
you make it into last night in the end?”
Just to prove that our army of flamingos (complete with ornery backwards
flamingo) are still going strong, and that our little guardian‟s still happily being
fetched back each time to guard them!
Let‟s do maths!
7 x 3 = 21 things that garden club hate, yaaaaaaaay.
ES and Shea‟s flamingos got popped all around their graves on a suggestion from
boolprop, so that I could get new ones for the girls.
Aww, don‟t you think she‟d be happy having to lie forever with them standing on
And „Orrible‟s still quite happy tending to the garden he started as a child, not only
to find lots of happy new plants and insect friends – but the family have become
rather partial to grilled cheese that sparkles.
“I‟m still not quite sure how these tomatoes do manage to do that, as we don‟t
actually put any in, but still.. If it makes all my girls happy!
Ooo, a ladybird, hello..”
“Hey big bum!”
“Ruthie! That‟s not a very nice way to say good morning!”
“I know, but it‟s true. And it‟s Ruthless. You really should have watched it shoving
your face with cheese whenever it‟s available, or at least stop parading around in
your underwear to flaunt it. At least not when I‟m having my breakfast!”
“You.. That is such a hurtful thing to say! I‟m fine just the way I am thank you.”
“Pfft, you‟re the Bad Apple. You keep telling yourself that you‟re going to be fine.”
“And that Twin, is how to get someone‟s back up before the school bus has even
“What exactly have you two been up, hmm?” Parasite asked as she walked past a
rather sniffy Leech popping away Tramp as the bus beeped outside. “Couldn‟t
possibly be anything to do with why Leech has gone all quiet?”
“Ask no questions, you shall be told no lies.”
“I‟m watching you two, don‟t go and do anything stupid now to upset anyone.”
Unfortunately for her, Louse was already outside and so missed this little exchange
between her twin and youngest sister. I‟m most sure she would have been quite
happy to poke Ruthless in the nose in defence of Leech.
Fortunately – she has just managed to catch her 29th and final bug!
Wooooo, Bug Me Not complete for Generation Two ahoy.
Eventually the girls did all pack off to school, leaving „Orrible and Liz alone for
another day of..
Solemnly adhering to the Drew Rule and rushing to fix as much of the broken stuff
from 12-1 as they can.
But they never get very far, they do tend to get rather distracted by their thoughts..
The days roll on at the Nightmare House, and before long it was time for a rather
“This is it Twin!”
“This is what, Ruthelss?”
“Our Birthday, you dunce! It‟s finally time for us to be as grown up as the others
and properly wreak a little havoc and make our mark on this world. There is one
“What‟s that, Ruthless?”
“Don‟t you DARE grow up first again.”
“..Soooo. Anyone else looking forward to the ankle-biters growing up today?” Louse
“No I am not.” sulked Leech. “The last few days have been horrible! Why they‟ve
chosen to pick on me I do not know, but I don‟t like it!”
“S‟okay Leechy. I think we‟ll be able to keep them in check.” Parasite added.
“They‟re not too bad really, and I‟m sure they‟ll grow out of it when they‟re teens.”
“And if it all goes to pot we can just bury Ruth in the vegetable patch!”
“Kidding Paris, kidding.. Mostly. But she creeps me out, and I won‟t have anyone
picking on Leechy!”
“Dad, Dad, DAD!
I‟m growing up today! Can I just hurry up and do it now, before school? ”
“Haha, excited are we Princess?”
“Well I‟m afraid you‟ll just have to wait until after school. But while you‟re still my
littlest girl – is there time for one last Daddy Dance, do you think?”
Quickly looking over her shoulder to make sure that the kitchen is deserted,
Ruthless happily jumped up on her Father‟s feet and giggled while he twirled her all
around the table.
Paris decided to celebrate her little sisters‟ birthdays by choosing to become fit on
her way to the school bus. Great?
“Well I was working out pretty much non-stop all evening yesterday because
everyone was all busy and had a quick run this morning while they all had their
mouths glued together with cheese – so I should bloomin‟ well think it‟s great!”
Well it seems Paris isn‟t the only one impressed she‟s now got muscley muscles!
Unlike Louse, she seems to be much more interested in cuddling than studying
with the boy she‟s brought home.
“Eep, no so hard please Paris, pretty as you are..”
“Good Lord of Lettuce, that girl has a grip like a vine vice! That young boy is going
Cuddling? Crushing? Same thing.
“Come on Louse, dear – you haven‟t even started your sister‟s birthday tea and it‟s
nearly six o „clock! Put your homework down for once, hmm?”
“Sorry Mum.. I would, but – I really want to get that last scholarship before I start
applying to college! With five of us we‟re going to need all the money we can get.”
“Yes that‟s very thoughtful of you dear, but oh – I think you‟re too late anyway now.”
“Hmm, oh hi Ruthless! Why are you still all small?”
“Didn‟t I specifically tell you NOT to grow up before me AGAIN, Twin. I really do not
“I know, but, um.. Um.. It just sort of happened.. When the sparklies come, um..”
“This is awfully INTOLERABLE!
I had to do my pointless homework, then I had to eat this congealed MESS of a
sandwich, and then YOU had to go and grow up without me!
There is no justice. No justice AT ALL.”
“I.. I-I‟m really sorry Ruthless! I didn‟t mean to, I just couldn‟t stop it, I-”
“Oh do be quiet, Twin. Just shut up, and let me get on with it.”
“Is that quiet, hmm?”
“Oh my flippin‟ pancakes! You‟re all big too Ruthless! Wow..”
“You betcha. Now I need to get out of these awful clothes and wear something far
more fitting than you‟ve chosen.
As she was so pleased to finally be a teenager, Ruthless even agreed to „Orrible‟s
tradition of garden photographs after she had made herself ready. Just this once
Aquarius – 2 4 4 7 8
Popularity – Become Icon
Hobby – Arts & Crafts
Aries - 9 10 7 7 2
Popularity – 20 Simultaneous Best Friends(/lackeys)
Hobby - Fitness
“Well darkness fell quickly..”
“Yeah, sorry about that Ruthless, I was on the treadmill” puffed Parasite as she
jogged into the garden bearing boxes. “Here we go though, traditional birthday
“Mmhm. Of course you get one too, Ri! Here – have yours first!”
“..Don‟t get used to this treatment, Twin. Now, come. I have a task for you.”
“Um.. Your face looks like the bum of a donkey who‟s been sitting on a cactus for
five years and gone all saggy?”
“It‟s your Birthday Ri, do you not have anything better than to make me feel horrible
again? It‟s really very un-sisterly, and I thought that at least us blondes could have
“I, um.. But Ruthelss told me to say it! And she‟s my twin, and um, and-”
“Oh, forget about it. I‟m going to bed! And tell Ruth that she can keep her
comments to herself from now on, thank you very much.”
“But.. Oh dear, I don‟t think went as well as when Ruthless usually does it.”
“YOU LOOK LIKE SOME DISGUSTINGLY GONE OFF TOOTHPASTE
SQUEEZED INTO EXISTANCE BY A SOAP-WATCHING MOOSE!”
Evil Susan decides it‟s been far too long since she‟s paid her relatives a proper
“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU WASTE OF MY BLOOD AND GENES!”
“YOU‟RE JUST LIKE YOUR FATHER, A RIDICULOUS GRUB-HEAD WHO MIGHT
AS WELL JUST GO AND LIVE IN A WROMHOLE WHERE YOU BELONG!”
“Geez! It‟s nice to see you too Grandma..”
“NOT IT BLOODY WELL ISN‟T!”
Deciding to take ES‟s visit as a sign, the following morning (rather grudgingly)
„Orrible decided to drag Liz on an outing.
“But why now? All the grilled cheese has finally caught up with me! Wouldn‟t it be
better to just have a nice day on the couch eating some more?”
“Mm, I agree.. I‟d love to, but we really should go and sort it out.”
“Sort what out?”
Mum always used to call it „Bugger Off and DIE‟ and for some reason I can‟t
actually change that, much as I‟d like to. But I thought it might make her happy if
we finished off what she started.”
“‟Orrible sweetie, your Mother was never happy!”
“Oh, I think she was actually. But c‟mon, this can‟t be too hard!”
“So er, you really should buy a ticket and come in because, er-”
“Terribly named this place. Doesn‟t sound overly friendly.”
“I know, but just ignore it. Look, we‟ve got a poker table!”
“Ah, now THAT is worth paying far too much money for!”
“No really, you don‟t want to go yet Madam just because it‟s gone dark. Hey look!
It‟s the biggest marrow in Riverblossom EVER!”
“What?! WHERE! Bigger than my own, well I daresay it must have been Maggie
Mutton stealing my secret fertiliser again, oh when I get her..”
Erm, my dear?
I fear this place might be having a bad effect on you..
“Now THAT was one well aimed water balloon, son! Right on Maggie‟s so called
„marrow‟! Haha, washed all that paint off it, it did! Marrow indeed.. That was nothing
but an inflatable!”
“Well, us Riverblossomers have to help each other out, don‟t we?”
Oh. That makes much more sense.
“Absolutely. What a darling you are! I shall tell all my seed-sowing class what a
nice young man you are.”
“Really? Well – thanks very much!”
After a while, „Orrible was really getting into the swing of this business hosting
malarkey – day and night.
“Yes, really! My wife is teaching the Rain Dance over there to help with plant
“Oh boy, I‟ve always wanted to learn that!”
Selling it anyhow, to anyone.
“Green your thing? Well we can certainly help you out M‟am!”
“Really? Most people just turn me away in case I bring bugs..”
“What! A lovely lady such as yourself? No no no, we love bugs.. Just go right over
there, I‟ll come and teach you how to chat to all the beetles and bugs you want in
just a second – I‟m something of an expert you see.”
“Aww, such a sweet lad.”
Even Family is totally fair game.
“‟Orrible, look at all this! Everyone all looks so happy.”
“I know right? Not looking like they‟re trying to escape like the way Mum liked them.
It‟s so nice to be able to get so many from the town all together to have some fun.
And they‟re all so friendly!”
“She would have hated this, you know.”
“Well, maybe. But I never did understand why Mum and Dad never wanted to mix
with the community more. They‟re actually all pretty decent folk!”
“Ye-eah.. Anyway little brother – what can you tempt me with?”
“Um, well your boyfriend‟s already naked in our hot tub. Maybe you could tell him
“Really? You‟ve never played before?”
“Well no, there‟s never been much time when one is tending to one‟s flower garden
full time. Poker never really ranked high on my list of things to do.”
“Shame! You‟re doing really well too, you seen to have a natural talent! For both I
mean, you‟re beating me for sure and I‟ve seen your begonias – quite something..”
“Oh now, don‟t make me blush!”
“Thank you SO MUCH, Mr. Nightmare!”
“Well now, that‟s so problem at all Miss Roth – what are friends for otherwise?”
“You‟re awesome! My Mother wanted me to tell you that any time you want to come
over and try out our new jacuzzi with her, you‟re more than welcome!”
“Erm.. I‟ll bear that in mind. Very kind of her though!”
“Naked people in the POOL today, Burns!”
News of „Orrible‟s flair spread far and wide (or, as far and wide as you get in
Riverblossom Hills) and it wasn‟t long before the Witch of the Watering-Can turned
up to bless the business.
“Peas and beans
And shoots so new,
And tomato stew,
From the land
Grows our might
For you be blessed -
...‟Orrible just liked the butterflies that came as a spell by-product.
“Good afternoon young lady, and welcome to-”
“Can it bud, you ain‟t flattering no-one.”
“Oh. Hang on a minute, are you Melody Tinker?”
“Oh, my Mum told be about you. I‟m afraid you have to leave – it‟s nothing
personal, it‟s just that you‟re Melody Tinker.”
“WOW, what a guy!
He even gets rid of not Riverblossomers so that we can enjoy our kohlrabi
chinwags in private!”
And with that, my friends, „Orrible earned the 125th star needed to grab us the
Boolprop Clubhouse bonus!
“I did it, I did it!”
“I know you did it! YAAAAAAAY, my little „Orrible did it!”
“I‟m still not quite sure who you are, but I feel compelled to be excited to tell you
that we‟re Level 10!”
“That‟s okay, it‟s because I love you!”
“Really? Oh, well I‟m afraid that you‟re pretty and all – but I already have a wife.”
“Oh shh, not like that!”
“Oh good, I sort of remember you from being older than my Dead Mum or
“Something like that. Happy-Finished-Topping-Business hug time?”
“Oh, alright then!”
“Good little heir.”
And with one last little leg flourish,
I do believe it is time to go back home.
So what have the girls been up to over the last few days, while their parents have
been living off energizers at the business?
Well, Louse is still inviting an over-eager Colin round.
..Only to let him find out that she really, really, just wants to be friends when there‟s
work to be done.
Ruthless is.. Actually doing homework?
Writing a definitive list of insults to use later, more like.”
That sounds.. Productive?
And Paris has turned into quite the little gym bunny!
It seems as a teenager, she‟s taken to actually leaving people alone when they‟re
busy for a change and bides her time on some piece of exercise equipment.
..Until they become free of course, in which case she‟s right back on their case for
her favourite form of entertainment.
After Daddy Hugs and Kisses had been given all around, „Orrible and Liz settled
down to regale their children with tales of business adventure.
Although she didn‟t exactly agree with the methods that her Dad had used, Louse
surreptitiously made notes while she listened – business is certainly not something
to be taken lightly after all, and who knows when these tips could come in handy?
Ruthless on the other hand, wasn‟t really listening at all.
“Now Leech, my big sister dear – I just wanted to clear a little misunderstanding
“Finally! I‟m really glad you‟ve grown out of all that silliness Ruth, you really upset
me quite a bit when you were younger.”
“Yeah, I know. That‟s what I want to clear up.”
“It‟s okay – you were young. I forgive you.”
“Eh? Oh you sweet little Bad Apple.. No. I‟m not sorry at all – that’s what I wanted
you to know!”
“Oh for fudge.. What is it, Twin?”
“Does this mean we‟re done picking on Leech now?” Riot whispered, and saw
Leech‟s face lift in a smile.
“WHAT?!” Ruthless hissed back.
“Well, she seems quite nice really!”
“What was that for?”
Twin, we are never done.. And the Bad Apple is the easiest target we have to get
out my way at the moment! We‟re nowhere NEAR done with her yet, you hear
“Yes Ruthless..” her twin sighed.
But Leech hadn‟t stuck around to hear the follow up ideas.
“Well I don‟t care what they say, I know I‟m fine and that‟s what matters.” she
“Besides, they‟re just jealous of my cheese shorts stripe!”
Sadly, the thought that some of his daughters weren‟t getting on as well as they
should hadn‟t really entered „Orrible‟s mind.
His was still a world full of unconditional love, tickles, Daddy kisses, and family fun!
As the neatest of the family, much to Ruthless‟s annoyance it often fell to her to do
most of the household cleaning.
She didn‟t overly mind actually, it gave her a good chance to vent her frustrations
at, well most things, in germ combat instead.
Never have the Nightmare‟s had cleaner toilets.
Riot meanwhile was quite happy to use these breathes of air to do her own thing,
and was quite happy to hang out in the living room with the rest of her family
without the need for jeers, or snide comments over how „Orrible still helped Leech
every day with her homework.
But these breaks never lasted too long.
“Twin, did I give you permission to be doing whatever it is that you are doing?”
“Then leave it alone and come with me!”
Sighing, Riot started to put her palette and paints away.
“Argh! Changed my mind, you‟re taking too long..” Ruthless shouted, and strode
past her twin and onto the next person she sort-of liked.
“Hey Ruthless-ness! Been a while since I‟ve seen you not down a toilet or
whispering with Ri – what‟s up?”
“Nothing.” came the growled reply, to which Paris shrugged.
“No matter. Smustle?”
The two danced about in silence for a bit, until an exhausted Ruthless suddenly
“How do you DO this for fun without wanting to collapse!?”
Paris stopped and smiled fondly at her cross little sister.
“I don’t seem to need as much sleep as the rest of you, so I spend the boring time
while you’re all in bed by running, or jogging, or cycling, or something!
It really sucks when you lot aren’t around, and at least this way I can keep my mind
off being lonely AND have the power and energy to keep going do anything we
want when you’re all here!”
“..Power to do anything you want..”
“Erm, kind of?”
“That was a really delicious dinner Mum – thank you!”
“Oh that‟s quite alright dear, I know you like the grilled cheese a little more well
done than the other girls – but then again I know you always seem to appreciate
my cooking the most so I thought, „why not do them the way she‟ll be happiest‟?”
“You didn‟t have to do that, I want everyone else to enjoy them too.. But they were
SO good today!”
“Sweetie, I don‟t think anyone will ever enjoy them as much as we do. Anyway,
have I ever told you about the most wonderful brie baguette I had when I was
“No! But I‟d love to hear it..”
“Well, when I was younger and Riverblossom had a bustling trade route through it,
this strange pale skinned woman with a funny voice brought a barrow selling the
most exotic and delicious cheeses..”
With Ruthless already flopped and exhausted from her first day of exercise, Riot
found herself alone for the remainder of the evening. She decided to retreat to the
bathroom and practice some phrases she‟d heard her family say that afternoon
while Ruthless was cleaning.
“‟That‟s really great work, well.. Done?‟ Yes, that‟s it – „well done!‟
„I like.. Your nose? Clothes?‟ Well I guess both would be okay, „I like your nose
AND your clothes!‟
Hmm, what else? Oh yeah!
„I‟m worried about you, because.. I love you.‟”
“You all done Leechy? I wanted to wait until you‟d finished your work with Dad,
because we haven‟t had a good chat for aaaages! So how are you? Everything
going okay at school? I haven‟t seen much of Louse lately, she‟s been really quiet
OH GREAT. It’s another mouthy one..
Even ghost Evil Susan doesn‟t approve of time wasted with pointless chit chat.
Let’s see, does she even have a brain?
Hmm, I wonder.. Let’s have a good look.
URGH! Disgusting.. FAR too many happy thoughts and memories of her family.
Oh BAH, that means MY family!
HOW DID THIS ALL GO SO WRONG.. THIS IS NOT HOW I WANT MY LINE TO
BE REMEMBERED IN THIS RURAL-HELL-HOLE!
“Louse is fine, she‟s just been studying extra hard now she‟s finished working in the
garden. I think she‟s a bit sad, not that she‟d ever say it, that Daddy said we
weren‟t allowed to get jobs in case we get promoted, „cause she really wants one. I
think working for scholarships keeps her mind off it. But then getting those makers
her happy too!”
“Oh phew! I‟d hate to think of her as being unhappy – I thought it was just because
she was avoiding Ruthie more than usual lately. She has been, hasn‟t she? Those
two really don‟t like each other do they? In fact-”
“WELL YOU KNOW WHO I DON‟T LIKE?
“She just wants to look after me is all.”
“BLOODY HELL LEECH..”
“What? Paris? Paris, you ok?”
“I.. Bloody ghost.. Sorry Leechy, I didn‟t mean you..
Just all of a sudden your head exploded with ghost!”
“It happens.” the blonde shrugged.
The following morning, Ruthless‟s hard work of the previous evening appeared to
have paid off.
“Excellent – that didn‟t take half as long as I thought it would.
Right, brilliant. Now I need back up.”
“TWIN! There you are –”
“Good morning Ruthless, I have something I‟d like to say.”
“Eh? Oh very well, but make it quick.”
“Ruthless, I‟m worried about you – because I love you.”
“What the fum?! You‟ve hit your head a bit hard, haven‟t you Twin?”
“No matter, now! I have a task for you. You see that exercise bike over there? Now
go and peddle on it. All day if needs be.”
“But I.. Yes Ruthless.”
“But I wanted to work on my painting some more today..This hard!”
“Mum, I‟ve just seem Ri start using the exercise bike..”
“Well, that‟s everyone now, and I hate all those machines and I was just
wondering.. It is okay to just prefer to cook rather than run a million miles every day
and just stay the way I am?”
“Where‟s all this coming from! Of course it is dear, that‟s just the way I am! Your
father likes to waste time jogging and hiking all over the place, and your sisters just
all must take after him. Now you and me.. We‟re the sensible ones.” Liz smiled.
“That‟s what I thought! I‟m happy the way I am, no matter what.. Someone says.
Anyway, I just wanted to check that you agreed. And also – can I cook breakfast
“Of course dear! Here, have some influence.”
“I knew I was right, and Louse has always agreed with me too.
If I just make Ruthie a nice breakfast I‟m sure she‟ll be cheerier for the rest of the
day! And what better breakfast than this?”
“Louse! Darling big sister, what‟s up? Finally come out of scholarship land to join
the rest of us I see!”
“Ruth. I‟ve been meaning to talk to you.”
“For the last time, it‟s RUTHLESS!”
“Actually, I was thinking more along to the lines of mean bully. All those things
you‟ve been saying, and making Ri say, to Leechy?”
“Aaaand the BIGGEST one special for Ruthie, to cheer her up!”
“You don‟t really mean any of them do you eh? You‟re just playing a game with us
all aren‟t you?” Louse said hopefully, and went in to tickle her youngest sister.
“Hey, did I say you could touch me? Don‟t touch me!
And of COURSE I mean them, she‟s an idiot! Always smiling, and talking about her
favourite sandwich this and when‟s dinner that – it‟s so boring! And I don‟t want
boring in my way!
And you‟re even WORSE, with all your „defending‟ of her when she is so not worth
it! How am I ever going to be in charge if I let people like you stop me from
speaking my mind? I‟m Ruthless Nightmare!”
“Well then..” Louse said sadly. “I think we‟re going to have a problem.”
Oh deary me
At least ES seems to have gotten her wish that her descendents aren‟t all smiles
and light anymore? But hopefully, it‟s nothing that a good bit of Family
Riverblossom Fun can‟t fix!
..Or I could just start cancelling out Ruth‟s actions when she autonomously wants
to argue and fight with Leech and Louse, heh.
Oh well! We‟ll see which I choose next time