Cucumber sucks. Features are hard to write and constantly break when the UI changes. Step definitions are annoying to create and a freaking nightmare to maintain. And Cucumber suites take for-EVER to run, because you have to wait for a web browser. Except... [almost] none of that is actually true. After years of making awful messes with Cucumber, I finally found a way to use it that worked well, and a project I couldn't have done without it. I'd like to show you one way to use Cucumber that can be elegant, powerful, expressive, and—believe it or not—fast.