700-R4 Diagnosis Fundamentals

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700-R4 Diagnosis Fundamentals

  1. 1. FOR HIM MAGAZINE AUGUST 2006 Exclusive! AMANDA BEARD The WORLD S WORLD’’S SEXIEST SEXIEST ATHLETE! ATHLETE! MASTERS OF POKER Tips from the game’s top moneymakers! Las Vegas www.FHMUS.com BBLHOWHOSUENTES! C E IND T E Y! OF SIN CIT USA $4.99 Canada $5.99
  2. 2. FE E SL G 00 - ’ CE ’ OF MY CAR WITH A GUN ’ ’ ’ ’ ’ -
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  8. 8. m letters @F HMUS.co OKES BAR ROOM J JOKE OF THE MONTH! A nun and a priest are traveling across the desert when the camel they’ve been riding dies. After being stranded for several days, “What did I do wrong?” the boy asks. A little boy living in the country hates his they give up hope of being rescued. “Someone pushed the outhouse into family’s outhouse—which sits on the edge “Before I die, I’d like to see a woman the creek today,” the father replies. “It of a creek—because it’s hot in the summer, naked,” the priest says. “Sister, would you was you, wasn’t it, son?” cold in the winter and always reeks. take off your clothes so I can look at you?” One spring day, there’s a huge rain The boy admits to the deed, then The nun hesitates, but grants the man shower and the creek swells. The boy adds, “I learned in school today that his last wish. Once nude, the nun says, decides this is his chance to get rid of the George Washington chopped down a “Actually, Father, I’ve never seen a man stink shack, so he grabs a sturdy stick cherry tree and didn’t get in trouble naked. Would you strip down?” and begins pushing it. Finally, he tips the because he told his dad the truth.” The priest gets nude, and the nun outhouse into the creek and it floats away. “But, son,” the father says, “Washing- exclaims, “Father, what is that thing That night, the boy’s dad tells him to ton’s dad wasn’t in the cherry tree.” hanging between your legs?” prepare for a spanking. Geoff Langston, Terre Haute, IN “It’s a gift from God,” the priest replies. “If I put it in you, it creates life.” “Forget about me,” the nun says. “Stick it in the camel’s ass and let’s get the hell out of here!” Sean Eldridge, Bridgeport, CT During an interview for a switch-operator position at the railroad, the chief engineer asks a job candidate, “What would you do if the Northern Express was heading north on track one and the Southern Central was going south on the same track?” “I would definitely call my brother,” the interviewee responds. “Why on earth would you call your brother?” the chief engineer asks. “Because he’s never seen a train wreck before,” the applicant replies. Steven Burt, Cape Coral, FL A man is having a pint of beer in a bar when a gremlin comes in and gets a drink. The gremlin downs his beverage, then runs down the bar, sticks his head in the man’s beer and shakes it around. One Saturday, an older man and a hot “Yeah, sorry about that,” the man says QUICK The man is confused, yet entertained. young woman walk into an expensive fur with a smile. “But I wanted to thank you HIT! The creature gets another drink, then runs store. “Show the lady your finest mink for the best weekend of my life!” over to stick his head in the man’s beer and coat!” the man demands of the owner. Jon Hardwick, Joliet, IL shake it around again. The owner retrieves the store’s best What’s the After the gremlin repeats this once mink. The young woman tries it on and difference more, the man finally loses his patience, loves it. “Sir,” the owner whispers to the MAKE US LAUGH! between a grabs the beastie by the scruff of his neck man, “that fur costs $50,000.” porcupine ILLU S T R AT I O N S B Y NIS H A NT CHOK SI and yells, “If you stick your head in my “No problem,” the man replies. ‘I’ll It’s time to return the beer one more time, I’ll rip your dick off!” write you a check!” and a stretch favor by sending us your “I don’t have one,” the gremlin replies. “You can pick up the coat on Monday, best gags. Joke of the limo? “If you don’t have one,” the man asks, after the check clears,” the owner says. Month earns $200; the The porcupine “how do you piss?” On Monday, the man returns to the rest that we print get $50. has pricks on “Like this,” says the gremlin before store on his own. Mail to: Bar Room Jokes, FHM, the outside sticking his head in the man’s beer and “How dare you show your face in 110 Fifth Ave., New York, NY 10011, shaking it around. here!” the owner screams. “There wasn’t William Lansing, or submit to FHMUS.com/jokes a penny in your account.” Kyle Winston, Scottsbluff, NE Overland Park, KS 28 AUGUST 2006 FHMUS.COM
  9. 9. — — ” - - “ ’ ’ ” “ ’ ” “ ’ - ’ ‘ ’ ’’ ‘ ’” “ ’ ’ ’ ’ ” “ ‘ ’ ’ ‘ ’ ‘ ’” ’ “ — — ” ’ ’
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  16. 16. BE YOUR OWN MAN ar-5 holes off of your front foot to P WOODS are the best make it easier for you opportunity to get the ball in the air. GETTING you have at an And remember to keep eagle on most courses. your tempo even. Don’t TO THE Improve your chances try to kill the ball; it’ll by bringing your hands get there all by itself. down on the club a bit GREEN for a little more control. PHOTOGRAPHY BY Keep the ball aligned PERRY HAGOPIAN How to club an eagle, by FHM golf columnist and LPGA star Natalie Gulbis QUEEN OF CLUBS NATALIE GULBIS S T Y LI N G B Y RU T H K A H N; H A I R A ND M A K E U P B Y M A R Y RO CKWO OD - C R A B T R EE FO R EN V Y A R T I S T S ; HA I R C A R E B Y K I E H L’ S ; CO S M E T I C S B Y CHR I S TI A N D I O R ; S H I R T A N D S K I R T B Y AD I DA S 45 FHMUS.COM AUGUST 2006
  17. 17. BE YOUR OWN MAN SWINGS STEP UP TO THE PLATE Johan Santana has hitters figured out before they can adjust their jocks pitch to a lot of batters. And when I it comes to remembering every hitter’s patterns, I’m like my own computer. I remember sequences, pitch counts, everything—like the speed and location of a pitch a guy hits hard. From there I make adjustments. When I strike a hitter out, I know how they swung and what kind of approach they took. It helps that every pitch I throw is on video or on a game chart, so I can study what happened during every outing. Tipping your cap Having cameras everywhere that keep track of everything you do can also be a huge disadvantage. A pitcher can FHM COLUMNIST make the smallest gesture on the mound before he JOHAN throws a particular pitch. I L LU S T R AT I O N B Y S TA N WAT T S ; S A N TA NA H E A D S H OT B Y A ND RE W A LVA R EZ / G ET T Y I MAG ES SANTANA He may not even be aware that he’s developed this tick. Some guys stand on one side of the rubber when they want to throw a breaking ball. Others move their Making changes Making mistakes head, shake their finger or drop their As the game progresses and you If I throw a guy a certain pitch and he hand when they’re changing their get into situations where you have hits it, it’s not a mistake. A mistake grip. Hitters and coaches will pick it runners on base, you don’t want to to me is when I try to throw a pitch up right away and take advantage. make too many adjustments. You inside and the ball runs over the But it’s a two-way street. I watch want to be aggressive and use your middle of the plate and the batter I’m like everything on a hitter from head to best pitch. Stay with whatever pitch gets a hit. I didn’t throw the pitch toe. I know when they’re trying to is working until you know that hitters to the location where I wanted it. my own extend their arms to try to go the are getting comfortable or they’ve Throwing a good pitch the way you computer. I other way. I know when they’re made adjustments. That’s when I want it and giving up a hit—whether remember looking for a fastball because they try adjust myself. I never pitch a hitter it’s a single or a home run—is not a sequences, to stay back in the box. If they extend the same way. I also don’t hide any mistake. I think that’s good hitting. their legs in a swing or if they get in pitches from a batter until late in the But I’ll go back and throw that pitch front of a ball, I can tell just what type game. I’ll throw everything I’ve got at same pitch again, and if they hit it counts, of pitch they’re looking for. From that, anytime to any hitter. My job is to get again, well, maybe then I have to do everything you decide on your next pitch. that guy out. something else. 46 A U G U S T 2 0 0 6 F H M U S . C O M
  18. 18. ANT INSTDOM IS ch brewed W Jim Ko In 1984, in his kitchen ◆ s Sam Adam family recipe. By BE YOUR d from an ol ’85, his company ’s OWN the end of hed 500 barrels MAN sales reac day, it’s over To per year. illion. 1m Q&A THE BREWMASTER With four new beers out for summer, Sam Adams founder Jim Koch is in a talkative mood—though it’s roosters, unicorns and mules he wants to talk about Your new beers are inspired by Sam NEW BEER! Adams’s fellow brewer-patriots Want to be the Washington, Madison and Jefferson. next Jim Koch? Why should anyone care about Start with these old-timey suds? homebrew tools Number one, it’s pretty tasty. Back in the colonies, they made beers to maximize flavor, not to minimize it. Number two, they used some pretty cool ingredients such as ginger, honey, sassafras and licorice. And given the “ T H E B R E W M A S T E R ” B Y TO M CO N L O N ; “ B U I L D A NE W B E E R ! ” B Y DAN R E I L LY; KOCH: PE T E R K R A M E R / G E T T Y I M AGE S ; I L L U S T R AT IO N BY AN DY PA R K E R amount they drank, our founders were probably buzzed a lot of the time. BREW POWDER Available in all Why were they always drinking? Sanitation. The biggest sources of death styles of beer, back then were waterborne diseases Munton’s ingredient such as typhoid and cholera. There was kits are pre-blended no Gatorade, so beer was their major mixes of hops, malt and yeast. www.muntons.com ‘I keep a Breathalyzer in my briefcase and another one in my car’ source of hydration. Plus, they used to It’s about a month out of the brewery. sample of every batch of beer we leave more yeast in it, which meant A bottle might be two or three months. make. In my office now I’ve got two more nutrients. It was food for them. cases and a mini fridge full of drafts. Ever brewed something heinous? Nothing terrible, but we’ve made some Dirty tap lines make beer taste crappy. What do you look for when tasting? extreme stuff. Once I dug up a medieval I know what the perfect Sam Adams True or bullshit? CAULDRON It’s absolutely true. Bacteria grow in tap recipe that called for two roosters. We tastes like, and I’d say we get it only Dump your mix into lines that aren’t clean, threw them into the kettle maybe 20 percent of the time. It’s like a fermenter, like this which you’ll get a sour, feathers, feet and all. The a mythological beast. Twenty percent seven-gallon beast THE MAN BEHIND acidic taste from. About brew was meant to be of the time we get unicorns and from Blichmann. Add one in six draft beers served at weddings to the other 80 we get thoroughbreds. sugar and water and SAM served in the U.S. doesn’t “fortify the resolve of an Thoroughbreds are fine, but my job let sit for a few days. ADAMS meet the brewer’s elderly groom.” We called is to try to get unicorns every time. www.fermenator.com standards. I know this it Old Cock Ale. It tasted What’s the worst tasting beer you’ve because we do 15,000 a bit like chicken broth. ever been subjected to? draft quality audits per year. Those Someone served me a 10-year-old And did it fortify anyone’s resolve? were the numbers we were getting in We drank too much of it to remember. Sam Adams once. That was pretty bad. bars when we started doing them five He’d kept it in his basement, thinking How many beers until you’re ripped? years ago. We’re now down to about If I drink three in the first hour and that it was going to age and get 4.5 percent for Sam Adams. two an hour for a couple of hours, better. He was like, “I’ve been saving I’m blowing about a .12. I keep a this.” I knew something was wrong as What’s better then: Sam Adams out Breathalyzer in my briefcase and soon as I looked at it and smelled it. STORAGE of the tap or out of the bottle? The tap, if you get a good one. Tap another one in my car. It was like 10-year-old liquid bread. It Buy bottles, caps and beer is the best expression of the was horrible. That was no unicorn. In a capping machine. How many beers do you drink per day? brewer’s intent because it’s fresher. Two or three, plus tastings. I get a fact, it wasn’t even a mule. Bottle your beer, add fermentable sugar for carbonation and store for two weeks. 56 A U G U S T 2 0 0 6 F H M U S . C O M www.morebeer.com
  19. 19. BE YOUR OWN MAN MOTORCYCLES SICKO ON A SUZUKI! Need a better reason than melanoma to stay indoors this summer? Tune in as Travis Pastrana spanks gravity at the X Games o milk maximum awesome- T ness from the dripping teat of summer X Games insanity, stick to the freestyle moto- cross event and keep your peepers glued to rider No. 199. Chances are, Travis Pastrana will sputter away with gold as he’s done in five of his last six X Games appearances. And despite a crash in 1999 that left him in a wheelchair for three months, the 22-year-old Annapolis, MD, native is constantly tempting death to push the limits of his sport. Recently, he The Summer became the first and only rider to ever 2006 X Games air stick a double back flip (shown here), August 3 to 6 on long considered the holy grail of free- ESPN and ABC. style. Read on for Pastrana’s preview of this August’s X Games, followed below by his guided tour of the one trick you won’t see this summer. 6 5 4 MEET DIRT KEEP SPINNING PUNCTURE THE CLOUDS “As soon as I felt the second rotation “During the second rotation, I was just “You can’t really spin much faster than come to a rideable angle, I extended hoping the bike would come around. I you do in a normal back flip. Instead, you my body to brace for impact and landed crashed six times before this attempt, have to jump nearly twice as high to pull really hard. The double flip isn’t a lot of two rotations. A 25-foot jump hurts when but this time I just decided that, under you fall—a 45-foot jump can kill you.” fun—I hope I never do it again.” no circumstances, would I bail out.” 58 AUGUST 2006 FHMUS.COM
  20. 20. WORLD’S ONLY DOUBLE BACK FLIP! 3 2 1 THE URGE TO LAND LAUNCH YOURSELF BACKWARDS TEAR INTO THE APPROACH “On a single flip, you land when you “Speed gets you more time in the air, “As soon as I reached the top of the see the ground for the first time. On the ramp, I threw everything I had off the plus the takeoff was nearly vertical, so I double, you need the confidence to look needed to hit it going much faster than back of the bike to start the rotation. toward the sky and keep accelerating at I would on an average jump. I headed I closed my eyes and pulled the bike this point. It doesn’t feel right.” close to my body.” into this one at about 50 mph.” 59 FHMUS.COM AUGUST 2006
  21. 21. BE YOUR OWN MAN ANT INSTDOM WISyour car’s fuel e iz ng the tire ◆ Maxim by checki h efficiency riving on tires wit re. D s. pressu es more ga own low air us n sells his MILES Nelso ◆ Willie n o-fuel know brand of biioWillie.” ROAD TRIPPERS as “B Have more four-wheeled summer fun than hijacking a Good Humor truck SI OR ! GAS UI T F G N C R ES B How to borrow some unleaded SPEED 0-60 5 SECONDS www.dodge.com (OR LESS) 1 $35,320 Get a leak-free tube that’s clear, as not to swallow any gas, and a tank or a can for transporting all the valuable liquid. You’ll also need a mouth and some lungs. “ ROA D T RI P P E RS ” B Y RO B R E E D ; “ G A S G U ZZ LE R ” B Y DA N RE I LLY; IL L U S T R AT IO N S B Y PET ER L I D D I A R D NR GA R S! L I FO N FO ! G 2 H ES T VI ST G SA B E AU B Hold the open end of the tube up higher than the end in the full tank. MILES INTERIOR PER GALLON VOLUME Start sucking. Gas is 42/36 thinner than water, 108.9 so it fills quicker. Try (HIGHWAY / not to swallow fuel. CUBIC FEET CITY) $21,605 $38,540 www.vw.com www.chevrolet.com 3 Gravity Make sure your can is lower than the original gas source. Put the open end of the tube into the gas can and let gravity take over. Then leave 60 AUGUST 2006 FHMUS.COM a thank-you note.
  22. 22. I NS T A N WI SDO T M ◆ Jam es D company yson, star of his first Dyson’s TV ads, built the BE YOUR prot in 1983. Th otype vacuum OWN available e first unit to didn’t follo the public MAN w un years late til 10 r. F I LT H 3 Canned twisters MACHINE Peek inside the new Dyson DC14 Drive’s mighty cyclone to see why dirt, dust and even your fleas will soon be extinct 1 L.A.-grade materials 4 4 The final insult 3 $460 5 For Geico customers 1 2 Cheeto trapper 2 5 T E X T B Y TO M CO N LON 62 AUGUST 2006 FHMUS.COM
  23. 23. GE T P LU G G E D I N ! MUSIC FILM TV DVD GAMES Learn to bust ghosts 1 OUR P FOR TIH KS C On Court TV’s Haunting E Evidence, ghost hunter MONTH Patrick Burns whips out BEST ’S such sweet equipment as the thermal imaging camera pictured here. The show airs Wednesdays at 10:30 p.m., and more on Burns’s equipment is at FHMUS.com/ghostbuster. 3 Vice lord In the ’80s, Michael Mann gave us Miami Vice. Then he made some movies you might have heard of such as Heat, Ali and Collateral. See how he revives Miami y. 7 Solve Biggie’s murder Derrick Parker, former head of the NYPD’s hip-hop task force, dishes insider info on rapland slayings in his book Notorious C.O.P. 9 Cash’s last song Swayze’s best worst movie VO N D : A N D R E W S O U T H A M ; C AS H : M A R T Y N ATKI NS 4 6 Cinema’s top grandpa Scan On July 26, Alan Arkin steals Kelis shakes darkly the show as a porn-obsessed, Watch things up heroin-shooting grandfather animators in Little Miss Sunshine. color in Keanu Reeves Cellular knockout 5 with the trippy This month’s top phone Get inked Kat Von D is one of the most A Scanner game: Super K.O. Boxing, successful female tattoo Darkly. a shamelessly excellent artists in the world, and clone of Super PunchOut! now she’s joining Miami Ink. Season two debuts 69 FHMUS.COM AUGUST 2006 July 18 at 10 p.m. on TLC.
  24. 24. FILM SEQUELS CLERKS II You guys made Jason Mewes (Jay) Smith I let Mewes monitor. If I did the Clerks for $27,575 This is the first time helm some shots, scene wrong, I say and Clerks II for I’ve been sober on but generally I don’t that Mewes fucked Jay and Silent Bob on catering, bunk beds and real-life clerking $5 million. What a movie. On Jay and act that much. If up and we need to was the biggest Silent Bob Strike you look closely, do it over. difference in having Back, I was so hung- I watch whoever is Did you spoil your- that much cash? over I was always speaking and react self with a gold- Kevin Smith (Silent sleeping on the mats to it, but I’m think- spigoted Slurpee Bob; writer/director) they used for stunts. ing, “Did that work? machine when This time everyone Kevin, does Jason Do we need to do Clerks hit it big? got paid and we had direct when you’re it again?” Then, Smith I bought a catering. On the first in a scene? I watch it on the Dodge Neon. It was one, I told the $16,000 and made cast and crew of plastic, but it was to eat whatever my first new car. I they wanted also got the entire in the conven- video library of ience store. Degrassi Junior High. We subsisted It wasn’t commer- on Pop-Tarts, cially available, so it Slim Jims and ran me $5,000. Now Yoo-hoo. you can buy the
  25. 25. ANT I NSTDOM IS Dante and SOON! W II, In Clerks ork at a ◆ Randal w -food chain ed fast cow-them d Mooby ’s. en Affleck calle Lee and B s in ◆ Jason f role have brie . the film “ CL ER K S I I ” B Y A N D R EW VO N T Z; CLERKS II: T HE W EIN S T E I N CO M PA N Y, 2 0 0 6 / DA R R E N whole fucking show What was the worst for $29. Mewes thing you saw while M ICH A E L S ; S U P ER EX : MYL E S A RON OW IT Z; L ADY IN THE WAT ER: F R AN K MAS I YOU, ME AND DUPREE MY SUPER EX-GIRLFRIEND bought bunk beds. clerking? Mewes I lived in Smith The Jay and After his best friend gets married, Owen Wilson More terrifying than the thought of an ex- the same room as Bob types who hung refuses to leave the new couple’s house. What girlfriend breaking out her hidden superpowers another dude. There out in front. They this film defines as rude, many may see as the for revenge is that both Luke and Owen Wilson tried to rob the store world’s best wedding present. star in separate romantic comedies this month. On Clerks, blind. I don’t know why I cared, but this we sub- one kid tried to steal sisted on something and I threw him out. As I Slim Jims was leaning out the door, the mother- was a king bed on fucker kicked the bottom, which was door and it hit me mine. I had a mirror in the face. I got TALLADEGA NIGHTS LADY IN THE WATER on top of my bed. showed up by a Smith That’s a mixed 14-year-old. As a simple-minded NASCAR star, Will Ferrell M. Night Shyamalan’s latest features Paul message for girls: defends America’s sport against an incursion by Giamatti as a building superintendent who There’s a mirror, but a foreign driver. Despite being French, the new r discovers a living fairy-tale character in his Clerks II hits theaters it’s a bunk bed. driver doesn’t immediately surrender. pool. Isn’t chlorine supposed to kill that shit? July 21.
  26. 26. BITES IT!’ TV Comic Jeffrey Ross lifts a leg on Tinsel- Bad sports town ignorance—just like he does in his new cartoon Where My Dogs At? Reality shows THORNE “ C A L L I E T H O R N E” A N D “ H O L LYWO O D B I T ES I T ! ” B Y DAN N Y S P I EG EL; T HO RN E: SIMO N /F ERREI RA/S TAR T R AKS P HOTO . CO M screwed up my first line and John Scurti, who plays Celebrity feuds Lou, threw his Plastic surgery script and said, “This is gonna be a long fuckin’ day!” I laughed so hard I almost peed. Now it’s no- holds-barred. One day I burped near Denis and his face went four shades of disgust. I said, ‘That’s the best “It means I’m How does your you’ve got? That’s comfortable with swearing stack up not funny.’ Denis you.” He was like, with the guys? I can compete. [Leary] always “God forbid you The guys are all does that to me. be a little less about topping comfortable.” When did you each other’s know this was a jokes. I try to join no-BS group? Rescue Me airs in, but half the My first scene in Tuesdays at 10 time they say, the firehouse. I p.m. on FX.
  27. 27. A N ATO M Y A O TV RAISING THE ROOFS C-list actor Michael Roof Jr. invites his In anticipation of Shark Week, learn redneck family and what makes Spielberg’s meal ticket their pig to live the king of the ocean with him in Holly- wood. Spike TV, Sensitive snouts Thursdays, 10 p.m. THE PROFES- “ B U I LT FO R G R EAT N ES S ” B Y S TEV E MA R Z O L F; S H A R K : C AR L RO ES S LER /GET T Y IMAGES SIONAL POKER TOUR Poker’s top 250 players hit the felt after $2.5 million. Smart heads The Travel Channel, Wednesdays, 9 p.m. ROCKSTAR: SUPERNOVA Metal lovers com- pete to front Flying bodies Tommy Lee’s band. CBS, Tuesdays, 9 p.m. Shark Week starts July 30 on the Discovery Channel.
  28. 28. ANT I NSTDOM WIS py premiered DVD im St ◆ Ren & kelodeon ats on Nic with Rugr mornings in 1991. ay on Sund of John K’s first ◆ One as an d jobs was Hollywoo on a revival of r or animat s. The Jetson CENSORSHIP ANIMAL HATERS! Pushing a DVD of racy Ren & Stimpy episodes, creator John K explains how he repeatedly offended Nickelodeon Hot women “Nickelodeon TV exec- type of booger was beautifully utives prevented us from putting drawn, but the network edited it things we wanted on Ren & Stimpy so you barely see the bench. They all the time,” John K says. “I always said, ‘Kids don’t like boogers.’ I said, wanted sexy girls on the show, but ‘Have you ever met a kid?’” they said it sent a bad message to Republicans “The execs hated Ren girls who aren’t sexy. Well, if we and Stimpy’s master, George Liquor,” “A N I M A L H AT E R S ” BY J E N A DA M S draw athletic guys, does that send a John K says. “He was a Republican and bad message to wimps? You need many of them were lesbians, so they good- looking women in cartoons to hated Republicans. In one episode give kids something to look up to.” George disciplines the boys, then Boogers “There’s a classic scene in Ren bludgeons the crap out of him. which Stimpy shows Ren his collec- They saw it and fired me. I kept say- tion of magic nose goblins—the ing, ‘This makes fun of Republicans! hardened boogers he keeps under a I’m not condoning it!’ But I guess that piano bench,” John K says. “Every broke the camel’s back.” A DV E RT I S E M E N T & P RO M OT I O N WANT A COMPLIMENTARY MUSTANG RINGTONE? Text “fhm” to FORD1 and receive access to ringtones and wallpapers of an automotive icon, the Ford “Mustang.” RAY ROMANO AND KEVIN JAMES Complimentary Mustang downloads are also accessible via SERVE UP THE LAUGHS IN GRILLED! www.fordvehicles.com/mustang Two kings of comedy in one hysterical new film! New Line Home Entertainment presents Grilled, available on DVD July 11. Ray Romano and Kevin James play meat salesmen who are out to close the deal of a lifetime while dodging mobsters and killers. But will they end up as dead meat instead? Also stars Burt Reynolds and Juliette Lewis. *Standard messaging, data and other rates may apply. Available on participating carriers and with internet-enabled mobile phone only. 74 AUGUST 2006 FHMUS.COM

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