Celebrity Quotes


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Celebrity Quotes

  1. 1. PowerPoint Show by Andrew
  2. 2. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. Lana Turner
  3. 3. Well if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? George Carlin
  4. 4. My wife was afraid of the dark…. then she saw me naked and now she’s afraid of the light. Rodney Dangerfield
  5. 5. Who picks your clothes – Stevie Wonder? Don Rickles
  6. 6. By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it. George Burns
  7. 7. A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice. Bill Cosby
  8. 8. I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. Joan Rivers
  9. 9. First you forget names then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down. George Burns
  10. 10. As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it. Buddy Hackett
  11. 11. Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance? Phyllis Diller
  12. 12. I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. Rodney Dangerfield
  13. 13. To attract men, I wear a perfume called “New Car Interior”. Rita Rudner
  14. 14. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. Mark Twain
  15. 15. Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell, the name will carry. Bill Cosby
  16. 16. I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food. W.C. Fields
  17. 17. The only time when a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby. Natalie Wood
  18. 18. My best birth control is now to just leave the lights on. Joan rivers
  19. 19. I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen
  20. 20. I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. Mae West
  21. 21. Any kid will run any errand for you, If you ask at bedtime. Red Skelton
  22. 22. Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for. Will Rogers
  23. 23. If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, Who did they play? George Carlin
  24. 24. Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. Phyllis Diller
  25. 25. I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. Rodney Dangerfield
  26. 26. If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. Mel Brooks
  27. 27. I’m the only man in the world with a marriage license made out to whom it may concern. Mickey Rooney
  28. 28. God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. Robin Williams