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You and your boss

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Principles and best practices for creating a relationship with your boss that is pro-active and constructive. Includes information on providing upward feedback, creating learning conversations, making requests, and setting boundaries.

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You and your boss

  1. 1. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 June 2018 krt4@williams.edu x3542 Kevin Thomas, Learning & Development Manager Office of Human Resources You and Your Boss
  2. 2. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 1. Broaden your range of options for working with your supervisor, and know how to skillfully apply them. 2. Develop an action plan for improving your relationship with your supervisor. Objectives
  3. 3. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 1. Confidentiality 2. Listening 3. Participation 4. Self Care Ground Rules
  4. 4. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 1. Introductions / Warm Up 2. Principles 3. Four Phases of Improving your Relationship with your Boss Agenda
  5. 5. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Give us the skinny on you and your boss. Introductions & Warm Up
  6. 6. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Your boss is always going to be your #1 customer. • Your boss has more power and status than you. • You will be a more valuable employee if you are confident, pro-active and assertive. • You cannot change someone else; you can only experiment by changing your own behavior. • You are responsible for protecting your physical and emotional health. • Help is available. Key Principles
  7. 7. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 How much communication is enough? Take the maximum amount you think you need to communicate about the issue. Multiply by 10. That’s the minimum.
  8. 8. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 Improving your Relationship with Your Boss Research Action Planning Action Evaluation
  9. 9. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Getting to know your boss • Getting to know your self. Phase 1: Research Schindler, Partap, and Maher in the Swoap lab.
  10. 10. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Getting to know your boss • Getting to know your self. Phase 1: Research Schindler, Partap, and Maher in the Swoap lab.
  11. 11. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • You know more than you think about your boss. • Fill out the Boss Questionnaire Boss Research Questionnaire
  12. 12. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • When your boss is giving you feedback, you’re getting information about them: o Their priorities o Their values o Their emotional state o Their conflict management style Listening As Research
  13. 13. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Increasing Empathy and Trust lynda.com, Communication Fundamentals, John Ullment o Get the person o Get their situation o Get their path to progress Listening as Research
  14. 14. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Minimal Encouragements o Non verbal cues that you are listening o Verbal cues that you are listening “Oh?”, “Mm hmm”, “Right.” etc. • Paraphrasing • Emotional Labeling o I get the sense that you are feeling X. Am I right about that? • Mirroring (or Reflecting) o Echoing words or phrases • Open-ended questions • Pauses Listening as Research (cont’d)
  15. 15. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • I hear you saying X. Am I getting that? • Is there more you want to say about that? • I hear your frustration/disappointment. I can tell this is really important to you, and I want to turn it around. • What specifically would you like me to do differently in the future? Listening as Research (cont’d)
  16. 16. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Getting to know your boss • Getting to know yourself. Phase 1: Research Schindler, Partap, and Maher in the Swoap lab.
  17. 17. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 The Ladder of Inference
  18. 18. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Your thoughts and feelings about your boss give you information about you, not your boss: o Strong emotions o Judgments o Imaginary conversations Getting to Know Yourself
  19. 19. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • This conversation happens inside you: o Am I competent? o Am I a good or worthy person? o Am I acceptable or likable? • Other people may trigger this conversation inside us, but it is between us and us. The Identity Conversation
  20. 20. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Pair Up • Remember Norms: Confidentiality and Self-Care • Take turns describing your relationship with your boss • Listener: Practice listening skills. Avoid giving advice. • Speaker: Be aware that you are describing the world of your own perceptions. Are you on the learner or the judger path? Peer Coaching
  21. 21. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 Research Action Planning Action Evaluation
  22. 22. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Change involves risk • Adopt an experimental attitude • Reward yourself before and after trying a new behavior • Process your emotions Action Planning
  23. 23. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Use positive feedback • Create a Learning Conversation • Make a request • Offer feedback • Set a boundary Action Menu
  24. 24. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Use positive feedback • Create a Learning Conversation • Make a request • Offer feedback • Set a boundary Action Menu
  25. 25. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • When your boss does or says something right, explicitly appreciate them for it as soon as possible. • Use the appreciation formula: Use Positive Feedback Behavior Impact
  26. 26. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Example: o “Thanks a lot for sending us the agenda before the meeting. Because I had it in advance, I was able to do some research to prepare. As a result I think our meeting was very effective and we were able to make some good decisions together.” Use Positive Feedback
  27. 27. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Use positive feedback • Create a Learning Conversation • Make a request • Offer feedback • Set a boundary Action Menu
  28. 28. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 o Goal:  To share your perspective and learn about the other person’s perspective  Map the contribution system  Share the facts as you know them  Share the feelings you have, without blame or apology  Save solutions until you’ve thoroughly explored both sides Create a Learning Conversation
  29. 29. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Example: o “I’d like to talk to you about X. I’d like to share my perspective and I’d be interested in hearing your perspective. Would you be open to setting aside some time for that?” Create a Learning Conversation
  30. 30. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542
  31. 31. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Use positive feedback • Create a Learning Conversation • Make a request • Offer feedback • Set a boundary Action Menu
  32. 32. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Understand from the beginning the answer may be “no”. Are there alternatives that would work just as well? What will you do if you can’t reach agreement? • Lay out relevant facts that support your request. • Make the request explictly: Show the connection between your request and your boss’s goals. Making a Request
  33. 33. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Example: o “This particular training is line with your goals for me including X. Having these skills will allow me to provide services a,b, and c. I’ve spoken with colleagues who have taken it and they gave it great reviews. Here is the budget for the training. Would you be willing to approve my attendance?” Making a Request
  34. 34. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Use positive feedback • Create a Learning Conversation • Make a request • Offer feedback • Set a boundary Action Menu
  35. 35. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Create an invitation: “May I give you some feedback?” • Use the Feedback Formula: Offering Feedback Behavior Impact Inquiry
  36. 36. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Example: o “I’ve noticed that you’ve canceled 3 out of our last 4 regularly scheduled meetings. As a result I haven’t been able to get your input on some key projects. I’m concerned that as a result we are falling behind. I’d like it if you could find a way to keep those appointments so that I can make more progress on the projects you’ve assigned me.” Offering Feedback
  37. 37. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Use positive feedback • Create a Learning Conversation • Make a request • Offer feedback • Set a boundary Action Menu
  38. 38. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Demonstrate you understand the boss’s point of view. • Spell out the context (your values, college policies, laws, your job description, etc.) • Describe the boundary • Adopt a problem solving orientation Setting a Boundary
  39. 39. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Example: o “I understand that assigning me personal errands like picking up your dry cleaning helps you to focus on work tasks that are more important to you. However, it’s important that my work for you be focused on work for the college as described in my job description, and I don’t feel comfortable using my own car for errands like this. Are there other ways that I could help you so that you have more time to do your important work?” Setting a Boundary
  40. 40. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 Improving your Relationship with Your Boss Research Action Planning Action Evaluation
  41. 41. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • After every big step, take some time to reflect: o By writing in your journal o Talking with someone you trust:  Friend  Colleague  Family member Evaluation
  42. 42. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • What were you goals? Did you accomplish them? • What emotions came up? • What are you most proud of? • What would you do differently? • What did you learn? After Action Review
  43. 43. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Human Resources x2681 • e4health where there’s more to life https://www.helloe4.com/ Username: williams college Password: guest • Harassment and Discrimination Advisors: http://diversity.williams.edu/discrimination- harassment/sexual-harassment-discrimintation-advisors/ Help is at Hand
  44. 44. You and Your Boss Kevin R.Thomas, Manager, Learning & Development · Office of Human Resources · krt4@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 Kevin R. Thomas Manager, Learning & Development x3542 Kevin.R.Thomas@williams.edu • Program evaluation link will be sent by email. • You’ll get a link to a course page with all the materials.

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