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Emotional intelligence and difficult conversations

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High level overview of emotional intelligence and strategies for conducting difficult conversations.

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Emotional intelligence and difficult conversations

  1. 1. Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 February 2016 kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu 413-597-3542 Manager, Training and Development Office of Human Resources Presented by Kevin R. Thomas Supervisory Training Series Emotional Intelligence Difficult Conversations
  2. 2. Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 1. Amygdala hijack 2. Symbolic Threats 3. The fight/flight reaction 4. Reactivating your cerebral cortext 5. Stress management Basics of Emotional Intelligence
  3. 3. Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Brain is highly attuned to threats • Oxygen goes from brain to the limbs • We will not be at our best. • We are likely to trigger the other person’s “amygdala hijack”. The Amygdala Hijack Emotional Intelligence
  4. 4. Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Threats to sense of self: – Losing face. – Feeling criticized. – Feeling dominated or controlled. – Survival fears connected with fear of loss of job. Symbolic Threats Emotional Intelligence
  5. 5. Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 Fight or Flight Emotional Intelligence FightFlight Acted out Suppressed Quitting Hitting someon e Sending an angry email Sarcastic comment s “Whatever you say” Fearful silence Angry silence Backbitin g gossip Pipe dreams about leaving Job search Slow walkin g Chronic lateness Calling in sick Health issues Procrastinatio n / Performance anxiety
  6. 6. Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Postpone speeches and emails • Emotional labeling • Moderating gestures and tone • Breathing • Test for Physical Safety • Ballroom to Balcony • Ask: “What do I want?” Reactivating Your Prefrontal Cortex Emotional Intellignece
  7. 7. Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • High stress further heightens the threat response and makes it harder to recover. • Every supervisor should have a stress management plan. • Resources are available, more next month. Stress Management Emotional Intelligence
  8. 8. Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Emotional Intelligence Raymond Torrenti, Ph.D. Thursday, April 7, 2016 9:00 a.m. – 4:30 p.m. Griffin 3 Learn More! Emotional Intelligence
  9. 9. Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 1. Overview 2. Opening the conversation 3. Principles and Strategies 4. Solutions and follow up Difficult Conversations
  10. 10. Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 Difficult Conversation Gone Wrong Difficult Conversations What went wrong? What strategies were used? How were emotions handled?
  11. 11. Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 Difficult Conversation Done Right Difficult Conversations What was different? What strategies were used? How did they handle emotions?
  12. 12. Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 You Write the Slide: What Kinds of Conversations are Difficult? Difficult Conversations
  13. 13. Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 You Write the Slide: Why Have them? Difficult Conversations
  14. 14. Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Set a clearly defined goal for your conversation. – Within your sphere of influence – Beyond winning and losing – Makes room for the other person’s perspective – Communicates support and respect. Difficult Conversations: Know Your Goal Difficult Conversations
  15. 15. Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Think about your reservations about having a certain conversation. • Use it to create a contrasting statement. • Format: “Not x. Instead, y.” • Example: “I don’t want you to think this is all your fault. I think it’s possible there were many factors contributing to what happened.” Contrasting Statements Difficult Conversations
  16. 16. Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 Ladders of Inference Difficult Conversations Becoming aware of your ladder of inference is another way to develop emotional intelligence.
  17. 17. Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 Ladder of Inference Example
  18. 18. Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Share what has been going on in your ladder of inference. • Guide an inquiry about their ladder of inference. • For now, don’t take issue with their version. • Get all the cards on the table. Shared Pool of Meaning Difficult Conversations
  19. 19. Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Describe your current relationship with the person. • Describe your preferred working relationship with the person. • Ask how they see it. • Work towards consensus Preferred Working Relationship Difficult Conversations
  20. 20. Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Make sure they know you want them to succeed. • Understand their path to progress. • Show the link between work excellence and their path to progress. Communicating Support: Understanding their Path to Progress Difficult conversations
  21. 21. Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Often people rush to solutions too quickly. • Focus on small steps that could make things a bit better. • Ensure both parties are generating ideas. • Make commitments clear and concrete. • Schedule a time to check in about progress. Solutions focused conversations Difficult Conversations
  22. 22. Supervisory Training Series: Communication & Self Management Kevin R.Thomas, Manager,Training & Development · Office of Human Resources · kevin.r.thomas@williams.edu · 413-597-3542 • Role Play Exercise Your Turn! Difficult Conversations

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